Letting Go (5/?) - The Call
Title: Letting Go (5/?)
Author: VVIPforSeungri
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: G-Ri, BaeRi
Word Count: 1737
Genre: Angst, Drama
Summary: You're wasting my time, I don't have time to play games with you.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, no matter how hard I try.
AN: Finally, an update, eh? Lucky for you there's another one after. We'll see about continuing xD
Click here for previous chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 4
“You seem very close with the other members, SeungRi-ssi.” The interviewer smiled at me, all teeth and fake admiration.
I nodded and grinned eagerly, playing my role perfectly. And here it was, the perfect opportunity to claim JiYong as my own again and start that twisted game we had once played all over again. “Yeah, I love them all like brothers.” I already knew the question that would come next.
“So who’s your favourite hyung, then?”
The smirk on my face grew wider as I turned to look at the hyung seated next time, like always. “JiYong-hyung’s always been my favourite! He’s always been there to look after me and help me grow as an artist… and to get me out of trouble,” I threw in cheekily as I draped my arm over JiYong’s shoulders. “And I’m your favourite dongsaeng, right?”
JiYong stiffened under my arm and it pleased me to see how forced JiYong’s smile looked as patted my knee and said, “Yep. My favourite dongsaeng!”
I wondered if I was the only one who could hear the lies in his voice.
The interviewer laughed like a hyena and the rest of us played along, just as good entertainers should.
---
“Hyung, have you seen where JiYong-hyung’s been?” I questioned, pulling a hoodie on after taking off the clothes we’d worn for the interview. YoungBae looked up from tying his shoe and shot me a weary smile.
“No, he left with SeungHyun-hyung right after the interview ended. He said something about staying over at hyung’s villa tonight,” YoungBae replied, leaning back on the couch. I took this as a cue to join him and settled next to him. It had always been so easy to be close to him.
“Oh,” I answered, vaguely disappointed. But this disappointment vanished at the thought of JiYong fleeing from me. “Well, I guess I’ll see my favourite hyung tomorrow then.” I said the words sarcastically.
YoungBae looked at me and frowned, staring at me with an unfathomable look in his eyes. “He’s still your favourite hyung, then?” he asked, a tinge of sadness in his voice. It suddenly occurred to me the reason why YoungBae had been acting so nice to me recently-in fact, why YoungBae had always been so nice to me.
This struck me with a pang of guilt as I looked at YoungBae and hated myself for hurting him. “Hyung, the easiest answer is yes,” I said gently, moving my hand to rest atop YoungBae’s. But YoungBae gritted his teeth and looked away.
“But what does that mean?” he pressed, turning back to me with a blazing look of determination-and perhaps hope-in his eyes. “Do you-”
“It’s always been JiYong, hyung,” I murmured. I let go of his hand and stared at my knees, feeling a terrible sadness squeeze me. I questioned whether or not I was sane-why on earth was I pushing away the one person who’d been there for me?
YoungBae sucked in an angry breath and shot to his feet away from me. He stared at me with disbelieving eyes before his gaze hardened and his mouth twisted into a sneer.
“Of course. Why was I so stupid? Of course it JiYong, it’s always been JiYong, just like you said,” snarled YoungBae.
“Hyung-”
“I just-I just need to leave. Get away from you. I can’t think-I don’t want to say something I’m going to end up regretting. I-”
“Hyung. I’m sorry.” I refuse to let him run away from me. I latch onto his arm with my hand and force him to look at me. My stomach turns at the pain in his eyes that betray his aggressive agitation. “I’m sorry,” I repeat.
YoungBae resists for a while, but his eyes lock on the hand gripping him and a strange sort of resignation crosses his face and all the defensiveness washes from his body. He sighs and slides his arm upwards, so his hand rests in mine; he intertwines our fingers with an almost possessive grip.
“No, SeungRi, don’t be sorry,” YoungBae says. I hate the defeat in his voice and hate myself more for it. I felt a surge of guilt and pity for him-pity because it hurt to see YoungBae look so crushed after all he’s done for me, guilt because I knew I didn’t deserve it. “I don’t blame you... I can’t.” YoungBae has a faraway look in his eyes; he takes a steadying breath before continuing.
“Kwon JiYong... he’s so many things that I’m not-that I never can be. And no matter how much I might hate that you love him, I’ll never hate you, SeungRi.” YoungBae’s brown eyes bore into mine, sadness etched in them; he brushes his free hand once against my face before he pulls his hand away from mine and walks out of the waiting room, his head held high though his shoulders shook slightly.
I watch him leave, an inexplicable feeling of grief making it hard for me to breathe. It strikes me that I just let the one man who’d shown any sign of real care for me walk out of my life. Anger and frustration mingle with my crippling grief until the tears I’d tried to hold back, the tears I detested so much, fell from my eyes traitorously.
The insanity of it all almost made me laugh. Crying with a broken heart over a relationship I never had.
---
I drove home alone, to find the hostel empty. I had no idea where YoungBae might’ve gone, and the others were all still away. I remembered that JiYong and SeungHyun probably wouldn’t even be coming home. Without the other members around to bustle about and make noise, the hostel suddenly seemed cold and foreboding. I sighed and dropped my keys on the rack and rubbed my stinging eyes wearily. The day had been a long one, and my nerves were absolutely spent.
A light blinked on the phone that informed me that someone had called and left a message. I pressed the play button and walked into the kitchen area, grabbing a cup of water from the fridge.
“JiYong, call me back. I have an important message to tell you from the Board.” Although the caller had not left a name, I recognized the voice immediately. Ever straight to the point, President Yang cut to the chase, the message only lasting for about three seconds.
I realized that since JiYong was going to be out all night with SeungHyun, he probably wouldn’t get the message until tomorrow-and the President didn’t sound like he planned to wait that long. I decided call SeungHyun’s villa to let JiYong know... and hoped SeungHyun would pick up instead. It was irrational, but I couldn’t trust myself around JiYong anymore.
How pathetic. Just JiYong’s voice got to me now.
I dialled the number quickly, listening impatiently as the phone seemed to ring on and on. After the tenth ring, I slammed the receiver down, gnashing my teeth. What on earth were they doing that made them too busy to pick up the damn phone? I tried again to the same result. I cursed my luck and realized that they were probably out.
I sighed, picking up the receiver again, this time to call JiYong’s cell phone. That he was sure to pick up, JiYong had too many important contacts to ever miss a call.
“Yuhbaseyo?” a voice slurred on the other end of the line. It took me a moment to place JiYong’s voice.
“Hyung?” Worry coloured my tone, a flare of annoyance shot through me at my own weakness.
There was silence on the line before JiYong replied, his voice sharp and no longer slurred. “SeungRi. What do you want?”
The sound of glass breaking and raucous laughter erupted from JiYong’s side and I furrowed my brow in consternation. “Where are you?”
“None of your business,” was the immediate reply, a sneer audible in JiYong’s voice.
I opened my mouth to send back a scathing reply when I suddenly heard SeungHyun’s voice, a low buzz through the line. “Here, Ji, straight vodka like you wanted. You’re a crazy man, JiYong...” More laughter and the clinking of glasses suddenly clued me in to JiYong’s whereabouts.
“A bar? Really?” I rolled my eyes and scoffed.
“I said it was none of your business,” retorted JiYong defensively, though he clearly sounded irritated. “Now hurry up and tell me what the fuck you want. You’re wasting my time; I don’t have time to play games with you.”
I yanked the phone away from my ear and stared at it with a mixture of shock and anger. I bristled at JiYong’s tone, though I was surprised at the acidity of his words.
“Listen, if you called just to fuck with me, don’t bother calling anymore, got it?” JiYong continued impatiently.
I flushed in hurt and indignation, my hands curling into fists around the phone. How dare JiYong speak to me like that? Like I was a child, a pest! And this was the man who’d kissed me and acted like he was fucking in love with me for the past few years? How stupid did JiYong think I was?! He clearly didn’t give a shit about me, though he could have fooled me with the oh-so-convincing tears in his eyes and his lies. The old rage burned through me, and for once I felt justified in it.
“YG left a message, asshole. Calm the fuck down before you shit yourself,” I spit into the phone.
“What did you just say?!”
“Oh, fuck you.” I hung up, cutting JiYong off mid-scream. I twisted my hands in my hair in frustration and groaned. There would be hell to pay now. Why the hell couldn’t I just have a civil conversation with JiYong? Of course, he’d proved himself the two-faced bastard he was, but I could have at least handled it better. What was it about JiYong that made me snap and lash out at him all the time?
I pulled at my hair in agitation. I couldn’t take sitting in the living room restlessly anymore; I stalked to my room and slammed the door shut, locking it for good measure. I readied for bed, convincing myself that even nightmares would be preferable to this hell that was supposed to be my life.
Click here for Chapter 6.
Author: VVIPforSeungri
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: G-Ri, BaeRi
Word Count: 1737
Genre: Angst, Drama
Summary: You're wasting my time, I don't have time to play games with you.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, no matter how hard I try.
AN: Finally, an update, eh? Lucky for you there's another one after. We'll see about continuing xD
Click here for previous chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 4
“You seem very close with the other members, SeungRi-ssi.” The interviewer smiled at me, all teeth and fake admiration.
I nodded and grinned eagerly, playing my role perfectly. And here it was, the perfect opportunity to claim JiYong as my own again and start that twisted game we had once played all over again. “Yeah, I love them all like brothers.” I already knew the question that would come next.
“So who’s your favourite hyung, then?”
The smirk on my face grew wider as I turned to look at the hyung seated next time, like always. “JiYong-hyung’s always been my favourite! He’s always been there to look after me and help me grow as an artist… and to get me out of trouble,” I threw in cheekily as I draped my arm over JiYong’s shoulders. “And I’m your favourite dongsaeng, right?”
JiYong stiffened under my arm and it pleased me to see how forced JiYong’s smile looked as patted my knee and said, “Yep. My favourite dongsaeng!”
I wondered if I was the only one who could hear the lies in his voice.
The interviewer laughed like a hyena and the rest of us played along, just as good entertainers should.
---
“Hyung, have you seen where JiYong-hyung’s been?” I questioned, pulling a hoodie on after taking off the clothes we’d worn for the interview. YoungBae looked up from tying his shoe and shot me a weary smile.
“No, he left with SeungHyun-hyung right after the interview ended. He said something about staying over at hyung’s villa tonight,” YoungBae replied, leaning back on the couch. I took this as a cue to join him and settled next to him. It had always been so easy to be close to him.
“Oh,” I answered, vaguely disappointed. But this disappointment vanished at the thought of JiYong fleeing from me. “Well, I guess I’ll see my favourite hyung tomorrow then.” I said the words sarcastically.
YoungBae looked at me and frowned, staring at me with an unfathomable look in his eyes. “He’s still your favourite hyung, then?” he asked, a tinge of sadness in his voice. It suddenly occurred to me the reason why YoungBae had been acting so nice to me recently-in fact, why YoungBae had always been so nice to me.
This struck me with a pang of guilt as I looked at YoungBae and hated myself for hurting him. “Hyung, the easiest answer is yes,” I said gently, moving my hand to rest atop YoungBae’s. But YoungBae gritted his teeth and looked away.
“But what does that mean?” he pressed, turning back to me with a blazing look of determination-and perhaps hope-in his eyes. “Do you-”
“It’s always been JiYong, hyung,” I murmured. I let go of his hand and stared at my knees, feeling a terrible sadness squeeze me. I questioned whether or not I was sane-why on earth was I pushing away the one person who’d been there for me?
YoungBae sucked in an angry breath and shot to his feet away from me. He stared at me with disbelieving eyes before his gaze hardened and his mouth twisted into a sneer.
“Of course. Why was I so stupid? Of course it JiYong, it’s always been JiYong, just like you said,” snarled YoungBae.
“Hyung-”
“I just-I just need to leave. Get away from you. I can’t think-I don’t want to say something I’m going to end up regretting. I-”
“Hyung. I’m sorry.” I refuse to let him run away from me. I latch onto his arm with my hand and force him to look at me. My stomach turns at the pain in his eyes that betray his aggressive agitation. “I’m sorry,” I repeat.
YoungBae resists for a while, but his eyes lock on the hand gripping him and a strange sort of resignation crosses his face and all the defensiveness washes from his body. He sighs and slides his arm upwards, so his hand rests in mine; he intertwines our fingers with an almost possessive grip.
“No, SeungRi, don’t be sorry,” YoungBae says. I hate the defeat in his voice and hate myself more for it. I felt a surge of guilt and pity for him-pity because it hurt to see YoungBae look so crushed after all he’s done for me, guilt because I knew I didn’t deserve it. “I don’t blame you... I can’t.” YoungBae has a faraway look in his eyes; he takes a steadying breath before continuing.
“Kwon JiYong... he’s so many things that I’m not-that I never can be. And no matter how much I might hate that you love him, I’ll never hate you, SeungRi.” YoungBae’s brown eyes bore into mine, sadness etched in them; he brushes his free hand once against my face before he pulls his hand away from mine and walks out of the waiting room, his head held high though his shoulders shook slightly.
I watch him leave, an inexplicable feeling of grief making it hard for me to breathe. It strikes me that I just let the one man who’d shown any sign of real care for me walk out of my life. Anger and frustration mingle with my crippling grief until the tears I’d tried to hold back, the tears I detested so much, fell from my eyes traitorously.
The insanity of it all almost made me laugh. Crying with a broken heart over a relationship I never had.
---
I drove home alone, to find the hostel empty. I had no idea where YoungBae might’ve gone, and the others were all still away. I remembered that JiYong and SeungHyun probably wouldn’t even be coming home. Without the other members around to bustle about and make noise, the hostel suddenly seemed cold and foreboding. I sighed and dropped my keys on the rack and rubbed my stinging eyes wearily. The day had been a long one, and my nerves were absolutely spent.
A light blinked on the phone that informed me that someone had called and left a message. I pressed the play button and walked into the kitchen area, grabbing a cup of water from the fridge.
“JiYong, call me back. I have an important message to tell you from the Board.” Although the caller had not left a name, I recognized the voice immediately. Ever straight to the point, President Yang cut to the chase, the message only lasting for about three seconds.
I realized that since JiYong was going to be out all night with SeungHyun, he probably wouldn’t get the message until tomorrow-and the President didn’t sound like he planned to wait that long. I decided call SeungHyun’s villa to let JiYong know... and hoped SeungHyun would pick up instead. It was irrational, but I couldn’t trust myself around JiYong anymore.
How pathetic. Just JiYong’s voice got to me now.
I dialled the number quickly, listening impatiently as the phone seemed to ring on and on. After the tenth ring, I slammed the receiver down, gnashing my teeth. What on earth were they doing that made them too busy to pick up the damn phone? I tried again to the same result. I cursed my luck and realized that they were probably out.
I sighed, picking up the receiver again, this time to call JiYong’s cell phone. That he was sure to pick up, JiYong had too many important contacts to ever miss a call.
“Yuhbaseyo?” a voice slurred on the other end of the line. It took me a moment to place JiYong’s voice.
“Hyung?” Worry coloured my tone, a flare of annoyance shot through me at my own weakness.
There was silence on the line before JiYong replied, his voice sharp and no longer slurred. “SeungRi. What do you want?”
The sound of glass breaking and raucous laughter erupted from JiYong’s side and I furrowed my brow in consternation. “Where are you?”
“None of your business,” was the immediate reply, a sneer audible in JiYong’s voice.
I opened my mouth to send back a scathing reply when I suddenly heard SeungHyun’s voice, a low buzz through the line. “Here, Ji, straight vodka like you wanted. You’re a crazy man, JiYong...” More laughter and the clinking of glasses suddenly clued me in to JiYong’s whereabouts.
“A bar? Really?” I rolled my eyes and scoffed.
“I said it was none of your business,” retorted JiYong defensively, though he clearly sounded irritated. “Now hurry up and tell me what the fuck you want. You’re wasting my time; I don’t have time to play games with you.”
I yanked the phone away from my ear and stared at it with a mixture of shock and anger. I bristled at JiYong’s tone, though I was surprised at the acidity of his words.
“Listen, if you called just to fuck with me, don’t bother calling anymore, got it?” JiYong continued impatiently.
I flushed in hurt and indignation, my hands curling into fists around the phone. How dare JiYong speak to me like that? Like I was a child, a pest! And this was the man who’d kissed me and acted like he was fucking in love with me for the past few years? How stupid did JiYong think I was?! He clearly didn’t give a shit about me, though he could have fooled me with the oh-so-convincing tears in his eyes and his lies. The old rage burned through me, and for once I felt justified in it.
“YG left a message, asshole. Calm the fuck down before you shit yourself,” I spit into the phone.
“What did you just say?!”
“Oh, fuck you.” I hung up, cutting JiYong off mid-scream. I twisted my hands in my hair in frustration and groaned. There would be hell to pay now. Why the hell couldn’t I just have a civil conversation with JiYong? Of course, he’d proved himself the two-faced bastard he was, but I could have at least handled it better. What was it about JiYong that made me snap and lash out at him all the time?
I pulled at my hair in agitation. I couldn’t take sitting in the living room restlessly anymore; I stalked to my room and slammed the door shut, locking it for good measure. I readied for bed, convincing myself that even nightmares would be preferable to this hell that was supposed to be my life.
Click here for Chapter 6.