Yuletide Yearning

[shipshapeshipco]

Lo, ears of my dears, you know me as a man of distinctive taste and dedicated responsibility upon these dashing decks. I am particularly proud of my patented strolls; Witnessing just one of my "bountiful bounders" is certain to inject into you an overwhelming sense of well-being, as if the angels themselves suddenly chose to stroke your hair, call you a sweet name, give you a shiny new penny and send you to buy peppermints from the elderly Lithuanian at the corner store. "Enjoy them," he'd say with a jolly lisp, "but run along before I call my wife to throttle you for your cheek!" That, of course, is the Lithuanian way. A good Leit always knows when to delegate violence to his spouse.

I thank you for your apt if-not-fanatical appreciation, common cruise-men, but remind you that I too suffer from the human disease of fallibility. Allow me to grace you with a charming tale of my so-called salad days. If you find my tales lack the luster of a good Waldorf, please try to find the same comfort in them as you would a quality Cobb.

Ah, and with Christmas coming up, is it ever the time for stories!