(no subject)
I love Dane Cook! I felt like posting some of his quotes. Funnnnnn... Did you know the only thing on your body that doesnt grow from birth is your eyes! You learn so much from me!! I'm gonna go outside........
""You're with someone for like 2 weeks in and you're like, "Fuck, no way. I can't stand this person. I'll stay around for 5-6 years and we can end this thing violently, I got time.""
"Women make the craziest reasons to stay. "Why don't you just go Jill? Just go; he's a jerkoff." "I can't just go, Kim. It's not that simple. My CDs are in his truck. I can't just walk away from 40-50 CDs. It'll take 2 or 3 more years of abuse. Before I can leave. With my CD's."
Every time you try to break up with somebody, they'll just whip out the more adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."
Ok, true story here. One night, this girl I know was like "All guys want is sex." And I was like "Hey, finish blowing me and we're gonna talk about this."
"Who doesn't like movies? Who has ever said, "Hey, you wanna go see a movie?" "Fuck that and fuck you, movies! It’s ridiculous, the whole idea of it! It’s just wrong and fake and no!"
* Just go to an airport, stand in front of a person who is waiting for their flight, and stare at them until they notice you are there. When they look at you, just say "Don't get on your flight" and walk away. They will be like "Holy shit! An angel just saved my life! Thank you angel wearing jeans!
Who gets killed by bees? Anytime they come on the news and say "Um, yeah, a man was killed in Austin by bees." I just fucking laugh. How do you get killed by bees? If you're walking through the woods right and you come near a bush and you hear 'bbbbzzzbbzz' you know... just run away from that bush. Who's going by that bush going, "Hey is that bees? Hold on on second, ohhh jeez!" Dude, fuck that. I would punch every bee in the face! Bees are not taking me out. I be like "Oh yeah? Fuck you bee! Come on! Yah bzzz. Where's the next bee at?" It's a fuckin' bee. I could understand killer horses... that's scary shit... flying through the air and kicking you in the face. That's scary. Fuck bees. Fuck bees.
""You're with someone for like 2 weeks in and you're like, "Fuck, no way. I can't stand this person. I'll stay around for 5-6 years and we can end this thing violently, I got time.""
"Women make the craziest reasons to stay. "Why don't you just go Jill? Just go; he's a jerkoff." "I can't just go, Kim. It's not that simple. My CDs are in his truck. I can't just walk away from 40-50 CDs. It'll take 2 or 3 more years of abuse. Before I can leave. With my CD's."
Every time you try to break up with somebody, they'll just whip out the more adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."
Ok, true story here. One night, this girl I know was like "All guys want is sex." And I was like "Hey, finish blowing me and we're gonna talk about this."
"Who doesn't like movies? Who has ever said, "Hey, you wanna go see a movie?" "Fuck that and fuck you, movies! It’s ridiculous, the whole idea of it! It’s just wrong and fake and no!"
* Just go to an airport, stand in front of a person who is waiting for their flight, and stare at them until they notice you are there. When they look at you, just say "Don't get on your flight" and walk away. They will be like "Holy shit! An angel just saved my life! Thank you angel wearing jeans!
Who gets killed by bees? Anytime they come on the news and say "Um, yeah, a man was killed in Austin by bees." I just fucking laugh. How do you get killed by bees? If you're walking through the woods right and you come near a bush and you hear 'bbbbzzzbbzz' you know... just run away from that bush. Who's going by that bush going, "Hey is that bees? Hold on on second, ohhh jeez!" Dude, fuck that. I would punch every bee in the face! Bees are not taking me out. I be like "Oh yeah? Fuck you bee! Come on! Yah bzzz. Where's the next bee at?" It's a fuckin' bee. I could understand killer horses... that's scary shit... flying through the air and kicking you in the face. That's scary. Fuck bees. Fuck bees.