{ FIC } She Who Must Not Be Loved : Chapter 18
{ FIC } She Who Must Not Be Loved : Chapter 18
Feat. TVXQ
Rating: R (this chapter only)
[ A/N: This chapter contains explicit scenes. You have been warned. ]
E I G H T E E N
{ SolMin }
Blood is thicker than water, so the cliché goes. I chose my own blood, instead of the water that will cleanse me. I chose it because I’d rather be condemned than be alone. I chose it because I’ve done so for ten years, and I’m not about to choose otherwise.
Kim YongSu was a clear target from where I’d positioned myself. It’s always advisable to be looking over your prey, like an eagle to a rabbit. I recognized Kim YongSu because of the suit he’s wearing. It was the same suit he wore on the night of the church concert.
He was among his subordinates, people younger than him, people who looked the same age as ChangMin, exchanging bags and packets of that stuff BooJae said can make people fly.
I remembered JunSu and his sorry face when his father shut him up in church. The boy merely wanted a little of his time, but he was a bastard to have walked away. Maybe JunSu would be happy if I did this anyway, but I cannot be too sure. Nevertheless, I’m doing this more for my own blood than for the water that will cleanse me.
I aimed. I shot. I walked away. It was easy.
Kim YongSu is dead, and my task for the day is done. However, when I walked back to the car, I saw YunHo, and realized it’s not yet over.
I have to kill you too. I’m sorry.
YunHo took me to his apartment that night, knowing that I needed time to compose myself before going home to my little brother. This had been almost a ritual for the past two years. I stain my hands with blood, YunHo washes them clean, and I come home and sleep in my little brother’s embrace.
“I’ve arranged ChangMin’s flight and lodging already,” YunHo told me when I sat down in front of his small dining table. There was a picture of the two of us pasted on the wall, a reminder of the hope we had for this relationship we have. However, like the picture that stood out against that blank wall, our hope had been alone and out of place.
A brown manila envelope slid on the table in front of me. “This contains all the documents he needs. He leaves in two days.”
“So soon?”
“SolMin, we need to be quick about this if you don’t want your brother to get hurt.”
I remembered ChangMin’s lone tear the night before. “He’s already hurt…”
“Fine. If you don’t want him to hurt more, then.”
I took the envelope and examined the documents inside. YunHo had done his part of the plan, but I was chickening out. I know I wanted to save my brother, but I don’t know if I can save me from myself once he’s gone. Sure, there was YunHo who had always been there, foolishly saving my life, but I’ve already decided it was time to let him go.
There was no way he’s going to see how this would end.
“YunHo-ah… thank you,” I said, closing the flap of the manila envelope. “I’ve decided to follow ChangMin after all this is over.”
He smiled, “I can arrange for that too.”
“No, I can do it myself. Thanks.”
The smile faded. “SolMin-ah…”
I stood up and headed for the door. I can feel my ribs crowding against my heart, crushing it as I took each step away from him. “SolMin, wait… where are you going?”
“Home.”
“Are you gonna be alright? I’ll take you home.”
“No, YunHo… there’s no need to,” I said, opening the door. I turned around and faced him. “From tonight, there’s no need for you to do anything else for me. Thank you for everything, up to the last word you said to comfort me. But there’s no need for that anymore. I quit.”
I felt a firm grip on my shoulder, and the slightly open door banged shut under his free hand. I found myself pinned against the door, his eyes piercing mine. “SolMin-ah… you’re not breaking up with me, are you?”
“I am.”
“Quitting your job means quitting on me too? Since when have I been equivalent to JungShin?”
“You’re on the other end of that spectrum,” I said, trying to move my way out of the prison he created with his arms. “Let me go.”
“No.”
“It’s over.”
“Look at me,” he said, pinning my shoulder with his left hand and lifting my chin with his right. “Look at me and tell me that. Look at me in the eye and tell me that you’re quitting on me.”
I couldn’t. If ChangMin was the man in my life, YunHo was my god. He was there when I prayed for words to drown out the nightmares I had even when awake. He was there when I begged for deliverance, when I asked for understanding, when I needed to be forgiven, when I needed to be loved.
And he loved me unconditionally.
“LOOK AT ME!”
I can’t do this anymore, YunHo. It would be sacrilege to stay with you.
I felt him lift my chin higher, and the next thing I knew I was grasping for air, his mouth violently devouring mine. We had kissed a number of times before, but never like this. He had always been so gentle, but now, it felt more possessive and angry.
I tried pushing him away, but his hands caught mine and stapled them on the wall. The manila envelope had fallen at my feet, but he didn’t seem to care. I wanted to kick his knees, but my own knees were giving way while his lips continued what he had begun, giving me a second to breathe while he went on exploring the lines of my neck down to my collarbone.
“YunHo-ah…” I said, in a whisper, “don’t do this.”
His grip on my hands loosened, and his breath on my neck steadied. Holding my face and looking into my eyes, he said, “You love me.”
“I do.”
He shook his head, “Then why?”
“Because I want to save you too.”
“There is nothing to save,” he said quickly, and his lips touched mine again, this time like they always used to.
{ YunHo }
There is an anger in my heart I wanted to quell, and that anger died the moment SolMin breathed the words “I do.” It was as if she had said the vows that couples exchange in front of God’s house, but she said it against my lips.
My hands touched her tear-stained face as my lips danced with hers over and over to the music that never existed anywhere but inside my head. I went on to explore her body with my lips as my hands paved the way, making buttons and snaps senseless. She moaned when I touched her breasts and fondled them with my hands. She cried when I went so far as to taste them with my tongue. She reminded me of honey.
Her nipples hardened against my tongue as I licked them and sucked on her breasts gently. I went up and kissed her neck while my hands traced the smooth skin of her back.
She had surrendered. I knew this when I felt her fingers running through my hair, caressing the back of my neck as I kissed her bare stomach and below her navel, a place I wanted so much to fill with our love. A place where I wanted our unborn child to grow.
I stood up and carried her to my bed. I had drugged her with my lips, I was certain, for she didn’t even utter a word of protest, and as I watched over her half-naked body lying there, I decided there was no turning back.
“Ohh… YunHo-ah…” she moaned when I kissed her neck, my body pressing over her, careful not to crush her underneath me. She was about to say something more, but I swallowed her words with my mouth. It was then that I felt her hands unbuttoning my shirt and then feeling my bare chest with her warm hands. Quickly, I got rid of the shirt, and in a second, we were skin to skin.
“Let me love you…” I whispered to her ear while my left hand freed the zipper of her dark gray slacks. “It’s the only good thing I’ve done…”
Sweat trickled on SolMin’s forehead, and I wiped it away with my hands after I pulled off her slacks completely. I felt myself hardening against her skin, and I knew she felt it too, because her hands traveled down to my waist, unbuckled my belt and unzipped my pants. It didn’t take long until we were both barenaked in each other’s arms, feeling each other’s need to be complete.
“I didn’t want to admit it…” she whispered as she returned my kisses. “… but I need you, YunHo.”
“I’m here. You have all of me.”
Slowly, I spread her legs with my hands, and her body tensed a little. Running my hands over her legs, I rubbed them, trying to loosen her up. She relaxed a bit, and I leaned forward to satisfy the hunger of her lips. She gasped when she felt my fingers slide inside her. I could feel her swell, exploring her with my fingers, and I had the urge to taste her with my tongue as well.
“Oh God! YunHo!” she moaned loudly when I went down and started licking her womanhood. She was so wet and sweet, and I enjoyed tasting the juice that came out of her. She was ready.
She bit her lower lip when I finally entered her, and after that came a long, soft moan. I became still in her arms as I let her get used to my length, kissing her lips, my tongue making love with hers.
Her hands gripped my arms & shoulders tightly when I started pushing and pulling away, making her mine, and letting her know as well that I’m completely hers. She felt warm and embracing inside, it was the feeling of finally finding home and being there. I didn’t want to let go, and so did she, as she communicated with her arms that enveloped my neck.
“YunHo…” she bit her lip and held on to my waist, “Own me… don’t let go…”
“I won’t... I won’t…” I moaned and muffled her cries with a kiss. Her hands caressed my chest, and then my back, and then down to my rear, pushing it against her, wanting me to plunge deeper.
She arched her back and I went deeper inside her, holding her with my right arm and thrusting in a pace we both found comfortable. It was neither too slow nor too fast, but it was enough to make us both cry in pleasure.
There were no words to describe it. She was my woman, and I was her first man. I knew. I just knew. I’d just stamped my name on her skin and inside her, and she’d painted hers on mine. Before I knew it, our breaths have become shallower, my thrusts faster, and her cries louder. I exploded inside her, and I closed my eyes, savoring the moment of being in her arms and inside her.
This is what heaven must feel like.
Feat. TVXQ
Rating: R (this chapter only)
[ A/N: This chapter contains explicit scenes. You have been warned. ]
E I G H T E E N
{ SolMin }
Blood is thicker than water, so the cliché goes. I chose my own blood, instead of the water that will cleanse me. I chose it because I’d rather be condemned than be alone. I chose it because I’ve done so for ten years, and I’m not about to choose otherwise.
Kim YongSu was a clear target from where I’d positioned myself. It’s always advisable to be looking over your prey, like an eagle to a rabbit. I recognized Kim YongSu because of the suit he’s wearing. It was the same suit he wore on the night of the church concert.
He was among his subordinates, people younger than him, people who looked the same age as ChangMin, exchanging bags and packets of that stuff BooJae said can make people fly.
I remembered JunSu and his sorry face when his father shut him up in church. The boy merely wanted a little of his time, but he was a bastard to have walked away. Maybe JunSu would be happy if I did this anyway, but I cannot be too sure. Nevertheless, I’m doing this more for my own blood than for the water that will cleanse me.
I aimed. I shot. I walked away. It was easy.
Kim YongSu is dead, and my task for the day is done. However, when I walked back to the car, I saw YunHo, and realized it’s not yet over.
I have to kill you too. I’m sorry.
YunHo took me to his apartment that night, knowing that I needed time to compose myself before going home to my little brother. This had been almost a ritual for the past two years. I stain my hands with blood, YunHo washes them clean, and I come home and sleep in my little brother’s embrace.
“I’ve arranged ChangMin’s flight and lodging already,” YunHo told me when I sat down in front of his small dining table. There was a picture of the two of us pasted on the wall, a reminder of the hope we had for this relationship we have. However, like the picture that stood out against that blank wall, our hope had been alone and out of place.
A brown manila envelope slid on the table in front of me. “This contains all the documents he needs. He leaves in two days.”
“So soon?”
“SolMin, we need to be quick about this if you don’t want your brother to get hurt.”
I remembered ChangMin’s lone tear the night before. “He’s already hurt…”
“Fine. If you don’t want him to hurt more, then.”
I took the envelope and examined the documents inside. YunHo had done his part of the plan, but I was chickening out. I know I wanted to save my brother, but I don’t know if I can save me from myself once he’s gone. Sure, there was YunHo who had always been there, foolishly saving my life, but I’ve already decided it was time to let him go.
There was no way he’s going to see how this would end.
“YunHo-ah… thank you,” I said, closing the flap of the manila envelope. “I’ve decided to follow ChangMin after all this is over.”
He smiled, “I can arrange for that too.”
“No, I can do it myself. Thanks.”
The smile faded. “SolMin-ah…”
I stood up and headed for the door. I can feel my ribs crowding against my heart, crushing it as I took each step away from him. “SolMin, wait… where are you going?”
“Home.”
“Are you gonna be alright? I’ll take you home.”
“No, YunHo… there’s no need to,” I said, opening the door. I turned around and faced him. “From tonight, there’s no need for you to do anything else for me. Thank you for everything, up to the last word you said to comfort me. But there’s no need for that anymore. I quit.”
I felt a firm grip on my shoulder, and the slightly open door banged shut under his free hand. I found myself pinned against the door, his eyes piercing mine. “SolMin-ah… you’re not breaking up with me, are you?”
“I am.”
“Quitting your job means quitting on me too? Since when have I been equivalent to JungShin?”
“You’re on the other end of that spectrum,” I said, trying to move my way out of the prison he created with his arms. “Let me go.”
“No.”
“It’s over.”
“Look at me,” he said, pinning my shoulder with his left hand and lifting my chin with his right. “Look at me and tell me that. Look at me in the eye and tell me that you’re quitting on me.”
I couldn’t. If ChangMin was the man in my life, YunHo was my god. He was there when I prayed for words to drown out the nightmares I had even when awake. He was there when I begged for deliverance, when I asked for understanding, when I needed to be forgiven, when I needed to be loved.
And he loved me unconditionally.
“LOOK AT ME!”
I can’t do this anymore, YunHo. It would be sacrilege to stay with you.
I felt him lift my chin higher, and the next thing I knew I was grasping for air, his mouth violently devouring mine. We had kissed a number of times before, but never like this. He had always been so gentle, but now, it felt more possessive and angry.
I tried pushing him away, but his hands caught mine and stapled them on the wall. The manila envelope had fallen at my feet, but he didn’t seem to care. I wanted to kick his knees, but my own knees were giving way while his lips continued what he had begun, giving me a second to breathe while he went on exploring the lines of my neck down to my collarbone.
“YunHo-ah…” I said, in a whisper, “don’t do this.”
His grip on my hands loosened, and his breath on my neck steadied. Holding my face and looking into my eyes, he said, “You love me.”
“I do.”
He shook his head, “Then why?”
“Because I want to save you too.”
“There is nothing to save,” he said quickly, and his lips touched mine again, this time like they always used to.
{ YunHo }
There is an anger in my heart I wanted to quell, and that anger died the moment SolMin breathed the words “I do.” It was as if she had said the vows that couples exchange in front of God’s house, but she said it against my lips.
My hands touched her tear-stained face as my lips danced with hers over and over to the music that never existed anywhere but inside my head. I went on to explore her body with my lips as my hands paved the way, making buttons and snaps senseless. She moaned when I touched her breasts and fondled them with my hands. She cried when I went so far as to taste them with my tongue. She reminded me of honey.
Her nipples hardened against my tongue as I licked them and sucked on her breasts gently. I went up and kissed her neck while my hands traced the smooth skin of her back.
She had surrendered. I knew this when I felt her fingers running through my hair, caressing the back of my neck as I kissed her bare stomach and below her navel, a place I wanted so much to fill with our love. A place where I wanted our unborn child to grow.
I stood up and carried her to my bed. I had drugged her with my lips, I was certain, for she didn’t even utter a word of protest, and as I watched over her half-naked body lying there, I decided there was no turning back.
“Ohh… YunHo-ah…” she moaned when I kissed her neck, my body pressing over her, careful not to crush her underneath me. She was about to say something more, but I swallowed her words with my mouth. It was then that I felt her hands unbuttoning my shirt and then feeling my bare chest with her warm hands. Quickly, I got rid of the shirt, and in a second, we were skin to skin.
“Let me love you…” I whispered to her ear while my left hand freed the zipper of her dark gray slacks. “It’s the only good thing I’ve done…”
Sweat trickled on SolMin’s forehead, and I wiped it away with my hands after I pulled off her slacks completely. I felt myself hardening against her skin, and I knew she felt it too, because her hands traveled down to my waist, unbuckled my belt and unzipped my pants. It didn’t take long until we were both barenaked in each other’s arms, feeling each other’s need to be complete.
“I didn’t want to admit it…” she whispered as she returned my kisses. “… but I need you, YunHo.”
“I’m here. You have all of me.”
Slowly, I spread her legs with my hands, and her body tensed a little. Running my hands over her legs, I rubbed them, trying to loosen her up. She relaxed a bit, and I leaned forward to satisfy the hunger of her lips. She gasped when she felt my fingers slide inside her. I could feel her swell, exploring her with my fingers, and I had the urge to taste her with my tongue as well.
“Oh God! YunHo!” she moaned loudly when I went down and started licking her womanhood. She was so wet and sweet, and I enjoyed tasting the juice that came out of her. She was ready.
She bit her lower lip when I finally entered her, and after that came a long, soft moan. I became still in her arms as I let her get used to my length, kissing her lips, my tongue making love with hers.
Her hands gripped my arms & shoulders tightly when I started pushing and pulling away, making her mine, and letting her know as well that I’m completely hers. She felt warm and embracing inside, it was the feeling of finally finding home and being there. I didn’t want to let go, and so did she, as she communicated with her arms that enveloped my neck.
“YunHo…” she bit her lip and held on to my waist, “Own me… don’t let go…”
“I won’t... I won’t…” I moaned and muffled her cries with a kiss. Her hands caressed my chest, and then my back, and then down to my rear, pushing it against her, wanting me to plunge deeper.
She arched her back and I went deeper inside her, holding her with my right arm and thrusting in a pace we both found comfortable. It was neither too slow nor too fast, but it was enough to make us both cry in pleasure.
There were no words to describe it. She was my woman, and I was her first man. I knew. I just knew. I’d just stamped my name on her skin and inside her, and she’d painted hers on mine. Before I knew it, our breaths have become shallower, my thrusts faster, and her cries louder. I exploded inside her, and I closed my eyes, savoring the moment of being in her arms and inside her.
This is what heaven must feel like.