Thinking..
So it's been a little while, and I feel like updating this thing again.
It seems that lately people have said that I'm not myself lately. Rich told me that lately I've seemed upset, when (for those that know me) I'm usually a ball of happy sugar-coated nonsense that can't calm down for shit and makes everyone happy. I think it's because I'm being confided in for many things, and just feel like I'm going to burst. I'm not supposed to tell anyone, as most will say when divulging a secret about themselves or a loved one. At the same time, I don't want to turn away those that I care about. As I've said, I treasure my friends as family. Having two people tell me things about either party, kinda tears me apart. I hope this all works out.
I know I should learn to not involve myself in these sorts of things, but it's hard not to when you see a friend of yours going through a hard time. I just want them to feel better, is all. I'd rather take the hit instead of them shutting themselves down and destroying themselves. I have the feeling it's taken a toll on my physical self. I've been so tired...all week, really. All I know is it'll be nice to get away from a majority of people for a little while this weekend. I'll be up with Josh and his dad/step-mom at their campsite. I hope it'll calm me down a bit. I probably need it. It's been a while since I've been...outside. I should go on more walks.
It's kind of awesome how my friends are. I miss all my people in Monroe. Seeing pictures of D's room completely empty just tore me apart. To know that soon I won't be able to go up there, escape what life I live in that house of mine. To go to a place where I feel absolutely loved by her parents as well as her. She's like my sister. She's the first of the 4 of us to leave. She'll be in Brooklyn, Jackie and Cilla still live in Monroe. But having this all change while I'm at school is...well, different. It makes me realize that we're growing up. We'll all be separate soon. I just hope we'll all keep in touch.
Kristine always tries to cheer me up while I'm at school. I constantly hear from her (Whenever I mention Tiger coming to visit, or us going somewhere) "So you excited to see him?" and I kinda think it's because he makes me smile. Whenever I think of seeing him, it just brings a complete smile to my face. This, in turn has her say "I'm glad to see you smiling" or "I love your smile". Something I haven't heard in a long time. A long, long time. I hope this feeling stays just as it is. Just thinking about it now is making me smile, even. I just hope he stays this happy with me. I'd like that..This happiness is something I haven't felt in a long while. Let's keep it that way.
I think today tried to make up for the shitty week I just had. My car kinda died (The exhaust system...died...I needed 2 pipes and a bunch of gaskets as well as have upper control arms and ball joints be changed or something) and my laptop died. I got into a huge fight with my dad, which I'm afraid to go home and face now. But today, I managed to get my tc1100 from home that my dad sent up, my car finished, I had a test in my first class which allowed me to get out early, I don't have homework over the weekend, and I get to see Josh for 3 days. I think that it's the most awesome day I had experienced in a long while. I hope to have more days like that. It would definitely bring my spirits up.
Everyone deserves to be happy.
It seems that lately people have said that I'm not myself lately. Rich told me that lately I've seemed upset, when (for those that know me) I'm usually a ball of happy sugar-coated nonsense that can't calm down for shit and makes everyone happy. I think it's because I'm being confided in for many things, and just feel like I'm going to burst. I'm not supposed to tell anyone, as most will say when divulging a secret about themselves or a loved one. At the same time, I don't want to turn away those that I care about. As I've said, I treasure my friends as family. Having two people tell me things about either party, kinda tears me apart. I hope this all works out.
I know I should learn to not involve myself in these sorts of things, but it's hard not to when you see a friend of yours going through a hard time. I just want them to feel better, is all. I'd rather take the hit instead of them shutting themselves down and destroying themselves. I have the feeling it's taken a toll on my physical self. I've been so tired...all week, really. All I know is it'll be nice to get away from a majority of people for a little while this weekend. I'll be up with Josh and his dad/step-mom at their campsite. I hope it'll calm me down a bit. I probably need it. It's been a while since I've been...outside. I should go on more walks.
It's kind of awesome how my friends are. I miss all my people in Monroe. Seeing pictures of D's room completely empty just tore me apart. To know that soon I won't be able to go up there, escape what life I live in that house of mine. To go to a place where I feel absolutely loved by her parents as well as her. She's like my sister. She's the first of the 4 of us to leave. She'll be in Brooklyn, Jackie and Cilla still live in Monroe. But having this all change while I'm at school is...well, different. It makes me realize that we're growing up. We'll all be separate soon. I just hope we'll all keep in touch.
Kristine always tries to cheer me up while I'm at school. I constantly hear from her (Whenever I mention Tiger coming to visit, or us going somewhere) "So you excited to see him?" and I kinda think it's because he makes me smile. Whenever I think of seeing him, it just brings a complete smile to my face. This, in turn has her say "I'm glad to see you smiling" or "I love your smile". Something I haven't heard in a long time. A long, long time. I hope this feeling stays just as it is. Just thinking about it now is making me smile, even. I just hope he stays this happy with me. I'd like that..This happiness is something I haven't felt in a long while. Let's keep it that way.
I think today tried to make up for the shitty week I just had. My car kinda died (The exhaust system...died...I needed 2 pipes and a bunch of gaskets as well as have upper control arms and ball joints be changed or something) and my laptop died. I got into a huge fight with my dad, which I'm afraid to go home and face now. But today, I managed to get my tc1100 from home that my dad sent up, my car finished, I had a test in my first class which allowed me to get out early, I don't have homework over the weekend, and I get to see Josh for 3 days. I think that it's the most awesome day I had experienced in a long while. I hope to have more days like that. It would definitely bring my spirits up.
Everyone deserves to be happy.