On cleaning up the remnants of my past life...
So, I'm almost done cleaning out the den. The den that held pretty much everything that belonged to me in this house. Remnants of last year when Hil decided to have some other guy in her bed and her life, then changed her mind...that's already been covered in a series of analog WTF rants...but...
It's amazing the things that pop up for me in those little boxes...besides fleas, crystallized cat pee and broken bits and pieces. I found cards from Tam, a letter from Bren, bits and pieces from Heather, letters from M, it was...like little shards in my skin. Those little glass fibers you get from handling insulation without gloves, that burning from chopping jalepenos without gloves...tiny reminders of my assery. In that I could be quite an ass back then.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I was funny and witty and had a great time. But I was still an ass. And seeing those reminders...
Maybe that's enough for my daily goal. To recognize my assery and put a stop to it. I don't know. I wrote to Tam once, that one of my many self realizations in prison was that I was a kind of...a lothario. And I think, those habits, while very...satisfying in the short term...well, they leave me empty now. Like the grasshopper and the ant, I'm seeing the results of my foolishness now.
I'm just glad that there are those of you out there who recognize that a body can change, and are still aboot. Or that despite the foppish exterior, there's still a guy in here who's got a bit of worth beyond a nyuk nyuk and a bit of witty self deprecation.
Yeah...this post is a bit down on me...but hey, it's my journal, I can be as self-aggrandizing as I want to be.