Knockin' on Heaven's Door (Paul/Alva, Miracles)
Title: Knockin' on Heaven's Door
Characters: Alva Keel/Paul Callan
Author: Killa
Spoilers: Miracles (whole series)
Website: Adventures in Melodrama
Miracles was a sadly short-lived series that aired in the early part of 2003. It starred two charismatic actors, Skeet Ulrich and Angus Macfadyen, and shone with the creative talents of familiar names Richard Hatem (The Mothman Prophecies, Supernatural) and David Greenwalt (Buffy, Angel, Eureka). The whole series is currently available on DVD, and I strongly recommend it to anyone who enjoys a good, scary mytharc with strong characters, Biblical allusions, and intriguing mysteries -- but especially to fans of Supernatural, because the two mytharcs fit so well together, they seem to run as parallel storylines, and each illuminates the others in interesting ways.
Sound like it might be your thing? Read on.
Paul Callan-a very interesting young man.
"Father's got some guy who's supposed to check the site for miracles or something like that."
"Pleased to meet you. I'm the guy."
-"The Ferguson Syndrome"
Paul Callan, we learn in the pilot, is an investigator for the Catholic archdiocese in Boston. He's attended seminary, but hasn't yet finished; his current job is to investigate miracles, and either prove or disprove them. The problem is, he's been at this a while, and so far, he's yet to find evidence of one genuine miracle anywhere. Worse, it becomes clear to him that he's not expected to -- quite the contrary. His monsignor tells him quite plainly that his job is to make sure nobody gets too excited over false claims of miraculous occurrences. Not surprisingly, Paul is in a crisis of faith.
"I'm tired of being the one doing the testing. In the past six months, I've seen weeping statues, housewives with stigmata, glowing crosses, and every time, there's a mundane explanation. The one thing I haven't seen is the true Spirit of God. I'm beginning to think that maybe..."
"Maybe what?"
"Maybe we're on our own down here."
-"The Ferguson Syndrome"
Paul is talking with Father "Poppi" Calero, the priest who ran the orphanage where Paul grew up, and he's about to find out that the alternative to being on our own might be far worse. Frustrated with the attitude of those in authority, he tells Poppi he's taken a leave of absence, and plans to take a sabbatical to reexamine things. That doesn't last long. Poppi calls him and tells him about a case not far from him; Paul, who's been suffering disturbing nightmares, agrees to go check it out.
As the pilot episode unfolds, we get a good look at what makes Paul tick. He's a quiet-spoken, insightful young man, sensitive to a fault, who takes questions of faith, and of right and wrong, as painfully serious matters. He also has a wry, wicked sense of humor, and is nobody's fool -- he's quick to sense the truth of any given situation, and hot tempered when he feels someone is willfully perpetuating injustice or ignorance. He puts those he encounters in his investigations at ease with his soft-spoken empathy, and seems to feel the pain of others all too easily, but doesn't let that empathic sensitivity interfere with what seems an almost feverish need to separate what's true from what isn't. He connects quickly with other people, and can't seem to help getting deeply involved in their lives, but we get the sense that even so, there is always something of himself held in reserve.
Alva Keel-he's like James Bond and Tarzan rolled into one.
At first glance, Alva Keel (the man Paul will soon meet and who will change Paul's life) could not be more different from Paul. Older by some number of years (though what number is a fascinating question), overtly brilliant and knowledgeable on an astonishing array of subjects and languages, supremely focused, sure of himself, and utterly without social graces, Alva is a force of nature. Where Paul connects and empathizes, Alva alienates, antagonizes, and breaks metaphorical china everywhere he goes -- and yet somehow manages to maintain his irresistible charm while doing it. Where Paul tries to stay low key, Alva's mystique is obnoxious, fascinating, sometimes bizarre, and undeniable; his close relationship with his business associate Evelyn Santos, as level-headed and pragmatic a woman as you could want to meet, just serves to throw Alva's eccentric, bull-in-a-china-shop brilliance into sharp relief. He may or may not be entirely human.
We see Alva only in glimpses until nearly the end of the pilot episode -- when he comes crashing into the story in suitably dramatic fashion, and figuratively knocks Paul completely on his ass.
I stalk you because I care.
The introduction of Paul and Alva comes at the tail end of what has been, for Paul, arguably the roughest week of his life. The case Poppi sends him on proves out. Paul's nightmares grow worse, and seem to be turning scarily prophetic. Not only does he meet a young boy who can miraculously heal people, but the boy, Tommy Ferguson, dies to save Paul when his car is flattened by a train. More bizarre yet, in the moment before Tommy saves him, Paul experiences a deeply disturbing, unexplained phenomenon of his own, when his blood forms itself into words he's dreamt before -- God Is Now Here -- and a mysterious figure appears outside his wrecked car that rainy night, just in time to witness it.
Paul blames himself for Tommy's death, but worse -- he sees Tommy afterwards, and realizes that whatever's happening to him, it isn't over. What has been a crisis of faith becomes something more, as he now begins to question everything he knows, including his own sanity. Desperate to communicate the extraordinary events he's just experienced, he tries to tell the Monsignor -- only to be told that he has no evidence. Feeling he has no choice, he resigns.
It's into this morass of Paul's existential and emotional chaos that Alva Keel steps in, and we realize that the mysterious figure Paul's been seeing is not an apparition, but a man who's been dogging Paul's steps since this case began. He's disturbingly intense, and Paul is wary... but this man, whoever he is, believes him. Believes that Paul saw something. "I used to do what you do," Alva tells him. Reluctantly, Paul confides the truth of what he saw to this stranger -- and Alva, fierce and more than a little intimidating in his intensity, tells Paul that everything he's seen is just the tip of the iceberg, that Alva has made it his life's work to study unexplained phenomena, and that what Paul has experienced may well herald terrible events. World-ending events. He sounds, in all fairness, like a crazy person. But after what Paul's been through, crazy is the only thing that makes sense. "Call me," Alva says, and gives Paul his card. "We may be able to help each other."
Sodalitas Quaerito: A Brotherhood in Search of Knowledge
"It's my understanding that normal and happy people do not appear on television."
-Alva, "Paul Is Dead"
The partnership that develops between Alva and Paul is one of sharp contrasts and strange affinity, one where trust very rapidly becomes key, and where the breaking of it may have repercussions far beyond their personal relationship. "Paul is on a spiritual journey," Alva says to Evie, perceiving as he has from the first that Paul has gifts he hasn't yet begun to tap.
As their working relationship develops, it becomes plain that Alva doesn't speak lightly. Paul's near-death experience and his encounter with Tommy Ferguson seem to have opened him up to abilities beyond those of ordinary men. Tommy isn't the only person who talks to him from beyond the grave. Vulnerable to the spirits of those who have died, as well as to other supernatural forces, Paul becomes a case in his own right -- one Alva finds endlessly fascinating to the point of obsession. Paul is, quite simply, what he's been looking for all his life.
For Paul, Alva holds the promise of the truth, of the possibility that there might be some answers for what it all means, for why this is happening to him. Alva and Evie provide him direction, and a kind of sanity -- even a haven of sorts, where what's happening to him is accepted, where he doesn't have to be alone with it. Alva makes him feel less crazy, less alone. He gives Paul focus. More than that, he becomes something Paul doesn't seem to have had before -- a partner, a confidant. Poppi has always been there for him, but there's so much happening in his life that his foster father wouldn't understand. He needs Alva's sharp insights, his experience, his knowledge. More than that, he needs someone to ground him. That it should be Alva Keel -- eccentric, scarily smart, mercurial Alva Keel -- makes a bizarre kind of sense. Who better to make you feel sane when you're losing it than the guy who makes crazy and obsessed look good?
Despite Paul's initial wariness and Alva's hopeless clumsiness with personal relationships, the trust and affinity between them deepens rapidly. Alva becomes almost immediately protective of Paul, all too aware of how vulnerable Paul is to dark forces. But more than that, he finds himself becoming involved in their cases to a degree it seems he never did before Paul. Paul's empathic nature won't let him remain a detached observer, and Alva very quickly begins to set aside his own detachment.
Paul is learning, too. Not just what Alva knows, which is considerable, but from Alva's experiences, his intuitive sense about the cases they encounter, and the nature of what they're investigating. Perhaps more significantly, he's learning to take risks, and to care a little less what people think of him, to accept that his life is never going to be normal, and he's never going to be able to blend in. It's a vital lesson, since Paul is, now, virtually a beacon to spirits, demons, and other dark forces. If he can't shut it off, he'd better learn to protect himself, and Alva is (perhaps quite literally) a Godsend in that department.
As Paul finds himself adjusting to this new life, to this new relationship of give and take, of near-constant intellectual and philosophical stimulation, he begins to trust Alva with a little of his personal life. He still knows nothing of Alva's, but Alva's interest in him is intense, and Paul finds himself responding to it. He confides in Alva about his father -- a difficult subject, since Paul's father abandoned him at a young age. Isolated perhaps more than he realized, he starts to let Alva in. And in return, Alva starts to let it slip, in small ways, just how invested in Paul he really is.
Which just makes things all the harder between them when that trust falls apart.
Things come to a head: "Hand of God"
Like many great fictional relationships, this one begins to seriously heat up when these two hit their first major conflict, and their fledgling friendship is tested. In the episode "Hand of God," the mytharc of the series begins to take off when the police come looking for Paul in connection to a recent murder. It seems the murdered woman had a journal -- with a sketch of Paul and his name written in it.
Keel tells Paul that he knew the deceased, and that the murdered woman had an experience similar to Paul's, with one significant difference. Instead of seeing "God is now here" written in her blood, she saw "God is nowhere." But when Paul tries to question him further, Alva gently stonewalls him. Feeling he has no choice, Paul decides to stay late to go through Alva's files.
To his dismay, he learns that Alva has kept files on six similar cases, and that in each case, the person Alva interviewed had prophetic dreams of Paul. They knew his name, knew about his father -- and Alva never mentioned it. Paul tracks the others down -- and learns that four of them are dead, murdered that same week. Betrayed and upset, he confronts Alva with what he's learned, and Alva tries unsuccessfully to calm him down, and keep him from going to the police with what he knows. Paul storms out, leaving Alva and Evie behind.
Evie:
"If Paul is in any sort of danger because of all this... You had no right to keep that information from him."
Alva:
"What would you have me tell him? That he's capable of great good or great evil? The worst thing that could possibly happen is for Paul to somehow believe that his path is predestined for evil. Once that idea's been planted, it's almost impossible to uproot."
-"Hand of God"
Paul, unfortunately, is already neck deep in it. Suspected by the police, when he tries to go to Denver to save one of the remaining two "God is nowhere" people, he's arrested and held for questioning; while he's being held, the fifth victim is murdered. Now suspected of complicity, only Alva's intervention (and a writ from a judge in record time) frees Paul from custody. It mollifies Paul's anger a little, but not enough; he feels responsibility for this latest death, and doesn't exempt Alva from that, nor forgive him for the lies. He's on the verge of turning his back on Alva for good when Alva, desperate to stop him, casts all deception aside and makes a heartfelt plea to Paul, in essence begging him not to walk away.
Alva:
"I owe you an apology. I never should have kept that information from you."
Paul:
"They why did you do it?"
Alva:
"I just felt that it would be detrimental to you."
Paul:
"Maybe it will be. That's my problem."
Alva:
"This is the most recent information we have on Hector Salgado -- two possible addresses. It will save you the time and me the cost of breaking back into my office."
Paul:
"Why are you doing this?"
Alva:
"In my attempt not to influence events, I influenced them. Perhaps a better method would be to act on instinct. I can't stop you from acting on instinct."
Paul thanks him, and it seems his anger has lessened, but he's still not sure this is working any more. Sensing he's losing him, Alva runs after him outside the police station, and makes one last plea, revealing to Paul his own reasons for the search he's made his life's work. (Incidentally, he does this with his coat hanging halfway on, halfway off, which is too adorable.)
Alva:
"Doesn't take much to change the course of a life. Sometimes a single word will do it."
Paul:
"And that's what led you to begin Sodalitas Quaerito."
Alva:
"It started me down a road, and that road led me here. It led me to you. It led me to you, Paul."
It's the only option he has left, and it works. When the shouting is over, and after several days have passed, Paul returns to S.Q. and finds Alva there. In the interim, Paul has learned that the truth about his own nature may be far darker than he ever knew, and he's left with nightmarish questions that won't soon be resolved. S.Q. is the only place left for him to go. He tells Alva that although he hasn't made up his mind to stay... he hasn't decided to leave yet, either. It's a reprieve. But they'll have to start over, build trust all over again, and now Paul has his own secrets. Things are looking much bleaker than they did before. But now, at least, they're on equal footing.
Alva:
"Actually, it's quite encouraging. That house allowed you access to the darkest corners of your soul and even then, you did not have it in you to kill someone."
Paul:
"Maybe I just didn't have it in me to kill you?"
Alva (laughs):
"It's a beginning."
-"You Are My Sunshine"
The sex lives of bees
What drew me to Miracles fandom was not the slash relationship, primarily, though I'll admit those scenes in "Hand of God" made me sit up and take notice. I showed up for the characters and the mytharc, for the quality of the writing and the beautiful way the show is shot.
Of course, like any slash fan worth her salt, I'm not immune to a bit of heartfelt pleading and revealing honesty, and I'll take a healthy shot of trust issues any day. It's only natural to be tempted by a pair who are so drop-dead sexy in their quirky ways, and whose natures contrast so beautifully with one another. But it is a bit of a cerebral fandom, and the sexuality of it is usually, though not always, curiously restrained. This is not a fandom of swords and sweaty dojo scenes, of throwing each other up against walls, of spirit guides and symbolically merging totem animals. Paul/Alva is a pairing that requires a little... finesse, and imagination. Until the last episode of its thirteen-episode run, that is.
There are exceptions in earlier episodes. Take, for example, the odd scene in "The Ghost" where Alva and Paul are sharing a hotel room, and their contact for the case they're working on comes to the door of their room at a fairly late hour of the morning. Alva is pretty much pure sex in this scene because he is, inexplicably, wearing black silk pajamas. The way the camera follows Paul to the door, it's left quite unclear which bed he's just left, and the arch expression their visitor gives them confirms the idea that only one of those two beds has been slept in.
In the tag of "You Are My Sunshine," Alva makes an offer of tea sound positively pornographic. The sultry, sweltering stakeout in "The Battle at Shadow Ridge" stirs the imagination. Then there's the curiously fraught confrontation scene in "Saint Debbie" that might be read as jealousy on Paul's part, and defensiveness on Alva's, if one so desired. The teaser of that episode is also wonderfully subtexty, with Alva dreaming that Paul comes to him and tells him he's leaving him -- with Evie -- a nightmare from which Alva wakes up alone on his couch, a wreck.
But all told, I'd venture to say the developing relationship between Paul and Alva is still in early stages, and of course, we sadly didn't get more than half a season to find out where it might have gone. This is a pairing all about potential, and intriguing possibilities -- not so much about what was made explicit in the show. That is, until episode thirteen: "Paul Is Dead."
What's most affecting about this episode, to me, is that it highlights all the things about Paul that I find so compelling, and it changes the nature of Alva and Paul's relationship irrevocably. It's the first time where the case is intimately vital to the S.Q. family, and it calls back to many elements of the pilot in powerful ways. It shows Alva (and all of us) in explicit terms just how deeply vulnerable Paul is, and how strong he has to be just to get up in the morning. It asks Alva what he's willing to risk, and how far he's willing to go for Paul -- and in the process, throws into question his priorities and his reasons for throwing his lot in with Paul, and how the consequences of choosing that path may end up affecting him in ways he never anticipated. It asks Paul whether he's able to face responsibility for his own actions, no matter how painful it might be to do so. And in the end, it proves to both of them that this isn't just a working relationship any more.
I'm honestly not sure that I'd be so intensely fannish about this show if it weren't for that last episode. It's a wrecking ball, emotionally speaking, and though it leaves so many mytharc questions unanswered, it's also a wonderfully satisfying place to leave the series, and it's a fantastic jumping-off point for both the larger story and the relationship between Paul and Alva.
Vids:
Vids by Gwyneth and L'Abattoir
Home of "Darkness, Darkness," an amazing recruiter vid that I blame for hooking me hard into the show. (Scroll down to the bottom of the page.) I can't recommend this highly enough -- it's not to be missed. You'll need to write for a password.
Deejay's fiercevidder archive
Two Miracles vids here -- one made by the two of us.
Buy the DVDs:
Miracles, the Complete Series box set from Deep Discount DVD.
Miracles on Amazon (available used as well for less than $10)
Miracles on Netflix
Miracles on LiveJournal:
miracles_fanfic (fanfiction)
miracle_fen (discussion)
angusfans (Angus Macfadyen community)
capturing_skeet (Skeet Ulrich community)
General Miracles resources:
Sodalitas Quaerito
Resource site for the show, including character summaries and casefiles.
Miracles Official Fansite
Miracles Discussion Board and Chatroom
Miracles Episode Transcripts
Starring Angus Macfadyen
SkeeterNet
(Yahoo) Miracles mailing lists:
Miracles the TV Show
Miracles Fic
Miracles the Series
Angusfans
Fanfiction:
Cross to Bear: A Miracles Fanfic Archive
The fandom's amassed fanfiction.
Yuletide Archive
There are a number of good Miracles stories in the Yuletide archive.
Miracles Stories on Archive of Our Own
All stories on AO3 with the "Miracles" fandom designation.
Miracles Stories on Fanfiction.net
How To Manage Your Alpha Male by ELG
There isn't much Miracles fanfic out there, so I'm including this fun crossover. (Stargate SG"-2", Angel, The West Wing, House, NCIS, Miracles)
Paul/Alva artwork:
A beautiful piece by X
(Thank you to alvafan for all the help in locating these links.)
Characters: Alva Keel/Paul Callan
Author: Killa
Spoilers: Miracles (whole series)
Website: Adventures in Melodrama
Miracles was a sadly short-lived series that aired in the early part of 2003. It starred two charismatic actors, Skeet Ulrich and Angus Macfadyen, and shone with the creative talents of familiar names Richard Hatem (The Mothman Prophecies, Supernatural) and David Greenwalt (Buffy, Angel, Eureka). The whole series is currently available on DVD, and I strongly recommend it to anyone who enjoys a good, scary mytharc with strong characters, Biblical allusions, and intriguing mysteries -- but especially to fans of Supernatural, because the two mytharcs fit so well together, they seem to run as parallel storylines, and each illuminates the others in interesting ways.
Sound like it might be your thing? Read on.
Paul Callan-a very interesting young man.
"Father's got some guy who's supposed to check the site for miracles or something like that."
"Pleased to meet you. I'm the guy."
-"The Ferguson Syndrome"
Paul Callan, we learn in the pilot, is an investigator for the Catholic archdiocese in Boston. He's attended seminary, but hasn't yet finished; his current job is to investigate miracles, and either prove or disprove them. The problem is, he's been at this a while, and so far, he's yet to find evidence of one genuine miracle anywhere. Worse, it becomes clear to him that he's not expected to -- quite the contrary. His monsignor tells him quite plainly that his job is to make sure nobody gets too excited over false claims of miraculous occurrences. Not surprisingly, Paul is in a crisis of faith.
"I'm tired of being the one doing the testing. In the past six months, I've seen weeping statues, housewives with stigmata, glowing crosses, and every time, there's a mundane explanation. The one thing I haven't seen is the true Spirit of God. I'm beginning to think that maybe..."
"Maybe what?"
"Maybe we're on our own down here."
-"The Ferguson Syndrome"
Paul is talking with Father "Poppi" Calero, the priest who ran the orphanage where Paul grew up, and he's about to find out that the alternative to being on our own might be far worse. Frustrated with the attitude of those in authority, he tells Poppi he's taken a leave of absence, and plans to take a sabbatical to reexamine things. That doesn't last long. Poppi calls him and tells him about a case not far from him; Paul, who's been suffering disturbing nightmares, agrees to go check it out.
As the pilot episode unfolds, we get a good look at what makes Paul tick. He's a quiet-spoken, insightful young man, sensitive to a fault, who takes questions of faith, and of right and wrong, as painfully serious matters. He also has a wry, wicked sense of humor, and is nobody's fool -- he's quick to sense the truth of any given situation, and hot tempered when he feels someone is willfully perpetuating injustice or ignorance. He puts those he encounters in his investigations at ease with his soft-spoken empathy, and seems to feel the pain of others all too easily, but doesn't let that empathic sensitivity interfere with what seems an almost feverish need to separate what's true from what isn't. He connects quickly with other people, and can't seem to help getting deeply involved in their lives, but we get the sense that even so, there is always something of himself held in reserve.
Alva Keel-he's like James Bond and Tarzan rolled into one.
At first glance, Alva Keel (the man Paul will soon meet and who will change Paul's life) could not be more different from Paul. Older by some number of years (though what number is a fascinating question), overtly brilliant and knowledgeable on an astonishing array of subjects and languages, supremely focused, sure of himself, and utterly without social graces, Alva is a force of nature. Where Paul connects and empathizes, Alva alienates, antagonizes, and breaks metaphorical china everywhere he goes -- and yet somehow manages to maintain his irresistible charm while doing it. Where Paul tries to stay low key, Alva's mystique is obnoxious, fascinating, sometimes bizarre, and undeniable; his close relationship with his business associate Evelyn Santos, as level-headed and pragmatic a woman as you could want to meet, just serves to throw Alva's eccentric, bull-in-a-china-shop brilliance into sharp relief. He may or may not be entirely human.
We see Alva only in glimpses until nearly the end of the pilot episode -- when he comes crashing into the story in suitably dramatic fashion, and figuratively knocks Paul completely on his ass.
I stalk you because I care.
The introduction of Paul and Alva comes at the tail end of what has been, for Paul, arguably the roughest week of his life. The case Poppi sends him on proves out. Paul's nightmares grow worse, and seem to be turning scarily prophetic. Not only does he meet a young boy who can miraculously heal people, but the boy, Tommy Ferguson, dies to save Paul when his car is flattened by a train. More bizarre yet, in the moment before Tommy saves him, Paul experiences a deeply disturbing, unexplained phenomenon of his own, when his blood forms itself into words he's dreamt before -- God Is Now Here -- and a mysterious figure appears outside his wrecked car that rainy night, just in time to witness it.
Paul blames himself for Tommy's death, but worse -- he sees Tommy afterwards, and realizes that whatever's happening to him, it isn't over. What has been a crisis of faith becomes something more, as he now begins to question everything he knows, including his own sanity. Desperate to communicate the extraordinary events he's just experienced, he tries to tell the Monsignor -- only to be told that he has no evidence. Feeling he has no choice, he resigns.
It's into this morass of Paul's existential and emotional chaos that Alva Keel steps in, and we realize that the mysterious figure Paul's been seeing is not an apparition, but a man who's been dogging Paul's steps since this case began. He's disturbingly intense, and Paul is wary... but this man, whoever he is, believes him. Believes that Paul saw something. "I used to do what you do," Alva tells him. Reluctantly, Paul confides the truth of what he saw to this stranger -- and Alva, fierce and more than a little intimidating in his intensity, tells Paul that everything he's seen is just the tip of the iceberg, that Alva has made it his life's work to study unexplained phenomena, and that what Paul has experienced may well herald terrible events. World-ending events. He sounds, in all fairness, like a crazy person. But after what Paul's been through, crazy is the only thing that makes sense. "Call me," Alva says, and gives Paul his card. "We may be able to help each other."
Sodalitas Quaerito: A Brotherhood in Search of Knowledge
"It's my understanding that normal and happy people do not appear on television."
-Alva, "Paul Is Dead"
The partnership that develops between Alva and Paul is one of sharp contrasts and strange affinity, one where trust very rapidly becomes key, and where the breaking of it may have repercussions far beyond their personal relationship. "Paul is on a spiritual journey," Alva says to Evie, perceiving as he has from the first that Paul has gifts he hasn't yet begun to tap.
As their working relationship develops, it becomes plain that Alva doesn't speak lightly. Paul's near-death experience and his encounter with Tommy Ferguson seem to have opened him up to abilities beyond those of ordinary men. Tommy isn't the only person who talks to him from beyond the grave. Vulnerable to the spirits of those who have died, as well as to other supernatural forces, Paul becomes a case in his own right -- one Alva finds endlessly fascinating to the point of obsession. Paul is, quite simply, what he's been looking for all his life.
For Paul, Alva holds the promise of the truth, of the possibility that there might be some answers for what it all means, for why this is happening to him. Alva and Evie provide him direction, and a kind of sanity -- even a haven of sorts, where what's happening to him is accepted, where he doesn't have to be alone with it. Alva makes him feel less crazy, less alone. He gives Paul focus. More than that, he becomes something Paul doesn't seem to have had before -- a partner, a confidant. Poppi has always been there for him, but there's so much happening in his life that his foster father wouldn't understand. He needs Alva's sharp insights, his experience, his knowledge. More than that, he needs someone to ground him. That it should be Alva Keel -- eccentric, scarily smart, mercurial Alva Keel -- makes a bizarre kind of sense. Who better to make you feel sane when you're losing it than the guy who makes crazy and obsessed look good?
Despite Paul's initial wariness and Alva's hopeless clumsiness with personal relationships, the trust and affinity between them deepens rapidly. Alva becomes almost immediately protective of Paul, all too aware of how vulnerable Paul is to dark forces. But more than that, he finds himself becoming involved in their cases to a degree it seems he never did before Paul. Paul's empathic nature won't let him remain a detached observer, and Alva very quickly begins to set aside his own detachment.
Paul is learning, too. Not just what Alva knows, which is considerable, but from Alva's experiences, his intuitive sense about the cases they encounter, and the nature of what they're investigating. Perhaps more significantly, he's learning to take risks, and to care a little less what people think of him, to accept that his life is never going to be normal, and he's never going to be able to blend in. It's a vital lesson, since Paul is, now, virtually a beacon to spirits, demons, and other dark forces. If he can't shut it off, he'd better learn to protect himself, and Alva is (perhaps quite literally) a Godsend in that department.
As Paul finds himself adjusting to this new life, to this new relationship of give and take, of near-constant intellectual and philosophical stimulation, he begins to trust Alva with a little of his personal life. He still knows nothing of Alva's, but Alva's interest in him is intense, and Paul finds himself responding to it. He confides in Alva about his father -- a difficult subject, since Paul's father abandoned him at a young age. Isolated perhaps more than he realized, he starts to let Alva in. And in return, Alva starts to let it slip, in small ways, just how invested in Paul he really is.
Which just makes things all the harder between them when that trust falls apart.
Things come to a head: "Hand of God"
Like many great fictional relationships, this one begins to seriously heat up when these two hit their first major conflict, and their fledgling friendship is tested. In the episode "Hand of God," the mytharc of the series begins to take off when the police come looking for Paul in connection to a recent murder. It seems the murdered woman had a journal -- with a sketch of Paul and his name written in it.
Keel tells Paul that he knew the deceased, and that the murdered woman had an experience similar to Paul's, with one significant difference. Instead of seeing "God is now here" written in her blood, she saw "God is nowhere." But when Paul tries to question him further, Alva gently stonewalls him. Feeling he has no choice, Paul decides to stay late to go through Alva's files.
To his dismay, he learns that Alva has kept files on six similar cases, and that in each case, the person Alva interviewed had prophetic dreams of Paul. They knew his name, knew about his father -- and Alva never mentioned it. Paul tracks the others down -- and learns that four of them are dead, murdered that same week. Betrayed and upset, he confronts Alva with what he's learned, and Alva tries unsuccessfully to calm him down, and keep him from going to the police with what he knows. Paul storms out, leaving Alva and Evie behind.
Evie:
"If Paul is in any sort of danger because of all this... You had no right to keep that information from him."
Alva:
"What would you have me tell him? That he's capable of great good or great evil? The worst thing that could possibly happen is for Paul to somehow believe that his path is predestined for evil. Once that idea's been planted, it's almost impossible to uproot."
-"Hand of God"
Paul, unfortunately, is already neck deep in it. Suspected by the police, when he tries to go to Denver to save one of the remaining two "God is nowhere" people, he's arrested and held for questioning; while he's being held, the fifth victim is murdered. Now suspected of complicity, only Alva's intervention (and a writ from a judge in record time) frees Paul from custody. It mollifies Paul's anger a little, but not enough; he feels responsibility for this latest death, and doesn't exempt Alva from that, nor forgive him for the lies. He's on the verge of turning his back on Alva for good when Alva, desperate to stop him, casts all deception aside and makes a heartfelt plea to Paul, in essence begging him not to walk away.
Alva:
"I owe you an apology. I never should have kept that information from you."
Paul:
"They why did you do it?"
Alva:
"I just felt that it would be detrimental to you."
Paul:
"Maybe it will be. That's my problem."
Alva:
"This is the most recent information we have on Hector Salgado -- two possible addresses. It will save you the time and me the cost of breaking back into my office."
Paul:
"Why are you doing this?"
Alva:
"In my attempt not to influence events, I influenced them. Perhaps a better method would be to act on instinct. I can't stop you from acting on instinct."
Paul thanks him, and it seems his anger has lessened, but he's still not sure this is working any more. Sensing he's losing him, Alva runs after him outside the police station, and makes one last plea, revealing to Paul his own reasons for the search he's made his life's work. (Incidentally, he does this with his coat hanging halfway on, halfway off, which is too adorable.)
Alva:
"Doesn't take much to change the course of a life. Sometimes a single word will do it."
Paul:
"And that's what led you to begin Sodalitas Quaerito."
Alva:
"It started me down a road, and that road led me here. It led me to you. It led me to you, Paul."
It's the only option he has left, and it works. When the shouting is over, and after several days have passed, Paul returns to S.Q. and finds Alva there. In the interim, Paul has learned that the truth about his own nature may be far darker than he ever knew, and he's left with nightmarish questions that won't soon be resolved. S.Q. is the only place left for him to go. He tells Alva that although he hasn't made up his mind to stay... he hasn't decided to leave yet, either. It's a reprieve. But they'll have to start over, build trust all over again, and now Paul has his own secrets. Things are looking much bleaker than they did before. But now, at least, they're on equal footing.
Alva:
"Actually, it's quite encouraging. That house allowed you access to the darkest corners of your soul and even then, you did not have it in you to kill someone."
Paul:
"Maybe I just didn't have it in me to kill you?"
Alva (laughs):
"It's a beginning."
-"You Are My Sunshine"
The sex lives of bees
What drew me to Miracles fandom was not the slash relationship, primarily, though I'll admit those scenes in "Hand of God" made me sit up and take notice. I showed up for the characters and the mytharc, for the quality of the writing and the beautiful way the show is shot.
Of course, like any slash fan worth her salt, I'm not immune to a bit of heartfelt pleading and revealing honesty, and I'll take a healthy shot of trust issues any day. It's only natural to be tempted by a pair who are so drop-dead sexy in their quirky ways, and whose natures contrast so beautifully with one another. But it is a bit of a cerebral fandom, and the sexuality of it is usually, though not always, curiously restrained. This is not a fandom of swords and sweaty dojo scenes, of throwing each other up against walls, of spirit guides and symbolically merging totem animals. Paul/Alva is a pairing that requires a little... finesse, and imagination. Until the last episode of its thirteen-episode run, that is.
There are exceptions in earlier episodes. Take, for example, the odd scene in "The Ghost" where Alva and Paul are sharing a hotel room, and their contact for the case they're working on comes to the door of their room at a fairly late hour of the morning. Alva is pretty much pure sex in this scene because he is, inexplicably, wearing black silk pajamas. The way the camera follows Paul to the door, it's left quite unclear which bed he's just left, and the arch expression their visitor gives them confirms the idea that only one of those two beds has been slept in.
In the tag of "You Are My Sunshine," Alva makes an offer of tea sound positively pornographic. The sultry, sweltering stakeout in "The Battle at Shadow Ridge" stirs the imagination. Then there's the curiously fraught confrontation scene in "Saint Debbie" that might be read as jealousy on Paul's part, and defensiveness on Alva's, if one so desired. The teaser of that episode is also wonderfully subtexty, with Alva dreaming that Paul comes to him and tells him he's leaving him -- with Evie -- a nightmare from which Alva wakes up alone on his couch, a wreck.
But all told, I'd venture to say the developing relationship between Paul and Alva is still in early stages, and of course, we sadly didn't get more than half a season to find out where it might have gone. This is a pairing all about potential, and intriguing possibilities -- not so much about what was made explicit in the show. That is, until episode thirteen: "Paul Is Dead."
What's most affecting about this episode, to me, is that it highlights all the things about Paul that I find so compelling, and it changes the nature of Alva and Paul's relationship irrevocably. It's the first time where the case is intimately vital to the S.Q. family, and it calls back to many elements of the pilot in powerful ways. It shows Alva (and all of us) in explicit terms just how deeply vulnerable Paul is, and how strong he has to be just to get up in the morning. It asks Alva what he's willing to risk, and how far he's willing to go for Paul -- and in the process, throws into question his priorities and his reasons for throwing his lot in with Paul, and how the consequences of choosing that path may end up affecting him in ways he never anticipated. It asks Paul whether he's able to face responsibility for his own actions, no matter how painful it might be to do so. And in the end, it proves to both of them that this isn't just a working relationship any more.
I'm honestly not sure that I'd be so intensely fannish about this show if it weren't for that last episode. It's a wrecking ball, emotionally speaking, and though it leaves so many mytharc questions unanswered, it's also a wonderfully satisfying place to leave the series, and it's a fantastic jumping-off point for both the larger story and the relationship between Paul and Alva.
Vids:
Vids by Gwyneth and L'Abattoir
Home of "Darkness, Darkness," an amazing recruiter vid that I blame for hooking me hard into the show. (Scroll down to the bottom of the page.) I can't recommend this highly enough -- it's not to be missed. You'll need to write for a password.
Deejay's fiercevidder archive
Two Miracles vids here -- one made by the two of us.
Buy the DVDs:
Miracles, the Complete Series box set from Deep Discount DVD.
Miracles on Amazon (available used as well for less than $10)
Miracles on Netflix
Miracles on LiveJournal:
miracles_fanfic (fanfiction)
miracle_fen (discussion)
angusfans (Angus Macfadyen community)
capturing_skeet (Skeet Ulrich community)
General Miracles resources:
Sodalitas Quaerito
Resource site for the show, including character summaries and casefiles.
Miracles Official Fansite
Miracles Discussion Board and Chatroom
Miracles Episode Transcripts
Starring Angus Macfadyen
SkeeterNet
(Yahoo) Miracles mailing lists:
Miracles the TV Show
Miracles Fic
Miracles the Series
Angusfans
Fanfiction:
Cross to Bear: A Miracles Fanfic Archive
The fandom's amassed fanfiction.
Yuletide Archive
There are a number of good Miracles stories in the Yuletide archive.
Miracles Stories on Archive of Our Own
All stories on AO3 with the "Miracles" fandom designation.
Miracles Stories on Fanfiction.net
How To Manage Your Alpha Male by ELG
There isn't much Miracles fanfic out there, so I'm including this fun crossover. (Stargate SG"-2", Angel, The West Wing, House, NCIS, Miracles)
Paul/Alva artwork:
A beautiful piece by X
(Thank you to alvafan for all the help in locating these links.)