Where to Belong
I've been on a LuffyxNami craze ever since Karin started reading One Piece. Guhh... I used to laugh at Fanfiction, but now all the sappy, romantic, Luffy being awesome and saving the day just so he can tell Nami he loves her junk is driving me nuts! XD
*Scratches his chin*
I had something in thought, and I was going to jog it down here, but as usual I lose it and just end up rambling.
OH! Yeah! Envy!
I look at so many people on LJ and really just think, "Man, they're so cool" or "They're so awesome!" I know I should be happy with who I am, because if I wasn't me, more than likely I'd be a mess. I can't help but want to be like these people, certain perks and quirks about them that I really wish I had. It's wrong of me to think that way, but I just can't help it.
Then I ponder over it in my head a bit more, and soon all those "wishing I was like that" thoughts turn into, "Why do these people even talk to me? I'm no where as cool as they are." This is an even more wrong way of thinking.
Ugh, and then I wonder where I even belong with people.
I used to think it was a good idea to spread out, have friends in different places, have friends with different interests. Now, I don't even have a "close friend" to hang out with. Any "close friend" I have requires that I drive a great distance to see them, and the times I can see them are few and far between.
This is gonna' be a tough semester, not having anyone around. Yeah, maybe I am hopeless because I can't trek it alone but...
... I just can't. I can't do things on my own. Things are so much better when you've got a friend with you. Someone who can count on you and vice versa. And sure, I'm more than confident that I'll make new friends when I go back...
But they won't be the friends I've had up until now. The friendships I have now with people going away aren't going to be the same as they have been. It scares me, just a bit, but more so gets me down to know that those people won't be as big a part in my life, and once more vice versa.
I don't want to lose the friends I have in other places, like the VA and NJ crews and all, but it'd be nice to just have one or two solid friends here at home. It sucks because Khalid is such a good friend to me, and PJ has been there from time to time too. It stinks because they live out of the way, and if they were closer good times would be had by all.
I know someone is going to say, "Shut up and move along. Stop depending upon people! You're alone all your life anyways!" or to stop complaining and what not. This is an insignifcant problem compared to other things going on, but it's still something that gets me down. All I want is to be closer to someone, closer with someone, ya' know? It's nice making someone feel important, and it's nice to be needed. I just wish with the times that I've reached out to someone... that someone would reach back. Maybe sometime when I extend a hand, someone will take mine and pull me along.
That's just the way with things, I suppose. Maybe my existence isn't so much of a "why not?" but a "do someone some good." kinda' thing. Now I'm just making myself sound like a martyr, which in no way could I ever be. That's just how things feel though. It just seems like here I am trying to reach out, only to get nothing back. In turn, that's pretty selfish, doing something only to get something in return.
I should just be happy with making others happy. Friends count most to me, and seeing them doing well and seeing them happy with things shouldn't make me sad. So what if I come out with nothing... at least they're better off in the end of things, right?
... right?
*Scratches his chin*
I had something in thought, and I was going to jog it down here, but as usual I lose it and just end up rambling.
OH! Yeah! Envy!
I look at so many people on LJ and really just think, "Man, they're so cool" or "They're so awesome!" I know I should be happy with who I am, because if I wasn't me, more than likely I'd be a mess. I can't help but want to be like these people, certain perks and quirks about them that I really wish I had. It's wrong of me to think that way, but I just can't help it.
Then I ponder over it in my head a bit more, and soon all those "wishing I was like that" thoughts turn into, "Why do these people even talk to me? I'm no where as cool as they are." This is an even more wrong way of thinking.
Ugh, and then I wonder where I even belong with people.
I used to think it was a good idea to spread out, have friends in different places, have friends with different interests. Now, I don't even have a "close friend" to hang out with. Any "close friend" I have requires that I drive a great distance to see them, and the times I can see them are few and far between.
This is gonna' be a tough semester, not having anyone around. Yeah, maybe I am hopeless because I can't trek it alone but...
... I just can't. I can't do things on my own. Things are so much better when you've got a friend with you. Someone who can count on you and vice versa. And sure, I'm more than confident that I'll make new friends when I go back...
But they won't be the friends I've had up until now. The friendships I have now with people going away aren't going to be the same as they have been. It scares me, just a bit, but more so gets me down to know that those people won't be as big a part in my life, and once more vice versa.
I don't want to lose the friends I have in other places, like the VA and NJ crews and all, but it'd be nice to just have one or two solid friends here at home. It sucks because Khalid is such a good friend to me, and PJ has been there from time to time too. It stinks because they live out of the way, and if they were closer good times would be had by all.
I know someone is going to say, "Shut up and move along. Stop depending upon people! You're alone all your life anyways!" or to stop complaining and what not. This is an insignifcant problem compared to other things going on, but it's still something that gets me down. All I want is to be closer to someone, closer with someone, ya' know? It's nice making someone feel important, and it's nice to be needed. I just wish with the times that I've reached out to someone... that someone would reach back. Maybe sometime when I extend a hand, someone will take mine and pull me along.
That's just the way with things, I suppose. Maybe my existence isn't so much of a "why not?" but a "do someone some good." kinda' thing. Now I'm just making myself sound like a martyr, which in no way could I ever be. That's just how things feel though. It just seems like here I am trying to reach out, only to get nothing back. In turn, that's pretty selfish, doing something only to get something in return.
I should just be happy with making others happy. Friends count most to me, and seeing them doing well and seeing them happy with things shouldn't make me sad. So what if I come out with nothing... at least they're better off in the end of things, right?
... right?