Let's Tackle One At a Time
1.) Why is it that I fear being alone so much?
2.) What caused me to have this fear?
3.) How can I not have this fear anymore?
4.) Where did my dependency on relationships come from?
5.) How can I become independent?
6.) What is really important in a relationship?
7.) What am I really looking for in a relationship?
9.) Who am I?
10.) Why am I?
11.) Who do I want to be?
12.) Where is God?
I can't say that this was something I officially sat down and thought about, or that it was the only thing on my mind, but it happens to be one of the things I had been ponder about over the week.
So, here is a brief conclusion:
I've never really been alone before. In a mental sense, really. I've always had someone or something to fall back to, so I can only assume that this dependency to fall back on these things has only made me fear`what I have yet to lose. When I feel threatened of losing someone or something, I think of the worst. Losing a friend, for instance, would suck in my mind because all the hard work and benefits of having them as a friend would be gone. Yeah, it sucks that I have to say it that way but, subconciously, it's true. Everyone has their reasons for keeping friends on the outside, but at the core it is because that certain someone has something that others do not.
In short, I think I fear being alone because it is something I have never known. It is something I have only been told about, and something I never want to know.
What can I do to not be afraid? For starters, let go of the things that I am afraid of losing, and in such, cause me to be alone. If I let go of them, it should help things a great deal. Or, I could just confront this fear head on, look it straight into the eyes, and when it doesn't notice me, beat it over the head with a 2x4 and kick it to the curb. Either or works, really.
1.) Why is it that I fear being alone so much?
2.) What caused me to have this fear?
3.) How can I not have this fear anymore?
4.) Where did my dependency on relationships come from?
5.) How can I become independent?
6.) What is really important in a relationship?
7.) What am I really looking for in a relationship?
9.) Who am I?
10.) Why am I?
11.) Who do I want to be?
12.) Where is God?
This is tough. Maybe just all the times I THOUGHT I was alone. It felt incredibly deep and the pain would linger. My stomach would churn in an un-natural way, worse than a stomach virus or a stab wound. The heavyness of my head causing it to hang in sorrow. Bleh, all that lame stuff could be the cause. Being selfish, maybe? Losing so many friends over the years due to my actions and other things that just make friendships fail. Seeing people who are alone with nothing else. A mixture of a lot of things. It's understandable to have this fear, but there's no reason why I should let it rule my life on relationships with friends or the opposite sex.
---
I was playing Karaoke Revolution with Thom yesterday at his house. During one of the times we took our songs seriously, Thom sang "The Reason." I'd never really paid any close attention to the song before, but it hit home rather strong. Seems like a lot of music I've been listening to lately has been hitting me in the heart. The message behind the lyrics just made me realize that yeah, I've hurt a lot of people out there. I made a lot of mistakes, but it's time I changed the person who I used to be. I'm going to do my best not and be there for the people who helped me. I've got to fess up for my errors, take my medicine, and love the people who I wronged.
Funny, I was being really silly and getting down on myself today. I was cleaning my room and really just thinking of how pointless it is to dream of having a friendship like the ones I see in anime. Oh great, another life lesson from animation, huh Dan? Seriously, it might be a cartoon, and it ain't real... but if I could have a friendship like Luffy has with his crew...
This is the part where I hit myself over the head with a nearby coffee mug, which so happened to be a One Piece mug, ha! "Waitaminute! I can count the number of friends I have like that on at least both hands!"
I seem to actually be thinking more about what friendship really is, than the problems I've been trying to face. Well, I've got two out of the way, for the most part. Only 10 more to go.
-Dan
2.) What caused me to have this fear?
3.) How can I not have this fear anymore?
4.) Where did my dependency on relationships come from?
5.) How can I become independent?
6.) What is really important in a relationship?
7.) What am I really looking for in a relationship?
9.) Who am I?
10.) Why am I?
11.) Who do I want to be?
12.) Where is God?
I can't say that this was something I officially sat down and thought about, or that it was the only thing on my mind, but it happens to be one of the things I had been ponder about over the week.
So, here is a brief conclusion:
I've never really been alone before. In a mental sense, really. I've always had someone or something to fall back to, so I can only assume that this dependency to fall back on these things has only made me fear`what I have yet to lose. When I feel threatened of losing someone or something, I think of the worst. Losing a friend, for instance, would suck in my mind because all the hard work and benefits of having them as a friend would be gone. Yeah, it sucks that I have to say it that way but, subconciously, it's true. Everyone has their reasons for keeping friends on the outside, but at the core it is because that certain someone has something that others do not.
In short, I think I fear being alone because it is something I have never known. It is something I have only been told about, and something I never want to know.
What can I do to not be afraid? For starters, let go of the things that I am afraid of losing, and in such, cause me to be alone. If I let go of them, it should help things a great deal. Or, I could just confront this fear head on, look it straight into the eyes, and when it doesn't notice me, beat it over the head with a 2x4 and kick it to the curb. Either or works, really.
1.) Why is it that I fear being alone so much?
2.) What caused me to have this fear?
3.) How can I not have this fear anymore?
4.) Where did my dependency on relationships come from?
5.) How can I become independent?
6.) What is really important in a relationship?
7.) What am I really looking for in a relationship?
9.) Who am I?
10.) Why am I?
11.) Who do I want to be?
12.) Where is God?
This is tough. Maybe just all the times I THOUGHT I was alone. It felt incredibly deep and the pain would linger. My stomach would churn in an un-natural way, worse than a stomach virus or a stab wound. The heavyness of my head causing it to hang in sorrow. Bleh, all that lame stuff could be the cause. Being selfish, maybe? Losing so many friends over the years due to my actions and other things that just make friendships fail. Seeing people who are alone with nothing else. A mixture of a lot of things. It's understandable to have this fear, but there's no reason why I should let it rule my life on relationships with friends or the opposite sex.
---
I was playing Karaoke Revolution with Thom yesterday at his house. During one of the times we took our songs seriously, Thom sang "The Reason." I'd never really paid any close attention to the song before, but it hit home rather strong. Seems like a lot of music I've been listening to lately has been hitting me in the heart. The message behind the lyrics just made me realize that yeah, I've hurt a lot of people out there. I made a lot of mistakes, but it's time I changed the person who I used to be. I'm going to do my best not and be there for the people who helped me. I've got to fess up for my errors, take my medicine, and love the people who I wronged.
Funny, I was being really silly and getting down on myself today. I was cleaning my room and really just thinking of how pointless it is to dream of having a friendship like the ones I see in anime. Oh great, another life lesson from animation, huh Dan? Seriously, it might be a cartoon, and it ain't real... but if I could have a friendship like Luffy has with his crew...
This is the part where I hit myself over the head with a nearby coffee mug, which so happened to be a One Piece mug, ha! "Waitaminute! I can count the number of friends I have like that on at least both hands!"
I seem to actually be thinking more about what friendship really is, than the problems I've been trying to face. Well, I've got two out of the way, for the most part. Only 10 more to go.
-Dan