Oh hell.
Every time I want to post about RL things I end up not posting any of it at all. I just... don't want any of it all up in my entries.
I've not been keeping you guys updated with the things I've been up to and I'm so sorry.
* * * THE ARTS * * *
~ from Chasing Cars
* * * THE FICS * * *
I Owe You A Love Song - the TRON/Princess Bride fusion AU that continues to exist for some reason
Ch. 23 The Plot - Desperate times and desperate measures. There might be a way out, but not for Tron and not for Kevin Flynn.
Ch. 24 The Ploy - The queen and the minister make their moves, and two long-lost comrades reunite.
~* * *~
Worlds In Collision - the former 2010 Dean/Cas Big Bang fic that's also an SPN S1 AU where Jessica Moore is a hunter and Castiel shows up four years early
Ch. 5 Purify
If you'll notice all links go to AO3 now. I got tired of cross-posting to DW, LJ, AO3, and FFN one after another so I've decided to post to AO3 (and FFN) and link to it from DW, LJ, Tumblr, Twitter, and Plurk. Saves me a massive headache and then some. I will do my very best to update my journals with links to newly uploaded chapters in a timely fashion.
* * * AND NOW FOR SOMETHING QUITE SERIOUS * * *
Simply put, I seem incapable of coming up with Pilots!verse plot and the reason appears to be the incredibly amount of stress I've been getting from RL. I'm almost sorry for not giving so many people the plot they want but I'm really not. Writing porn is a different kind of stress. It's a happy stress, like trying to win a round of air hockey.
And I'd like to not be shamed for it. I take my porn quite seriously and do not appreciate it being looked down upon in favor of the ~esteemed~ plot, world-building, and character development.
The reaction to the first part of "Howl" was... decidedly mixed. Which is fair because that fic-in-progress is unlike anything I've ever written up to right now, and people have lots of opinions about porn, which is also very fair.
But.
I just deleted a fat paragraph because I think it'll only stir shit up. There's a lot on my mind that'll just cause trouble, a lot of anger and frustration and fear that I keep under wraps because it's so toxic and selfish and just plain rude. It's not fandom etiquette. It'll piss people off. It'll hurt them. And it'll be because of me.
But when it's affecting my ability to finish writing "Howl"? What then? Should I continue keeping quiet for the sake of maintaining the friendships and friendliness of the fandom(s)? Or do I say what's on my mind and risk starting another shit storm just so that I can finish the fic?
Is it offensive
to say
that what angers me
and keeps me from writing more
is the reaction to a part of "Howl"
that forced me to attach
a goddamn footnote?
Do you know how afraid I am of writing the second part of "Howl"? Why would I want to keep writing if I just end up getting more of the same? Why should I live in fear of possible comments that don't intend to offend but end up doing so?
Or
why should I be afraid?
Oh I don't know, maybe I'm having delusions of being persecuted. Maybe it's just the shame-based personality check list coming to the fore, informing me that I'm behaving this way because I feel that some core part of me is Wrong and that's why I got those comments. Maybe I'm just making shit up. Maybe I'm just being a pretentious whiny fuck.
But I'm still angry and afraid and confused and a lot of other things that keep me from writing that fucking fic, and I am sick of it.
I have so much more to say but it's probably for the best that I don't. There's a short angry meta essay that could use all the things I chose not to say here.
I've not been keeping you guys updated with the things I've been up to and I'm so sorry.
* * * THE ARTS * * *
~ from Chasing Cars
* * * THE FICS * * *
I Owe You A Love Song - the TRON/Princess Bride fusion AU that continues to exist for some reason
Ch. 23 The Plot - Desperate times and desperate measures. There might be a way out, but not for Tron and not for Kevin Flynn.
Ch. 24 The Ploy - The queen and the minister make their moves, and two long-lost comrades reunite.
~* * *~
Worlds In Collision - the former 2010 Dean/Cas Big Bang fic that's also an SPN S1 AU where Jessica Moore is a hunter and Castiel shows up four years early
Ch. 5 Purify
If you'll notice all links go to AO3 now. I got tired of cross-posting to DW, LJ, AO3, and FFN one after another so I've decided to post to AO3 (and FFN) and link to it from DW, LJ, Tumblr, Twitter, and Plurk. Saves me a massive headache and then some. I will do my very best to update my journals with links to newly uploaded chapters in a timely fashion.
* * * AND NOW FOR SOMETHING QUITE SERIOUS * * *
Simply put, I seem incapable of coming up with Pilots!verse plot and the reason appears to be the incredibly amount of stress I've been getting from RL. I'm almost sorry for not giving so many people the plot they want but I'm really not. Writing porn is a different kind of stress. It's a happy stress, like trying to win a round of air hockey.
And I'd like to not be shamed for it. I take my porn quite seriously and do not appreciate it being looked down upon in favor of the ~esteemed~ plot, world-building, and character development.
The reaction to the first part of "Howl" was... decidedly mixed. Which is fair because that fic-in-progress is unlike anything I've ever written up to right now, and people have lots of opinions about porn, which is also very fair.
But.
I just deleted a fat paragraph because I think it'll only stir shit up. There's a lot on my mind that'll just cause trouble, a lot of anger and frustration and fear that I keep under wraps because it's so toxic and selfish and just plain rude. It's not fandom etiquette. It'll piss people off. It'll hurt them. And it'll be because of me.
But when it's affecting my ability to finish writing "Howl"? What then? Should I continue keeping quiet for the sake of maintaining the friendships and friendliness of the fandom(s)? Or do I say what's on my mind and risk starting another shit storm just so that I can finish the fic?
Is it offensive
to say
that what angers me
and keeps me from writing more
is the reaction to a part of "Howl"
that forced me to attach
a goddamn footnote?
Do you know how afraid I am of writing the second part of "Howl"? Why would I want to keep writing if I just end up getting more of the same? Why should I live in fear of possible comments that don't intend to offend but end up doing so?
Or
why should I be afraid?
Oh I don't know, maybe I'm having delusions of being persecuted. Maybe it's just the shame-based personality check list coming to the fore, informing me that I'm behaving this way because I feel that some core part of me is Wrong and that's why I got those comments. Maybe I'm just making shit up. Maybe I'm just being a pretentious whiny fuck.
But I'm still angry and afraid and confused and a lot of other things that keep me from writing that fucking fic, and I am sick of it.
I have so much more to say but it's probably for the best that I don't. There's a short angry meta essay that could use all the things I chose not to say here.