Personal matters

[shiparker]

Lessons I learned today: My heart is a fucking dumbass. A really fucking dumbass that NEVER LEARNS ANYTHING. So I may forget this lesson. And yes, I do have a thing for making things more melodramatic than they really are and YES I AM OVER HIM. It's been two years and I truly AM. But I have to say that when I talked with this patient about him as a doctor and person (Stupid intern/resident love-crush. But he is a surgeon-oncologist and young, charming and even if he could be an anal little bitch, I liked him) something inside was moved and I was affected and I was: Oh fuck... do we need to revisit those feelings? They're wrapped up on a low self esteem and a ridiculous imitation of "You Oughta Know" with the baby and the older than me part. Well... except for the relationship part, blow job on a theater because he never saw me that way and the part where I have sex with other guys to pay back (Tho, there was some emotional usage of my part and I regret. I feel like I lost my Rhett because of my stupid crush on an ideal Ashley I created).

Oh well, those feelings may never die completely because they're wrapped up on a ridiculous sense of pride... I guess. It's not even love/in love/lust anymore. *Sigh*