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Apr 12, 2014 23:59

Nothing like having doubts about what you're writing to give you more feels and the desire to keep plugging away on a fic.

My feels all over the place but god, I really want to have a go at writing an actual Thilbo-centric scene in this fic. I have to get through so much crap just to have a chance to write it but why should that stop me? The entire development was from the viewpoint of an outsider over a span of about two decades and only I the writer have an idea of what was going on in the letter exchanges. And I really want to do something about that.


I like the idea of how the first couple exchanges/years Thorin is like "I hecked up real bad I'm sorry can you forgive me" and Bilbo responds with "I don't know yet but I'm glad everything turned out well and don't do anything super duper dumb like take on a dragon with just twelve other dwarves, a wizard, and me, I'm serious".

Then Frodo moves in and all of Bilbo's letters to the entire Company are all about Frodo and what's Frodo done this time and maybe Thorin's letters will be about his misadventures when looking after Fili and Kili for Dis, and Bilbo would write to Fili and Kili like "did you two really do this???" and Thorin's next letter says "WHAT DID YOU SAY TO THEM THEY KEEP PULLING SO MUCH SHIT I WOKE UP TO THEM TRYING TO SHAVE MY EYEBROWS OFF WHY DO YOU MAKE MY LIFE SO DIFFICULT BURGLAR" and the next couple letters are just "My name is Bilbo Baggins, I'm a Hobbit, thank you very much" and "Burglar".

And time goes on and Gandalf reveals that things are shaking up in the east and all the Dwarves confirm this and Thorin's letters start sounding stressed and irritated and a bit nostalgic and melancholic because yeah, going on a bullheaded quest to take a mountain back from a giant fire-breathing dragon is so much better than arguing with the lords and councilors over Erebor's role in these ~darkening times~ while dealing with so many Orcs trashing the lands around Erebor and Dale on their way to Mordor. Bilbo tries to cheer him up in the responses or at least distract him by writing about Frodo's increasing restlessness and desire to go somewhere even though he shouldn't and how Bilbo wishes he could be there to support his friends.

The last letters before everything goes to shit, Thorin's letters talk about Ered Luin and the Shire and how much he wants to see Bilbo again, and Bilbo, well, Bilbo doesn't know how to respond to that. He didn't even realize how much he'd come to care about the dumb Dwarf king who all but hated him during the first leg of their journey, almost killed him over the Arkenstone, and then nearly died due to being a stubborn twit. The more he thinks about it the more he realizes that he wants to see Thorin, too, and the rest of the Company and the mountains again and Erebor in particular, because while he loves the Shire he loves the people who changed his life even more. But he can't go because the world beyond the Shire's gotten so dangerous and he doesn't feel all too comfortable uprooting Frodo even though his nephew wants to go wander the world, too.

When writing this fic I take LOTR into consideration, and one thing I remember is Bilbo telling Gandalf he doesn't want Frodo to come with him on his journey to Rivendell because he believes Frodo is still in love with the Shire. It's kind of like that whole thing with Ori and what happened for him to end up dying in Moria. But due to a meddling wizard, Frodo's been displaced so the Shire he's growing up in isn't his Shire, hence his restlessness and general unease with his surroundings. Everyone thinks he's just in his tweens, including himself, so he thinks traveling like his uncle did will help him settle. That's why he first needles Bilbo about traveling to Rivendell and Erebor.

YO DAWG I HAVE A LOT OF FEELS ABOUT THIS FIC I'M WRITING.

*time to introduce brand new tags oh god

oh god what the fuck, ramblings of the overactive mind, can't stop won't stop, pairing: tolkien: bilbo/thorin, fandom: tolkien, 2014, writing is hard, story is the heart of the world, somebody stop me, what is this i don't even, all my feelings

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