Best friends means I pull the trigger....
Shit...it's happened again.
I've fallen for another person I can't have.
This time not something I can help. I'll just keep it a secret...s'what I always do. :/ Fuck, I wish I was a guy. It would make things so much less complicated in my life. Everything would be easier. My brother just doesn't know how well he has it. My cousins came down from Italy today. It was an amazing surprise. I was so happy...but Texas bars just aren't my style so I avoided and now I'm here... half drunk, not knowing if I'm full of shame or happiness. I think that I think too much. Maybe I care too much about people I don't truly know. Is it wrong that my internet friends hold more importance to me than my real ones? o.O They know more about me than my real friends do...mainly because I'm more confidant typing my feelings than I am saying them. I just wish I had someone I could trust like this in the real world. Someone who wouldn't judge me. It's impossible to find someone here....where I live. Everyone is so judemental of everything. I'd just be burned at the stake (figuratively) if they knew what I was really like... if they knew.... damn.
I can't even say it because of my fear they might find this page. My fear that they might find out who I really am...and I don't even have my name tied to this page other than screen name. I guess the alcohol helps...I'm not really an alcoholic and I've only truly gotten "so drunk I can't remember" once or twice in my life...but being Italian there are plenty of oppertunities to drink.
I hope I don't freak my internet friends out by wanting to meet them. I'm really not a creepy person, but if they think I am I know where they're coming from. My dad used to convince me that everyone I met on the internet was a creepy drug user or a rapist...but then I met all of Ryan's internet friends at school and fell in love with that group...so now I know that his theories aren't all true. I picked Disney to meet everyone because it's a secure spot and my parents wont have to worry about me. There is CRAZY security there.... I mean if some kid goes missing from the park the entire park knows within 5mins....so yeah, crazy good security. I worked there, I know.
Maybe I should just go to bed....maybe I should forget everything.
Who am I kidding? I can't do that.
Damn...
Well...
Damn.
Everything is confirmed...damn.
I wish I was a guy again...
I've fallen for another person I can't have.
This time not something I can help. I'll just keep it a secret...s'what I always do. :/ Fuck, I wish I was a guy. It would make things so much less complicated in my life. Everything would be easier. My brother just doesn't know how well he has it. My cousins came down from Italy today. It was an amazing surprise. I was so happy...but Texas bars just aren't my style so I avoided and now I'm here... half drunk, not knowing if I'm full of shame or happiness. I think that I think too much. Maybe I care too much about people I don't truly know. Is it wrong that my internet friends hold more importance to me than my real ones? o.O They know more about me than my real friends do...mainly because I'm more confidant typing my feelings than I am saying them. I just wish I had someone I could trust like this in the real world. Someone who wouldn't judge me. It's impossible to find someone here....where I live. Everyone is so judemental of everything. I'd just be burned at the stake (figuratively) if they knew what I was really like... if they knew.... damn.
I can't even say it because of my fear they might find this page. My fear that they might find out who I really am...and I don't even have my name tied to this page other than screen name. I guess the alcohol helps...I'm not really an alcoholic and I've only truly gotten "so drunk I can't remember" once or twice in my life...but being Italian there are plenty of oppertunities to drink.
I hope I don't freak my internet friends out by wanting to meet them. I'm really not a creepy person, but if they think I am I know where they're coming from. My dad used to convince me that everyone I met on the internet was a creepy drug user or a rapist...but then I met all of Ryan's internet friends at school and fell in love with that group...so now I know that his theories aren't all true. I picked Disney to meet everyone because it's a secure spot and my parents wont have to worry about me. There is CRAZY security there.... I mean if some kid goes missing from the park the entire park knows within 5mins....so yeah, crazy good security. I worked there, I know.
Maybe I should just go to bed....maybe I should forget everything.
Who am I kidding? I can't do that.
Damn...
Well...
Damn.
Everything is confirmed...damn.
I wish I was a guy again...