When Is Enough Truly Enough?
"You kept me straight. I just wanted you to know I realized that while I was locked up. You really did keep me straight."
- Player 456
"That was the only choice. Mommy couldn't make you gay daddy."
- Mo
"🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 Imma tell! Imma tell!"
- Me (I was on speaker phone. I thought she wasn't paying attention until she suddenly spoke)
Bruh 😓😓😓
So, over the weekend I allowed Player 456 to come with Kai and Laurynn since he would have a guaranteed ride round trip. The weekend went really, really well but something felt off. (It felt so off that I started obsessing over it. Know how I get) When questioned, Player 456 dismissed my worries but nah. I've been in this game long enough to know the behaviors and have matured enough to vocalize instead of internalize. When asked, he claimed it was the antihistamines but dude, nah. You were doing too much. You know it. I know it.
^About an hour after they left, Kai texted me
The real question is: How much trauma will these kids have to absorb before Player 456's mom admits that her grown ass sons are a lost cause and choose the ones under her care instead? When will enough be enough?
^Like, you found the proof ma'am and even if you hadn't, he'd been acting so erratic when he was over here this weekend that I was thinking of researching the psychosis behind inmates in solitary confinement cuz I know it has happened to alot of people and he was doing the most Sunday. I suppose there's no need now. (This reminds me of Emmett from Queer As Folk when it came to Blake: “Who believes the tweaker is no longer tweaking?” Or or… “You don't want him… You want drugs.” Bruh, I should do a Queer As Folk marathon. It's been a few years.) Honestly, it doesn't mean he doesn't have it. He was making quite a bit of noise over there Sunday and pacing which is what he used to do while on meth… Shit, or heroin. Towards the end before he went to jail he was on both *shrugs* So I actually don't know and won't behave as if I do
^So um, again, when is enough really enough? Kai staying up because he feels like he has to protect the younger kids should be the breaking point. No, that's PAST the breaking point.
^Question: What are Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb gonna do? Ma'am, you have your proof. Turn the addicts loose. Yeah, ya don't want to so yeah, it's gonna hurt but in the long run, the children in this equation have a better shot at healing from this than the addicts have of healing through this. They've made their choices.
Backing up, when the kids arrived Saturday, Jimmy and Player 456's mom were arguing because apparently the dark lord sold some sort of power tool of Jimmy’s for drugs and according to Kai, their mom was saying she doesn't know what to do in this situation. Uh, yes you do. Sometimes the right choice and the easy choice aren't on the same wavelength but the answer is right there… You just hafta make the jump. As I told them, if I ever find out they're stealing from me, that's a wrap. I wouldn't even think about it. (Past me did that silly shit. This me ain't about that life. We are not the same)
*sighs* Out here blaming peer pressure like he's a teen girl and not a decade shy of FIFTY.
^Ya know, my response was all about how Mo wants a relationship with him but is scared to because of this very same mess, but this isn't just about her.
When will it be enough? He's lost damn near everything outside of his mom who continues to cling to this sinking ship. He'd better fall to his knees every night praying that nothing bad happens to her cuz it's obvious that Jimmy would have been thrown in the towel were it not for her. Ya know, it's never too late to cut ties. Sometimes I wonder why they haven't divorced. There have been quite a few rumblings of the possibility over the years. I've always wondered what's stopping the boat. She has to know she's the only thing holding that shit show together. I know it and I don't even live there.
*shrugs in clarity* Ya know, if I'm being honest here, a part of me will always root for a positive outcome in this situation. It's just sad and disappointing that the family will never be enough. I've already taken that journey to acceptance so I can joke about it but one day, these all these kids could be drowning in a sea of WHY because the adults who are present refused to put them first. Zyi’ and Mo were put first but they too have struggles, mostly revolving around why getting high is more important than spending time.
The luckiest one in all of this is Kady cuz outta all of the dark lord’s offspring, she lives with Ashley and that's with the added understanding that one day, she too could have struggles, wondering why she couldn’t be raised with her other siblings. It's amazing how children see themselves.
Nah, you know what's really amazing? How many parents refuse to see that the foundation of who we are starts at home. You need your parents security/love/guidance just to be off to a good/healthy start. Why is that concept so hard for these people who keep adding baby after baby to a ship that's already fucking sinking?! At this point, the dark lord and Krampus should be snip snipped and the three of them need to be held against their will in the nearest rehab. I mean to the point where that's their home now. They need to move to where they don't know a cowsdamn soul and ONLY AFTER a full year of passed drug tests, be allowed near a child. The trauma/toxicity needs to fucking end!
Aren't they tired?
Shit, I'm tired and I don't even live there
Later
- Player 456
"That was the only choice. Mommy couldn't make you gay daddy."
- Mo
"🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 Imma tell! Imma tell!"
- Me (I was on speaker phone. I thought she wasn't paying attention until she suddenly spoke)
Bruh 😓😓😓
So, over the weekend I allowed Player 456 to come with Kai and Laurynn since he would have a guaranteed ride round trip. The weekend went really, really well but something felt off. (It felt so off that I started obsessing over it. Know how I get) When questioned, Player 456 dismissed my worries but nah. I've been in this game long enough to know the behaviors and have matured enough to vocalize instead of internalize. When asked, he claimed it was the antihistamines but dude, nah. You were doing too much. You know it. I know it.
^About an hour after they left, Kai texted me
The real question is: How much trauma will these kids have to absorb before Player 456's mom admits that her grown ass sons are a lost cause and choose the ones under her care instead? When will enough be enough?
^Like, you found the proof ma'am and even if you hadn't, he'd been acting so erratic when he was over here this weekend that I was thinking of researching the psychosis behind inmates in solitary confinement cuz I know it has happened to alot of people and he was doing the most Sunday. I suppose there's no need now. (This reminds me of Emmett from Queer As Folk when it came to Blake: “Who believes the tweaker is no longer tweaking?” Or or… “You don't want him… You want drugs.” Bruh, I should do a Queer As Folk marathon. It's been a few years.) Honestly, it doesn't mean he doesn't have it. He was making quite a bit of noise over there Sunday and pacing which is what he used to do while on meth… Shit, or heroin. Towards the end before he went to jail he was on both *shrugs* So I actually don't know and won't behave as if I do
^So um, again, when is enough really enough? Kai staying up because he feels like he has to protect the younger kids should be the breaking point. No, that's PAST the breaking point.
^Question: What are Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb gonna do? Ma'am, you have your proof. Turn the addicts loose. Yeah, ya don't want to so yeah, it's gonna hurt but in the long run, the children in this equation have a better shot at healing from this than the addicts have of healing through this. They've made their choices.
Backing up, when the kids arrived Saturday, Jimmy and Player 456's mom were arguing because apparently the dark lord sold some sort of power tool of Jimmy’s for drugs and according to Kai, their mom was saying she doesn't know what to do in this situation. Uh, yes you do. Sometimes the right choice and the easy choice aren't on the same wavelength but the answer is right there… You just hafta make the jump. As I told them, if I ever find out they're stealing from me, that's a wrap. I wouldn't even think about it. (Past me did that silly shit. This me ain't about that life. We are not the same)
*sighs* Out here blaming peer pressure like he's a teen girl and not a decade shy of FIFTY.
^Ya know, my response was all about how Mo wants a relationship with him but is scared to because of this very same mess, but this isn't just about her.
When will it be enough? He's lost damn near everything outside of his mom who continues to cling to this sinking ship. He'd better fall to his knees every night praying that nothing bad happens to her cuz it's obvious that Jimmy would have been thrown in the towel were it not for her. Ya know, it's never too late to cut ties. Sometimes I wonder why they haven't divorced. There have been quite a few rumblings of the possibility over the years. I've always wondered what's stopping the boat. She has to know she's the only thing holding that shit show together. I know it and I don't even live there.
*shrugs in clarity* Ya know, if I'm being honest here, a part of me will always root for a positive outcome in this situation. It's just sad and disappointing that the family will never be enough. I've already taken that journey to acceptance so I can joke about it but one day, these all these kids could be drowning in a sea of WHY because the adults who are present refused to put them first. Zyi’ and Mo were put first but they too have struggles, mostly revolving around why getting high is more important than spending time.
The luckiest one in all of this is Kady cuz outta all of the dark lord’s offspring, she lives with Ashley and that's with the added understanding that one day, she too could have struggles, wondering why she couldn’t be raised with her other siblings. It's amazing how children see themselves.
Nah, you know what's really amazing? How many parents refuse to see that the foundation of who we are starts at home. You need your parents security/love/guidance just to be off to a good/healthy start. Why is that concept so hard for these people who keep adding baby after baby to a ship that's already fucking sinking?! At this point, the dark lord and Krampus should be snip snipped and the three of them need to be held against their will in the nearest rehab. I mean to the point where that's their home now. They need to move to where they don't know a cowsdamn soul and ONLY AFTER a full year of passed drug tests, be allowed near a child. The trauma/toxicity needs to fucking end!
Aren't they tired?
Shit, I'm tired and I don't even live there
Later