My Dearest Kitty
2002-2016
I was on the bus up to NY when my parents took him to the vet, and they decided to have him put down after learning he had cancer in his stomach and digestive tract which was making all his digestive functions fail and just in bad health overall, without even telling me it was happening or waiting a few hours so I could be there with him when he died, so I could say goodbye to him and hold him one last time. They also unilaterally decided to not take the remains without consulting me because once again, my opinion about my own damn cat does not matter, apparently.
I cried all yesterday afternoon and evening. Last night I went as far as tying a rope around my neck and the other end to a doorknob and letting it get to the point where I felt myself going unconcious before sitting up. Repeat, repeat. Experiment with having it cut off my ability to breath vs. positioning it to cut off circulation via carotid artery.
In the end I let D. talk me out of it over the phone but...I can't say I'm not still thinking about going through with it, seriously.
I loved him more than I love most people I know with very few exceptions and now I feel like I have nothing. And I'm just so damn tired of being alive and just. I don't know...