Dear John Letter
Dear LG VX8300,
Well, this is it. This is our last night together. In four and half hours I will be meeting my new love affair. No offense but, do you know how freaking excited I am?!
I can barely contain it!
Sure, in the beginning everything was swell. You stepped into my life all new and shiny and made me forget about my last phone, whose maker I don't even remember (I think it was a Samsung). I was able to enjoy playing video games, personalizing my own ringtones and happily ignoring uh, "enjoying" all of Verizon's...ahem, special attributes that you had. Sure, I had to do a lot of workarounds with Bitpim, and I probably violated your warranty, but I lived with it at first.
But after a while, something happened. You weren't special anymore. Typing text messages on you was a chore. I couldn't really check email other than that craptacular VZWmail account which is just really pointless, since it's just one step up from SMS. And you kept turning off when I wanted to turn you on, mainly because your batteries kept wearing down. No way to show your love there, baby.
Secretly I couldn’t wait to break up. But I’m one of those guys that just can’t be alone, you know? I couldn’t just go solo. I needed a suitable replacement first. I’ll admit it - I was using you.
And then along she appeared. I took notice. At first I thought “no way”. She’s one of those hotties that you just can’t have. Way out of your league. She couldn't possibly be coming to my network. I could flirt from afar but that was it. But now. Now! She’s opened her arms wide. She’s available and willing.
It was love at first sight. And second. And 50th. I’ve spent day after day, night after night, watching videos and drooling at pictures galore. I feel like we’ve known each other forever. There is no denying it. We’re meant to be. Soul mates.
My calender syncing won’t be a problem, bad phones or not. Downloaded apps will stay mine. Tons. Free ones. I’ll have a device that can record a video that’s not limited to tiny sizes and time constraints all while dimming to something unbearable in all but the greatest of light. I’ll be able to actually use my email and...oh forget it. I could go on and on but you don’t wanna hear it. You’re probably not even listening. Hey, look at me when I’m talking to you.
So this is it. Enjoy your last night as my main thing. What will happen to you, you ask? I haven’t decided. Your fate is unknown. Will I smash you into tiny bits? I dunno but that’d sure as hell be fun! Will I sell you off? Probably not, as there is probably someone more needy than I who would want you.
Either way, you'll be gone soon, and I'll be loving a new sweet young thing.
(thanks to the guys at Phandroid for helping me with the courage to write this very difficult letter.)
Well, this is it. This is our last night together. In four and half hours I will be meeting my new love affair. No offense but, do you know how freaking excited I am?!
I can barely contain it!
Sure, in the beginning everything was swell. You stepped into my life all new and shiny and made me forget about my last phone, whose maker I don't even remember (I think it was a Samsung). I was able to enjoy playing video games, personalizing my own ringtones and happily ignoring uh, "enjoying" all of Verizon's...ahem, special attributes that you had. Sure, I had to do a lot of workarounds with Bitpim, and I probably violated your warranty, but I lived with it at first.
But after a while, something happened. You weren't special anymore. Typing text messages on you was a chore. I couldn't really check email other than that craptacular VZWmail account which is just really pointless, since it's just one step up from SMS. And you kept turning off when I wanted to turn you on, mainly because your batteries kept wearing down. No way to show your love there, baby.
Secretly I couldn’t wait to break up. But I’m one of those guys that just can’t be alone, you know? I couldn’t just go solo. I needed a suitable replacement first. I’ll admit it - I was using you.
And then along she appeared. I took notice. At first I thought “no way”. She’s one of those hotties that you just can’t have. Way out of your league. She couldn't possibly be coming to my network. I could flirt from afar but that was it. But now. Now! She’s opened her arms wide. She’s available and willing.
It was love at first sight. And second. And 50th. I’ve spent day after day, night after night, watching videos and drooling at pictures galore. I feel like we’ve known each other forever. There is no denying it. We’re meant to be. Soul mates.
My calender syncing won’t be a problem, bad phones or not. Downloaded apps will stay mine. Tons. Free ones. I’ll have a device that can record a video that’s not limited to tiny sizes and time constraints all while dimming to something unbearable in all but the greatest of light. I’ll be able to actually use my email and...oh forget it. I could go on and on but you don’t wanna hear it. You’re probably not even listening. Hey, look at me when I’m talking to you.
So this is it. Enjoy your last night as my main thing. What will happen to you, you ask? I haven’t decided. Your fate is unknown. Will I smash you into tiny bits? I dunno but that’d sure as hell be fun! Will I sell you off? Probably not, as there is probably someone more needy than I who would want you.
Either way, you'll be gone soon, and I'll be loving a new sweet young thing.
(thanks to the guys at Phandroid for helping me with the courage to write this very difficult letter.)