Before I Die (There’s Something I Still Need to Do)
pairing: minsul
genre: supernatural, mild angst
rating: g
warnings: one-sided minstal, death themes (not an actual character death)
word count: 3,698
summary: Minho's life comes to a glaring halt, and it’s never been so peaceful.
"It’s not going to work out. You need to forget about me."
...
"Look, I think you should leave.. We'll talk about this some other time.."
...
"Minho, you're drunk. Just go home, okay.."
...
"Just go!" SLAM!
.......
Minho woke up with a start, and the first thing that let him know that something was out of order was that he was warm, the air around him a thick, dense blanket. The last he remembered, it was the middle of a thunderstorm, and his drafty apartment held little warmth due to its lack of insulation and thin, cheap walls. He sat up where he was and that only confirmed his suspicions. Everywhere he looked were plush, green fields, not remotely familiar to his home of busy streets and concrete. In his peripheral vision a tuft of white seemed to appear out of thin air, which he found was a petite, youthful woman when he splayed back on his hands in his sudden shock to catch himself.
He eyed her fiercely, gauging if she was a threat. "W-what are you doing here? What am I doing here?"
She blinked. "You must be rather shocked.. I'm here to welcome you, we'll be spending a lot of time together." She held out a hand and put on a friendly smile but that didn't ease Minho in the slightest.
Scrambling away from her and off the ground, Minho dusted himself off and looked everywhere, nothing even remotely offering the direction he should go. "How do I get out of here?" He asked lowly.
She frowned. "There are no tangible exits, I'm afraid." Minho looked up at her like this was the beginning of his own personal horror film.
He stepped back slowly. "You're crazy, I'm finding my own way out."
"It’s not going to be effective, I assure you." She warned, rooted to her original spot.
"Well just watch," Minho shot back, suddenly breaking into a run.
She sighed. "You cannot leave this waiting place mortal! Not until you obtain your life once more!" She called after him.
Minho slowed to a stop, surprised that he could hear her voice clearly, despite the distance. "A-are you saying, I'm dead?"
She suddenly appeared next to him, only making herself known when she spoke, much to Minho's surprise. "I'm afraid so.. otherwise, you wouldn't be seeing me."
He laughed humorlessly, half in disbelief. "Great. I'm seeing fairies and I'm dead."
Her face crumpled in confusion. "Fairy? I do not know what you speak of, but I can assure you I am a powerful creature."
"And what is that?"
"I am the sprite of life," she smiled brightly.
As if to prove so, she walked forward to reach out and place a palm on a bare tree trunk and large blossoms and brilliant green leaves extracted from it out of thin air. Minho took a step back and gasped, not only did she perform solely that miracle, everywhere his feet had touched the ground had greened and ripened.
Minho started with a sudden realization. "Wait, so if everything you touch comes to life, wouldn't you be able to send me back?"
"It doesn't work that way for humans." She deadpanned.
"Oh," he frowned. "Why is that?"
She turned her head skyward, striking and pensive in all her elegant beauty, Minho observed. He coughed awkwardly, trying to shake the thoughts from his head. "Humans have free-will, societal ideals, matters they bring over from their past lives. There are plenty of things that differentiate you beings."
Minho shifted impatiently. "Well, how do I get my life back then?"
"When the lesson is learned, you go back."
"Learned?" Minho perked up.
"I know no more, curious mortal," The sprite looked stern but her eyes glinted playfully. Minho slumped slightly in disappointment, his gaze aimed towards the ground.
"Come along then, mortal." Minho was surprised to see that the sprite had begun walking into the dense shrubbery as she called back to him without turning around nor pacing herself. He caught up in a few well-placed strides. "It’s Minho," he said as he managed to make it to her side. "..Not-mortal."
"Minho.." She echoed, and Minho secretly enjoyed the sound of it. "You may call me Jinri."
Jinri. It was unusual, but nice, he thought. "Jinri, since you seem to know all about it, what can I do to get back to my body?"
She stopped abruptly and reached out a hand to place onto the side of his neck. "Cold. Not a beat in there. Feel for yourself."
He mirrored her actions and placed his palm on the other side of his neck, his fingers shaking as he realized she was right. He was as dead as it got.
She lowered her hand and looked at him sadly. "The more of a reason you have to live, the warmer you'll be. You have to have the will to go on, Minho. Then you go back."
Sourly, he recoiled. He didn't like the way she said his name, tainted with pity. It reminded him of-"On second thought, forget it. I don't want to go back."
She sighed. "Come along, then." She began following her original trail, Minho stumbling along after.
“Okay.. Where are we going?” Minho asked uneasily.
Jinri peeked back at him. “You do not trust me, right?”
“I never said that.” She looked at him pointedly. “Okay, but can you blame me? You don’t even look like you’re from the same world as me. And you’re not even technically human-and just look where we are. There aren’t any signs of civilization here.”
When he heard no response he looked up from where he was trying deftly to keep his footing amongst uneven earth and roots whilst pushing aside strong branches, almost running square into her back. “Hey why did you..” he caught a glimpse behind her and lost all coherent thought. Slowly he moved around her while she watched silently. “..Stop..” He exhaled. "Whoa.. where are we?" Minho gasped, his mouth hanging open dumbly.
It was a place even fairytales didn't describe an ounce of. Giant cerulean pools of fresh water a color he’d never dreamed of sat right on the bank of the forest, an image of heavenly beauty right there in the ground Minho could touch. The water was warm like everything else, and he pulled his hand back with a jolt because this can’t be real, he reasoned.
"My world," She said. “What do you think?” She met his eyes.
He looked away and laughed, trudging back up through the foliage. "Nice fairy trick.”
Jinri shook her head with a sigh. This was going to take a while.
~~~
“Do you know any games?”
“Games?” Jinri blinked.
"If I'm gonna be stuck here I need something to do.." Minho mumbled.
“Oh.” Jinri moved to sit at his side on the sturdy log he was occupying. “Well I learned this from an old pupil.” She scooted closer and directed him to face her, holding out her hands palms faced up. “Now what you do is hold your hands above mine and I try to hit them.” Minho cracked a grin, “Okay, let’s see what you got.” Jinri smiled innocently after winning every consecutive round, the clap of their hands echoing as Minho’s agitation increased.
After a dozen or so exhausting losses, Minho flipped her hands and slipped his under them. “Let’s switch,” he explained, somehow dredging up some confidence. “Maybe you’re good.. but you haven’t seen nothing yet.” He smirked. She shrugged and waited for his first move, the air whooshing between them when Jinri pulled her hands away swiftly and Minho’s hands fell forward, eyes widening as they found purchase on nothing. “What?? No, round two, let’s go, fairy lady,” Minho exclaimed angrily.
She chuckled under her breath but complied. “As you wish.”
He watched her competitively, subtly trying to catch her technique, getting in the zone, he would claim. She blinked at him, holding their eye contact. "It’s funny that you can understand me completely. You know since you talk so formal.”
"Well I should know the language of my pupil, don't you think?" Another whoosh.
Minho eyed her. "How old are you, exactly?"
“It’s been so long, I haven’t counted the years completely,” Jinri laughed out loud at his horrified look. "Oh, I must be ancient to you. In fact, my current life cycle should be reaching its end soon."
"So you're saying you're going to die? That’s depressing," Minho mumbled.
Jinri didn't understand his concept and was quick to correct him. "No, no," Jinri smiled. "It’s only my next life assignment."
"Okay.. Whatever you say," Minho's gaze fell, still unsettled.
Jinri paused and dropped her hands into her lap, trying to meet his eyes. "Are you upset? Is this because you're reminded of your own death?" Jinri asked.
"Not exactly, I just.. It helps to think of it that way, but it hurts at the same time, you know?"
Jinri nodded slowly. "I think I do."
Minho lifted his eyes and they silently assessed one another. Minho got lost in the smooth planes of Jinri's cheekbones, her plump pink lips. She wasn't exactly what the world back home called sexy, but she was ethereal and striking in her own right.
She opened her mouth to say something, a cute pop of her lips that Minho enjoyed the sight of more than he'd like to admit. Before Jinri could say anything he'd stood up and walked along the forest edge with an, "I need some time to think."
She sighed in response. It was good for him, Jinri reasoned, a reassessment and change of heart would get him out of there faster, but for some reason that made her frown harder.
~~~
It must have been days until Minho opened up again.
Jinri had observed as Minho sank into silence, undistracted yet unfocused all the same. He was frowning into space like Jinri had seen on frequent occasion since meeting him, prompting her to find out the reason.
"Tell me, do you have any unsettling feelings from your past?" She asked, Minho looking up at her silently.
"Not really," he answered, too fast.
She stared at him until he felt compelled to sigh, defeated. “Fine. I didn’t really want to live at all. Kind of. I’m not sure.” He sighed. “It just hurt too much.. and..”
Jinri's eyes twinkled knowingly. "Who is she?"
"How did you.. it doesn't matter,” He shook his head, not wanting to know if she could read his thoughts. Then he’d want to be even more dead. “I just want to forget her honestly.”
Jinri raised a brow. “I will just wait until you’re ready then. We have nothing but time.” She crossed her arms and stared at him, silently prodding him to open up.
He broke their gaze promptly. "I never.. she just never heard me out." He sighed. "And now, you know, I'm.."
“Here,” Jinri supplied.
It wasn’t exactly the word he thought of, but it was what he could handle. “Right.” He looked down sadly, seemingly in regret, giving Jinri an idea.
"What did you always want to say to her?" Jinri asked seriously. "Say it to me as if I'm her."
Minho looked up, mouth gaping. "No. That's not gonna.."
"Just try it." Jinri prodded gently.
He sighed. What else did he have to do, really? "Okay."
“Okay,” She smiled.
He sent her a look but continued to pace until he relaxed enough. “I wish I never laid eyes on you,” the words slipped easily from his lips. “You think you have me believing that you're so sympathetic and understanding, but I'm just a joke to you and everyone knows it.”
You could have sworn she was actually there with the far gone look in his eyes now. “Does it help your self-esteem to drag me along helplessly while you’re with a different guy every week? When they break your heart, its fine, ‘cause you have mine just waiting to be crushed between your fingers.” He spat with a laugh. “Or wait.. Do you even have a heart, Krystal?” He moved closer to Jinri, who backed away slowly. He didn’t stop until Jinri was pushed back against a large tree trunk with an ‘oof.’
He moved his face up close to hers until she couldn’t see anything outside of her vision but his face. “I’d still always want you to love me even without one, wouldn’t I? You know that, don’t you?” Minho gripped her wrists, planting them against the surface. He kissed her hard, the bark of the tree digging into her arms and back. Her eyes widened and with a freeing of her hand she channeled her energy into the surface behind her. Tree apples pummeled onto them from above and Minho released her with a pained hiss.
That’s when he noticed their proximity and stepped back from Jinri. "I'm so sorry, I-"
She shook her head slowly. He looked at her questioningly until she spoke. "You were warm, Minho.."
"I.." He touched his cheeks and warmth indeed resonated against his fingers. "T-thats great," he cheered halfheartedly, lost somewhere between surprise and an awkward cough.
~~~
“You’re getting better,” Jinri noticed aloud.
“What do you mean?” Minho squinted at her beneath his bangs.
“I mean you’ll be able to leave me soon.” She smiled tightly.
Minho’s eyes widened in alarm. He guessed it slipped his mind that he didn’t actually belong here. Or maybe he just didn’t want to fathom a future without Jinri. He was just starting to trust her and take her bits of wisdom seriously. He began to rely on her too deeply, he acknowledged with a start. He trusted her, the thought astounded him, and where had trusting a woman gotten him so far? Could he even handle getting his heart broken all over again? He threw on a taut smile of his own. “Race you to the lake?”
He darted off through the trees carefully as he could without looking back. Jinri shook her head amusedly, walking after him. When she found him, he was in the water splashing around heavily with a large smile on his face like an overgrown child. She watched him fondly momentarily until he turned his eyes large and bright, and waved her in. Jinri smiled and joined him despite the ridiculousness of it all. She found she couldn’t let him down; she didn’t want that smile to waver even slightly.
They laughed until their sides hurt and more, and Minho felt freer than he ever had alive. Then reality sunk in because in Minho’s life he had always been a pessimist. His anxieties and questions finally bubbled up, escaping through his mouth. “Jinri.. What happens if I never leave here?”
Jinri looked at him seriously, frowning. “You go somewhere.. somewhere you don’t want to be. It is not like this there.” She motioned to the bright sky.
Minho nodded slowly, he thinks he knows what she means and for once he was fearful. But he shook his head and smiled again because he didn’t want Jinri’s job to be a waste, and more secretly, he didn’t want a moment of happiness to waste. “Then I’ll just have to do my best.”
Somewhere between sunbathed smiles, and warm glances at sunset, Minho felt himself opening up again. "There’s something I didn't tell you before.." Minho began.
"What is it?" She asked.
He took a deep breath, “I tried to kill myself.” Jinri only stared at him, so he continued. “That last night. It was raining, I was drinking and driving. I didn’t give one thought to my safety.”
She filled the silence after a beat, “Why not?”
He paused, assessing her with his eyes. “I’m not sure. I wanted to get a reaction out of her.. see if she cared enough about me. I was hoping she’d invite me in, give me a look of concern and scold me maybe, tell me to get out of my wet clothes, something decent. But her eyes were just cold and... uncaring.” He shivered at the memory. “I guess I messed things up with my attitude or something. It didn’t go the way I’d planned and it ended in her kicking me out into the streets, not even letting me in. It gets a little fuzzy after that.”
Minho rubbed his face with a sigh and Jinri patted his shoulder comfortingly until he continued. “I wish I hadn’t wasted all that time being a jerk. I could have just been a man and got over her, treated her kindly. Instead I held grudges and said horrible things to her. I.. I deserved to die.”
“Minho..” She squeezed his shoulder. He shook his head and willed himself not to cry.
“But I don’t want to die,” he exhaled around his tears. “I want another chance. I want to do things right.”
Jinri’s eyes widened as Minho’s head came to rest between her shoulder and neck, a shaky breath fanned against her dampening skin. All his walls were broken down, she assessed, maybe this means-“You will Minho, very soon.”
“What?” He lifted his head up and blinked rapidly trying to clear his vision, thinking his tears were the reason she looked blurry, almost as if she was fading away. It didn’t change no matter how many times he blinked, he realized. “What’s going on?” He gripped her shoulders.
"It’s time for you to go.." She said. Even her voice was becoming muffled.
He shook his head. "N-no Jinri," he held tighter. “I’m scared.”
“I am sorry, Minho. There is nothing I can do...”
He sucked in a breath, trying to take in all of her features at once because this would most likely be the last opportunity he had. "W-What do I do?"
She ran a hand through his hair, settling it against his cheek. "Close your eyes, Minho."
He stared at her unwaveringly. "No. Not if I'm never going to see you again."
"It’s alright, you can trust me, Minho. You will not be alone, you have to believe that, even at your most hopeless moments," Jinri smiled sadly. "In fact, you will not even remember me once you leave here."
Minho's face dripped with fresh tears. He looked to see her dampened face in a similar state, and it comforted him and yet ripped an even deeper gash in his chest. He tried to find something to say, but the only thing he found himself doing was holding onto her tighter while his tears came faster. He grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her with everything he had left, fueled by pain, everything he'd come to love about her, the things he hadn't done and would never be able to. He learned so much, how to trust, how to love again, and it was being ripped through his very fingers. But he understood now, he knew it had to be done. Nothing is forever, and everything must be valued like it was the last day.
"Okay, I trust you." Minho sniffed, and pressed his forehead to hers. He felt a cool and calming sensation and without realizing it his eyes had closed.
"Goodbye, Minho." A single tear slid down Jinri's cheek as he faded into a puff of light she could barely recognize as his figure anymore. And soon, so did she.
~~~
Upon returning to his normal life, Minho woke up in a hospital, Krystal at his bedside. With heavy sobs she threw her arms around him, so glad that he was back because she had realized she loved him. Numbly, Minho nodded as she peppered kisses over his face. Later, he'd come to the understanding that he'd been in a coma for five months, his home, job, life had moved on while he'd been gone. Krystal told him not to worry, he could pick up his life with her.
Later he lied awake in her apartment, next to her in her bed. He had this unsettling feeling, and the next thing he knew he'd redressed himself, collected only his wallet and shoes on the way out, and left without a word.
Six months after that night, Minho now sat in a large meeting room, having picked up a life, job, and home by himself, some thousand miles away from Krystal. He still hasn't found what he's been looking for, but somehow being here (far from his past life) made things a little more bearable.
"Sorry for the wait everyone." Minho looked up as his boss fluttered into the room, coffee and reports balanced in her arms. There were murmurs and paper-shuffling momentarily while she began to prepare.
"Oh, a quick announcement before I forget," she began, grabbing Minho's full attention. "Please welcome our new intern, Sulli."
A girl stood up and there was momentary applause while she smiled and introduced herself. Minho glanced at her and froze. He must know her from somewhere or-"Minho, since you seem to be settled enough here and could use the help, would you mind taking on the role of her mentor?"
Minho blinked, his eyes widening as he slowly came back to focus. "R-Right, yes of course." He threw on a smile despite being shaken.
"Great, well let’s continue as planned." His boss dismissed his weird behavior with a glance, it was strange to see so much emotion on him, but not unappreciated, and continued the meeting.
After the meeting was adjourned, Minho rose and walked to the coffee maker, because clearly there was something weird going on with him. On his way over, someone caught his arm and he turned to see Sulli's friendly smile.
"You must be shocked," she smiled shyly and reached out a hand. "I look forward to us spending a lot of time together."
Minho's eyes slid from her face to her extended hand. Slowly he reached out and shook it, and suddenly sensed something familiar, though he didn't know why nor did he worry about it. Oddly all his long-term anxiety had appeared to mysteriously disappear, and he smiled back at her, his chest feeling lighter by a thousand pounds. "Me too."
an; this kinda reminded me of fern gully, but then not at all.. excuse me if you have no idea what im talking about
genre: supernatural, mild angst
rating: g
warnings: one-sided minstal, death themes (not an actual character death)
word count: 3,698
summary: Minho's life comes to a glaring halt, and it’s never been so peaceful.
"It’s not going to work out. You need to forget about me."
...
"Look, I think you should leave.. We'll talk about this some other time.."
...
"Minho, you're drunk. Just go home, okay.."
...
"Just go!" SLAM!
.......
Minho woke up with a start, and the first thing that let him know that something was out of order was that he was warm, the air around him a thick, dense blanket. The last he remembered, it was the middle of a thunderstorm, and his drafty apartment held little warmth due to its lack of insulation and thin, cheap walls. He sat up where he was and that only confirmed his suspicions. Everywhere he looked were plush, green fields, not remotely familiar to his home of busy streets and concrete. In his peripheral vision a tuft of white seemed to appear out of thin air, which he found was a petite, youthful woman when he splayed back on his hands in his sudden shock to catch himself.
He eyed her fiercely, gauging if she was a threat. "W-what are you doing here? What am I doing here?"
She blinked. "You must be rather shocked.. I'm here to welcome you, we'll be spending a lot of time together." She held out a hand and put on a friendly smile but that didn't ease Minho in the slightest.
Scrambling away from her and off the ground, Minho dusted himself off and looked everywhere, nothing even remotely offering the direction he should go. "How do I get out of here?" He asked lowly.
She frowned. "There are no tangible exits, I'm afraid." Minho looked up at her like this was the beginning of his own personal horror film.
He stepped back slowly. "You're crazy, I'm finding my own way out."
"It’s not going to be effective, I assure you." She warned, rooted to her original spot.
"Well just watch," Minho shot back, suddenly breaking into a run.
She sighed. "You cannot leave this waiting place mortal! Not until you obtain your life once more!" She called after him.
Minho slowed to a stop, surprised that he could hear her voice clearly, despite the distance. "A-are you saying, I'm dead?"
She suddenly appeared next to him, only making herself known when she spoke, much to Minho's surprise. "I'm afraid so.. otherwise, you wouldn't be seeing me."
He laughed humorlessly, half in disbelief. "Great. I'm seeing fairies and I'm dead."
Her face crumpled in confusion. "Fairy? I do not know what you speak of, but I can assure you I am a powerful creature."
"And what is that?"
"I am the sprite of life," she smiled brightly.
As if to prove so, she walked forward to reach out and place a palm on a bare tree trunk and large blossoms and brilliant green leaves extracted from it out of thin air. Minho took a step back and gasped, not only did she perform solely that miracle, everywhere his feet had touched the ground had greened and ripened.
Minho started with a sudden realization. "Wait, so if everything you touch comes to life, wouldn't you be able to send me back?"
"It doesn't work that way for humans." She deadpanned.
"Oh," he frowned. "Why is that?"
She turned her head skyward, striking and pensive in all her elegant beauty, Minho observed. He coughed awkwardly, trying to shake the thoughts from his head. "Humans have free-will, societal ideals, matters they bring over from their past lives. There are plenty of things that differentiate you beings."
Minho shifted impatiently. "Well, how do I get my life back then?"
"When the lesson is learned, you go back."
"Learned?" Minho perked up.
"I know no more, curious mortal," The sprite looked stern but her eyes glinted playfully. Minho slumped slightly in disappointment, his gaze aimed towards the ground.
"Come along then, mortal." Minho was surprised to see that the sprite had begun walking into the dense shrubbery as she called back to him without turning around nor pacing herself. He caught up in a few well-placed strides. "It’s Minho," he said as he managed to make it to her side. "..Not-mortal."
"Minho.." She echoed, and Minho secretly enjoyed the sound of it. "You may call me Jinri."
Jinri. It was unusual, but nice, he thought. "Jinri, since you seem to know all about it, what can I do to get back to my body?"
She stopped abruptly and reached out a hand to place onto the side of his neck. "Cold. Not a beat in there. Feel for yourself."
He mirrored her actions and placed his palm on the other side of his neck, his fingers shaking as he realized she was right. He was as dead as it got.
She lowered her hand and looked at him sadly. "The more of a reason you have to live, the warmer you'll be. You have to have the will to go on, Minho. Then you go back."
Sourly, he recoiled. He didn't like the way she said his name, tainted with pity. It reminded him of-"On second thought, forget it. I don't want to go back."
She sighed. "Come along, then." She began following her original trail, Minho stumbling along after.
“Okay.. Where are we going?” Minho asked uneasily.
Jinri peeked back at him. “You do not trust me, right?”
“I never said that.” She looked at him pointedly. “Okay, but can you blame me? You don’t even look like you’re from the same world as me. And you’re not even technically human-and just look where we are. There aren’t any signs of civilization here.”
When he heard no response he looked up from where he was trying deftly to keep his footing amongst uneven earth and roots whilst pushing aside strong branches, almost running square into her back. “Hey why did you..” he caught a glimpse behind her and lost all coherent thought. Slowly he moved around her while she watched silently. “..Stop..” He exhaled. "Whoa.. where are we?" Minho gasped, his mouth hanging open dumbly.
It was a place even fairytales didn't describe an ounce of. Giant cerulean pools of fresh water a color he’d never dreamed of sat right on the bank of the forest, an image of heavenly beauty right there in the ground Minho could touch. The water was warm like everything else, and he pulled his hand back with a jolt because this can’t be real, he reasoned.
"My world," She said. “What do you think?” She met his eyes.
He looked away and laughed, trudging back up through the foliage. "Nice fairy trick.”
Jinri shook her head with a sigh. This was going to take a while.
~~~
“Do you know any games?”
“Games?” Jinri blinked.
"If I'm gonna be stuck here I need something to do.." Minho mumbled.
“Oh.” Jinri moved to sit at his side on the sturdy log he was occupying. “Well I learned this from an old pupil.” She scooted closer and directed him to face her, holding out her hands palms faced up. “Now what you do is hold your hands above mine and I try to hit them.” Minho cracked a grin, “Okay, let’s see what you got.” Jinri smiled innocently after winning every consecutive round, the clap of their hands echoing as Minho’s agitation increased.
After a dozen or so exhausting losses, Minho flipped her hands and slipped his under them. “Let’s switch,” he explained, somehow dredging up some confidence. “Maybe you’re good.. but you haven’t seen nothing yet.” He smirked. She shrugged and waited for his first move, the air whooshing between them when Jinri pulled her hands away swiftly and Minho’s hands fell forward, eyes widening as they found purchase on nothing. “What?? No, round two, let’s go, fairy lady,” Minho exclaimed angrily.
She chuckled under her breath but complied. “As you wish.”
He watched her competitively, subtly trying to catch her technique, getting in the zone, he would claim. She blinked at him, holding their eye contact. "It’s funny that you can understand me completely. You know since you talk so formal.”
"Well I should know the language of my pupil, don't you think?" Another whoosh.
Minho eyed her. "How old are you, exactly?"
“It’s been so long, I haven’t counted the years completely,” Jinri laughed out loud at his horrified look. "Oh, I must be ancient to you. In fact, my current life cycle should be reaching its end soon."
"So you're saying you're going to die? That’s depressing," Minho mumbled.
Jinri didn't understand his concept and was quick to correct him. "No, no," Jinri smiled. "It’s only my next life assignment."
"Okay.. Whatever you say," Minho's gaze fell, still unsettled.
Jinri paused and dropped her hands into her lap, trying to meet his eyes. "Are you upset? Is this because you're reminded of your own death?" Jinri asked.
"Not exactly, I just.. It helps to think of it that way, but it hurts at the same time, you know?"
Jinri nodded slowly. "I think I do."
Minho lifted his eyes and they silently assessed one another. Minho got lost in the smooth planes of Jinri's cheekbones, her plump pink lips. She wasn't exactly what the world back home called sexy, but she was ethereal and striking in her own right.
She opened her mouth to say something, a cute pop of her lips that Minho enjoyed the sight of more than he'd like to admit. Before Jinri could say anything he'd stood up and walked along the forest edge with an, "I need some time to think."
She sighed in response. It was good for him, Jinri reasoned, a reassessment and change of heart would get him out of there faster, but for some reason that made her frown harder.
~~~
It must have been days until Minho opened up again.
Jinri had observed as Minho sank into silence, undistracted yet unfocused all the same. He was frowning into space like Jinri had seen on frequent occasion since meeting him, prompting her to find out the reason.
"Tell me, do you have any unsettling feelings from your past?" She asked, Minho looking up at her silently.
"Not really," he answered, too fast.
She stared at him until he felt compelled to sigh, defeated. “Fine. I didn’t really want to live at all. Kind of. I’m not sure.” He sighed. “It just hurt too much.. and..”
Jinri's eyes twinkled knowingly. "Who is she?"
"How did you.. it doesn't matter,” He shook his head, not wanting to know if she could read his thoughts. Then he’d want to be even more dead. “I just want to forget her honestly.”
Jinri raised a brow. “I will just wait until you’re ready then. We have nothing but time.” She crossed her arms and stared at him, silently prodding him to open up.
He broke their gaze promptly. "I never.. she just never heard me out." He sighed. "And now, you know, I'm.."
“Here,” Jinri supplied.
It wasn’t exactly the word he thought of, but it was what he could handle. “Right.” He looked down sadly, seemingly in regret, giving Jinri an idea.
"What did you always want to say to her?" Jinri asked seriously. "Say it to me as if I'm her."
Minho looked up, mouth gaping. "No. That's not gonna.."
"Just try it." Jinri prodded gently.
He sighed. What else did he have to do, really? "Okay."
“Okay,” She smiled.
He sent her a look but continued to pace until he relaxed enough. “I wish I never laid eyes on you,” the words slipped easily from his lips. “You think you have me believing that you're so sympathetic and understanding, but I'm just a joke to you and everyone knows it.”
You could have sworn she was actually there with the far gone look in his eyes now. “Does it help your self-esteem to drag me along helplessly while you’re with a different guy every week? When they break your heart, its fine, ‘cause you have mine just waiting to be crushed between your fingers.” He spat with a laugh. “Or wait.. Do you even have a heart, Krystal?” He moved closer to Jinri, who backed away slowly. He didn’t stop until Jinri was pushed back against a large tree trunk with an ‘oof.’
He moved his face up close to hers until she couldn’t see anything outside of her vision but his face. “I’d still always want you to love me even without one, wouldn’t I? You know that, don’t you?” Minho gripped her wrists, planting them against the surface. He kissed her hard, the bark of the tree digging into her arms and back. Her eyes widened and with a freeing of her hand she channeled her energy into the surface behind her. Tree apples pummeled onto them from above and Minho released her with a pained hiss.
That’s when he noticed their proximity and stepped back from Jinri. "I'm so sorry, I-"
She shook her head slowly. He looked at her questioningly until she spoke. "You were warm, Minho.."
"I.." He touched his cheeks and warmth indeed resonated against his fingers. "T-thats great," he cheered halfheartedly, lost somewhere between surprise and an awkward cough.
~~~
“You’re getting better,” Jinri noticed aloud.
“What do you mean?” Minho squinted at her beneath his bangs.
“I mean you’ll be able to leave me soon.” She smiled tightly.
Minho’s eyes widened in alarm. He guessed it slipped his mind that he didn’t actually belong here. Or maybe he just didn’t want to fathom a future without Jinri. He was just starting to trust her and take her bits of wisdom seriously. He began to rely on her too deeply, he acknowledged with a start. He trusted her, the thought astounded him, and where had trusting a woman gotten him so far? Could he even handle getting his heart broken all over again? He threw on a taut smile of his own. “Race you to the lake?”
He darted off through the trees carefully as he could without looking back. Jinri shook her head amusedly, walking after him. When she found him, he was in the water splashing around heavily with a large smile on his face like an overgrown child. She watched him fondly momentarily until he turned his eyes large and bright, and waved her in. Jinri smiled and joined him despite the ridiculousness of it all. She found she couldn’t let him down; she didn’t want that smile to waver even slightly.
They laughed until their sides hurt and more, and Minho felt freer than he ever had alive. Then reality sunk in because in Minho’s life he had always been a pessimist. His anxieties and questions finally bubbled up, escaping through his mouth. “Jinri.. What happens if I never leave here?”
Jinri looked at him seriously, frowning. “You go somewhere.. somewhere you don’t want to be. It is not like this there.” She motioned to the bright sky.
Minho nodded slowly, he thinks he knows what she means and for once he was fearful. But he shook his head and smiled again because he didn’t want Jinri’s job to be a waste, and more secretly, he didn’t want a moment of happiness to waste. “Then I’ll just have to do my best.”
Somewhere between sunbathed smiles, and warm glances at sunset, Minho felt himself opening up again. "There’s something I didn't tell you before.." Minho began.
"What is it?" She asked.
He took a deep breath, “I tried to kill myself.” Jinri only stared at him, so he continued. “That last night. It was raining, I was drinking and driving. I didn’t give one thought to my safety.”
She filled the silence after a beat, “Why not?”
He paused, assessing her with his eyes. “I’m not sure. I wanted to get a reaction out of her.. see if she cared enough about me. I was hoping she’d invite me in, give me a look of concern and scold me maybe, tell me to get out of my wet clothes, something decent. But her eyes were just cold and... uncaring.” He shivered at the memory. “I guess I messed things up with my attitude or something. It didn’t go the way I’d planned and it ended in her kicking me out into the streets, not even letting me in. It gets a little fuzzy after that.”
Minho rubbed his face with a sigh and Jinri patted his shoulder comfortingly until he continued. “I wish I hadn’t wasted all that time being a jerk. I could have just been a man and got over her, treated her kindly. Instead I held grudges and said horrible things to her. I.. I deserved to die.”
“Minho..” She squeezed his shoulder. He shook his head and willed himself not to cry.
“But I don’t want to die,” he exhaled around his tears. “I want another chance. I want to do things right.”
Jinri’s eyes widened as Minho’s head came to rest between her shoulder and neck, a shaky breath fanned against her dampening skin. All his walls were broken down, she assessed, maybe this means-“You will Minho, very soon.”
“What?” He lifted his head up and blinked rapidly trying to clear his vision, thinking his tears were the reason she looked blurry, almost as if she was fading away. It didn’t change no matter how many times he blinked, he realized. “What’s going on?” He gripped her shoulders.
"It’s time for you to go.." She said. Even her voice was becoming muffled.
He shook his head. "N-no Jinri," he held tighter. “I’m scared.”
“I am sorry, Minho. There is nothing I can do...”
He sucked in a breath, trying to take in all of her features at once because this would most likely be the last opportunity he had. "W-What do I do?"
She ran a hand through his hair, settling it against his cheek. "Close your eyes, Minho."
He stared at her unwaveringly. "No. Not if I'm never going to see you again."
"It’s alright, you can trust me, Minho. You will not be alone, you have to believe that, even at your most hopeless moments," Jinri smiled sadly. "In fact, you will not even remember me once you leave here."
Minho's face dripped with fresh tears. He looked to see her dampened face in a similar state, and it comforted him and yet ripped an even deeper gash in his chest. He tried to find something to say, but the only thing he found himself doing was holding onto her tighter while his tears came faster. He grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her with everything he had left, fueled by pain, everything he'd come to love about her, the things he hadn't done and would never be able to. He learned so much, how to trust, how to love again, and it was being ripped through his very fingers. But he understood now, he knew it had to be done. Nothing is forever, and everything must be valued like it was the last day.
"Okay, I trust you." Minho sniffed, and pressed his forehead to hers. He felt a cool and calming sensation and without realizing it his eyes had closed.
"Goodbye, Minho." A single tear slid down Jinri's cheek as he faded into a puff of light she could barely recognize as his figure anymore. And soon, so did she.
~~~
Upon returning to his normal life, Minho woke up in a hospital, Krystal at his bedside. With heavy sobs she threw her arms around him, so glad that he was back because she had realized she loved him. Numbly, Minho nodded as she peppered kisses over his face. Later, he'd come to the understanding that he'd been in a coma for five months, his home, job, life had moved on while he'd been gone. Krystal told him not to worry, he could pick up his life with her.
Later he lied awake in her apartment, next to her in her bed. He had this unsettling feeling, and the next thing he knew he'd redressed himself, collected only his wallet and shoes on the way out, and left without a word.
Six months after that night, Minho now sat in a large meeting room, having picked up a life, job, and home by himself, some thousand miles away from Krystal. He still hasn't found what he's been looking for, but somehow being here (far from his past life) made things a little more bearable.
"Sorry for the wait everyone." Minho looked up as his boss fluttered into the room, coffee and reports balanced in her arms. There were murmurs and paper-shuffling momentarily while she began to prepare.
"Oh, a quick announcement before I forget," she began, grabbing Minho's full attention. "Please welcome our new intern, Sulli."
A girl stood up and there was momentary applause while she smiled and introduced herself. Minho glanced at her and froze. He must know her from somewhere or-"Minho, since you seem to be settled enough here and could use the help, would you mind taking on the role of her mentor?"
Minho blinked, his eyes widening as he slowly came back to focus. "R-Right, yes of course." He threw on a smile despite being shaken.
"Great, well let’s continue as planned." His boss dismissed his weird behavior with a glance, it was strange to see so much emotion on him, but not unappreciated, and continued the meeting.
After the meeting was adjourned, Minho rose and walked to the coffee maker, because clearly there was something weird going on with him. On his way over, someone caught his arm and he turned to see Sulli's friendly smile.
"You must be shocked," she smiled shyly and reached out a hand. "I look forward to us spending a lot of time together."
Minho's eyes slid from her face to her extended hand. Slowly he reached out and shook it, and suddenly sensed something familiar, though he didn't know why nor did he worry about it. Oddly all his long-term anxiety had appeared to mysteriously disappear, and he smiled back at her, his chest feeling lighter by a thousand pounds. "Me too."
an; this kinda reminded me of fern gully, but then not at all.. excuse me if you have no idea what im talking about