Paul Project: HIGNFY Season 2 observation, quotes, and pic spam part 1
Here's season 2 of my Paul Project/HIGNFY thing
HIGNFY Season 2
New guests, new changes, and new hair.
Names in bold are winners
Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest
s02-01 4 Oct 1991 Sandi Toksvig David Thomas
Well Angus finally got a decent hair cut. He’s also gone from blond to brunet.
The second clip of the “In the News today” with David Miller was on the Very Best of Special.
Paul’s outfit: THUNDERBIRDS T-shirt!!
Ian mentions a club he heard in the Guardian called “Walkers” that had “LMN” problems. Paul asks if it Ian meant “Wankers”, causing lots of laughter.
LOL - Angus made a joke about parrots giving each other “beak-jobs”, making Sandi crack up.
“The Drunk from the Sun who had to be call Sir”. - Ian: (reads it) That’s the editor.
Sandi: (on David Owen playing soccer) Oh! Everybody! Ugh! What a lot of wobbly bits! Ugh, dear. What happened next was that everybody vomited. (This silly bit was on the “Very Best of” special.)
Bush’s “I do not like Broccoli” bit and everyone’s comments on it was on “the Very Best Of” special.
Ian: (on Paul’s four, which included Hitler and dealt with writing columns for the Sun) Adolph wasn’t right winged enough.
“Hospitals told to cut costs by using *what*” Sandi: No doctors. Paul: Copies of Private Eye and general anaesthetic. (Big smile) Ian: Anyone watching Paul Merton’s program? (Lots of laughter) No I didn’t either. (Playful banter between those two is <3)
Paul has one of his first mini tantrums when his group got the answer for “Kinnock searches for his *what*” and Ian and Sandi got a point for it. Paul: It’s like a general election in the Philippines.
“Gummer holds up *what*” Ian: Petrol station.
“Alex Higgins drank my *what*” Ian: Drank my country dry says Boris Yeltsin.
“Ramblers find *what* in Major’s garden” Ian: Ramblers find Lord Lucan!
“I just think of the Queen as my *what*” David: Meal ticket.
“Saddam backs off as Bush gets *what*” Paul: Broccoli. David: Herpes.
“Di plays *what* for newsman Sandy!” David: Kazoo. Paul: Um, strip poker?
Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest
s02-02 11 Oct 1991 Tony Slattery Alan Coren
There is a guy signing on the bottom of the screen in the screenshots. There is nothing I can do to get rid of the guy, so, unfortunately, the screens with have that guy in most of them.
Tony, according to Ian in the “Very Best of” special commentary, is “wearing a sort of a Persuaders look”.
Paul’s Outfit: Cerulean blue sweatshirt.
Wow, Liz Taylor’s wedding to Larry Fortensky. Her last marriage and Michael Jackson was there to give her away… along with his chimp Bubbles. Angus makes a joke about Bubbles being the one giving Liz away.
Ian: Basho is the Japanese for Robert Maxwell look-a-like competition.
Angus: One of your favourite subjects…
Paul: I thought he was one of the Marx brothers, Basho, wasn’t he?
“Don’t put this in the Shredder!” Paul jokes about the Duchess of York getting love letters from Princess Anne, which, according to him “would be a royal scoop, wouldn’t it?”
“Man with an ear in his leg!” - First off: One of the funniest headlines of the season. Second, I feel sorry for the guy who lost his ear in the fight and had it sewn onto his leg to keep the blood flow up. Finally, the Tony-Paul banter was silly.
Tony: He should have had the ear…
Paul: Oh yes, here we go. (Tony laughs) Where should he have the ear, Tony? (Takes a drink as Tony and the audience cracks up) As if we couldn’t guess! (More laughter)
Tony: That’s all I’ve got to say, thank you.
This was on the Very Best of Special. In the commentary, Paul said he shouldn’t have jumped on Tony like that.
Tony: (on the judges) Oh, a lot of transvestites.
Paul: (on his group) Well, three of them have never been contestants on Blind Date.
Ian: Two of them are happily married!
“Nimmo is *what* in his limo” - Paul makes another joke about relations to the Marx brothers.
Paul complains about Pit-bull is two words, but was done under one blank. He and Ian have friendly banter throughout the rest of the round about if something is two words or one word.
“The man who really has Kinnock’s *what*” Paul: Ear. Alan: Leg. (Paul was right)
“Beat riots by *what* Schools told” Alan: Closing it, I think.
“Gaddafi’s *what* droops after his split with Scargill” - Ian: Sheep.
“Labor votes to change *what*” Ian: Name to Conservative party. (Tony Cracks up) - This was on the Very Best of Special.
“Hurd tiptoes across *what*” Ian: Tulips.
“Thatcher gives them *what*” Tony: A good scene. A good see-thru with a set of Queen Anne chair legs. Paul: Is it Mad Cow Disease?
The milk drinker - George Bess - image was on the Very best of special.
Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest
s02-03 18 Oct 1991 Rory McGrath Tony Banks
Angus’s got a brown suit on ^_^
Rory McGrath looks like Shinichi Watanabe A.K.A. “Nabeshin” in that outfit. Look him up for those not familiar with Anime.
Paul’s shirt: Deep red long sleeve button up shirt
Rory: (as the clip starts) Someone faking an orgasm, I think.
Ian: (on the marching Neo-Nazi’s) It’s the Young Conservatives.
“Bondage and Breakfast” - a Bed and Breakfast with a BDSM theme? Everyone’s got a gimmick. Also, the phrase “Allegedly” pops up after Paul questions the usage of it. This was on the “Very Best of” Special.
“This Pet Shark is no more” - Oh, come on, who here didn’t think of “The Dead Parrot Sketch” from Monty Python when they heard this?
And I was right; this is a real life incident that was akin to the famous sketch.
Rory: (on his headline) I can’t answer this; I was on holiday at the time.
Paul: (as a woman stuffs a turkey) Oh this is how TVAM felt earlier this week.
Allegedly is becoming the word of the night this episode. Paul says it for the third time and Rory used it during his and Ian’s compilation clip.
Paul: (as his group is shown, after the horse appears) It has to do with teeth.
Rory: (Why he thinks Cat Stevens is the Odd One Out) Because he’s the only one who doesn’t shave three times a day.
Angus: (about Rory’s reasoning) I’m not sure what papers your reading…
“Duke says No to free sample of *What*” Paul: Uh, Readers Digest.
“Tories want Heseltine off the *what*” Paul: Booze?
Allegedly mention: 7, said by Paul
“Maggie’s neighbours sue over the *what*” Tony: Windows. Paul: Acid house party?
“Bough puts *what* in” Ian/Rory: Allegedly!
“Now Tories sell off *what*” Rory: Thatcher?
“Princess drops in for a chat with *whom*” Tony: Prince Charles.
Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest
s02-04 25 Oct 1991 John Wells Robert Harris
AHHHH!! It’s the return of the signing guy on my video! This time he’s got more hair and no glasses!
Paul’s shirt: dark blue-black-ish sweatshirt.
Ian jokes about the two ways to discuss the story, the more subdued way and the other way that would “Give the BBC lawyer having a heart attack” and waves at the camera with a grin on his face.
Paul: (after Ian notes that one of the men mentioned is married to someone from Dr. Who) Are you saying he’s married to someone from another planet?
And Angus does a newspaper gag, where he puts away an issue of the Daily Mirror. This would get back at him years later…
“Dial the palace and ask for Charlie” - a scandal involving a special phone number to call to talk to Prince Charles?? Wow!
Cocaine dealing with someone from Buckingham Palace? Double wow!
Angus’s impression of the Palace spokesman - LOL!
Ian: (a dog appears) Oh that’s Ester Ansen! (A Cow appears) Oh there she is again!
Paul: Are you suggesting that Richard Branson was having a homosexual affair with Sir Alex Douglas Hugh?
Ian: That would be like suggesting that Robert Maxwell was up to no good all week!
Ian: Now someone wants to see me lose a huger amount of money. (Laughter)
Paul: Go on, do it! Do it!
“Gorbachev accused of role in *what*” Paul: The Men’s room.
“Don’t vote for us if you want *what* say Labour” Paul: Socialism? Age misuse. Robert: Any change.
“Major is *What* says Ministers Wife” Paul: Major is blank says Ministers wife.
“Phillip laughed as I *what* the Queen!” Paul: Straddled!
What is Robert doing to the back of his pants?
“Health chief deny that patients are being made to *what*” Ian: Recover?
“Angry MP get censored copy of *what*” Ian: The Men’s Room. Barbara Cartons obituary?
“Norma has a gift for winning *what*” Ian: Mud wrestling competitions.
Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest
s02-05 1 Nov 1991 Nick Hancock Clare Short
Paul’s shirt: off-red sweatshirt
The beginning is missing in my copy, so I can’t comment about the intro, the Film Round, and Paul, Clare and Nick’s Tabloid headlines.
Ian: (on his headline) Um, this is, uh, your telephone bill.
Nick: (on the two pigs in the mounting position) This is Ken Barlow proving his sex life isn’t boring. (Loud laughter)
Ian: I’m glad to say that the man next to me has just gone bankrupt!
Paul: (on Ian and Nicks clip) (the prime minister) Walks across the water.
Clare: And sinks.
Ian: (his answer) Maggie falls in and drowns!
Angus: Wishful thinking.
Ian: (on Paul’s clip) Wasn’t it that a half an hour later, they wanted another Chinese meal?
Paul: Oh what nonsense! (Ian is laughing) That’s an old joke you dressed up very thinly!
Ian: I didn’t dress it up at all!
Paul: I know your kind.
Ian: I was gonna give you the Poll Pot Noodles in a minute.
Paul: I’d like to hear that one!
Paul: (On Michael Fulton not being a worst dressed winner) There must’ve been a lot of competition that year.
Later…
Clare: (on Fulton) Everyone loves him.
Ian: Everyone loves a loser.
Nick: (on the reason why Ollie Reeves was never busted for drunk driving) He’s never been sober enough to buy a car!
Ian’s got his allegedly comment in.
He then jokingly says he doesn’t remember why Sonia Satcliff (I am not sure the spelling) was involved in a lawsuit. (She sued Private Eye *Ian’s paper* and News of the World)
Nick hands Ian some cash after Angus brings up the lawsuit and noted that Private Eye lost the suit.
Angus: As the suspense builds up to an unnoticeable climax…
“MacGregor proposes *what* in Commons” Clare: Sense. Paul: Orgy. Karaoke night.
“Gorbachev insists he is in *what*” Paul: Pantomime this Christmas.
“Mr. Kinnock has his Cabinet *what* for him” Ian: Empty by Roy Hattersley. Paul: De-toxed?
“Major calls for women’s *what*” Paul: Realm. (I’m not sure what he said was right, but it launches everyone into fits of laughter)
“How The Sunday Times helped Reagan find his *what*” Paul: Ass. Clare: Brain.
“Small *what* for Maggie” Nick: Git as a son. (to Ian) You heard about Libel, Ian? Ian: No, that’s fair comment. (This was on the Very Best of Special.)
“France in despair as Mitterrand loses his *What*” Ian: Temper and Newt Twikidum. Paul: Is it sexual organs in a card game? (This was on the Very Best of Special.)
“You must keep your bank manager in *what*” Ian: Jail.
“Bush to appear in *what*” Nick: America! Antiques Road Show! (One of my favourite shows!) Paul: Off-the-shoulder cocktail dress. That’s worth an extra point, isn’t it Angus?
Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest
s02-06 8 Nov 1991 Stephen Frost Michael White
Paul’s Shirt: Black t-shirt with Z-Room written on it.
Ian mentions "the news story of the week" and sounds like he doesn’t want to talk about it. According to some sources, the "top news story" of that week was Robert Maxwell's drowning, which happened three days before this episode was aired.
Paul and Ian have a mini spat about someone being a Druid, which is confirmed by Angus.
Angus: (on the captions being Homework) You ether have to come up with a caption or a note from your mother.
Steve’s story reminds me of the Osbournes episode with the neighbours who played music at all hours of the night and Ozzy, Sharon, and Jack waged war on the bastards.
Ian: If you work in the city, you can buy any of those animals (that were shown in the clip) in access.
Angus: (about the new acronyms for Yuppies) There are now YAKS, which are Young Adventurous Keen and Single - that’s me - and OWLS are Old With Less Stress - that’s Ian this week.
Ian smiles to a lot of laughter. Was that another reference to the whole Maxwell thing?
Ian: (on Paul’s group) They’re all alive except for Keith Richards!
Angus: (on Michaels Odd One out) And Mother Teresa - or to give her her real name, Agnes Bonxa Bijaxiu - won it the same year as she won the All-Calcutta Shrivelled Walnut Look-alike Competition.
Michael shakes his head in disbelief.
Angus: Steve...
Steve gives the "thumbs-down" to Angus.
Ian: I think that takes the... Obviously the best target. Milton Freedman, Saddam Hussein - yeah, let's get Mother Teresa, put the boot in! Shrivelled old walnut, what's she ever done? Go on! Who's next? Albert Schweitzer - bastard!
Michael’s Odd One Out was on the “Very Best of” special due to Angus insulting Mother Teresa and Ian busting on him for it.
Paul does a “Naughty, naughty” gesture while grinning cheekily after Ian says “Ronald McDonald used to make people eat… Big Macs.”
Ian: Sir Anthony Blunt had his title stripped, um; when it was found out he was a leading Homosexual… Sorry, when he was found out to be a spy!
“Imelda Marco flies north to win *what*” Steve: Who am I? Ian: To win the “my husband killed your husband” award.
“Lamont set to loosen *what*” Steve: Bowels.
Angus: (on Ian’s nasty comments about Lamont) Angry young man. I haven’t seen Hislop, goodnight.
“Kaufman pledges no more *what* by Labour” Ian: Governments.
“*What* in cells would prevent prison mutiny, say experts” Ian: Is it less prisoners?
Ian: (after hearing the answer “TV”) Why would they put transvestites in prison for?
“Major buys his £55 shirts from *who*” Michael: The Lord Markus.
“Major rules out Heseltine *what*” Paul: Sex change.
“Major set for triple *what*” Paul: Vodka.
“Tories tell Major to take a *what*” Paul: A Flying leap!
Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest
s02-07 15 Nov 1991 Craig Ferguson Trevor McDonald
Angus: Good evening and welcome to Have I Got News for You OR “You’ve been libelled” as it would be called if it was on LWT.
Paul’s outfit: black suit jacket over white shirt with multicoloured tie.
Wow, I almost hardly recognize Craig’s voice. Maybe it’s because the only times I remember hearing him is on Drew Carey show and the “I love the decades” shows.
The Salman Rushdie clip about the protest against his book was on the “Very Best Of” special.
Paul: Sir Allan Green? Yes, he's been given a golden handshake, which is, er...
Trevor: Money to burn. Twenty thousand pounds to burn.
Ian: What sort of handshake is that? I'm really not up to the terminology of King's Cross. I have really no idea what that is!
Paul: It's akin to hand relief, but there's twenty thousand pounds attached!
Ian: Oh, good!
And how does Paul know about it…?
Angus: The prostitute, Nicola Evans, said: "Me and my friends could do with the cash"...
Paul: They'll get it, don't worry! (Lots of laughter)
Angus: Yes!
Paul: Christmas will come early!
-I <3 Paul
Ian: (on a guy in the next clip) Oh, that's a Kurd.
Craig: Oh yes, so it is.
Ian: And...
Craig: (Archer appears) So is that!
Ian: (a guy runs up to Archer)...that's something that rhymes with Kurd!
Allegedly comment from Angus!
The “Curd” talk was on the “Very Best of” special.
“Death threats for head who banned pigs in classroom” - WHA?
Ian: And he received death threats from…
Craig: Salman Rushdie.
Ok, either I have a weird imagination or did Paul actually say what I originally thought about Ian’s headline about real pigs in classrooms. Of course, Paul had a different idea.
Paul: In my school we had a pig who taught us technical drawing. (Lots of laughter) Not very good with the chalk on the blackboard. (Mimes drawing in the air) Can’t get the shapes.
Paul: (a woman is drawing a cross) That’s one of the shapes a pig can’t draw.
Angus: (after Paul jokes about the woman’s earrings getting caught in the flag and flying off) You’ve seen this before, have you?
Ian: (before Angus introduces the next round) Alright, it’s time to drink the locals aid.
Watch Paul’s face when he hears why Barbara Carton’s the Odd One Out.
Paul tries to “Correct” Angus by saying that Barbara Carton was a Playboy playmate for December 1863. Angus says No, so Trevor says it was the November issue.
Paul: Just think back, have you been to bed with any of these three?
Trevor: I’m not answering that.
Paul: (points to Yogi) Now the one in the green hat, now you must remember. You got drunk; you were in Jellystone Park… (Craig is laughing) I dunno.
Ian: The stars were out.
Craig’s Odd One Out with Trevor being one of the people in it was on the “Very Best of” special due to all the jokes about how Trevor is connected to the three, which included Yogi Bear.
“Major puts Mellor in *what*” Ian: Short Trousers.
“Saddam ‘only months from having *what*” Paul: Gloria Hunningford. - This was on the “Very Best of” Special.
“Fowler and Tebbit may fight for *what*” Ian: Most washed-up former Tory cabinet minister… award.
“Yeltsin brushes up his *what*” Ian: Russian.
“Heseltine is urged to buy *what* for nation” Paul: Hairnets.
“Tebbit sinks teeth into Major’s *what*” Ian: Sausage. Craig: It’s not rump, is it?
“Anneka’s big task is *what*” Craig: Telling her husband where she’s been for the past several weeks. Paul: Busting out of her jeans?
“Princess is struck by *what*” Paul: Meteorite. Ian: Resemblance of her book to other people’s…
“I’ll still win *what* vows Major” Craig: Darby.
Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest
s02-08 22 Nov 1991 Richard Ingrams Richard Littlejohn
The “In the news” involving the arch bishop was on the “Very Best of” DVD.
Hmm, Ian in platform boots and hot pants…. Now THAT’S a picture. Thanks Angus!
Paul’s shirt: White T-shirt with someone on it. (Anyone know who that is?) I do know he wore it in the same taping of the Whose Line episode in season 4, ep. 3
Angus jokes about the first story, mentioning if Ian and Richard had already covered it in Private Eye.
Paul: (after Ian states what Paul and Littlejohn’s clip was) Not as difficult of a question as a Terry White on, isn’t it?
Littlejohn: (on John Bruno’s one punch KO to his opponent) This was boxing’s equivalent to premature ejaculation.
“Is your hamburger made in Hamburg?” The second I saw that, I thought of Wednesday saying “Are (girl scout cookies) made from real Girl Scouts?” from the first Addams Family Movie.
Ian: (a sewer appears) Oh it’s the sewer, it IS the Sun!
Angus: (to Paul) I better give you a point as well.
Ian: For a pathetic guess!
Paul gets revenge: (on a group of smokers) That’s the staff of Private Eye.
Paul: (on his clip) Is this where she exploded?
- Where the hell does he come up with this stuff?
Paul: Mrs. Thatcher is the only one who hasn’t been a School teacher. Next!
Ian: I think this is a leg-over question.
Ingrams: Really?
Ian: Yes, I do!
Angus: Would you like to elaborate on that?
Ian: I think one of the former editors in this got his leg over Colin Moynihan! (laughter)
Ingrams: You must have read that in the Daily Mail.
Ian: I did. It was in that Dempster column - awfully reliable!
Ingrams: Yes, I believe everything that man writes.
Ian: This is very much a Pamella Bordes question. Colin Moynihan took her to a ball, Andrew Neil, who's the editor of the Sunday Times, took her out...
Ingrams: Trelford had what he called a 'tangential' relationship with her.
Angus: Did he? I wonder what that means.
Ingrams: What does that mean?
Littlejohn: It takes two to tangent!
Ian: And Andrew Neil, the great romantic of all time, actually gave her a food mixer as a gift. A Kenwood mixer - isn't that touching?
Ingrams: She very rudely repaid the compliment by cutting the crutch out of his trousers.
Angus: Yes.
Ian: When their relationship split up, it was very, very amusing- sad!
Ingrams: The trousers split up as well!
Ian: They did!
Angus: It was equally sad.
Ian: So the odd man out - I just have to finish this question - is the only person not to have walked out - as I think they say - with Pamella, was this old chappie here!
Ingrams: Ha ha!
Ian: And, um, he was reported as having done so in the Daily Mail, in Nigel Dempster's column. And Dempster said that Ingrams had been spotted with Pamella - what an old humbug - wandering around Hastings. And then someone had come up to him and said 'yes, we know you'. And that it later transpired that Ingrams had sent him an anonymous note, saying 'I was in Hastings and I saw that old humbug wandering around with Pamella'. And Dempster, the great journalist, the true professional, put it all in totally unchecked! And subsequently looked a terrific *Beep - arsehole*.
Angus: Yes, I think that's the fullest answer we've ever had on this show.
Paul: I was about to book a wake-up call!
Ian: I was trying to outdo Angus.
Angus: Yes.
“Why Major must *what* for Britain” Ian: Resign.
“Rushdie has *what* cut off” Ian: Head. Paul: Electricity?
“Thatcher swallows her *what*” Littlejohn: Hamburger. Ian: (after Pride was revealed to be the answer) Oh, Cyanide capsule would’ve been nice, wouldn’t it.
“*who* in line for cabinet” Littlejohn: Janet Street-Porter.
“Scot’s future lies in *what* says Major” Ian: England. Angus: Certainly Not.
“Di proves that she’s a *what*” Paul: Tart. (Ouch, can’t get away with that now, can you?) Littlejohn: Hampster.
“Rebel Tory MP’s join Ashdown in *what*” Paul: Maximum Security Psychiatric Hospital.
“Bronzed Heath succumbs to Tebbit’s *what*” Paul: Flirting? Ian: Pectorals.
“Baker bangs *what* against Wall” Paul: Mrs. Thatcher!
“Use *what* advises Thatcher.” Littlejohn: Condoms, Cecil.
Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest
s02-09 29 Nov 1991 Jan Ravens Martin Young
Angus: Good evening and welcome to BBC2’s answer to “Question Time”.
Paul’s Shirt: off blue sweat shirt. (Possibly the same one he wore in the second episode of this season)
Angus: An extra point for that, Ian, for, uh, a touch of satire.
Paul: What touch of satire, it was just for abuse? (laughter) Don’t get points for that, do I?
Martin: You can do abuse, can you Paul?
Paul: Queen mother’s an old bag! (laughter)
Ian: That’s not abuse, that’s just satire!
-more signs of the future banter between those two.
Paul: (after he said Atlantic, but Angus then says it was the Pacific) Why was I close with the Atlantic?
Angus: Well it was close with the cashew (one of the things Paul mentioned in his answer)
Paul: (after Martin explains the deal and mentions a number) You seem to know those numbers quite well, do you? That’s my home number! You’re the one who’s been phoning mother up!
Martin: No, it’s Perky Paul 0898-
Paul: Oh yeah.
Ian: (on what the word that is censored in the headline) The word is s*it!
And Ian says that word twice!
Paul: (an old clip of Bob Dylan performing) That’s Bob Dylan twenty years ago. (a headless man appears in a movie clip) And that’s Bob Dylan today.
Paul: Do we get a point for lies?
Angus: Um…
Ian: Oh, he’s desperate!
Jan: Oh! Shameless! (Paul grins)
(from the clip) Bush: And we’ve had triumphs. We’ve made some mistakes. We’ve had some sex.
Ian, Jan, and Martin crack up hysterically!
Paul: What is wrong with Americans?
-I wish I could answer that, Paul.
Paul: I might be a bit thick here… (laughter) but at first glance, it would seem that Terry Wogan is the only one who’s not called Michael, but I don’t suppose it’s that. I suppose it’s something else. Um, it must have something to do with the name Michael. Is Terry Wogan’s first name Michael?
Angus: Well, incredibly, you’re right. I have to say, I'm extremely annoyed, but you are right.
Paul: Have I questioned your impartiality as chairman? Is that you are extremely annoyed that I got a question right?
“Heath collides with *what*” Paul: Jupiter. He took a lot of helium gas, a lot of helium gas, wild sort of weekend party got out of hand, lot of helium gas, floated out into the atmosphere, hit Jupiter. Next!
“Kinnock’s memory lapse over *what*” Paul: Socialism.
“Time for Nigel to change his *what*” Martin: Underpants. Paul: Image. Jan: Skin cleanser.
“North denies that Waite was working for *what*” Paul: Bijams!
“Heseltine spells out grand plan to revive *What*” Paul: His hair roots. Churchill?
“Frenchman makes Di *what*” Jan: Sick? Paul: Gag! Ian: I’m not joining in this round. (The shot of Paul leaning back with a grin on his face was on the Very best of DVD)
“Gasps and hoots as *what* is put on display.” Ian: Paul Merton’s Willy. (Me: O_O *faint*) Paul: You'll never make it stand up in court! Angus: I never thought we'd sink so low. (You thought wrong, mate) Paul: You want to get out more! (OMG! SLASH!)
“My two boys are *what* says Di” Ian: Black.
Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest
s02-10 6 Dec 1991 Kevin Day Edwina Currie
Paul’s outfit: black suit jacket over black t-shirt with Helloween on it.
Angus gives a small rundown of the scores in episode wins and says he’s making the last episode the deciding one, making Paul do a double take and Ian laugh.
Paul: (after Ian remarks in disdain about the Maxwell brothers story) Yes, but did you like it?
Ian and Kevin’s first clip was on the Very Best of special due to the Maxwell references.
Angus: Paul Merton and Edwina Currie - never thought I’d say those two names in the same breath.
Angus: (about it being ok to be homosexual, but not practice it) Then you have to be really good at it.
“I’m not paying my Poll Tax… I’m dead.” - sounds like the first Family Guy episode with “Death” in it.
Paul: (about smoke rising from the bed of a cigar smoker) I’ve had nights like that.
Edwina: Don’t, don’t tell them…
Angus: I don’t think we need to go into this.
Paul: I’ve had nights like that as well!
Edwina: (after the scores were given) We- we object. We got more right and he talks a load of rubbish.
Kevin: You’ve got more right because you got a Tory MP on your side.
Banter abound!
Edwina: (after Paul says that Brazil nuts are contraceptives) How do you use them?
Paul: (lustily) See me later.
-oooh for Paul’s comment, but ick about the idea of him shagging Edwina.
Ian: The elephants start… dropping Jeffrey Archer novels everywhere.
Paul: (laughs at Ian’s comment) “Obviously banged him into a wall?”
Ian: Allegedly.
“Queen urges mum to *what*” Paul: Have sex with parrot? Angus: No, too obvious.
“*What* found in Maxwell pension fund” Paul: Money!
“Setback as Hurd loses *what*” Paul: Sexual organs in a card game.
“Why Britain must lock up *what*” Ian: Edwina Currie.
“I’m no *what* says Esther” Kevin: TV presenter?
Paul protests that he didn’t get a chance to say anything for the above missing word.
“Di stops on M25 to *what*” Paul: Urinate!
Paul perks up from writing when Edwina mentions Di pulling down her sons’ pants. Ian then offers himself for advice if Di wanted to sue Edwina.
“*What* to replace Wogan” Kevin: Ling-Ling
“Duke breaks *what*… briefly” Ian: Neck.
“Dutch *what* that may await Major” Paul: Dutch elm disease. Angus: Certainly not what I was expecting.
Caption Contest: Ian: (on Paul’s one) It think he’s saying “Have you seen Paul Merton’s lost again!” (Laughs) (Paul just stares at him) No it isn’t, not at all. Sorry.
Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest
s02-11 24 Dec 1991[1] Harry Enfield Clive Anderson
Special episode: 45 minutes Long!
Paul’s shirt: Black sweatshirt.
Clive: I got a phone call too the day after the papers were stolen, but it wasn’t interesting. It was from my father.
“David phoned and said Socrates had just asked him to save the world.” - Insert “The Philosophers song” from Monty Python here.
Clive: I'm not sure about this, but there was a story earlier this year about Norman Lamont, who had rented out a flat of his to someone who advertised herself as a relief masseuse or something...
Paul: Was it Princess Diana? I got confused. (lol, oh Paul)
Clive: I don't know if he ever managed to get rid of her, or what terms they agreed for her departure.
Angus: Well, I'm not sure she ever did leave actually.
Ian: Are you staying she's still there? In Norman Lamont's house?
Clive: Well I'll give you the address if you'd like it!
Paul: How do you have the address Clive?
Clive: How do I have the address? Well if you go to the phone booth just outside here, quite a number of interesting addresses!
Angus: Yes, well if I could just leap in here, it concerns...
Clive: Happy Harry is the one I rather like!
Harry: I'm just rather shocked that you're so rude! I thought you were a nice man; you're rather vulgar aren't you?
- And you just figured that out, Harry? A lot of us already knew that.
Clive: (after the talk about the Benetton ad with the new-born baby) Actually, the United Colours of Benetton are really featured in your waistcoat tonight, aren't they Angus? It's rather smart.
Angus: Are they? Well yes, there is one or two...
Angus checks out his own United Colours of Benetton
Clive: Reminds you a bit of a new-born baby doesn't it?
Harry: They're not born with waistcoats Clive.
Clive: (laughing) What are you talking about? Are you on drugs Harry? I was simply drawing attention to the sartorial elegance of the chairman. I think it's a jolly nice waistcoat.
Angus: Thank you. And I hurl it back in your general direction.
Clive: I demand a recount, what question did we not get right in that course of action?
Paul: (shaking his head) It’s no good, Clive, I’ve been through this before… (Angus starts giggling)
Paul: He said they’d be better off buying a Prawn Sandwich as Glasgow’s.
Angus: Your not gonna get any points though.
Paul slams his hand on the table in frustration.
Paul: Why don’t you just unplug our scoreboard!
Paul: Is there any point of us answering this question?
Angus: No, Ian and Harry?
Angus: Time now to descend the stairways of memories...
Paul: (Incredulously) “The Stairways of memories?” You’re turning into Dennis North!
Angus laughs and subtly gives the finger.
Paul: And now “The Step-Ladder of Short-Term Recollection!” (laughter) “The Elevator of Truth!” (Laughter) As we move forward through “The Corridors of Irony”, alright. (Goes back to writing) Still losing, yeah.
(Later)
Angus: As we now descend the “Escalator of Truth” (shoots glare at Paul) through the “Corridors of Irony”….
AHHH!!! Ian’s in a “Jimmy Somerville look-a-like” Odd One Out! Fast forward a few years to season 10.
Ian: (after Clive gave him his points) That’s the first time I got something free from a lawyer.
Clive: And the last.
Harry: (about Mark Phillips knocking up someone) Was it the baby had hooves?
Paul: (after Clive talks about a prince who had an operation to remove a golf club from his head) Should’ve removed the head, in my opinion. (laughter) That’d be correct.
All this talk about hitting someone with a golf club… reminds me of when I accidentally hit my brother with a 9 iron when learning how to golf.
Ian: (on the guy flattening wheat) Cereal Killing. (Me: LOL!)
“Bosses put Lamont in *what*” Ian: (groans) Jail. Clive: Panto. Harry: Chains?
“Kinnock scorns the Tories and lays out *what*” Harry: Frank Bearham? Paul: New Patio? Angus: It’s a lovely thought.
“London Zoo offers plan for *what*” Harry: Thatcher’s return? Paul: Open-air Barbecue? (Lots of groans from the audience) Harry: Lost a lot of friends there… (Paul chuckles)
“7500 pit bulls still to join *what*” Clive: Rolling Stones?
“Fergie bows to Queen’s ban on *what*” Paul: Cocaine. Ian: Bad Children’s books?
“‘Killroy’ is returning to *what*” Paul: Primitive pound life?
“Orkney children are flown home to *what*” Paul: Dolphins. To spend Christmas in the arms of their family. (Me: Awww)
“Bug is found in Mirror finance chief’s *what*” Clive: Underpants. (After answer is revealed) Ian: I thought it was in his collection of insects.
It starts “snowing” on Paul and Clive for their win.
Paul: (to Clive, who has ‘snow’ on his shoulders) I never thought I’d see you with dandruff.
Paul and Clive show how adorably dorky they are by singing “Aud Lang Syn” together.
The Robert Maxwell joke at the end was on the “Very Best of” special.
Angus gets a whole SHITLOAD of fake snow dropped on him after doing the last bits of news. He and Clive then have a “Snow Fight” as the credits roll. This was on the “Very Best of” Special, and Ian and Paul make a drug joke in the commentary.
Pic spam in next post