Being a unicorn - limits of happiness
There is something within me that needs to get out, so I have my mind free what is important tomorrow.
Have you ever pondered seriously what makes you happy in life?
I do so often. Being happy is one of my sources of strength, so I'm able to balance what makes me sad and I consider it very important to know what makes me happy and what not. Of course, I don't belong to the ones who always walk around with that alien grin on their faces, as if they're permanently drugged, you can't be happy all the time. But all in all, considering everything, I think you should be able to say "I don't regret being alive".
There was a time I thought that being able to make _yourself_ happy is the key, in a time, I thought I would never be able to feel real happiness.
Now, that I am/should be happy, I realize I was wrong.
I believe that everybody aims to be happy in life, but we differ in the ways and chosen paths to achieve this goal. Some try the "The more money, the better"-way, what is fine, if they are happy with it (+ morality blahblah). Others surround themselves with a lot of friends, or they search their happiness in solitude. All of that can be valid, if it's the way ment to walk for an individual.
For me, happiness is bound the ones around me, be it family, partner or friends. The closer someone is to me, the more it is important to me that this being is able to be happy as well, so it doesn't limit my own ability to feel happy.
Due to this, I am driven to help, whenever possible. It is part of my being and part of what makes my personality and even though I don't consider myself to be very good with this yet and sometimes I fail, I don't stop trying... I couldn't anyways.
Now, that I know how to make myself happy, I consider my own skills to help the ones I love and care for to be happy to be my true limit of happiness, but with that, part of my own fate is given into the hands of those I love. A goal that you achieve alone, is far less valuable then if you are able to share it, at least that is what I found is counting for me.
In the past weeks and months, I finally began to realize how vulnerable this makes me, if one of those I care for seems to have lost the ability to be happy at all, leading into a path of hopeless attempts to help and keep on holding to loyality of someone I consider a friend and disapointed expections, that can't be kept up anymore.
"Don't expect anything, so you won't be disappointed." - I don't like this attitude, for it belongs to a very negative view of the world I've long turned my back to a long time ago. Sadly, there is something within this sentence, I cannot deny any longer, though I will rephrase so it fits more to my attitude: "Try to set your expections, so you won't be hurt."
A very close friend told me some time ago, that we're never hurt by others, we always hurt ourselves.
By now, I know he was right.
We always hurt ourselves by letting others hurt us when they don't fullfil _our_ expections and therefore threaten our ability to be happy.
But these expections are partly what makes your personality... it is one thing that defines an individuum.
Because of those expections, friendships break. I cannot see what others expect from me, I can only guess. A friendship has a chance, if both sides make clear what they expect from a friendship... or any social relation. If there is enough in common, a mutual climate of respect and understanding, it can work, if not, it will fall apart.
At this point, I apologize to all, I did wrong, hurting them with my expections. I cannot do more then talk about it, trying to find a way ... somehow. I fight for things I care for, but I am a coward sometimes, too. When I see no way anymore, and feel permanently hurt, I withdraw... silently, without big words. If the other side wants to keep up, I expect them to talk with be about this, instead of bitching at me.
Sue my emotions for that, if you consider it right.
.
.
.
I will be more careful when chosing friends, I need to, for I don't want to lose someone again like this. I'm willing to help, I'm willing to listen and I'm willing to give my honest opinion if asked for... I will try far more then one time to keep up with someone, but my sources of power are limited, like everything is limited somehow.
I will still listen... and ask, if I feel something is wrong. But if you want to be a friend, someone _I_ consider a friend, you need to be able to get your life under control, being able to come over sadness (and not hiding it, damnit, making things worse and worse).
Everyone is down sometimes, that's nothing new. I myself am down for days sometimes, like I've been now (for other reasons), due to I don't know what to do if something clings on my mind.
But this can't be permanent.
You drain not only your own energy with that, but also the one of the ones who care for you.
I can't keep this up anymore, needing to secure myself of "energy vampirism". I cannot let my drive to help drain me to 0 all the time. I have a responsibility to myself and the ones who care for me.
I wont let this limit my happiness any longer.
We're all free to chose, if we see the glas half full or half empty, no one forces us to decide for one, but life forces us to carry the consequences of our attitude(s)and views.
Destroy yourself if you see fit, but don't expect the ones who care for you the most to watch, and that _silently_...
.
.
.
I'm sorry
.
.
.
*takes a deep breath*
With this out of my system, I feel much better.
There is a weak hour before we have to drive to the Black Forest to prepare the marriage. Then we'll spend three days in the "Europapark", a huge and, imho, very good themepark close by.
Now I will be able to focus on it.
.
.
.
Mercy to the one, daring to threaten my happiness for the next 5 days.
*goes off to cuddle with Nel, after giving the spellchecker a centered full force hoof-kick*
Have you ever pondered seriously what makes you happy in life?
I do so often. Being happy is one of my sources of strength, so I'm able to balance what makes me sad and I consider it very important to know what makes me happy and what not. Of course, I don't belong to the ones who always walk around with that alien grin on their faces, as if they're permanently drugged, you can't be happy all the time. But all in all, considering everything, I think you should be able to say "I don't regret being alive".
There was a time I thought that being able to make _yourself_ happy is the key, in a time, I thought I would never be able to feel real happiness.
Now, that I am/should be happy, I realize I was wrong.
I believe that everybody aims to be happy in life, but we differ in the ways and chosen paths to achieve this goal. Some try the "The more money, the better"-way, what is fine, if they are happy with it (+ morality blahblah). Others surround themselves with a lot of friends, or they search their happiness in solitude. All of that can be valid, if it's the way ment to walk for an individual.
For me, happiness is bound the ones around me, be it family, partner or friends. The closer someone is to me, the more it is important to me that this being is able to be happy as well, so it doesn't limit my own ability to feel happy.
Due to this, I am driven to help, whenever possible. It is part of my being and part of what makes my personality and even though I don't consider myself to be very good with this yet and sometimes I fail, I don't stop trying... I couldn't anyways.
Now, that I know how to make myself happy, I consider my own skills to help the ones I love and care for to be happy to be my true limit of happiness, but with that, part of my own fate is given into the hands of those I love. A goal that you achieve alone, is far less valuable then if you are able to share it, at least that is what I found is counting for me.
In the past weeks and months, I finally began to realize how vulnerable this makes me, if one of those I care for seems to have lost the ability to be happy at all, leading into a path of hopeless attempts to help and keep on holding to loyality of someone I consider a friend and disapointed expections, that can't be kept up anymore.
"Don't expect anything, so you won't be disappointed." - I don't like this attitude, for it belongs to a very negative view of the world I've long turned my back to a long time ago. Sadly, there is something within this sentence, I cannot deny any longer, though I will rephrase so it fits more to my attitude: "Try to set your expections, so you won't be hurt."
A very close friend told me some time ago, that we're never hurt by others, we always hurt ourselves.
By now, I know he was right.
We always hurt ourselves by letting others hurt us when they don't fullfil _our_ expections and therefore threaten our ability to be happy.
But these expections are partly what makes your personality... it is one thing that defines an individuum.
Because of those expections, friendships break. I cannot see what others expect from me, I can only guess. A friendship has a chance, if both sides make clear what they expect from a friendship... or any social relation. If there is enough in common, a mutual climate of respect and understanding, it can work, if not, it will fall apart.
At this point, I apologize to all, I did wrong, hurting them with my expections. I cannot do more then talk about it, trying to find a way ... somehow. I fight for things I care for, but I am a coward sometimes, too. When I see no way anymore, and feel permanently hurt, I withdraw... silently, without big words. If the other side wants to keep up, I expect them to talk with be about this, instead of bitching at me.
Sue my emotions for that, if you consider it right.
.
.
.
I will be more careful when chosing friends, I need to, for I don't want to lose someone again like this. I'm willing to help, I'm willing to listen and I'm willing to give my honest opinion if asked for... I will try far more then one time to keep up with someone, but my sources of power are limited, like everything is limited somehow.
I will still listen... and ask, if I feel something is wrong. But if you want to be a friend, someone _I_ consider a friend, you need to be able to get your life under control, being able to come over sadness (and not hiding it, damnit, making things worse and worse).
Everyone is down sometimes, that's nothing new. I myself am down for days sometimes, like I've been now (for other reasons), due to I don't know what to do if something clings on my mind.
But this can't be permanent.
You drain not only your own energy with that, but also the one of the ones who care for you.
I can't keep this up anymore, needing to secure myself of "energy vampirism". I cannot let my drive to help drain me to 0 all the time. I have a responsibility to myself and the ones who care for me.
I wont let this limit my happiness any longer.
We're all free to chose, if we see the glas half full or half empty, no one forces us to decide for one, but life forces us to carry the consequences of our attitude(s)and views.
Destroy yourself if you see fit, but don't expect the ones who care for you the most to watch, and that _silently_...
.
.
.
I'm sorry
.
.
.
*takes a deep breath*
With this out of my system, I feel much better.
There is a weak hour before we have to drive to the Black Forest to prepare the marriage. Then we'll spend three days in the "Europapark", a huge and, imho, very good themepark close by.
Now I will be able to focus on it.
.
.
.
Mercy to the one, daring to threaten my happiness for the next 5 days.
*goes off to cuddle with Nel, after giving the spellchecker a centered full force hoof-kick*