Apologizing in Advance
I'm giving up, I've given up slowly
I'm blending in so you won't even know me
Apart from this whole world that shares my fate.
This one last bullet you mentioned, is my one last shot at redemption
Because I know to live you must give your life away
I've been housing all this doubt, and insecurity
I've been locked inside that house, all the while you hold the key
I've been dying to get out,
That might be the death of me,
And even though there's no way in knowing where to go
I promise I'm going because
I've got to get out of here
Im stuck inside this rut that I feel into by mistake
I've gotta get out of here
And I'm begging you, I'm begging you to be my escape
I've given up, I'm doing this alone now
Because I failed and I'm ready to be shown now
You told me the way and I'm trying to get there
And this life sentence that I'm serving, I'll admit that I'm every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
I've gotta get out of here
I'm afraid that this complacency is something I can't shake
I gotta get out of here
And I'm begging you, I'm begging you: Be My Escape.
Have you ever noticed how usually people only write in their livejournals when they're really upset about something?
I feel bad about it. And if today would've been a good day, then I think I would've written an upbeat journal entry just to sway the balance, you know... actually write about something positive in my life instead of whining about the negative all the time. But oh well. Lol, I'm here to whine.
I need someone back in my life. I don't know who it was, or maybe it was just the right combination of people. or maybe it was being surrounded by people I cared about all the time as compared with being so far away from all of them all of the time. Maybe it's the fact that I have absolutely no motivation to make any changes in my life when I don't have someone else kicking me in the pants consistently, but whatever the reason..... I feel like such a high school kid all the time. STILL! And I just can't seem to shake that feeling of dependence on everyone and everything else. I am constantly looking everywhere else for advice, and ultimately, for other people to look at me and tell me what to do. With MY own life! I have said it before, but I feel like I'm in the chorus in my own life. If my life was a stage show, I'd be a chorus girl. And NOT the leading lady... even though, this is MY life I'm living, not anyone else's!
Grrrrr...... it's so unbeliveably frustrating. I'm just going from day to day, going through the motions, just sludging through monotonous (I'm sure I spelled that wrong) task to task, with little or no excitement, creativity, spotaneity, joy, drama, or spark in ANYTHING that I do.
I'm not okay with a mediocre job! I'm not okay with a mediocre LIFE. And I feel like that's all this is... And I just have no idea how to change it. I get so frustrated and overwhelmed about it all that when I'm not working, I just sit at home, and do NOTHING! I just watch TV and lay around the house all day, because I have nothing better to do!
I am 20, almost 21 years old. I am so sick of all of this crap, all of this ridiculous waste of time. Because that's all it is. I am wasting away! I am squandering an awesome education, I'm not challenged, or pushed, or pulled, or tested creatively in any way. I'm not GROWING.
And if you're not growing, than you're dying. And that's what it feels like. A slow, and agonizingly painful death into the land of mediocrity. Of punching the clock. Of day after day after day after day of nothing.
It sucks. I'm basically just living day to day. And I'm in some sort of existential crisis or something.
I just wish someone would come and whisk me away. And it hurts so much to know that no one can really.
I miss high school today.
I'm blending in so you won't even know me
Apart from this whole world that shares my fate.
This one last bullet you mentioned, is my one last shot at redemption
Because I know to live you must give your life away
I've been housing all this doubt, and insecurity
I've been locked inside that house, all the while you hold the key
I've been dying to get out,
That might be the death of me,
And even though there's no way in knowing where to go
I promise I'm going because
I've got to get out of here
Im stuck inside this rut that I feel into by mistake
I've gotta get out of here
And I'm begging you, I'm begging you to be my escape
I've given up, I'm doing this alone now
Because I failed and I'm ready to be shown now
You told me the way and I'm trying to get there
And this life sentence that I'm serving, I'll admit that I'm every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
I've gotta get out of here
I'm afraid that this complacency is something I can't shake
I gotta get out of here
And I'm begging you, I'm begging you: Be My Escape.
Have you ever noticed how usually people only write in their livejournals when they're really upset about something?
I feel bad about it. And if today would've been a good day, then I think I would've written an upbeat journal entry just to sway the balance, you know... actually write about something positive in my life instead of whining about the negative all the time. But oh well. Lol, I'm here to whine.
I need someone back in my life. I don't know who it was, or maybe it was just the right combination of people. or maybe it was being surrounded by people I cared about all the time as compared with being so far away from all of them all of the time. Maybe it's the fact that I have absolutely no motivation to make any changes in my life when I don't have someone else kicking me in the pants consistently, but whatever the reason..... I feel like such a high school kid all the time. STILL! And I just can't seem to shake that feeling of dependence on everyone and everything else. I am constantly looking everywhere else for advice, and ultimately, for other people to look at me and tell me what to do. With MY own life! I have said it before, but I feel like I'm in the chorus in my own life. If my life was a stage show, I'd be a chorus girl. And NOT the leading lady... even though, this is MY life I'm living, not anyone else's!
Grrrrr...... it's so unbeliveably frustrating. I'm just going from day to day, going through the motions, just sludging through monotonous (I'm sure I spelled that wrong) task to task, with little or no excitement, creativity, spotaneity, joy, drama, or spark in ANYTHING that I do.
I'm not okay with a mediocre job! I'm not okay with a mediocre LIFE. And I feel like that's all this is... And I just have no idea how to change it. I get so frustrated and overwhelmed about it all that when I'm not working, I just sit at home, and do NOTHING! I just watch TV and lay around the house all day, because I have nothing better to do!
I am 20, almost 21 years old. I am so sick of all of this crap, all of this ridiculous waste of time. Because that's all it is. I am wasting away! I am squandering an awesome education, I'm not challenged, or pushed, or pulled, or tested creatively in any way. I'm not GROWING.
And if you're not growing, than you're dying. And that's what it feels like. A slow, and agonizingly painful death into the land of mediocrity. Of punching the clock. Of day after day after day after day of nothing.
It sucks. I'm basically just living day to day. And I'm in some sort of existential crisis or something.
I just wish someone would come and whisk me away. And it hurts so much to know that no one can really.
I miss high school today.