(no subject)
This week has not been so fab. I used to control my emotions pretty well, but this week it has become far too hard. I started cutting. Only small scratches, but they did bleed and I know at the time i wanted more, i was just to scared.
Its like my emotions are taking over me. I used to control this by doing thingss like not eating, or not sleeping or doing lots of exercise. BEcause of the post viral fatigue, if i am to get up in the morning i have to eat right and sleep loads (i cant even keep my eyes open) and i cant do exercise.
So not i have found it has all been buuilding up. I imagined the other day me, cutting my arm and having to get it stitched up. I dont know why and in all honestly i didnt want to do it, and i didnt do it, but it was that relief, i needed something to release the tension.
The past few weeks i have been feeling numb, like all the emotion in me had gone. It was like i was bottling it up inside me, but inside a locked safe where i couldnt feel it. I know now that safe is at bursting point and these are the first signs.
I am going to have to get someone i can talk to, someone i trust. i can not go on like this anymore.
Its like my emotions are taking over me. I used to control this by doing thingss like not eating, or not sleeping or doing lots of exercise. BEcause of the post viral fatigue, if i am to get up in the morning i have to eat right and sleep loads (i cant even keep my eyes open) and i cant do exercise.
So not i have found it has all been buuilding up. I imagined the other day me, cutting my arm and having to get it stitched up. I dont know why and in all honestly i didnt want to do it, and i didnt do it, but it was that relief, i needed something to release the tension.
The past few weeks i have been feeling numb, like all the emotion in me had gone. It was like i was bottling it up inside me, but inside a locked safe where i couldnt feel it. I know now that safe is at bursting point and these are the first signs.
I am going to have to get someone i can talk to, someone i trust. i can not go on like this anymore.