Matchmaker Matchmaker (or Brides for Barter)

[shipshapeshipco]

There are three constants to be expected when walking on a brisk Corsican afternoon: a warm breeze at your tail, an impassioned support (or contentious rebuttal) of the radical new chestnut-tree tax, and an unprovoked invitation to wed a charming if not slightly bemused local girl

Comments

[electronichound]

I'll take one.

[shipshapeshipco]

A fine man! And judging by the rasp in your voice, I'd say a man who has the means to care for a woman with finer tastes. May I recommend to you Isabella, the white-skinned Spanish Señorita?

Or do you prefer a girl with bounce in her step as well as her beet-red curls? Miss Kate may be the one you seek!

[electronichound]

I need one accustomed to carrying water and submitting to marital relations with a minimum of silent crying as she stares up at the ceiling and thinks back to what her mother told her:

"They can't legally kill you anymore, but if you don't bear a son you'll be nothing but a shameful embarassment to us for all your days."

She should be able to pick up around the house, too.

[hadalotofsugar]

[SILENCE. But if you strain really hard you might hear snickers.]

[electronichound]

Speak up, King. Or do you want me to find out if he has one for you, too?

[hadalotofsugar]

[Gigglesnort oh god.]

Ahem, no. I find myself inclined to search other avenues for a mate.

[Also he's fucking Bryn who is one of the brides 'up for sale'.]

[electronichound]

[And Batou is currently extremely monogamous with a woman who he is professionally and personally extremely submissive to. The very idea that Batou would abuse a woman was part of the joke.]

A hunting man, eh? Be sure to lead them three steps with your tranq.

[hadalotofsugar]

[Oh, he gets that. But the fact that he's 'nailing the bride' already makes it all the more entertaining.]

Oh, of course. Can't scare them skittish ones away.

[Brb dying of lol.]

[electronichound]

[Same on Batou's end.]

Got to flush them out of the underbrush first.

[heavyweaponsbot]

[THIS comment is not here, but... oh All Spark what... what is this? What is wrong with this boat?]

[ilikesoap]

[Tyler on the other hand makes no effort to keep his snickering quiet.]

[electronichound]

Interested in finding one for yourself, too?

[ilikesoap]

There's no promise of refund if I'm not 100% satisfied. I might have to pass this one up.

Let me know how it works out for you though.

[electronichound]

Mm, Samuel does need to outline a better purchasing plan. I'll see if he offers credit.

[ilikesoap]

Thanks man!

[brynkitten]

[Horrified silence.]