Matchmaker Matchmaker (or Brides for Barter)

[shipshapeshipco]

There are three constants to be expected when walking on a brisk Corsican afternoon: a warm breeze at your tail, an impassioned support (or contentious rebuttal) of the radical new chestnut-tree tax, and an unprovoked invitation to wed a charming if not slightly bemused local girl

Comments

[nottheaveragekg]

[After a night of constant jello shots, this is not what Ashelin wants to hear.]

This is such a load of yakkow shit.

[shipshapeshipco]

Judging by the peculiar ring and slur of your voice, I'd say you're disappointed that I'm not matchmaking for you. There's only so many girls one good Samaritan can take on at a time, you know... but I'll try to make room.

[nottheaveragekg]

[Samuel, don't you even.]

No.

[shipshapeshipco]

Quite saucy!

[Maybe she's the type Zeke would like?]

[nottheaveragekg]

Not saucy, just pissed that someone would do something so stupid. What the hell makes you think women need to be bartered off like animals?!

[shipshapeshipco]

Have you ever read a romance novel, young lady?

[nottheaveragekg]

No.

[She doesn't plan on it either.]

[shipshapeshipco]

Then I would respectfully request that you do so before you ask questions with obvious answers.

Thank you for your patronage!

[I have a feeling that it won't end that easily, Samuel.]

[nottheaveragekg]

For your information, this ship is not a romance novel.

[The sheer stupidity of this conversation is maddening.]

[shipshapeshipco]

[Samuel agrees.]

Not if you're the protagonist, I'm afraid. If you are, then we're in a pulp-stock 'who-shot-the-vicar' novella at best.

[nottheaveragekg]

Is there something wrong with me being the protagonist?

[shipshapeshipco]

Ah, so you admit to the murder! Why did you do it? Money? Politics? Or did you have an eye for his pretty young wife?

Johnsonberg! Book her. And someone get me a cigarette.

...In all honesty you do make for fairly thrilling narrative.

[nottheaveragekg]

You don't make a lick of sense.

[Really. Ashe is done trying.]

[shipshapeshipco]

In all honesty, that doesn't humble me. I'd prefer to make a sniff of reason that a lick of sense any day.

[nottheaveragekg]

Right. Whatever you say.