Their lips were cold and the kiss was light and questioning, and perhaps it was the feeling to be fallen out of time that made it seem to go on for a long time. When it ended, Jadeite leaned into Rei for a moment. But then time caught up, and he tore free and took a step back, staring at her in shock. "We shouldn't do this," he said and turned his head away. Oh, how Rei hated this look on his face. "Yes, we should," she replied. Jadeite shook his head, still not looking her in the eyes again. "This should be a promise," he said, "But... My life is so..." "I know. I don't need a promise." "You should have one. But the way things are, one day, I'll be faster than the Master and take the hit that is coming for him, and then I won't come back. I don't want you to be sad." "Jadeite..." was the only thing Rei could say before the tears were there, unstoppable. She was glad he pulled her close and she could cry into Zoisite's white shirt. "Why is everyone leaving me?" she sobbed. "My mother, my father, Minako, Usagi... and now you, leaving me before you're even there? Why?" "I'm sorry," murmured Jadeite into her hair. "I'm really very sorry." When her sobs calmed down, he carefully moved a bit away from her to break the contact. His eyes were dull again, and his lips trembled. "I'm sorry I did that, Rei. I didn't want to hurt you. I shouldn't have kissed you. I should have remembered who I am. I have no right to touch you." Rei wiped away the last tears. That kind of stupid talk made her switch to anger easily, and that he had let go of her didn't feel very good either. "Will you stop this, Jadeite, please. It's unbearable. Dont talk about yourself like that. You're not a bad guy." "Not good enough for you." "So you are saying I have no taste?" asked Rei and lifted a mocking eyebrow. But Jadeite only shook his head, not taking the bait to switch to a lighter mood. "I'm torn. My soul is living in different times and places at the same time, and I don't think it'll ever change. You don't deserve someone like that, Rei. You deserve someone who is whole. Someone who is yours, only yours. I'll never belong to someone in this way ever again. My life is all about being a guardian now. I'm taken, for this live, and all lives to come." Rei felt a familiar pain tugging at her heart. She looked into Jadeite's eyes. "Don't say that. Don't ever say that. Don't give up yourself. Not for duty, not for Mamoru, not for anyone or anything." Jadeite gave her a dark and serious look. "We're guardians. We pawned our lives. When it's necessary, we give them up." "Yes, Jadeite!" said Rei emphatically. "Our lives! But not our souls! We don't give up who we are!" "Why not?" said Jadeite stubbornly. "When it's the time, you need to let go. I did it before, and it was good. The moment it ended, it was perfect, and it was over. My life as it's now is complete. I don't need to add to it, or do things that can tear it apart again. I found peace." "But you can't just live in the past!" "Why not?" "Because I won't let you. Because it would break my heart. I want you to live now!" He closed his eyes. "Oh god Rei, don't do that to me," he breathed. Very gently, she kissed him. "I guess I will always only be borrowing you. But when I do, I want this for you to be real." She tried a smile. He didn't open his eyes, just stood there with the rain running out of his hair all over his face, and there wasn't even a trace of a smile on his lips. But he didn't beg her not to do it either. "It's okay, Jadeite," said Rei. "No promises. No past, no future. Just us. Just now." Jadeite took a deep breath. But he still was tense. "Will you be mine?" asked Rei. "Not tomorrow, not even later today, not even the next minute. Only now. Will you be mine for now?" "Yes." "And only now, will you live?" He opened his eyes and glared at her, angrily. "Yes!" he snarled. "Good!" she snarled back. "It's about time!" And Only Now she hugged him and held him tight, to make certain it was real, and Only Now they kissed again and forgot all about the cold. Because if you had Only Now, you wanted it to be a great Only Now. All the better if it turned out to be a really, really long Only Now.
This was a nice scene between Rei and Jadeite. It's a refreshing change to see her convincing him to be with her rather than the other way around, and it's quite poignant to see her accepting being able to live in the moment without it being about the past or the future.
Thank you! I always thought Rei would feel much more comfortable with someone when she isn't pushed forward (even if it might sometimes be necessary ;)), but can the the pushy one herself ;) And with her backstory of personal losses and loneliness in PGSM I'm wondering if it isn't easier for her if she doesn't have to think of a future too much.
Funny you say that, too... I always see her that way. The 15yo anime Rei would be shy and the 15yo PGSM Rei caught up in her fears of relationships, but any older Rei leave it to men folks to get things right? :) I don't really see it ;)
When it ended, Jadeite leaned into Rei for a moment. But then time caught up, and he tore free and took a step back, staring at her in shock.
"We shouldn't do this," he said and turned his head away.
Oh, how Rei hated this look on his face.
"Yes, we should," she replied.
Jadeite shook his head, still not looking her in the eyes again.
"This should be a promise," he said, "But... My life is so..."
"I know. I don't need a promise."
"You should have one. But the way things are, one day, I'll be faster than the Master and take the hit that is coming for him, and then I won't come back. I don't want you to be sad."
"Jadeite..." was the only thing Rei could say before the tears were there, unstoppable. She was glad he pulled her close and she could cry into Zoisite's white shirt.
"Why is everyone leaving me?" she sobbed. "My mother, my father, Minako, Usagi... and now you, leaving me before you're even there? Why?"
"I'm sorry," murmured Jadeite into her hair. "I'm really very sorry."
When her sobs calmed down, he carefully moved a bit away from her to break the contact. His eyes were dull again, and his lips trembled.
"I'm sorry I did that, Rei. I didn't want to hurt you. I shouldn't have kissed you. I should have remembered who I am. I have no right to touch you."
Rei wiped away the last tears. That kind of stupid talk made her switch to anger easily, and that he had let go of her didn't feel very good either.
"Will you stop this, Jadeite, please. It's unbearable. Dont talk about yourself like that. You're not a bad guy."
"Not good enough for you."
"So you are saying I have no taste?" asked Rei and lifted a mocking eyebrow.
But Jadeite only shook his head, not taking the bait to switch to a lighter mood.
"I'm torn. My soul is living in different times and places at the same time, and I don't think it'll ever change. You don't deserve someone like that, Rei. You deserve someone who is whole. Someone who is yours, only yours. I'll never belong to someone in this way ever again. My life is all about being a guardian now. I'm taken, for this live, and all lives to come."
Rei felt a familiar pain tugging at her heart.
She looked into Jadeite's eyes. "Don't say that. Don't ever say that. Don't give up yourself. Not for duty, not for Mamoru, not for anyone or anything."
Jadeite gave her a dark and serious look. "We're guardians. We pawned our lives. When it's necessary, we give them up."
"Yes, Jadeite!" said Rei emphatically. "Our lives! But not our souls! We don't give up who we are!"
"Why not?" said Jadeite stubbornly. "When it's the time, you need to let go. I did it before, and it was good. The moment it ended, it was perfect, and it was over. My life as it's now is complete. I don't need to add to it, or do things that can tear it apart again. I found peace."
"But you can't just live in the past!"
"Why not?"
"Because I won't let you. Because it would break my heart. I want you to live now!"
He closed his eyes.
"Oh god Rei, don't do that to me," he breathed.
Very gently, she kissed him.
"I guess I will always only be borrowing you. But when I do, I want this for you to be real."
She tried a smile.
He didn't open his eyes, just stood there with the rain running out of his hair all over his face, and there wasn't even a trace of a smile on his lips. But he didn't beg her not to do it either.
"It's okay, Jadeite," said Rei. "No promises. No past, no future. Just us. Just now."
Jadeite took a deep breath. But he still was tense.
"Will you be mine?" asked Rei. "Not tomorrow, not even later today, not even the next minute. Only now. Will you be mine for now?"
"Yes."
"And only now, will you live?"
He opened his eyes and glared at her, angrily.
"Yes!" he snarled.
"Good!" she snarled back. "It's about time!"
And Only Now she hugged him and held him tight, to make certain it was real, and Only Now they kissed again and forgot all about the cold. Because if you had Only Now, you wanted it to be a great Only Now.
All the better if it turned out to be a really, really long Only Now.
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This is so bittersweet. Well played!
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SO SWEET!!!! ^_^
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