chat log - girl stuff
Continued from aeon_phoenix's journal. You can see this. If your character was not a participant, it probably isn't.
Jun had read Nix's account of the state of her estate when she returned home from her absence. Upon learning that Nix was going out of town and leaving Key at the place once more, gained Nix's permission to stop by and do a little checking/cleaning of her own.
Continuing from here.
justjuns: Phoenix?
FireyNix: Yes?
justjuns: Is there anything else you'd like me to go over? Or do you think the inside windows is enough?
FireyNix: The windows are fine. I can't thank you enough for helping.
justjuns: *g*
justjuns: Looks around at the place which is shiny where it should be, dust free where it should be, and smells a lot like citrus and sun-dried clean laundry.
justjuns: * Looks around at the place which is shiny where it should be, dust free where it should be, and smells a lot like citrus and sun-dried clean laundry.*
justjuns: It's something I could do for you.
justjuns: The kind of mess you described doesn't get set right by one or even two good cleanings.
justjuns: You've got a great place.
justjuns: I'm glad I could help.
FireyNix: *smiles at Jun*
FireyNix: Still, thank you again.
justjuns: You're my friend.
justjuns: I see you and I feel ...happy-er.
justjuns: *g*
justjuns: Least I could do.
FireyNix: Even as I'm not as I was before?
justjuns: ...
justjuns: Joe?
justjuns: He...he has trouble with seeing me as I am.
justjuns: It doesn't fit his idea of who he's always known or even who he values and trusts.
justjuns: He thinks I see what I want to see rather than who he is.
justjuns: Could be.
justjuns: But I think...acceptance has a lot to do with what I see and understand...and even what I don't understand.
justjuns: In my mind you're Fire and Rejuvenating Life.
justjuns: You went into the dark.
justjuns: You changed. You're sadder.
justjuns: You're also scary-er to me...and you hadn't been before.
FireyNix: *sighs, craving a cigarette but doesn't give in*
FireyNix: I feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole
justjuns: *nods*
justjuns: You've been gone for so long.
justjuns: You're home should at least be like you remembered it.
FireyNix: It is.
FireyNix: It's just me.
justjuns: That's okay.
justjuns: By me.
justjuns: Unless you're...evil and I don't feel that from you.
justjuns: I still care about you. I'm sorry you were away for so long. But you don't have to try to be who I remembered you as.
justjuns: *wistful smile*
justjuns: We didn't get to hang out that much anyway...now that you're back. Maybe that can change. That is, if you still like gambling.
FireyNix: *smiles*
FireyNix: I think I had my fill of gambiling while I was away
FireyNix: Where I was, so much gambling houses.
justjuns: Yes?
FireyNix: I got banned from most.
FireyNix: *grins*
justjuns: Caught counting?
FireyNix: Nope. They just thought I was cheating.
FireyNix: I can't help it if I'm lucky.
justjuns: *Studies Nix boldly, taking in the pale skin, the reddish hair and weary expression*
justjuns: In some ways.
FireyNix: *smiles sadly*
FireyNix: I guess.
justjuns: You should see my roof.
justjuns: *Starts gathering buckets and spunges*
justjuns: Kian's been having fun with dirt and seeds.
FireyNix: *helps Jun gather the cleaning objects*
FireyNix: He has?
justjuns: *nods*
justjuns: He's...it's pretty up there now. It was before if you like rust, girders, birdnests and that kind of thing...but it's different.
justjuns: I don't know if you knew about the expansion of the J?
FireyNix: I vaguely remember that.
justjuns: ...the renovation of the new place is coming along. Maybe you could come by some day to sit on the deck with us for fishing.
justjuns: Hey, don't worry about remembering what we did before.
justjuns: *smiles*
justjuns: We can make new ones!
FireyNix: *grins*
justjuns: Who knows how high up I'll be in work when that happens.
justjuns: And I'm a mule now, so...
justjuns: *g*
FireyNix: Well, you're the prettiest mule here.
FireyNix: *grins*
FireyNix: I think I would like that.
justjuns: *Laughs outloud, shocked*
justjuns: I never get used to hearing that.
justjuns: *Blushing grin*
justjuns: Doesn't matter if it's a friend that I love or...someone I barely know.
FireyNix: I do the same thing "Oh, you're so pretty."
FireyNix: Then I blush.
justjuns: *Nods*
justjuns: You were though.
justjuns: *blush*
FireyNix: Me?
FireyNix: Nah.
justjuns: I'd never seen anyone as happy looking and vibrant as you.
justjuns: Joe thought so too.
justjuns: He may be a woman's man, but he's got an eye.
FireyNix: *blushes*
justjuns: It's not just blondes with him.
FireyNix: Redheads, too?
FireyNix: Well, sorta redheads.
justjuns: ...
justjuns: *shakes head*
FireyNix: *is in a very happy mood*
justjuns: You look different.
justjuns: Still pretty but...different.
justjuns: I don't know what it is.
justjuns: It's weird for me because I can tell that people mean it.
justjuns: When I moved out from our guardian's house?
justjuns: I was barely fifteen.
justjuns: I danced for rent and to save money.
justjuns: I heard it all the time.
justjuns: It just meant I was going to get a tip.
justjuns: Or an offer for something it didn't matter that I'd rather not do.
FireyNix: ...
FireyNix: That happens.
justjuns: *Yes.*
justjuns: It's not that big a deal, though.
justjuns: I could more than take care of myself. It's just different when it's someone who cares about you.
FireyNix: Because you're not expecting it?
justjuns: ...I don't know.
justjuns: When I figure it out, I'll let you know.
justjuns: When you figure out why you react the way you do? You'll tell me?
FireyNix: Sure.
FireyNix: It's a deal.
justjuns: *Stands with the bucket that holds smaller buckets, her mop and broom.*
FireyNix: Ah. Let me get that? *offers to take the bucket and the broom*
justjuns: *She's put it out of her mind that Nix is a telepath. With the cleaning and fighting down nausea from what she'd been cleaning from some cracks and where, she hadn't been thinking about what had driven from her home and to do a good deed for Nix.*
justjuns: *Then her earlier conversation with Joe hits her, and how he'd drawn her into his arms not once but twice, and poked her midrib beneath her chest -- all in innocence.*
justjuns: *That's her sore spot...and then the other attention she's been receiving of late -- Aladdin's public crush being one of them. And her burst of longing to put her head on a girl friend's lap and cry hits her with numbing force.*
FireyNix: *Nix picks up on a couple of Jun thoughts but tries to ignore them. She wasn't meant to hear them. The last thought, backed up with emotion hits her with a force she couldn't just push away*
FireyNix: ...
FireyNix: Jun?
justjuns: *Shaky breath*
justjuns: ...shimatta
justjuns: How much of that did you get?
FireyNix: Not much.
justjuns: You're a psi, right?
FireyNix: Yes.
FireyNix: I pushed most of it out but I couldn't ignore the last one.
FireyNix: Are you alright?
justjuns: I should be.
justjuns: But I feel like a jerk.
FireyNix: Why's that?
justjuns: ...I want what I can't have...I want who I might have been able to have if I hadn't been obsessed with who I thought I wanted.
justjuns: My heart belongs to someone who doesn't want my body and I let that make me sad considering all the things that could go wrong and haven't.
justjuns: I'm trying to move on..sometimes...but I think it's at the expense of a really nice boy who's destined to save and love some other girl.
FireyNix: ...
FireyNix: *hmms trying to come up with something to say*
justjuns: It's not the end of the world. I know that.
FireyNix: But it sucks all the same.
justjuns: *nods*
justjuns: *swallows*
justjuns: Yes.
FireyNix: You want something to drink?
justjuns: *nods*
FireyNix: Okay, I 'll be back in a sec. Take a seat.
FireyNix: *goes into the kitchen*
justjuns: *Puts stuff down and does as said.*
FireyNix: *the sound of the fridge opening and closing can be heard*
FireyNix: *projects her voice a bit* Do you want any ice?
justjuns: Yes, please.
FireyNix: Okay.
FireyNix: *comes back shortly after with a clear glass filled with water in her hand.*
FireyNix: Here you go.
justjuns: Thank you.
justjuns: *Reaches for it.*
FireyNix: *hands Jun the glass and watches her a bit*
FireyNix: Do you want anything else?
justjuns: *She wants a new heart.*
justjuns: This is a good start.
FireyNix: *nods*
FireyNix: I honestly don't know what to say.
justjuns: Tell me what's love like for you when it's better than you hope for?
justjuns: Tell me everything will work out?
FireyNix: *sighs and rubs the back of her neck*
FireyNix: We're talking about me now?
justjuns: We can keep talking about me.
justjuns: *Looks at the glass*
justjuns: Is this water?
FireyNix: Yes.
FireyNix: Filtered.
justjuns: I don't normally talk to anybody.
justjuns: *sigh*
justjuns: I have plenty of friends back home but...
justjuns: I love Joe.
justjuns: He loves me. He doesn't want me.
justjuns: Sometimes I'm okay with it.
justjuns: Others...
FireyNix: But it's not enough.
justjuns: It'd be easier if he was cold.
justjuns: *Tears in her eyes*
justjuns: But he'll take me in his arms and...it's like the safest place in my world.
justjuns: I melt for him, Nix.
justjuns: I...he doesn't even notice.
justjuns: And when I meet someone who wants to give me everything he has...
justjuns: *sniffle*
FireyNix: Oh Jun.
FireyNix: *goes to sit by Jun and rubs her shoulder in confort*
justjuns: It is what it is.
justjuns: I have such a good life, Nix.
justjuns: I have so much love.
justjuns: Such good luck.
justjuns: Why does this one thing hurt so much?
FireyNix: It's probably because your whole heart is in it.
justjuns: *Cries. Hating her own tears.*
FireyNix: *tries to soothe Jun*
FireyNix: Just let it all out. You'll feel better if you do.
justjuns: *She's woken up crying. She's cried in the shower. She's cried on her roof, on her porch. She's hopped on her motorcylcle and ridden basically blind there was so much water coming under her eyes and once, Ken found her crying under her covers in a hotel in Hontwohl. Nobody'd given her permission to weep. She leaned under Nix's shoulder and grieved.*
FireyNix: *Strokes Jun's hair, just wishing she could do something as she couldn't really do anything at all. Matters of the heart are best not to be interfered with by outsiders*
justjuns: *Rubs her eyes. Considers her position while being comforted by Nix.*
justjuns: Thank you.
justjuns: *wan smile*
justjuns: *sits up*
justjuns: Thanks.
FireyNix: You're welcome. Are you feeling a bit better?
justjuns: *Nods*
justjuns: *Reaches for water glass*
justjuns: What do you do when someone you really like thinks he's in love with you?
FireyNix: Love love?
justjuns: *nods*
justjuns: If I wasn't so stupid, I'd love him right back.
justjuns: He's got no money, ...no prospects...the sunniest disposition and is really cute.
justjuns: Really really cute.
FireyNix: Is he the guy with the monkey?
justjuns: *nods*
justjuns: The Monkey's name is Abu and he has very nice manners.
FireyNix: *smiles*
justjuns: They're both really fun.
FireyNix: I'm hearing a big "but" coming into this...
justjuns: He's Aladdin.
justjuns: He has to rescue the princess from the evil Vizier.
justjuns: And free the Blue Djinn from the bottle.
justjuns: He's going to make Agrabah an oasis for everybody.
justjuns: It wouldn't be right if he stayed just for me.
FireyNix: I guess you have to...I don't know
FireyNix: Try to explain to him that you would only like to be friends.
FireyNix: Get him to go back onto that path.
FireyNix: I'm bad at this.
justjuns: It's okay.
justjuns: I'm not good at it.
justjuns: You let me cry on you.
justjuns: I do feel better.
FireyNix: I make up for my lack of advise for being a lifesized hankey.
justjuns: LOL
FireyNix: *smiles*
justjuns: I do feel better.
FireyNix: That's good.
justjuns: I just...have to be as firm with Joe as he is with me in his own way.
justjuns: Eventually...I'll stop loving him this way.
FireyNix: It's hurts but you'll have to move on if Joe doesn't return your affections.
justjuns: I know.
justjuns: He didn't...he didn't even tell me to my face.
justjuns: *Anger in the set of her jaw.*
justjuns: He left it in his livejournal.
justjuns: The day after Valentine's day.
FireyNix: *purses her mouth a bit*
FireyNix: ...
justjuns: If I wasn't in love with him I would have slapped him for it.
FireyNix: I'm pretty sure you can whap him upside the head.
justjuns: *nods her head*
justjuns: He's very good at controlling things.
justjuns: He's very good at making his point.
justjuns: He's decided I'm not good enough for him.
justjuns: Wait, I mean, he's not good enough for me and -- I'm getting closer and closer to convinced with each bruise on my hopes.
justjuns: *nods*
FireyNix: ...
FireyNix: Ah.
justjuns: He can be really convincing.
justjuns: *nods*
FireyNix: Don't forget subborn.
justjuns: *She sounds a little lost. Her eyes are far away.* I could never forget stubborn.
FireyNix: Hmm.
justjuns: I...my first boyfriend?
justjuns: ...I think I didn't fall in love with him so much as his resemblance to Joe.
justjuns: ...my other long term relationoship?
justjuns: I was...I think we broke up because I expected him to be someone else.
justjuns: When I wanted Joe and didn't know it?
justjuns: That was kind of okay, y'know?
FireyNix: But now, it's fustrating.
justjuns: *Colors to the roots of her hairline*
justjuns: *He kisses like...wow.*
justjuns: Y-yes.
FireyNix: *doesn't really comment on Jun's blush but smiles*
FireyNix: Ah.
justjuns: What about you?
justjuns: Do you have someone?
FireyNix: I guess.
FireyNix: *starts to blush a bit*
justjuns: *giggles*
FireyNix: *facepalms*
justjuns: *giggles*
justjuns: Do you miss your melanin?
justjuns: *wrinkles nose and bites lip*
FireyNix: Not really. I'm kinda a lighter brown now.
FireyNix: ...
FireyNix: You want to know who it is, don't you?
justjuns: I want to know if your toes curl when you kiss.
justjuns: I want to know all the nice and good things.
justjuns: YES!
FireyNix: *sighs but grins*
FireyNix: Greg Sanders.
justjuns: *frowns*
justjuns: 'The Devil' picks on him.
justjuns: He needs all the help he can get.
justjuns: *Thinking, Nix is going to kick him in the butt.*
justjuns: I don't know Mr. Sanders. He's smart though...or at least...he's a scientist.
justjuns: Generous? Kind? Mischievous?
FireyNix: He makes me smile. A lot.
FireyNix: And yes, he's very nice.
justjuns: *g*
justjuns: Ah, that's nice.
FireyNix: *blushes*
justjuns: That's' so nice.
FireyNix: He makes me want to sing.
justjuns: *Waves hands and makes girly squealing noises*
FireyNix: *Nix facepalms not believing she just said that*
justjuns: *Masters herself*
justjuns: *Hugs Nix*
FireyNix: *smiles and hugs back*
justjuns: Yes, your toes are curling!
justjuns: *laughs*
FireyNix: My toes do more than curl.
justjuns: *Jun blushes*
justjuns: Well...that makes one of us.
justjuns: That's goood.
FireyNix: *chuckles but is still blushing*
justjuns: How?
justjuns: When?
justjuns: Wow.
justjuns: Wow?
FireyNix: ...
FireyNix: *blinks for a bit*
FireyNix: "Wow"?
justjuns: Ahhh...w-well...wow?
justjuns: Were you surprised?
justjuns: Was he?
FireyNix: Surprised at what?
justjuns: The two you being sweethearts.
FireyNix: Uh.
FireyNix: I guess this kinda started pre-poof
justjuns: You...that's wow.
justjuns: You were gone for a million years and...picked up where you left off?
justjuns: Or wanted to?
justjuns: *In her mind, shoved way deep down where she's not utterly thrilled for Nix she's thinking 'I'm doomed. I'm never getting over Joe.'*
FireyNix: I wanted to. I could never forget about him
FireyNix: Yes, it's mushy but something drew me to him.
justjuns: That's amazing.
justjuns: You were gone for so long. But in your heart...
justjuns: He was there.
FireyNix: I guess he's the only reason that I didn't go completely mad while I was trapped.
justjuns: That's...
justjuns: Really special.
FireyNix: Complete mush.
FireyNix: That's me.
justjuns: I like that.
justjuns: I like you.
justjuns: I want you to be happy.
FireyNix: For the first time in a long while I feel happy.
justjuns: *Covers Nix' hand*
justjuns: That's good.
justjuns: That's wonderful.
FireyNix: *smiles*
justjuns: All your power and glory, but you're a girl just like me when it comes to love.
FireyNix: I guess.
FireyNix: I don't do the emotional thing too well.
justjuns: *nods*
FireyNix: I mean, I have emotions
FireyNix: I just can't put them in words most of the time.
justjuns: *nods*
justjuns: *giggles*
justjuns: It's hard for me.
FireyNix: *facepalms*
justjuns: When I finally told Joe how I felt?
justjuns: He was confronting me.
justjuns: I...
justjuns: *blushes*
justjuns: I couldn't say it.
FireyNix: ....
justjuns: So, I...
FireyNix: Showed him?
justjuns: *nods*
justjuns: *face in hands*
justjuns: *shakes head harder*
justjuns: It was a little...
justjuns: *blushes*
justjuns: Inappropriate.
FireyNix: hmm
justjuns: Um.
justjuns: It was two days after his surgery.
justjuns: I really should have kept my head together.
justjuns: *sigh*
justjuns: It's almost 2 years and he never notices, but when he's with someone and he allows himself to love?
justjuns: That's when he found out about my feelings.
justjuns: *Confused*
justjuns: But didn't return them.
justjuns: *sigh*
justjuns: It was really...
FireyNix: Sucky?
justjuns: When it wasn't wonderful.
justjuns: I felt really bad about it afterwards.
FireyNix: *nods*
justjuns: ...Usually when I get to this part when I'm thinking about this?
justjuns: I feel really bad.
justjuns: Right now I don't.
FireyNix: *nods*
FireyNix: Is this a good thing?
justjuns: I think so.
justjuns: I've been beating myself about this for months.
justjuns: Every day I'm not busy, I keep thinking about it.
justjuns: Crying about it.
justjuns: I couldn't see a way around it.
justjuns: I wanted to ...undo it.
justjuns: It was worse than the night it happened.
justjuns: Telling you helped.
FireyNix: I'm happy it did.
FireyNix: You shouldn't be unhappy.
justjuns: No?
FireyNix: No.
FireyNix: You need happyness.
FireyNix: This is making you unhappy.
justjuns: When I think about it.
justjuns: When I'm with another man.
justjuns: Sometimes.
justjuns: Or ...more often lately, if I'm with him and he does something thoughtless, like, nuzzles my neck or my tummy...
justjuns: He does, Nix.
justjuns: Sometimes he does.
justjuns: He..tells me I'm beautiful and looks at me like I'm the most amazing woman in the world and it'll be like flying...but when he doesn't kiss me?
justjuns: I sometimes want to...
justjuns: *Die.*
FireyNix: Gah.
FireyNix: Thinking about it now..
justjuns: *Squeezes eyes shut*
justjuns: It hurts.
justjuns: It hurts a lot.
FireyNix: I just think he's farting around with this.
justjuns: ...Like I'm the yoyo on his string?
FireyNix: There's just no true way of knowing what his real emotions are.
FireyNix: What he says and what he does are two different things.
justjuns: You think?
justjuns: ...I hope so too.
FireyNix: *nods*
justjuns: I'm confused.
justjuns: He confuses me.
justjuns: Maybe nuzzing is a holdover from the catboy thing?
FireyNix: ...
FireyNix: Could be.
justjuns: ...
FireyNix: *makes a meh face and shrugs*
FireyNix: I really don't know.
justjuns: *cocks head*
justjuns: That's okay.
justjuns: *pats seat*
justjuns: It's...way past time for me to go.
justjuns: I really needed to talk about this with someone.
FireyNix: I'm glad that you got that all out.
justjuns: Me too.
justjuns: Ken sucks at this kind of thing.
justjuns: He tells me what I should be grateful for and when he can't take it anymore he leaves.
justjuns: Or ends the conversation.
FireyNix: ...
justjuns: He's really not good at talking about feelings.
FireyNix: I guess that puts me in a better light then?
justjuns: *giggles*
FireyNix: I had no clue about what I should say.
justjuns: Unless you told me you weren't good at it, the thought wouldn't cross my mind.
FireyNix: Really?
justjuns: Nope.
justjuns: *g*
FireyNix: *sticks her tongue out*
justjuns: *Attempts to project: NOPE*
FireyNix: *winces* Turn the volume down Jun.
justjuns: OH!
justjuns: I, um, ...that was loud?
FireyNix: Very.
justjuns: Sorry.
justjuns: How rude of me.
FireyNix: It's okay.
FireyNix: I don't think you had a lot of experience with psychics.
justjuns: We'd run into latent psis.
justjuns: I think Katse's God communicated with Katse telepathically.
justjuns: Katse would scream for help when Ken was about to kill him and he'd vanish.
justjuns: Katse, not Ken.
FireyNix: Interesting.
justjuns: Whatever happens to me and the others?
justjuns: It's always interesting.
FireyNix: It's kinda hard not to think that.
Jun had read Nix's account of the state of her estate when she returned home from her absence. Upon learning that Nix was going out of town and leaving Key at the place once more, gained Nix's permission to stop by and do a little checking/cleaning of her own.
Continuing from here.
justjuns: Phoenix?
FireyNix: Yes?
justjuns: Is there anything else you'd like me to go over? Or do you think the inside windows is enough?
FireyNix: The windows are fine. I can't thank you enough for helping.
justjuns: *g*
justjuns: Looks around at the place which is shiny where it should be, dust free where it should be, and smells a lot like citrus and sun-dried clean laundry.
justjuns: * Looks around at the place which is shiny where it should be, dust free where it should be, and smells a lot like citrus and sun-dried clean laundry.*
justjuns: It's something I could do for you.
justjuns: The kind of mess you described doesn't get set right by one or even two good cleanings.
justjuns: You've got a great place.
justjuns: I'm glad I could help.
FireyNix: *smiles at Jun*
FireyNix: Still, thank you again.
justjuns: You're my friend.
justjuns: I see you and I feel ...happy-er.
justjuns: *g*
justjuns: Least I could do.
FireyNix: Even as I'm not as I was before?
justjuns: ...
justjuns: Joe?
justjuns: He...he has trouble with seeing me as I am.
justjuns: It doesn't fit his idea of who he's always known or even who he values and trusts.
justjuns: He thinks I see what I want to see rather than who he is.
justjuns: Could be.
justjuns: But I think...acceptance has a lot to do with what I see and understand...and even what I don't understand.
justjuns: In my mind you're Fire and Rejuvenating Life.
justjuns: You went into the dark.
justjuns: You changed. You're sadder.
justjuns: You're also scary-er to me...and you hadn't been before.
FireyNix: *sighs, craving a cigarette but doesn't give in*
FireyNix: I feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole
justjuns: *nods*
justjuns: You've been gone for so long.
justjuns: You're home should at least be like you remembered it.
FireyNix: It is.
FireyNix: It's just me.
justjuns: That's okay.
justjuns: By me.
justjuns: Unless you're...evil and I don't feel that from you.
justjuns: I still care about you. I'm sorry you were away for so long. But you don't have to try to be who I remembered you as.
justjuns: *wistful smile*
justjuns: We didn't get to hang out that much anyway...now that you're back. Maybe that can change. That is, if you still like gambling.
FireyNix: *smiles*
FireyNix: I think I had my fill of gambiling while I was away
FireyNix: Where I was, so much gambling houses.
justjuns: Yes?
FireyNix: I got banned from most.
FireyNix: *grins*
justjuns: Caught counting?
FireyNix: Nope. They just thought I was cheating.
FireyNix: I can't help it if I'm lucky.
justjuns: *Studies Nix boldly, taking in the pale skin, the reddish hair and weary expression*
justjuns: In some ways.
FireyNix: *smiles sadly*
FireyNix: I guess.
justjuns: You should see my roof.
justjuns: *Starts gathering buckets and spunges*
justjuns: Kian's been having fun with dirt and seeds.
FireyNix: *helps Jun gather the cleaning objects*
FireyNix: He has?
justjuns: *nods*
justjuns: He's...it's pretty up there now. It was before if you like rust, girders, birdnests and that kind of thing...but it's different.
justjuns: I don't know if you knew about the expansion of the J?
FireyNix: I vaguely remember that.
justjuns: ...the renovation of the new place is coming along. Maybe you could come by some day to sit on the deck with us for fishing.
justjuns: Hey, don't worry about remembering what we did before.
justjuns: *smiles*
justjuns: We can make new ones!
FireyNix: *grins*
justjuns: Who knows how high up I'll be in work when that happens.
justjuns: And I'm a mule now, so...
justjuns: *g*
FireyNix: Well, you're the prettiest mule here.
FireyNix: *grins*
FireyNix: I think I would like that.
justjuns: *Laughs outloud, shocked*
justjuns: I never get used to hearing that.
justjuns: *Blushing grin*
justjuns: Doesn't matter if it's a friend that I love or...someone I barely know.
FireyNix: I do the same thing "Oh, you're so pretty."
FireyNix: Then I blush.
justjuns: *Nods*
justjuns: You were though.
justjuns: *blush*
FireyNix: Me?
FireyNix: Nah.
justjuns: I'd never seen anyone as happy looking and vibrant as you.
justjuns: Joe thought so too.
justjuns: He may be a woman's man, but he's got an eye.
FireyNix: *blushes*
justjuns: It's not just blondes with him.
FireyNix: Redheads, too?
FireyNix: Well, sorta redheads.
justjuns: ...
justjuns: *shakes head*
FireyNix: *is in a very happy mood*
justjuns: You look different.
justjuns: Still pretty but...different.
justjuns: I don't know what it is.
justjuns: It's weird for me because I can tell that people mean it.
justjuns: When I moved out from our guardian's house?
justjuns: I was barely fifteen.
justjuns: I danced for rent and to save money.
justjuns: I heard it all the time.
justjuns: It just meant I was going to get a tip.
justjuns: Or an offer for something it didn't matter that I'd rather not do.
FireyNix: ...
FireyNix: That happens.
justjuns: *Yes.*
justjuns: It's not that big a deal, though.
justjuns: I could more than take care of myself. It's just different when it's someone who cares about you.
FireyNix: Because you're not expecting it?
justjuns: ...I don't know.
justjuns: When I figure it out, I'll let you know.
justjuns: When you figure out why you react the way you do? You'll tell me?
FireyNix: Sure.
FireyNix: It's a deal.
justjuns: *Stands with the bucket that holds smaller buckets, her mop and broom.*
FireyNix: Ah. Let me get that? *offers to take the bucket and the broom*
justjuns: *She's put it out of her mind that Nix is a telepath. With the cleaning and fighting down nausea from what she'd been cleaning from some cracks and where, she hadn't been thinking about what had driven from her home and to do a good deed for Nix.*
justjuns: *Then her earlier conversation with Joe hits her, and how he'd drawn her into his arms not once but twice, and poked her midrib beneath her chest -- all in innocence.*
justjuns: *That's her sore spot...and then the other attention she's been receiving of late -- Aladdin's public crush being one of them. And her burst of longing to put her head on a girl friend's lap and cry hits her with numbing force.*
FireyNix: *Nix picks up on a couple of Jun thoughts but tries to ignore them. She wasn't meant to hear them. The last thought, backed up with emotion hits her with a force she couldn't just push away*
FireyNix: ...
FireyNix: Jun?
justjuns: *Shaky breath*
justjuns: ...shimatta
justjuns: How much of that did you get?
FireyNix: Not much.
justjuns: You're a psi, right?
FireyNix: Yes.
FireyNix: I pushed most of it out but I couldn't ignore the last one.
FireyNix: Are you alright?
justjuns: I should be.
justjuns: But I feel like a jerk.
FireyNix: Why's that?
justjuns: ...I want what I can't have...I want who I might have been able to have if I hadn't been obsessed with who I thought I wanted.
justjuns: My heart belongs to someone who doesn't want my body and I let that make me sad considering all the things that could go wrong and haven't.
justjuns: I'm trying to move on..sometimes...but I think it's at the expense of a really nice boy who's destined to save and love some other girl.
FireyNix: ...
FireyNix: *hmms trying to come up with something to say*
justjuns: It's not the end of the world. I know that.
FireyNix: But it sucks all the same.
justjuns: *nods*
justjuns: *swallows*
justjuns: Yes.
FireyNix: You want something to drink?
justjuns: *nods*
FireyNix: Okay, I 'll be back in a sec. Take a seat.
FireyNix: *goes into the kitchen*
justjuns: *Puts stuff down and does as said.*
FireyNix: *the sound of the fridge opening and closing can be heard*
FireyNix: *projects her voice a bit* Do you want any ice?
justjuns: Yes, please.
FireyNix: Okay.
FireyNix: *comes back shortly after with a clear glass filled with water in her hand.*
FireyNix: Here you go.
justjuns: Thank you.
justjuns: *Reaches for it.*
FireyNix: *hands Jun the glass and watches her a bit*
FireyNix: Do you want anything else?
justjuns: *She wants a new heart.*
justjuns: This is a good start.
FireyNix: *nods*
FireyNix: I honestly don't know what to say.
justjuns: Tell me what's love like for you when it's better than you hope for?
justjuns: Tell me everything will work out?
FireyNix: *sighs and rubs the back of her neck*
FireyNix: We're talking about me now?
justjuns: We can keep talking about me.
justjuns: *Looks at the glass*
justjuns: Is this water?
FireyNix: Yes.
FireyNix: Filtered.
justjuns: I don't normally talk to anybody.
justjuns: *sigh*
justjuns: I have plenty of friends back home but...
justjuns: I love Joe.
justjuns: He loves me. He doesn't want me.
justjuns: Sometimes I'm okay with it.
justjuns: Others...
FireyNix: But it's not enough.
justjuns: It'd be easier if he was cold.
justjuns: *Tears in her eyes*
justjuns: But he'll take me in his arms and...it's like the safest place in my world.
justjuns: I melt for him, Nix.
justjuns: I...he doesn't even notice.
justjuns: And when I meet someone who wants to give me everything he has...
justjuns: *sniffle*
FireyNix: Oh Jun.
FireyNix: *goes to sit by Jun and rubs her shoulder in confort*
justjuns: It is what it is.
justjuns: I have such a good life, Nix.
justjuns: I have so much love.
justjuns: Such good luck.
justjuns: Why does this one thing hurt so much?
FireyNix: It's probably because your whole heart is in it.
justjuns: *Cries. Hating her own tears.*
FireyNix: *tries to soothe Jun*
FireyNix: Just let it all out. You'll feel better if you do.
justjuns: *She's woken up crying. She's cried in the shower. She's cried on her roof, on her porch. She's hopped on her motorcylcle and ridden basically blind there was so much water coming under her eyes and once, Ken found her crying under her covers in a hotel in Hontwohl. Nobody'd given her permission to weep. She leaned under Nix's shoulder and grieved.*
FireyNix: *Strokes Jun's hair, just wishing she could do something as she couldn't really do anything at all. Matters of the heart are best not to be interfered with by outsiders*
justjuns: *Rubs her eyes. Considers her position while being comforted by Nix.*
justjuns: Thank you.
justjuns: *wan smile*
justjuns: *sits up*
justjuns: Thanks.
FireyNix: You're welcome. Are you feeling a bit better?
justjuns: *Nods*
justjuns: *Reaches for water glass*
justjuns: What do you do when someone you really like thinks he's in love with you?
FireyNix: Love love?
justjuns: *nods*
justjuns: If I wasn't so stupid, I'd love him right back.
justjuns: He's got no money, ...no prospects...the sunniest disposition and is really cute.
justjuns: Really really cute.
FireyNix: Is he the guy with the monkey?
justjuns: *nods*
justjuns: The Monkey's name is Abu and he has very nice manners.
FireyNix: *smiles*
justjuns: They're both really fun.
FireyNix: I'm hearing a big "but" coming into this...
justjuns: He's Aladdin.
justjuns: He has to rescue the princess from the evil Vizier.
justjuns: And free the Blue Djinn from the bottle.
justjuns: He's going to make Agrabah an oasis for everybody.
justjuns: It wouldn't be right if he stayed just for me.
FireyNix: I guess you have to...I don't know
FireyNix: Try to explain to him that you would only like to be friends.
FireyNix: Get him to go back onto that path.
FireyNix: I'm bad at this.
justjuns: It's okay.
justjuns: I'm not good at it.
justjuns: You let me cry on you.
justjuns: I do feel better.
FireyNix: I make up for my lack of advise for being a lifesized hankey.
justjuns: LOL
FireyNix: *smiles*
justjuns: I do feel better.
FireyNix: That's good.
justjuns: I just...have to be as firm with Joe as he is with me in his own way.
justjuns: Eventually...I'll stop loving him this way.
FireyNix: It's hurts but you'll have to move on if Joe doesn't return your affections.
justjuns: I know.
justjuns: He didn't...he didn't even tell me to my face.
justjuns: *Anger in the set of her jaw.*
justjuns: He left it in his livejournal.
justjuns: The day after Valentine's day.
FireyNix: *purses her mouth a bit*
FireyNix: ...
justjuns: If I wasn't in love with him I would have slapped him for it.
FireyNix: I'm pretty sure you can whap him upside the head.
justjuns: *nods her head*
justjuns: He's very good at controlling things.
justjuns: He's very good at making his point.
justjuns: He's decided I'm not good enough for him.
justjuns: Wait, I mean, he's not good enough for me and -- I'm getting closer and closer to convinced with each bruise on my hopes.
justjuns: *nods*
FireyNix: ...
FireyNix: Ah.
justjuns: He can be really convincing.
justjuns: *nods*
FireyNix: Don't forget subborn.
justjuns: *She sounds a little lost. Her eyes are far away.* I could never forget stubborn.
FireyNix: Hmm.
justjuns: I...my first boyfriend?
justjuns: ...I think I didn't fall in love with him so much as his resemblance to Joe.
justjuns: ...my other long term relationoship?
justjuns: I was...I think we broke up because I expected him to be someone else.
justjuns: When I wanted Joe and didn't know it?
justjuns: That was kind of okay, y'know?
FireyNix: But now, it's fustrating.
justjuns: *Colors to the roots of her hairline*
justjuns: *He kisses like...wow.*
justjuns: Y-yes.
FireyNix: *doesn't really comment on Jun's blush but smiles*
FireyNix: Ah.
justjuns: What about you?
justjuns: Do you have someone?
FireyNix: I guess.
FireyNix: *starts to blush a bit*
justjuns: *giggles*
FireyNix: *facepalms*
justjuns: *giggles*
justjuns: Do you miss your melanin?
justjuns: *wrinkles nose and bites lip*
FireyNix: Not really. I'm kinda a lighter brown now.
FireyNix: ...
FireyNix: You want to know who it is, don't you?
justjuns: I want to know if your toes curl when you kiss.
justjuns: I want to know all the nice and good things.
justjuns: YES!
FireyNix: *sighs but grins*
FireyNix: Greg Sanders.
justjuns: *frowns*
justjuns: 'The Devil' picks on him.
justjuns: He needs all the help he can get.
justjuns: *Thinking, Nix is going to kick him in the butt.*
justjuns: I don't know Mr. Sanders. He's smart though...or at least...he's a scientist.
justjuns: Generous? Kind? Mischievous?
FireyNix: He makes me smile. A lot.
FireyNix: And yes, he's very nice.
justjuns: *g*
justjuns: Ah, that's nice.
FireyNix: *blushes*
justjuns: That's' so nice.
FireyNix: He makes me want to sing.
justjuns: *Waves hands and makes girly squealing noises*
FireyNix: *Nix facepalms not believing she just said that*
justjuns: *Masters herself*
justjuns: *Hugs Nix*
FireyNix: *smiles and hugs back*
justjuns: Yes, your toes are curling!
justjuns: *laughs*
FireyNix: My toes do more than curl.
justjuns: *Jun blushes*
justjuns: Well...that makes one of us.
justjuns: That's goood.
FireyNix: *chuckles but is still blushing*
justjuns: How?
justjuns: When?
justjuns: Wow.
justjuns: Wow?
FireyNix: ...
FireyNix: *blinks for a bit*
FireyNix: "Wow"?
justjuns: Ahhh...w-well...wow?
justjuns: Were you surprised?
justjuns: Was he?
FireyNix: Surprised at what?
justjuns: The two you being sweethearts.
FireyNix: Uh.
FireyNix: I guess this kinda started pre-poof
justjuns: You...that's wow.
justjuns: You were gone for a million years and...picked up where you left off?
justjuns: Or wanted to?
justjuns: *In her mind, shoved way deep down where she's not utterly thrilled for Nix she's thinking 'I'm doomed. I'm never getting over Joe.'*
FireyNix: I wanted to. I could never forget about him
FireyNix: Yes, it's mushy but something drew me to him.
justjuns: That's amazing.
justjuns: You were gone for so long. But in your heart...
justjuns: He was there.
FireyNix: I guess he's the only reason that I didn't go completely mad while I was trapped.
justjuns: That's...
justjuns: Really special.
FireyNix: Complete mush.
FireyNix: That's me.
justjuns: I like that.
justjuns: I like you.
justjuns: I want you to be happy.
FireyNix: For the first time in a long while I feel happy.
justjuns: *Covers Nix' hand*
justjuns: That's good.
justjuns: That's wonderful.
FireyNix: *smiles*
justjuns: All your power and glory, but you're a girl just like me when it comes to love.
FireyNix: I guess.
FireyNix: I don't do the emotional thing too well.
justjuns: *nods*
FireyNix: I mean, I have emotions
FireyNix: I just can't put them in words most of the time.
justjuns: *nods*
justjuns: *giggles*
justjuns: It's hard for me.
FireyNix: *facepalms*
justjuns: When I finally told Joe how I felt?
justjuns: He was confronting me.
justjuns: I...
justjuns: *blushes*
justjuns: I couldn't say it.
FireyNix: ....
justjuns: So, I...
FireyNix: Showed him?
justjuns: *nods*
justjuns: *face in hands*
justjuns: *shakes head harder*
justjuns: It was a little...
justjuns: *blushes*
justjuns: Inappropriate.
FireyNix: hmm
justjuns: Um.
justjuns: It was two days after his surgery.
justjuns: I really should have kept my head together.
justjuns: *sigh*
justjuns: It's almost 2 years and he never notices, but when he's with someone and he allows himself to love?
justjuns: That's when he found out about my feelings.
justjuns: *Confused*
justjuns: But didn't return them.
justjuns: *sigh*
justjuns: It was really...
FireyNix: Sucky?
justjuns: When it wasn't wonderful.
justjuns: I felt really bad about it afterwards.
FireyNix: *nods*
justjuns: ...Usually when I get to this part when I'm thinking about this?
justjuns: I feel really bad.
justjuns: Right now I don't.
FireyNix: *nods*
FireyNix: Is this a good thing?
justjuns: I think so.
justjuns: I've been beating myself about this for months.
justjuns: Every day I'm not busy, I keep thinking about it.
justjuns: Crying about it.
justjuns: I couldn't see a way around it.
justjuns: I wanted to ...undo it.
justjuns: It was worse than the night it happened.
justjuns: Telling you helped.
FireyNix: I'm happy it did.
FireyNix: You shouldn't be unhappy.
justjuns: No?
FireyNix: No.
FireyNix: You need happyness.
FireyNix: This is making you unhappy.
justjuns: When I think about it.
justjuns: When I'm with another man.
justjuns: Sometimes.
justjuns: Or ...more often lately, if I'm with him and he does something thoughtless, like, nuzzles my neck or my tummy...
justjuns: He does, Nix.
justjuns: Sometimes he does.
justjuns: He..tells me I'm beautiful and looks at me like I'm the most amazing woman in the world and it'll be like flying...but when he doesn't kiss me?
justjuns: I sometimes want to...
justjuns: *Die.*
FireyNix: Gah.
FireyNix: Thinking about it now..
justjuns: *Squeezes eyes shut*
justjuns: It hurts.
justjuns: It hurts a lot.
FireyNix: I just think he's farting around with this.
justjuns: ...Like I'm the yoyo on his string?
FireyNix: There's just no true way of knowing what his real emotions are.
FireyNix: What he says and what he does are two different things.
justjuns: You think?
justjuns: ...I hope so too.
FireyNix: *nods*
justjuns: I'm confused.
justjuns: He confuses me.
justjuns: Maybe nuzzing is a holdover from the catboy thing?
FireyNix: ...
FireyNix: Could be.
justjuns: ...
FireyNix: *makes a meh face and shrugs*
FireyNix: I really don't know.
justjuns: *cocks head*
justjuns: That's okay.
justjuns: *pats seat*
justjuns: It's...way past time for me to go.
justjuns: I really needed to talk about this with someone.
FireyNix: I'm glad that you got that all out.
justjuns: Me too.
justjuns: Ken sucks at this kind of thing.
justjuns: He tells me what I should be grateful for and when he can't take it anymore he leaves.
justjuns: Or ends the conversation.
FireyNix: ...
justjuns: He's really not good at talking about feelings.
FireyNix: I guess that puts me in a better light then?
justjuns: *giggles*
FireyNix: I had no clue about what I should say.
justjuns: Unless you told me you weren't good at it, the thought wouldn't cross my mind.
FireyNix: Really?
justjuns: Nope.
justjuns: *g*
FireyNix: *sticks her tongue out*
justjuns: *Attempts to project: NOPE*
FireyNix: *winces* Turn the volume down Jun.
justjuns: OH!
justjuns: I, um, ...that was loud?
FireyNix: Very.
justjuns: Sorry.
justjuns: How rude of me.
FireyNix: It's okay.
FireyNix: I don't think you had a lot of experience with psychics.
justjuns: We'd run into latent psis.
justjuns: I think Katse's God communicated with Katse telepathically.
justjuns: Katse would scream for help when Ken was about to kill him and he'd vanish.
justjuns: Katse, not Ken.
FireyNix: Interesting.
justjuns: Whatever happens to me and the others?
justjuns: It's always interesting.
FireyNix: It's kinda hard not to think that.