Remember Your Powerlessness Well: an Abe/Mihashi (or Mihashi/Abe?) manifesto

[herongale]

Title: Remember Your Powerlessness Well
Fandom: Ookiku Furikabutte/Oofuri/Big Windup
Pairing: Abe Takaya and Mihashi Ren
Spoilers: mostly just for the first three or four episodes.
Wordcount: 9,883

Comments

[herongale]

Mihashi as a character just totally impresses me. It takes a lot of guts to write a character who has undeniably been bullied and who had real, relatable social flaws, as Higuchi has made him out to be, and then show clearly how he is a part of the problem, how he contributes to his own issues. This doesn't mean that he deserves to have been bullied, or that what was done to him was in any way justified, but it shows that he has some choices to make, and instead of choosing to blame others for how they treat him (even though he totally could and it would be fair!), he is always looking for the angle which points him towards self improvement. In the end, he is always trying to be his own worst critic. His self blaming ways can be so irritating and yet they are at the same time admirable, since he's not merely wallowing in his sorrows but rather is actively trying to make his life better.

And Abe... oh, oh Abe. I think of him as being a hyper-functional nut case. It's so easy to overlook his flaws since they don't interfere with his ability to communicate with others, or do well in sports or school. In fact, he has learned all too well how to transform his freakishness into an advantage, all so that he doesn't have to examine his fundamental brokenness, or actually feel any of the loneliness and loss that he ought to be feeling. When he says that he hates pain, he seems to mean that literally (suggesting that he hates PHYSICAL pain), but the series shows us over and over again how easily and almost carelessly he endures physical pain. For a catcher he's actually kind of tiny, so it should have been harder for him to learn to catch Haruna's pitches than it was for anyone else, but since he was more willing than anyone to endure the pain, he was the only one in the Senior league who could do it.

This suggests to me that the pain he is REALLY afraid of is emotional pain. He doesn't want to feel lonely or sad or abandoned or ignored. So he pretends that none of these things are happening to him, even though from the anime and manga we soon see pretty clearly that he has no friends. It's pretty damn sad that despite everything, Abe considers Haruna a friend, which is one reason he holds onto his resentment so strongly instead of just letting it go. He let himself care about Haruna and that backfired on him horribly. The fact that he is opening up to Mihashi at ALL is a minor miracle, and the fact that he seems to end up wanting to do it to some hugely intimate degree just shows how deeply starved he is for affection and attention. Mihashi gives all this to him so easily and freely that he doesn't need to look too closely into his own motives, but eventually he's going to have to see that he actually really LOVES Mihashi, and needs him more than Mihashi returns that need. Of the two of them, I think he is the one who is seriously more isolated, and it is shown in how the team seems to be gradually but decisively coming to take Mihashi's "side" in their relationship. Abe's only real partisan is probably Shinooka and that's... well, let's just say I think that's not healthy for her OR for him.

I'm very glad you enjoyed my manifesto. As you can see, it's hard for me NOT to ramble on and on about these two. It's just... such a sweet pairing. I know exactly what it's like to have some steady, comfortable long-term loves. I only just recently got into this pairing but it feels like one I'll like a long time, as opposed to some others which I get into briefly and have a small passionate love affair with, but quickly get over. I am happy for your small but steady love! Keep it going!!!!

[rubysp720]

Of course, Mihashi's past is realistic and very much the norm to kids who are or have been bullied. People think children are innocent but it's usually the kids who are most cruel to peers due to social pressure or to make up for their own lack of self confidence. But that doesn't excuse the effect it would have on the (I hesitate to call it) victim and how it may impact the rest of their lives.

In fact, it can be seen that Mihashi is a survivor having gone through years of bullying and coming out somewhat intact. The fact that he decided to visit the pitch on his first day proves his inner strength (that or the manga wouldn't go on) beyond his past. From then on, he constantly strives to better himself despite Abe’s protest.

Abe-kun... I agree that his flaw don’t interfere with much of his ability to communicate but as you said before, his obsessive controlling tendencies shows itself whenever he interacts with Mihashi and his ability as a catcher. As for pain, I took that he hates the pain of loosing, no to the opponent, but to himself; Haruna mentioned that they've lost several matches because Abe had fainted (due to his rough pitching). Eventually, when Abe had 'adjusted' to said pitches, he was unable to convince Haruna to pitch and consequently, loosing the match. Somehow it's his own fault that he wasn't good enough of catcher and let the team down.

As a result of his past, if Abe was ever paired with any other pitcher. A Mihashi who has his control and a backbone, things wouldn't have worked out because the alternate Mihashi would've been always overshadowed by Haruna. Abe might have come to resent him instead.

Mihashi constantly examines his own actions and puts himself down and Abe-kun looks to change another's actions to suit his own. Maybe it's the best that those two met fresh from their unpleasant past. They came as broken individuals and as cliche as it sounds they can go on to heal each other as a whole.

Please ignore my looooooong rambling -_-