...................
i dont even know where to begin........
ummm i had a great time tonight with my friends. im so glad that they have accepted me back after all the awful things i have done to them since i got into that "relationship" that i was in for 5 months. they really are absolutely a blessing to take me back, and i love them because i really do not know what i would do without them.
i finally stood up for myself, which is what ive never been able to do in my whole entire life. i should be happy but im not. im in termoil. this is just as hard as my whole situation with jake, if not harder. it really sucks because now i am alone again, which to me is the worst feeling in the entire world. i dont know, after all the horrible relationships ive been in i just want someone to love me, and not take advantage of me. i want that ever faithful love, and as bad as it is, times like these make me doubt that its out there. i know im only 22, going on 23, and i am still young, but i look around and everyone else my age is like 10 steps ahead of me. they graduated on time, they have steady jobs, half of them are engaged to be married next year. im not graduated, i still live at home, i dont have the slightest idea what my career aspirations are, and i cant even get a decent boyfriend. i feel like a failure at the game of life. i just wanna win for once.
and it doesnt help that i was out tonight, and dont get me wrong there were lots of good looking guys, but being in the area that i was out in....it seemed all the guys my age were interested in the 35+ women who must of had tons of plastic surgery to TRY to look like theyre still in their 20s, and looked like fuckin barbie dolls.
im just not ready to handle all this emotion. i cant do it, its hard. im sorry.
ummm i had a great time tonight with my friends. im so glad that they have accepted me back after all the awful things i have done to them since i got into that "relationship" that i was in for 5 months. they really are absolutely a blessing to take me back, and i love them because i really do not know what i would do without them.
i finally stood up for myself, which is what ive never been able to do in my whole entire life. i should be happy but im not. im in termoil. this is just as hard as my whole situation with jake, if not harder. it really sucks because now i am alone again, which to me is the worst feeling in the entire world. i dont know, after all the horrible relationships ive been in i just want someone to love me, and not take advantage of me. i want that ever faithful love, and as bad as it is, times like these make me doubt that its out there. i know im only 22, going on 23, and i am still young, but i look around and everyone else my age is like 10 steps ahead of me. they graduated on time, they have steady jobs, half of them are engaged to be married next year. im not graduated, i still live at home, i dont have the slightest idea what my career aspirations are, and i cant even get a decent boyfriend. i feel like a failure at the game of life. i just wanna win for once.
and it doesnt help that i was out tonight, and dont get me wrong there were lots of good looking guys, but being in the area that i was out in....it seemed all the guys my age were interested in the 35+ women who must of had tons of plastic surgery to TRY to look like theyre still in their 20s, and looked like fuckin barbie dolls.
im just not ready to handle all this emotion. i cant do it, its hard. im sorry.