I like G-strings and other essays from fucklers
- I finished the SATs finally. I never have to take it again and it's so good to get that done with. At the same time I feel like the Alice in Clamp. At the end of each of her stories it would say 'Never ends', which I guess is kind of a good thing but I just have all this work I need to do. Now that SATs are over I still have to write college essays, then interviews, then wait to see where I get in. I don't even want to think about college it's self. I shouldn't get so stressed out about this but still. I just wish it was over. I just want to go to school and live my life like a person, or at least a student.
- Have I mentioned the dreams have come back? Here's an awesome one. Me leaving the house and my brother crying telling me he can't find stuff and me driving away while he runs after me on a dirt road that looks kind of like the farm. What does that mean? Guilt is fun. Why did I have kids? Oh right, I didn't. Haha oh god I am screwed.
- I'm seriously thinking about getting a job. I'm not sure if I have the time with all the travel I need to do, but there's a book store I like on the west side that's pretty small that might be nice to work at. The people there tend to sit around reading when they're not ringing people up, and dress however, so I feel like they're not too strict in manner or appearance. I also really need money. I'm tired or living off my parents for things like cigarettes and clothing and bullshit. I've always felt weird taking money from them, but could get rid of the thought by saying I was a kid, or with the fact my mum use to borrow a lot of money from me. But now I can't really say I'm a kid as an excuse and my mum is always going to borrow money from me, so I might as well get use to it before she starts doing it to my brother. I also need it for travel stuff. The bus is pretty cheap, especially if I'm going to Maryland to visit Denmark, or somewhere like that. In the end I just need to stop being lazy and do it. A job isn't that big a deal. Except when it is. But still, everyone (or most everyone I guess) does it and still keeps up with travel and stuff.
- I need letters of recommendation. Obviously not everyone who reads my journal can give me one, but at this point I'll take anything. Did you work with me at any point? Great. Have I helped you with a project? Awesome. Am I amazing, brilliant, and otherwise totally outrageous? No, but your lies are your's and I won't disprove them. If you can write please write me a letter. I need about three from different people, but even one would be good for some schools. Not to pimp on here, but yeah it would be awesome.
- Cleaned an assload today. All my clothes are pretty much off the floor. Now I just need to pick up my books. My shelves are pretty unsorted, so I need to work on my new system. Just need to remember not to put the vampire books next to the werewolf books next to my Jane Austin, as they tend to fight over her.
- Yeah it's a Twilight reference. And a nerdy, meta one at that! One day I'm gonna write Twilight meta and no one can stop me. Then I'll give a presentation at Twinkle, the Twilight con, and it will awesome. Everyone will be there and I'll hang with Kstew and get high with Rpatts. And I'll say 'Kstew, (yes I can call her that because by that time we will be good buddies) why so angry all the time?' And she'll take a pull of bourbon and gaze at me with her blood shot, old, fucked up, Elizabeth Báthory eyes and we will laugh because we know all the secret of the world like some tiny chest of silver and gold boxes we hold in our hands like light.
- Went out to dinner with Jon and Van tonight. Van says we need a name. She says we should be the Yorkville Society. Jon says No, he is in enough groups. Later we get to my house and she says she's glad the Yorkville Society got to converge tonight. 'Yes that's the name, that's it!' she says. I hear her laughing as she walks away down the street.
- Tomorrow I'm going to the library's book cellar to see if they have some stuff. That's all I have planned for now. Hopefully more will happen and I'll get some writing done. I want to do my NaNo story, but Lucien Carr keeps pulling me back into that yellow room, wanting me to write for him.
- There are people I miss and people I want to see. Sometimes I wish I could trade people in the city for other people. Bring them here so they'll be happy. To bring them closer to people they need to be near in order to be content. To see them if I want. To keep them safe. But they live outside the city, or outside the state, or outside the country. It's hard, because they all live in my heart too. But at least I know they're there. At least I know, at least for now, they're safe. Or hope so.
- Have I mentioned the dreams have come back? Here's an awesome one. Me leaving the house and my brother crying telling me he can't find stuff and me driving away while he runs after me on a dirt road that looks kind of like the farm. What does that mean? Guilt is fun. Why did I have kids? Oh right, I didn't. Haha oh god I am screwed.
- I'm seriously thinking about getting a job. I'm not sure if I have the time with all the travel I need to do, but there's a book store I like on the west side that's pretty small that might be nice to work at. The people there tend to sit around reading when they're not ringing people up, and dress however, so I feel like they're not too strict in manner or appearance. I also really need money. I'm tired or living off my parents for things like cigarettes and clothing and bullshit. I've always felt weird taking money from them, but could get rid of the thought by saying I was a kid, or with the fact my mum use to borrow a lot of money from me. But now I can't really say I'm a kid as an excuse and my mum is always going to borrow money from me, so I might as well get use to it before she starts doing it to my brother. I also need it for travel stuff. The bus is pretty cheap, especially if I'm going to Maryland to visit Denmark, or somewhere like that. In the end I just need to stop being lazy and do it. A job isn't that big a deal. Except when it is. But still, everyone (or most everyone I guess) does it and still keeps up with travel and stuff.
- I need letters of recommendation. Obviously not everyone who reads my journal can give me one, but at this point I'll take anything. Did you work with me at any point? Great. Have I helped you with a project? Awesome. Am I amazing, brilliant, and otherwise totally outrageous? No, but your lies are your's and I won't disprove them. If you can write please write me a letter. I need about three from different people, but even one would be good for some schools. Not to pimp on here, but yeah it would be awesome.
- Cleaned an assload today. All my clothes are pretty much off the floor. Now I just need to pick up my books. My shelves are pretty unsorted, so I need to work on my new system. Just need to remember not to put the vampire books next to the werewolf books next to my Jane Austin, as they tend to fight over her.
- Yeah it's a Twilight reference. And a nerdy, meta one at that! One day I'm gonna write Twilight meta and no one can stop me. Then I'll give a presentation at Twinkle, the Twilight con, and it will awesome. Everyone will be there and I'll hang with Kstew and get high with Rpatts. And I'll say 'Kstew, (yes I can call her that because by that time we will be good buddies) why so angry all the time?' And she'll take a pull of bourbon and gaze at me with her blood shot, old, fucked up, Elizabeth Báthory eyes and we will laugh because we know all the secret of the world like some tiny chest of silver and gold boxes we hold in our hands like light.
- Went out to dinner with Jon and Van tonight. Van says we need a name. She says we should be the Yorkville Society. Jon says No, he is in enough groups. Later we get to my house and she says she's glad the Yorkville Society got to converge tonight. 'Yes that's the name, that's it!' she says. I hear her laughing as she walks away down the street.
- Tomorrow I'm going to the library's book cellar to see if they have some stuff. That's all I have planned for now. Hopefully more will happen and I'll get some writing done. I want to do my NaNo story, but Lucien Carr keeps pulling me back into that yellow room, wanting me to write for him.
- There are people I miss and people I want to see. Sometimes I wish I could trade people in the city for other people. Bring them here so they'll be happy. To bring them closer to people they need to be near in order to be content. To see them if I want. To keep them safe. But they live outside the city, or outside the state, or outside the country. It's hard, because they all live in my heart too. But at least I know they're there. At least I know, at least for now, they're safe. Or hope so.