DCU Fanfic: A Caught Bird
Title: A Caught Bird
Fandom: DCU
Character(s): Jason, Harley, Selina, Ivy
Pairing(s): N/A
Word Count: 2162 (and all written today, damn)
Genre: general/humor
Rating: PG-13/T
Notes: At first, this was gonna be Jason/Harley porn for the Spring Porn Fest, but it failed to become porn. Instead, it became Jason surrounded by women who may or may not want him dead. Takes place about issue #7 of Gotham City Sirens (though, there's not really any spoilers). Jason comes back from the multiverse rather confused and bewilder. The ladies don't help at all. (dcu_freeforall prompt: #38 author's choice/women.)
Link: N/A
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Every time he gets sent to a different Earth, Jason Todd hates the multiverse a little more. Everything's different, and it makes hiding out a little difficult. Sometimes, he'd luck out and bits of the Gotham he'd be dropped in would be close enough to his Gotham that he could manage make a place for himself. Well, at least until he gets shuffled around again.
For now, he thinks he's okay. There's one place that's abandoned around here that he should be able to sneak into easily, the old Gotham City Cat Shelter. It's a bit of a risk since any world's Catwoman could easily make this place her hideout, but before he sneaked in, he had picked up a paper. Selina Kyle is living rich and pretty in this world, no reason for her to be living in a beat up old cat shelter.
Jason sneaks in through the basement, which should have been his first tip off that something was off, but by the time he notices the cats free to roam around and the hyenas caged up, it's a bit too late. A light hits his eyes from the top of the basement stairs then he feels vines suddenly wrap around him. The world goes dark for a few moments, and when he opens his eyes again, he's tied to a chair and surrounded by three pissed off, familiar woman.
Well, relatively pissed off, since Selina seems to be the only one truly ticked off; Ivy and Harley seem to just be following her lead, which still doesn't bode well for him. “Ladies,” he coughs out, a vine thick and tight around his neck, making breathing and talking a little difficult.
Selina growls a little. “Todd,” she says, looking like a cat ready to pounce, “is there a reason we shouldn't just snap your neck for breaking into our abode?”
“That isn't even his worst offense, Selina,” Ivy states as she moves in close. “What was he did last you two met? Ah, yes, he was that crazed Batman that pushed you off a roof.”
Jason's eyes widen at that, looking over at Selina. Fuck if he did that, but the way Selina's glaring at him like she's one false move from using him as a scratching post, he's pretty sure someone did it, pretending to be him. Not that he can tell them that it wasn't him, since he can hardly breath, let alone form a sentence. He is so fucked.
“Red, Kitty... He looks really confused,” Harley pipes up, shoving Ivy aside and getting real close to his face. “Are you sure he was in that Batman costume? Sure, it was kinda his M.O., but it sorta wasn't...”
Ivy sighs. “Harley, how would you even know?” she asks, still eyeing Jason as if she'll crush his windpipe at any moment.
“I would! We totally worked together that one time! Me and him and Holly and some other crazy heroes to save the multiverse!” she announces, waving her arms for emphasis. “And I had this really cool mallet-”
Selina and Ivy trade looks as Jason starts to struggle in his bonds a bit. “Harley...” Selina starts, but soon notices Jason struggling, so she turns to him. “You want to speak up, boy?”
The vines around his neck loosen a little when Selina gives Ivy a signal. Jason takes in a gulp of air, panting a bit. “Son of a... Fuck, whoever that was that tried to kill you, Selina, it wasn't me. I haven't been on this Earth since way before the last Crisis!” he exclaims.
“Oh! That makes so much more sense now!” Harley says, excitedly clapping her hands. “Did we leave you behind or something? Oh wait, but you came back to Gotham with me and Holly...”
Jason gives her a confused look. “I never came back to Gotham with you guys... I ditched Troy and Rayner then got dragged elsewhere,” he explains with a frown. “There was another me?”
Selina keeps a suspicious eye on him. “Perhaps,” she says skeptically. “Considering the chaos he brought... Harley's right that it wasn't completely your M.O.”
“Yeah, yeah, see? I can be right!” Harley exclaims cheerfully.
“Maybe,” Selina states thoughtfully before turning to Ivy. “Don't loosen the vines just yet, though.”
Ivy tightens the vines around Jason's body a bit. “Wouldn't dream of it,” she assures.
Jason still struggles in his bonds a bit. “Look, I have no idea what has been going on, and why the fuck would I want to dress up as Bats?” he asks angrily. “I've got no reason to.”
“You would have a reason,” Ivy murmurs. “That is, of course, if the rumors are really true...”
“What rumors?” he asks.
Harley almost speaks up, but Selina silences her with a look before leaning in to whisper low enough that only Jason can hear. “Batman is dead,” she says quietly and leans away when Jason jerks.
“Fuck you!” he shouts, unbelieving and struggling harder. “Let me go, you stupid bitches!”
Ivy's eyes narrow at that, tightening the vine around Jason's neck again. “What did you call us, little boy?” she asks with venom in her voice.
“Kitty, what'd you say to him to make him so angry?” Harley questions, torn between letting Ivy do her thing and helping Jason out.
Selina's quiet for a moment before she puts a hand on Ivy's shoulder. “Loosen the grip. I have an idea.”
“Why should I let him get away with being so rude to us?” Ivy asks, loosening the vines only enough so Jason won't die.
“Because I'm almost positive he's not lying, though you can make me completely sure by dousing him with some of that truth pollen you used on me a while back,” Selina states, glancing over to Jason. “If he's not lying, I owe his...mentor not to have him killed.”
Ivy raises an eyebrow at that. “Mentor?” she questions curiously as she loosens the grip on Jason's throat.
“Oh yeah! He's that Robin that Mister J offed, right, kitty?” Harley adds in.
Selina hesitates a bit as Jason glares at her. “I'm not at liberty to confirm or deny that...” she trails off a little.
“I'll confirm it! I remember 'cause there was those heroes that kept joking around, calling him the dead sidekick!” Harley pauses. “Now that I think about it, they weren't very nice to him at all.”
Jason scowls as Ivy looks him over. “Hmm, he did seem familiar to my vines...” she murmurs. “My vines do not forget someone they have ensnared before, and I've ensnared a few Robins. You were the angry one.”
Harley giggles at that. “I'd be angry too if I had to run around in green scaly panties!” she chortles.
“Shut up!” Jason shouts, very uncomfortable with how much control he doesn't have in this situation. “Just let me go!”
“Ivy, the truth pollen,” Selina states, “before he gets too out of hand.”
“I'll show you outta hand, you-!” Jason yells, but a vine covers his mouth, silencing him.
“Quiet, angry Robin,” Ivy instructs as a flower grows on the vine. “Think of what you wish to ask him, Selina. The pollen will only last for so long.”
“I remember,” Selina bit out, a little bitterly.
“We said sorry like a million times for that, kitty!” Harley whines as she pokes at the flower. “Ooh! Can I ask him some questions too? I want a turn!”
Jason glares at her as Ivy flicks her hand, making the flower open and spray him with some of the truth pollen. Coughing behind the vine, Jason starts thrashing again. Ivy slips the vine from his mouth and obscenities slip out.
“Tut, tut, did Batman let you curse like that?” Ivy asks sweetly.
“Batman couldn't stop me if he tried!” Jason shouts unhappily.
Selina smiles a bit at that. “Jason, let's cut to the chase. Did you know Batman was dead?”
Jason scowls. “Of course I didn't fucking know! I only just got back! I'm not even completely sure this is my Earth anyway!”
Selina shares a look with Ivy while Harley bounces over to sit in Jason's lap. “Aww, poor not-so-dead Robin. Miss your Batman, huh?”
“...yes,” he says through gritted teeth. “Oh I fucking hate you bitches right now.”
“Curb that attitude,” Ivy states, “or we may just keep you tied up forever.”
“Ooh! I like that idea! Can we keep him? Kitty, Red, please~?” Harley asks with another bounce.
“No fucking way! I'm not some kept pet!” he shouts, squirming enough to knock Harley off his lap.
Harley lands on her ass with a 'oomph' and a pout. “That was rude!” she complains.
“Jason,” Selina speaks up again, “I have one more question then I'll tell Ivy to free you. Why were you breaking into our hideout?”
Jason keeps he mouth shut for as long as he can, but with the truth pollen, he can't for very long. “I need a place to crash, and I was hoping this place was abandoned like it shoulda been,” he says quite reluctantly.
“Was his answer satisfactory?” Ivy asks as one of her vines helps Harley off the floor.
Selina nods. “Yes, but...” she starts off, giving Jason a small smile. “I'll let you crash here, on one condition.”
“What is it?” Jason asks warily.
“You help us figure out who your impostor is. He's doing quite the impression of you. Your family has no clue, and I can't let that stand,” she states, buffing her nails a little on her clothes. “Plus, the man tried to kill me. He deserves a swift punishment.”
Jason is quiet for a moment, the truth pollen nearly worn off. “I'll help, but I'd like to be able to move sometime this century.”
Ivy sighs as she lets the vines around Jason loosen and pull away. “If he's staying, there are some house rules,” she states, keeping a wary eye on Jason.
“We have rules?” Harley questions.
“Rules for when men are in our midst,” Ivy explains. “Hurt any plant life, you will feel my wrath.”
“That's only one rule, Red,” Harley points out as Selina hides a small smile behind her hand.
“Same goes for the cats,” Selina adds as Jason stretches a bit. “And we trust you're not going to try to take advantage of us. Especially Harley, she doesn't know better.”
“Hey!” Harley shouts indignantly. “I could totally handle him!”
Jason rolls his eyes. “I don't take advantage of women. Not my thing, kitty-cat,” he drawls. “Anyway, there're more plants and cats here than people. I don't feel like being strangled or mauled to death.”
Ivy chuckles at that. “Perhaps this Robin has more brains than I thought,” she almost purrs as she walks passed him.
“Haven't been Robin in a long time, Ivy, so don't call me that,” he states a bit bitterly.
Harley huffs. “Aww, does that mean no little green panties?” she asks as she pokes at Jason. “We wander around scantily clad all the time! I think our new rent boy should return the favor.”
Selina snorts a little laugh as Jason's eyes widen then narrow angrily. “I am not your rent boy!” he shouts, shoving Harley away.
Ivy chuckles. “Mmm, Harley, that's a lovely idea. Perhaps you should work on it, so the boy doesn't try to stab you in your sleep,” she suggests as she heads upstairs. “Now, I'm going to have private time with my lovelies. Do not disturb me.”
Jason stares after her for a moment, the rent boy comment forgotten for the moment. “I though... Wait, so those rumors that she really does more with her plants...”
“Totally true, Jay-baby, totally true,” Harley sing-songs.
“Don't call me that,” Jason growls, trying to ignore her as he looks at Selina who's trying not to laugh. “So, where's my room?”
“Ooh! Lemme find him a room! It can be next to mine, and you can tell me about all the other kooky Gothams you've been ta!” Harley announces grabbing his arm and dragging him towards the hall.
Jason gave Selina a pleading look, and she didn't even bother hide her smile, giving Jason a small wave. “Remember what Ivy said, and sleep well, Jason,” she says sweetly as Harley starts to talk Jason's ear off as they disappear down the hall.
Fandom: DCU
Character(s): Jason, Harley, Selina, Ivy
Pairing(s): N/A
Word Count: 2162 (and all written today, damn)
Genre: general/humor
Rating: PG-13/T
Notes: At first, this was gonna be Jason/Harley porn for the Spring Porn Fest, but it failed to become porn. Instead, it became Jason surrounded by women who may or may not want him dead. Takes place about issue #7 of Gotham City Sirens (though, there's not really any spoilers). Jason comes back from the multiverse rather confused and bewilder. The ladies don't help at all. (dcu_freeforall prompt: #38 author's choice/women.)
Link: N/A
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Every time he gets sent to a different Earth, Jason Todd hates the multiverse a little more. Everything's different, and it makes hiding out a little difficult. Sometimes, he'd luck out and bits of the Gotham he'd be dropped in would be close enough to his Gotham that he could manage make a place for himself. Well, at least until he gets shuffled around again.
For now, he thinks he's okay. There's one place that's abandoned around here that he should be able to sneak into easily, the old Gotham City Cat Shelter. It's a bit of a risk since any world's Catwoman could easily make this place her hideout, but before he sneaked in, he had picked up a paper. Selina Kyle is living rich and pretty in this world, no reason for her to be living in a beat up old cat shelter.
Jason sneaks in through the basement, which should have been his first tip off that something was off, but by the time he notices the cats free to roam around and the hyenas caged up, it's a bit too late. A light hits his eyes from the top of the basement stairs then he feels vines suddenly wrap around him. The world goes dark for a few moments, and when he opens his eyes again, he's tied to a chair and surrounded by three pissed off, familiar woman.
Well, relatively pissed off, since Selina seems to be the only one truly ticked off; Ivy and Harley seem to just be following her lead, which still doesn't bode well for him. “Ladies,” he coughs out, a vine thick and tight around his neck, making breathing and talking a little difficult.
Selina growls a little. “Todd,” she says, looking like a cat ready to pounce, “is there a reason we shouldn't just snap your neck for breaking into our abode?”
“That isn't even his worst offense, Selina,” Ivy states as she moves in close. “What was he did last you two met? Ah, yes, he was that crazed Batman that pushed you off a roof.”
Jason's eyes widen at that, looking over at Selina. Fuck if he did that, but the way Selina's glaring at him like she's one false move from using him as a scratching post, he's pretty sure someone did it, pretending to be him. Not that he can tell them that it wasn't him, since he can hardly breath, let alone form a sentence. He is so fucked.
“Red, Kitty... He looks really confused,” Harley pipes up, shoving Ivy aside and getting real close to his face. “Are you sure he was in that Batman costume? Sure, it was kinda his M.O., but it sorta wasn't...”
Ivy sighs. “Harley, how would you even know?” she asks, still eyeing Jason as if she'll crush his windpipe at any moment.
“I would! We totally worked together that one time! Me and him and Holly and some other crazy heroes to save the multiverse!” she announces, waving her arms for emphasis. “And I had this really cool mallet-”
Selina and Ivy trade looks as Jason starts to struggle in his bonds a bit. “Harley...” Selina starts, but soon notices Jason struggling, so she turns to him. “You want to speak up, boy?”
The vines around his neck loosen a little when Selina gives Ivy a signal. Jason takes in a gulp of air, panting a bit. “Son of a... Fuck, whoever that was that tried to kill you, Selina, it wasn't me. I haven't been on this Earth since way before the last Crisis!” he exclaims.
“Oh! That makes so much more sense now!” Harley says, excitedly clapping her hands. “Did we leave you behind or something? Oh wait, but you came back to Gotham with me and Holly...”
Jason gives her a confused look. “I never came back to Gotham with you guys... I ditched Troy and Rayner then got dragged elsewhere,” he explains with a frown. “There was another me?”
Selina keeps a suspicious eye on him. “Perhaps,” she says skeptically. “Considering the chaos he brought... Harley's right that it wasn't completely your M.O.”
“Yeah, yeah, see? I can be right!” Harley exclaims cheerfully.
“Maybe,” Selina states thoughtfully before turning to Ivy. “Don't loosen the vines just yet, though.”
Ivy tightens the vines around Jason's body a bit. “Wouldn't dream of it,” she assures.
Jason still struggles in his bonds a bit. “Look, I have no idea what has been going on, and why the fuck would I want to dress up as Bats?” he asks angrily. “I've got no reason to.”
“You would have a reason,” Ivy murmurs. “That is, of course, if the rumors are really true...”
“What rumors?” he asks.
Harley almost speaks up, but Selina silences her with a look before leaning in to whisper low enough that only Jason can hear. “Batman is dead,” she says quietly and leans away when Jason jerks.
“Fuck you!” he shouts, unbelieving and struggling harder. “Let me go, you stupid bitches!”
Ivy's eyes narrow at that, tightening the vine around Jason's neck again. “What did you call us, little boy?” she asks with venom in her voice.
“Kitty, what'd you say to him to make him so angry?” Harley questions, torn between letting Ivy do her thing and helping Jason out.
Selina's quiet for a moment before she puts a hand on Ivy's shoulder. “Loosen the grip. I have an idea.”
“Why should I let him get away with being so rude to us?” Ivy asks, loosening the vines only enough so Jason won't die.
“Because I'm almost positive he's not lying, though you can make me completely sure by dousing him with some of that truth pollen you used on me a while back,” Selina states, glancing over to Jason. “If he's not lying, I owe his...mentor not to have him killed.”
Ivy raises an eyebrow at that. “Mentor?” she questions curiously as she loosens the grip on Jason's throat.
“Oh yeah! He's that Robin that Mister J offed, right, kitty?” Harley adds in.
Selina hesitates a bit as Jason glares at her. “I'm not at liberty to confirm or deny that...” she trails off a little.
“I'll confirm it! I remember 'cause there was those heroes that kept joking around, calling him the dead sidekick!” Harley pauses. “Now that I think about it, they weren't very nice to him at all.”
Jason scowls as Ivy looks him over. “Hmm, he did seem familiar to my vines...” she murmurs. “My vines do not forget someone they have ensnared before, and I've ensnared a few Robins. You were the angry one.”
Harley giggles at that. “I'd be angry too if I had to run around in green scaly panties!” she chortles.
“Shut up!” Jason shouts, very uncomfortable with how much control he doesn't have in this situation. “Just let me go!”
“Ivy, the truth pollen,” Selina states, “before he gets too out of hand.”
“I'll show you outta hand, you-!” Jason yells, but a vine covers his mouth, silencing him.
“Quiet, angry Robin,” Ivy instructs as a flower grows on the vine. “Think of what you wish to ask him, Selina. The pollen will only last for so long.”
“I remember,” Selina bit out, a little bitterly.
“We said sorry like a million times for that, kitty!” Harley whines as she pokes at the flower. “Ooh! Can I ask him some questions too? I want a turn!”
Jason glares at her as Ivy flicks her hand, making the flower open and spray him with some of the truth pollen. Coughing behind the vine, Jason starts thrashing again. Ivy slips the vine from his mouth and obscenities slip out.
“Tut, tut, did Batman let you curse like that?” Ivy asks sweetly.
“Batman couldn't stop me if he tried!” Jason shouts unhappily.
Selina smiles a bit at that. “Jason, let's cut to the chase. Did you know Batman was dead?”
Jason scowls. “Of course I didn't fucking know! I only just got back! I'm not even completely sure this is my Earth anyway!”
Selina shares a look with Ivy while Harley bounces over to sit in Jason's lap. “Aww, poor not-so-dead Robin. Miss your Batman, huh?”
“...yes,” he says through gritted teeth. “Oh I fucking hate you bitches right now.”
“Curb that attitude,” Ivy states, “or we may just keep you tied up forever.”
“Ooh! I like that idea! Can we keep him? Kitty, Red, please~?” Harley asks with another bounce.
“No fucking way! I'm not some kept pet!” he shouts, squirming enough to knock Harley off his lap.
Harley lands on her ass with a 'oomph' and a pout. “That was rude!” she complains.
“Jason,” Selina speaks up again, “I have one more question then I'll tell Ivy to free you. Why were you breaking into our hideout?”
Jason keeps he mouth shut for as long as he can, but with the truth pollen, he can't for very long. “I need a place to crash, and I was hoping this place was abandoned like it shoulda been,” he says quite reluctantly.
“Was his answer satisfactory?” Ivy asks as one of her vines helps Harley off the floor.
Selina nods. “Yes, but...” she starts off, giving Jason a small smile. “I'll let you crash here, on one condition.”
“What is it?” Jason asks warily.
“You help us figure out who your impostor is. He's doing quite the impression of you. Your family has no clue, and I can't let that stand,” she states, buffing her nails a little on her clothes. “Plus, the man tried to kill me. He deserves a swift punishment.”
Jason is quiet for a moment, the truth pollen nearly worn off. “I'll help, but I'd like to be able to move sometime this century.”
Ivy sighs as she lets the vines around Jason loosen and pull away. “If he's staying, there are some house rules,” she states, keeping a wary eye on Jason.
“We have rules?” Harley questions.
“Rules for when men are in our midst,” Ivy explains. “Hurt any plant life, you will feel my wrath.”
“That's only one rule, Red,” Harley points out as Selina hides a small smile behind her hand.
“Same goes for the cats,” Selina adds as Jason stretches a bit. “And we trust you're not going to try to take advantage of us. Especially Harley, she doesn't know better.”
“Hey!” Harley shouts indignantly. “I could totally handle him!”
Jason rolls his eyes. “I don't take advantage of women. Not my thing, kitty-cat,” he drawls. “Anyway, there're more plants and cats here than people. I don't feel like being strangled or mauled to death.”
Ivy chuckles at that. “Perhaps this Robin has more brains than I thought,” she almost purrs as she walks passed him.
“Haven't been Robin in a long time, Ivy, so don't call me that,” he states a bit bitterly.
Harley huffs. “Aww, does that mean no little green panties?” she asks as she pokes at Jason. “We wander around scantily clad all the time! I think our new rent boy should return the favor.”
Selina snorts a little laugh as Jason's eyes widen then narrow angrily. “I am not your rent boy!” he shouts, shoving Harley away.
Ivy chuckles. “Mmm, Harley, that's a lovely idea. Perhaps you should work on it, so the boy doesn't try to stab you in your sleep,” she suggests as she heads upstairs. “Now, I'm going to have private time with my lovelies. Do not disturb me.”
Jason stares after her for a moment, the rent boy comment forgotten for the moment. “I though... Wait, so those rumors that she really does more with her plants...”
“Totally true, Jay-baby, totally true,” Harley sing-songs.
“Don't call me that,” Jason growls, trying to ignore her as he looks at Selina who's trying not to laugh. “So, where's my room?”
“Ooh! Lemme find him a room! It can be next to mine, and you can tell me about all the other kooky Gothams you've been ta!” Harley announces grabbing his arm and dragging him towards the hall.
Jason gave Selina a pleading look, and she didn't even bother hide her smile, giving Jason a small wave. “Remember what Ivy said, and sleep well, Jason,” she says sweetly as Harley starts to talk Jason's ear off as they disappear down the hall.