Perfection/Reality
Jinki loved his members. Even though he tended to be socially awkward at times, he knew that the boys would always be one step behind him, carefully showing him the way; and he was thankful for that. Back when they first debuted, Jinki had been so shy, unable to even say his name without melting into a stuttering mess. During interviews, the members would remain silent just in case Jinki decided that he wanted to answer the question, but he never did, and Jonghyun would smile politely and answer. Jinki considered himself the faceless member of the band; even though he was the lead vocalist along with Jonghyun, he couldn’t help thinking that Jonghyun shone so much more. (“Hyung, they all love you,” Jonghyun would insist.)
Taemin would always be there to offer Jinki a hug whenever he felt down. Being around the group’s youngest never failed to cheer Jinki up. Taemin was a bright and bubbly boy with so much potential within him. Jinki felt proud, like a father, watching Taemin slowly grow into a man. Minho never said much, but the way he looked into Jinki’s eyes would let Jinki know that no matter what, his members would be there with him.
Jinki had a dream once, that he was alone and scared; but when he turned around, his members were there, smiling softly back at him. One, two, three, he counted. Jinki’s smile fell from his face. The one person who helped the most wasn’t there. Kibum wasn’t there.
He fought, he screamed, he cried. He wanted to be selfish, wanted to have Kibum all to himself. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to ask anything of the boy. It was then that Kibum had appeared before him, eyes ablaze with anger, hurt, disappointment and betrayal all at once. No Kibum, please, don’t leave.
Jinki had woken up with a start, realizing that he had fallen asleep on the couch. He stood up, about to go to their bedroom when he spotted a figure, hunched over the dining table. It was Kibum, fast asleep. A smile naturally found its way to Jinki’s face and he headed to his room, returning with a comforter. Carefully, he draped it over Kibum’s body before seating himself down beside the boy and falling asleep, head on the table.
Kibum was never behind him; he was always beside him, holding his hand through it all. (And he was there to stay.)
But as time passed, what started as gratitude grew into something so much more. Jinki felt just the slightest bit happier whenever he was beside Kibum. He never liked leaving Kibum’s side. Jinki was completely dependent on the younger boy, and Kibum was all too willing to stay by Jinki. When no one was watching, the two of them would thread their fingers together and exchange the briefest of smiles. They were more than friends, not quite lovers, but they were perfectly content being like that.
When they were caught holding hands backstage, their manager called them aside to talk to them, warning them that relationships were forbidden within the company, especially homosexual relationships. (“Hand-holding is only allowed on stage, you boys know that.”)
“We’re just friends,” Kibum stated adamantly.
Jinki felt his heart fall, even though he knew that it was true, they were only friends.
And then Kibum squeezed his hand. “I’ll hold Jinki hyung’s hand when I want to and it’s none of your business,” Kibum huffed before pulling Jinki away.
Secretly, Jinki had never been happier.
It happened one night. It was past three in the morning and Jinki and Kibum were lying on the couch. Jinki was pressed up against the back of the couch with his arms wrapped around Kibum. Even then, there was barely any space to move. But the two of them did not mind, of course they didn’t.
“I think,” Jinki started, “I think… I love you.”
“Mmmm,” Kibum replied, “I think I know.”
“Well?” Jinki asked.
Kibum rolled his eyes slightly, “I love you too, I think. I don’t know. I like being around you though, does that count?”
“I don’t know,” Jinki shrugged, “you’re my first love.”
Kibum playfully slapped Jinki’s shoulder, almost causing the couch to topple over due to their precarious position. “Stop being cheesy,” he laughed, even though he was actually flattered.
After Kibum’s laughter died down, Jinki spoke. “Kibum, where do you think we’ll be ten years from now?”
“I don’t know,” Kibum sang, “why think about the future? Cherish the present, when we’re together.”
“Can I kiss you?” Jinki’s question came out of the blue.
Slowly, carefully, Kibum brought their faces closer together until their lips met in a soft, gentle kiss.
It was their first (and last) kiss.
And so ten years down the road, Jinki found himself invited to Kibum’s wedding. He went, naturally. Kibum ran to hug him the moment he saw the older boy, and it almost felt as if they were never apart to begin with. For a moment, Jinki allowed himself to forget that there was someone else that Kibum loved now.
And when no one was watching, the two of them threaded their fingers together and exchanged the briefest of smiles. Everything was perfect.
Taemin would always be there to offer Jinki a hug whenever he felt down. Being around the group’s youngest never failed to cheer Jinki up. Taemin was a bright and bubbly boy with so much potential within him. Jinki felt proud, like a father, watching Taemin slowly grow into a man. Minho never said much, but the way he looked into Jinki’s eyes would let Jinki know that no matter what, his members would be there with him.
Jinki had a dream once, that he was alone and scared; but when he turned around, his members were there, smiling softly back at him. One, two, three, he counted. Jinki’s smile fell from his face. The one person who helped the most wasn’t there. Kibum wasn’t there.
He fought, he screamed, he cried. He wanted to be selfish, wanted to have Kibum all to himself. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to ask anything of the boy. It was then that Kibum had appeared before him, eyes ablaze with anger, hurt, disappointment and betrayal all at once. No Kibum, please, don’t leave.
Jinki had woken up with a start, realizing that he had fallen asleep on the couch. He stood up, about to go to their bedroom when he spotted a figure, hunched over the dining table. It was Kibum, fast asleep. A smile naturally found its way to Jinki’s face and he headed to his room, returning with a comforter. Carefully, he draped it over Kibum’s body before seating himself down beside the boy and falling asleep, head on the table.
Kibum was never behind him; he was always beside him, holding his hand through it all. (And he was there to stay.)
But as time passed, what started as gratitude grew into something so much more. Jinki felt just the slightest bit happier whenever he was beside Kibum. He never liked leaving Kibum’s side. Jinki was completely dependent on the younger boy, and Kibum was all too willing to stay by Jinki. When no one was watching, the two of them would thread their fingers together and exchange the briefest of smiles. They were more than friends, not quite lovers, but they were perfectly content being like that.
When they were caught holding hands backstage, their manager called them aside to talk to them, warning them that relationships were forbidden within the company, especially homosexual relationships. (“Hand-holding is only allowed on stage, you boys know that.”)
“We’re just friends,” Kibum stated adamantly.
Jinki felt his heart fall, even though he knew that it was true, they were only friends.
And then Kibum squeezed his hand. “I’ll hold Jinki hyung’s hand when I want to and it’s none of your business,” Kibum huffed before pulling Jinki away.
Secretly, Jinki had never been happier.
It happened one night. It was past three in the morning and Jinki and Kibum were lying on the couch. Jinki was pressed up against the back of the couch with his arms wrapped around Kibum. Even then, there was barely any space to move. But the two of them did not mind, of course they didn’t.
“I think,” Jinki started, “I think… I love you.”
“Mmmm,” Kibum replied, “I think I know.”
“Well?” Jinki asked.
Kibum rolled his eyes slightly, “I love you too, I think. I don’t know. I like being around you though, does that count?”
“I don’t know,” Jinki shrugged, “you’re my first love.”
Kibum playfully slapped Jinki’s shoulder, almost causing the couch to topple over due to their precarious position. “Stop being cheesy,” he laughed, even though he was actually flattered.
After Kibum’s laughter died down, Jinki spoke. “Kibum, where do you think we’ll be ten years from now?”
“I don’t know,” Kibum sang, “why think about the future? Cherish the present, when we’re together.”
“Can I kiss you?” Jinki’s question came out of the blue.
Slowly, carefully, Kibum brought their faces closer together until their lips met in a soft, gentle kiss.
It was their first (and last) kiss.
And so ten years down the road, Jinki found himself invited to Kibum’s wedding. He went, naturally. Kibum ran to hug him the moment he saw the older boy, and it almost felt as if they were never apart to begin with. For a moment, Jinki allowed himself to forget that there was someone else that Kibum loved now.
And when no one was watching, the two of them threaded their fingers together and exchanged the briefest of smiles. Everything was perfect.