Bye-bye, love. Hello, Lovecraft.
So, things with Shelby ended disastrously, as I pretty much expected they would. I'm sure we'll stay friends, but the experience has left a most special wound upon my heart. I pinned my very last hope on her, and was rewarded with disappointment. As it stands, my faith in love is effectively shattered, and I have no intention of falling victim to it again anytime in the near future. Instead, I'm choosing to embrace other avenues to fill the void in my soul, since obviously, I'm not meant to be loved in the romantic sense.
One thing I'm embracing more fully is my friendships. Lindsay, Ethan, Scott, Evan, Erik, Katrina, Dan... I've begun pursuing social interaction more fervently than ever, and will be hosting regular game nights to help nurture these relationships. Having spent so much time in recent years on video games, I'd forgotten how much I loved the tabletop. Board games, in particular, have been a welcome addition to my recreational pursuits. I do miss wargaming a bit, but I manage to get a game or two in here and there. For now, give me Elder Sign and Munchkin any day :p
Another love that I've welcomed back into my life is literature. Between work, school, and other hobbies, I haven't had much time to read for leisure, but I'm making an effort to remedy that. One such example is my discovery of H.P. Lovecraft. Yes, his stuff's been around for a long time, but I'd actually never read any of it until recently, when I picked up an anthology of his works. Now, I'm deeply regretful that I didn't discover him earlier. The man wandered along the edge of sanity, yes, but that may be why his writing is so damn brilliant. Also, I not-so-secretly had a severe fanboy squee moment when I learned he and I were both born and raised Rhode Islanders. Note to self - See if there's any landmarks or other places devoted to him, and definitely find out if he's buried here, so's I can arrange some day trips.
Are these things a complete substitute for love? No. Love is something I've desired my entire life, and nothing will ever feel quite as wonderful to me. But these other pursuits are certainly fulfilling in their own way, and at the very least, I feel that they enrich me as a person. So, when the right girl does come along, I'll be a more complete individual, with her being the final missing piece to make my life truly complete. The thought that such a thing could happen someday is comforting, even if my heart is still broken in the meantime. I may have lost my faith in love for the moment, but there's always the distant hope that the future will bring something new.
One thing I'm embracing more fully is my friendships. Lindsay, Ethan, Scott, Evan, Erik, Katrina, Dan... I've begun pursuing social interaction more fervently than ever, and will be hosting regular game nights to help nurture these relationships. Having spent so much time in recent years on video games, I'd forgotten how much I loved the tabletop. Board games, in particular, have been a welcome addition to my recreational pursuits. I do miss wargaming a bit, but I manage to get a game or two in here and there. For now, give me Elder Sign and Munchkin any day :p
Another love that I've welcomed back into my life is literature. Between work, school, and other hobbies, I haven't had much time to read for leisure, but I'm making an effort to remedy that. One such example is my discovery of H.P. Lovecraft. Yes, his stuff's been around for a long time, but I'd actually never read any of it until recently, when I picked up an anthology of his works. Now, I'm deeply regretful that I didn't discover him earlier. The man wandered along the edge of sanity, yes, but that may be why his writing is so damn brilliant. Also, I not-so-secretly had a severe fanboy squee moment when I learned he and I were both born and raised Rhode Islanders. Note to self - See if there's any landmarks or other places devoted to him, and definitely find out if he's buried here, so's I can arrange some day trips.
Are these things a complete substitute for love? No. Love is something I've desired my entire life, and nothing will ever feel quite as wonderful to me. But these other pursuits are certainly fulfilling in their own way, and at the very least, I feel that they enrich me as a person. So, when the right girl does come along, I'll be a more complete individual, with her being the final missing piece to make my life truly complete. The thought that such a thing could happen someday is comforting, even if my heart is still broken in the meantime. I may have lost my faith in love for the moment, but there's always the distant hope that the future will bring something new.