x-posted to yourface

Dec 30, 2006 21:44

the good year man told me it would take about two hours to put new tires on my car and align the wheels. he asked if i was going to leave and i told him no, i brought a book, i'll just wait. so this older man walks up and tells me he can drive me to the avenue to do some shopping. i imagined riding in a car with him making small talk and was immediately turned off by the idea.
"no, i'm all shopped out."
"really? i didn't know women could get tired of shopping."
"me either, but apparently we can."

so he led me to the waiting area where jerry springer was on tv. he sat down and filled me in on what i'd already missed. i looked at the screen. two women with stringy hair and pale, flabby arms were yelling at each other on stage. ragin' maniacs was in bold white letters at the bottom of the screen. i didn't hear any of the background information he was spouting out but i nodded along anyway. he was clearly all about the program. i looked down at the coffee table of magazines in front of me.

6 issues of Sporting News
6 issues of Sports Illustrated
2 issues of Southern Living
1 issue of Motor Age
1 issue of Christianity today
1 issue of Ladies Home Journal

i looked at the wall. there was a framed copy of the ten commandments. i contemplated the relevance for a few minutes.

"she's goin' be short some hair when this is through"
i looked up at the television and the two women were fighting, one with a firm grip on the other's ponytail. a security person came up behind each of them and pulled them off each other, conveniently lifting each of their shirts a little bit so that their stomach rolls were exposed and flopping around everywhere.

the man continued with his commentary and i forgot to pay attention again. this time i was watching him watch the show. a couple of times something would happen that he thought was funny and he'd look over at me to share a laugh, so i would have to quickly take my eyes off him and move them to the television and then back at him and pretend to laugh too. i've somehow had lots of practice doing this. i think i pulled it off pretty well.

"you ever seen the big peach drop?"
"no"
"never?"
"nope"
"heh jimmy goes every year, you could go with him if you'unted to."
who the hell is jimmy, is what i wanted to say but instead i made it easy on myself and said "nah it's not really my thing."
there was a long pause. i could hear his nose whistle while he breathed.
"you could be designated driver. jimmy was designated driver last year, i don't think he had too much fun."
he looked over at me like he was expecting me to give him an answer. i was fumbling for something to say. should i turn it into a joke? or politely tell him no again? how big is the peach really? is it fun? do i know anybody that's going? have i ever known anybody to ever go? where the hell is it? do they sell alcohol there? i bet it's expensive. is jimmy attractive?
the show came back from commercial break and that was the end of that. still not sure who jimmy is.

i started to balance my checkbook in my head. i've never actually balanced my checkbook before, but i always intend to whenever i open my checkbook and remember that it's something you're able to do. new tires are expensive.

i look over at jeeves and he's nodding off and waking up and nodding off and waking up. he shifts himself in his seat. i think his knees are bothering him. i started to think about his knees.

i thought about how they are old and how he is old and even though he comes across as sort of a hillbilly, he has a crapload of years on me and could probably tell me some pretty good stories or teach me an important life lesson or tell me about his biggest regrets or greatest loves or accomplishments or whatever else plagues people's minds when they reach the golden years in life.

i should ask him to tell me. i should be making use of this time and i was annoyed i wasn't and even more annoyed i knew i wasn't and still wasn't going to do anything about it. and annoyed that of all the millions of geriatrics i could get stuck in a room with, i had to get stuck with the kind that watches jerry springer with a smile on his face instead of the kind that talks about how the times have changed. you know and they have one of those frail little wrinkly voices and a chest that feels heavy from loneliness or diabetes or whatever.

and he was probably thinking that out of all the young ladies he could get stuck in a room with, it had to be the one that refused to take a car ride with a harmless old guy because she's too wrapped up in her own shit and didn't want to have to force small talk for a few minutes with another human being. the one that was looking a little frumpy and didn't have any visible cleavage, either.

the bell on the door rang and we both looked up. a woman needed her brake pads replaced.
"welp, there's my cue," he said. he placed his hands on his knees for support, stood up, walked over to the counter and asked the woman if she needed a ride anywhere while she waited. initially she was taken back by the offer but then seemed thrilled that she could tackle her grocery shopping while she waited for her car to be serviced. and he seemed thrilled to get out of the store for a little while and enjoy the daylight. and i was kind of thrilled i could read my book without having to look up every few minutes and fake laugh at the jerry springer show with some aging man whose nose whistled.
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