Blah.
So, it's 4am and I'm laying in bed, tossing, turning and feeling ill. What else is new?
Hasn't been the best week ever... rushed to get a couple of assignments done last minute because I had been too busy focusing on other assignments. Haven't been able to see Jordan in a while. Having some mood swings, which is probably a result of me forgetting to take my meds regularly. And then of course, there's that thing where I told Donovon I need a break. So, we're kinda... officially unofficially broken up? I don't know. I'm taking some time to put myself first, and that requires not worrying about him and why I haven't heard from him, and what he's up to and whether he's okay. Because I do these things, constantly, and it's just another strain that I don't need right now. I guess I'm officially on the market, and I wouldn't mind dipping a foot in the dating pool, but there's that whole thing where (1.) I never meet people even when I try and (2.) I'm a full-time student whose also working and volunteering... I'm not exactly in a position to spend a lot of time with someone. Besides, I'm picky, and more or less done with any kind of dating that involves meeting over the internet. So I won't get my hopes up.
This summer's kind of in limbo as a result of this, but I'm trying not to worry about it as a result. There's still a remote possibility I'll spend some time in Calgary, but barring that, there's tons of possibilities. It'll be nice to separate myself from school for awhile; between classes and work, I feel like I spend more time there than I do at home. It'll be a chance to play with my Wii... I spent a few hours on Mario Galaxy tonight, and I swear it's the best thing Nintendo has released in years. Creative, energetic and innovative... exactly the qualities that make me a Nintendo fanboy.
I have three exams coming up this week, something I'm not exactly looking forward to. However, once they're done I only have a couple more exams, a debate, and a paper, and then I'm in the clear. I get to go to Everett, Washington for a Writer's Convention with my Peer Tutoring group, which should be exciting. There's also talk of taking a trip up to Whistler sometime in the summer, which would also be great. I'm planning to buy two or three of my text-books for next Spring ahead of time to get my reading and note-taking done ahead of time... if I can manage to convince one or two of my instructors for a course outline, I may even be able to get projects out of the way. I'd really like to continue working next year, and there's no way that will be possible if I'm balancing five courses. That being said, I should also try to secure a part-time job somewhere around here, if not to save up for school than to at least buy that IKEA suite I've been looking at for my room and to pitch in on rent.
It seems a lot of the time that the entire reason I can't sleep is because I can't stop thinking; to be specific, I can't stop thinking ahead. It's always "What's going on tomorrow?" or "What will I do next year?". Some days, I would kill for the ability to live in the moment, to focus on nothing more than right now. Instead, I get caught up worrying and anticipating all that's to come. In some ways I'm sure it's good... it helps me keep on track of everything going on in my life, at least, and makes me reflect on what I should start to do in order to be prepared for whatever's coming next. For the most part, though, it drive me up the wall. The same worries cycle through my head, and no matter what I do, I can't quell or prepare for all of them. I can only take things one at a time, and unless I want to get up and start working on them immediately, most of these things are going to have to wait.
That all being said, I think I'll do what I normally do when it's after 4am and I'm laying awake; run a hot bath, put on some low-key music and see what I can't do to push all these thoughts back, at least until tomorrow night.
~ Rob
Hasn't been the best week ever... rushed to get a couple of assignments done last minute because I had been too busy focusing on other assignments. Haven't been able to see Jordan in a while. Having some mood swings, which is probably a result of me forgetting to take my meds regularly. And then of course, there's that thing where I told Donovon I need a break. So, we're kinda... officially unofficially broken up? I don't know. I'm taking some time to put myself first, and that requires not worrying about him and why I haven't heard from him, and what he's up to and whether he's okay. Because I do these things, constantly, and it's just another strain that I don't need right now. I guess I'm officially on the market, and I wouldn't mind dipping a foot in the dating pool, but there's that whole thing where (1.) I never meet people even when I try and (2.) I'm a full-time student whose also working and volunteering... I'm not exactly in a position to spend a lot of time with someone. Besides, I'm picky, and more or less done with any kind of dating that involves meeting over the internet. So I won't get my hopes up.
This summer's kind of in limbo as a result of this, but I'm trying not to worry about it as a result. There's still a remote possibility I'll spend some time in Calgary, but barring that, there's tons of possibilities. It'll be nice to separate myself from school for awhile; between classes and work, I feel like I spend more time there than I do at home. It'll be a chance to play with my Wii... I spent a few hours on Mario Galaxy tonight, and I swear it's the best thing Nintendo has released in years. Creative, energetic and innovative... exactly the qualities that make me a Nintendo fanboy.
I have three exams coming up this week, something I'm not exactly looking forward to. However, once they're done I only have a couple more exams, a debate, and a paper, and then I'm in the clear. I get to go to Everett, Washington for a Writer's Convention with my Peer Tutoring group, which should be exciting. There's also talk of taking a trip up to Whistler sometime in the summer, which would also be great. I'm planning to buy two or three of my text-books for next Spring ahead of time to get my reading and note-taking done ahead of time... if I can manage to convince one or two of my instructors for a course outline, I may even be able to get projects out of the way. I'd really like to continue working next year, and there's no way that will be possible if I'm balancing five courses. That being said, I should also try to secure a part-time job somewhere around here, if not to save up for school than to at least buy that IKEA suite I've been looking at for my room and to pitch in on rent.
It seems a lot of the time that the entire reason I can't sleep is because I can't stop thinking; to be specific, I can't stop thinking ahead. It's always "What's going on tomorrow?" or "What will I do next year?". Some days, I would kill for the ability to live in the moment, to focus on nothing more than right now. Instead, I get caught up worrying and anticipating all that's to come. In some ways I'm sure it's good... it helps me keep on track of everything going on in my life, at least, and makes me reflect on what I should start to do in order to be prepared for whatever's coming next. For the most part, though, it drive me up the wall. The same worries cycle through my head, and no matter what I do, I can't quell or prepare for all of them. I can only take things one at a time, and unless I want to get up and start working on them immediately, most of these things are going to have to wait.
That all being said, I think I'll do what I normally do when it's after 4am and I'm laying awake; run a hot bath, put on some low-key music and see what I can't do to push all these thoughts back, at least until tomorrow night.
~ Rob