(no subject)
I don't feel like I have much to write about anymore, which saddens me.
School is easy but I feel like I'm neglecting it. I rarely ever have homework, but when I do, I usually don't do it...which definitely isn't good. Also, I'm starting to get back in my habbit of skipping a class or two sometimes. I don't like the feeling of doing the bare-minimum but school doesn't motivate me at all. I need to step it up though because whenever I think about school, I feel like there's something I'm putting off constantly and I hate that feeling.
Work is getting much better. I was in training for 6 weeks and when it ended, and we were forced to actually do our jobs, I felt very unprepared. I was stressing myself out more than ever before and I seriously wanted to quit. Forcing myself [and being forced by my crazy supervisor] to just get out there and do it has really helped me though. I know I'm bound to have questions and run into things I don't have an answer for, but overall I'm feeling much better. Not to mention the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Living in this house is also improving. I hated it so much at first, it felt stale and very far from "home". I was always worrying about bills and other stupid shit but I don't worry anymore and it's much more cozy feeling than it used to be.
Feeling very distant from most of my friends. I see Heather almost everyday and it's awesome. She turns just about every average, boring thing into something adventerous and exciting. Cecily comes over every now and then basically just to vent which I don't mind but I don't really remember the last time we went out and did something fun like we used to. Haven't seen Jaccie and Maranda in forever, same with Alexis, Emily, Ashley, etc. I think people are just growing up and moving on but I feel like it's my fault for letting them grow apart.
Relationship wise, things are good. I feel like TJ has to take the majority of my bad days and I feel extremely bad for him. Sometimes when he comes over, I get really grumpy and pissy and eventually I start to cry. Most of the time, the reason why I'm crying is not because something horrible has happened, but it's because I feel so awful for being bitchy to him. And then, usually when he's getting ready to leave I find something to get mad about [something that makes no sense at all], but it's only because without him, I feel very alone and incomplete and I still haven't figured out how to be ok with that feeling. I've always tried so so so hard to be the understanding girlfriend, the girlfriend who doesn't care when the boyfriend has other plans, and I think for the most part I am still that girlfriend, but my dependancy issues have resurfaced, sadly. I'm still growing up but I think I can fix this, for TJ's sake. I think the fact that my emotions have been so unpredictable and intense lately, makes it really hard to be a stable girlfriend but I can't just blame it on hormones, he deserves better and that's that.
this turned out to be a lot longer than intended...
School is easy but I feel like I'm neglecting it. I rarely ever have homework, but when I do, I usually don't do it...which definitely isn't good. Also, I'm starting to get back in my habbit of skipping a class or two sometimes. I don't like the feeling of doing the bare-minimum but school doesn't motivate me at all. I need to step it up though because whenever I think about school, I feel like there's something I'm putting off constantly and I hate that feeling.
Work is getting much better. I was in training for 6 weeks and when it ended, and we were forced to actually do our jobs, I felt very unprepared. I was stressing myself out more than ever before and I seriously wanted to quit. Forcing myself [and being forced by my crazy supervisor] to just get out there and do it has really helped me though. I know I'm bound to have questions and run into things I don't have an answer for, but overall I'm feeling much better. Not to mention the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Living in this house is also improving. I hated it so much at first, it felt stale and very far from "home". I was always worrying about bills and other stupid shit but I don't worry anymore and it's much more cozy feeling than it used to be.
Feeling very distant from most of my friends. I see Heather almost everyday and it's awesome. She turns just about every average, boring thing into something adventerous and exciting. Cecily comes over every now and then basically just to vent which I don't mind but I don't really remember the last time we went out and did something fun like we used to. Haven't seen Jaccie and Maranda in forever, same with Alexis, Emily, Ashley, etc. I think people are just growing up and moving on but I feel like it's my fault for letting them grow apart.
Relationship wise, things are good. I feel like TJ has to take the majority of my bad days and I feel extremely bad for him. Sometimes when he comes over, I get really grumpy and pissy and eventually I start to cry. Most of the time, the reason why I'm crying is not because something horrible has happened, but it's because I feel so awful for being bitchy to him. And then, usually when he's getting ready to leave I find something to get mad about [something that makes no sense at all], but it's only because without him, I feel very alone and incomplete and I still haven't figured out how to be ok with that feeling. I've always tried so so so hard to be the understanding girlfriend, the girlfriend who doesn't care when the boyfriend has other plans, and I think for the most part I am still that girlfriend, but my dependancy issues have resurfaced, sadly. I'm still growing up but I think I can fix this, for TJ's sake. I think the fact that my emotions have been so unpredictable and intense lately, makes it really hard to be a stable girlfriend but I can't just blame it on hormones, he deserves better and that's that.
this turned out to be a lot longer than intended...