Ups & Downs
Fact: I've been off my anti-depressants since at least January (I'm not sure of the actual date).
Good news: I haven't killed myself (or anyone else), lost my job, estranged any friends or gotten kicked out of my home.
Bad news: I've considered suicide on a number of occasions, become easily frustrated and angry, isolated myself socially somewhat, talked to myself (more like chastised myself) more than I care to admit and had a number of minor emotional breakdowns.
I have decided to go back on my pills. As much as this was something I hoped I could conquer at this point in my life, I don't believe it's worth the drawbacks. I find myself thirsty when I get home at the end of a work or school day, and I'm not about to let myself go there. Maybe in a few years, a decade, I can try again. And maybe things will be different. If not, there's no shame in sticking to them. It's a chemical imbalance, not a character flaw.
In other news, my sister isn't doing too well with Katimavik and may be coming home in the coming weeks. It's a disappointment - partly because I've grown accustomed to life as an only child, but mostly because this was an excellent opportunity for her - but if she's miserable there, we're certainly not going to tell her she has no choice but to stay.
In other other news... one week left of school is one week too much. My brain is tired. I'm not in the mindspace for studying (especially due to the previously mentioned brain conditions). I'm also having trouble making my essay up to snuff. At this point, I may end up just rushing through the rest of it and calling it that. Better than not handing it in and failing.
And now, I shall sleep, as my eyes are stinging and my toes are slightly numb.
Wishing everyone a good week,
Rob
Good news: I haven't killed myself (or anyone else), lost my job, estranged any friends or gotten kicked out of my home.
Bad news: I've considered suicide on a number of occasions, become easily frustrated and angry, isolated myself socially somewhat, talked to myself (more like chastised myself) more than I care to admit and had a number of minor emotional breakdowns.
I have decided to go back on my pills. As much as this was something I hoped I could conquer at this point in my life, I don't believe it's worth the drawbacks. I find myself thirsty when I get home at the end of a work or school day, and I'm not about to let myself go there. Maybe in a few years, a decade, I can try again. And maybe things will be different. If not, there's no shame in sticking to them. It's a chemical imbalance, not a character flaw.
In other news, my sister isn't doing too well with Katimavik and may be coming home in the coming weeks. It's a disappointment - partly because I've grown accustomed to life as an only child, but mostly because this was an excellent opportunity for her - but if she's miserable there, we're certainly not going to tell her she has no choice but to stay.
In other other news... one week left of school is one week too much. My brain is tired. I'm not in the mindspace for studying (especially due to the previously mentioned brain conditions). I'm also having trouble making my essay up to snuff. At this point, I may end up just rushing through the rest of it and calling it that. Better than not handing it in and failing.
And now, I shall sleep, as my eyes are stinging and my toes are slightly numb.
Wishing everyone a good week,
Rob