Well then...
So, in a manner of speaking...
I wish I could just say nothing. But then, I suppose, I regularly do.
I need to stop being so damn depressed and frazzled. I wonder if there is medication available to help me see the sunnier side of things? I mean, I can look at it rationally and see that yes, there are things I should be happy about. yes, there are things I should be more than satisfied about...but then..looking at it rationally doesn't untie the weight from around my heart. That ten ton hammer that is swinging from the rope around my soul. Well, at least that feeling, and then, I look at myself from outside, and I think I'd like to slap myself around. Get over it, I say, you aren't starving, you aren't in that place anymore, you are...alive!
yeah. alive. i am. sort of.
I didn't get up today until 10. It's been a syndrome, this sleeping later and later, and I need to stop. I mean, if I sleep late, then i don't go to sleep until later. Well, you'd think that's how it would work, so my productive hours would be the same. But really, that's not how it works. I sleep late, and go to sleep at the same time. I wish I could move. hah! how would moving help? I can't run away from me. And it's me that's making me feel this way, not my surroundings. I was almost happy here a few years ago. The only thing that has changed is me...so...yeah. I've got to change me.
Like that hasn't been tried before. But really. if I ever saw someone else in this sort of funk, I'd just want to kick them in the bum and get them moving. But, how do you kick your own bum around? grah! Time to make an action plan and put a list of prioritized items on it and redeploy my actionable items in a series of synergistic modes.
or something.
or...i could just go lift weights...