so... now what?
on sunday i turned 23. that equals 10 years i've had a livejournal. most hit 23, and they say to themselves, "why the fuck do i need this thing anymore?" i don't really see it that way. i say, why not keep it? i have no good reason to delete it in the first place.
i have some real issues with 23 that i'd like to nullify/
1/ i've gotten fat. this wasn't over a short period of time. i hit a peak of how thin i was going to get in 2005, i believe, and since i've just put on weight. i wouldn't say i look horrible, but i'm not hella smokin' like i used to be. this bothers me, but not as much as how i didn't think i was hella smokin' until i realized how not hella smokin' i am now.
2/ i felt i closed a lot of chapters in my life last year. i felt i knew something. that every thing was going to work out a certain way, and i had these expectations of being someone "important" or "well to do"...it was such bullshit. i learned from this. i learned to never keep my hopes too high, and never let someone tell you how you need to live your life according to how "well" theirs turned out. fuck, if i was really that concerned about quick money i would have just robbed a fucking bank. my mind got so fucked where i was at. money started to become the only concern, and fuck that. i won't lie to people, and i refuse to be walked all over for some fucking pipe dreams that were beat into my brain.
3/ insecurity. it gets worse the older you get. i thought it was something that would get better with time. hell no.
4/ running into people you haven't seen in ages, and suddenly they think it gives them the right away to start being snoopy as hell. for example...yeah, i quit culture shock. why? honestly, it's no ones business except the people i worked with, and for. ask around, you might find out eventually if you're really that concerned. if i went from culture shock back to jimmy johns, it's easy to draw the conclusion that i was unhappy at culture shock. let's leave it at that.
5/ the inexplicables. there's been quite a few times that i've written pretty lengthy in my lj over the last year or two, and ended up just deleting it. why? i have no idea. why did i say this, or do that? what the fuck am i thinking anymore? your guess could be just as good as mine. i'm just crashing into waves hoping to sail.
there are things that i feel definate about. i want a degree. i want to do something with my life that's worth telling. to be able to say that i am well educated in something is so easy. to prove it is a whole new game. i need to suck up what pride i have, and just eat shit on some school work. i need to get my ass kicked with knowledge. i want medical benefits, paid vacations, and a retirement.
fuck yeah.
i have some real issues with 23 that i'd like to nullify/
1/ i've gotten fat. this wasn't over a short period of time. i hit a peak of how thin i was going to get in 2005, i believe, and since i've just put on weight. i wouldn't say i look horrible, but i'm not hella smokin' like i used to be. this bothers me, but not as much as how i didn't think i was hella smokin' until i realized how not hella smokin' i am now.
2/ i felt i closed a lot of chapters in my life last year. i felt i knew something. that every thing was going to work out a certain way, and i had these expectations of being someone "important" or "well to do"...it was such bullshit. i learned from this. i learned to never keep my hopes too high, and never let someone tell you how you need to live your life according to how "well" theirs turned out. fuck, if i was really that concerned about quick money i would have just robbed a fucking bank. my mind got so fucked where i was at. money started to become the only concern, and fuck that. i won't lie to people, and i refuse to be walked all over for some fucking pipe dreams that were beat into my brain.
3/ insecurity. it gets worse the older you get. i thought it was something that would get better with time. hell no.
4/ running into people you haven't seen in ages, and suddenly they think it gives them the right away to start being snoopy as hell. for example...yeah, i quit culture shock. why? honestly, it's no ones business except the people i worked with, and for. ask around, you might find out eventually if you're really that concerned. if i went from culture shock back to jimmy johns, it's easy to draw the conclusion that i was unhappy at culture shock. let's leave it at that.
5/ the inexplicables. there's been quite a few times that i've written pretty lengthy in my lj over the last year or two, and ended up just deleting it. why? i have no idea. why did i say this, or do that? what the fuck am i thinking anymore? your guess could be just as good as mine. i'm just crashing into waves hoping to sail.
there are things that i feel definate about. i want a degree. i want to do something with my life that's worth telling. to be able to say that i am well educated in something is so easy. to prove it is a whole new game. i need to suck up what pride i have, and just eat shit on some school work. i need to get my ass kicked with knowledge. i want medical benefits, paid vacations, and a retirement.
fuck yeah.