For The Love Of Dramatics... (I'm being sarcastic. Fuck all this shit in the eye 😐😐😐)
^Bruh
I'm awaiting their response cuz surely they didn't think I was gonna use my own money to pad that out. Um, Jimmy handed me $85. $40 was for putting $20 on his books. I didn't say anything about the fees at the time because she offered to pay me $20 to do so. I even pulled out my calculator and did the math for them cuz I'm alot of things but I'm not a thief. (This is why I screenshot damn near everything I do) I also don't have a dog in this fight. The $20 she gave me, in my eyes, also covers the $10 I put on his books that day he called with some sort of emergency and I told him don't make me his call when he needs money cuz we're having our own financial situation at the moment. (Not gonna lie, for all the questions, I started thinking they really were trying to say I stole the shit. I had to pump my breaks cuz just cuz you feel something doesn't make it a reality. Feelings aren't facts)
Quick question: Does anybody besides me see what's wrong with this situation? Here, lemme help: I'M THAT MAN'S EX! When he abandoned us, he wasn't out there trying to get a job so that he could take care of his responsibilities. He really left me to figure it out and kept it pushing. He didn't even try to take care of them kids. Instead he kept pointing out that Zyi' was 18. Zyi' had barely had his birthday when this all went down but go off sis. Imma get past my own issues with parents leaving their kids to rot the day they turn 18 and say okay cool. (Especially with his own dad still giving their mom $$$ long after they were 18 so um, if you were planning be a shitty father, just say that. And no, that is not to say that I think I was owed that. What his dad did was overkill, especially with their mom being a whole crackhead during part of this) But going by that, what about the fact that you said you would stay in their lives (Teaching them how to drive and just plain ol' being around cuz quote: "It'll be like I never left") and pay $100 a week for child support on Mo? (Because he didn't give rides to/from work like he said he would until he got a job cuz in his words quote: "That's not child support. We're broken up. It's not fair to me" (Despite it being HIS IDEA) You didn't do that. (This is the same person whose excuses had excuses as to why he couldn't come see them and when did come, would complain more times than not to the point that eventually they stopped asking and just accepted his presence whenever) That was you sir) The money you did give came from taking out loans and not paying them back. When those checks stopped coming, what did he do? Exactly, not a damn thing. Telling me to "grow up" and "figure it out"... My toxic trait is be it for negative or positive, I match energies so yeah, I'm expecting him to "grow up" and "figure it out".
I'm not sure what his mom saw that day she saw him in court but it hurt her in ways that only a mother could feel. I'm empathetic to this only, I'm not his mother. Never was.
I did more than most exes would have done given the circumstances and was still treated as less and had him trying to convince me some other woman was better than me, something I would have never done. I didn't feel the need to keep him up to date with the company I kept because I was told it would hurt. Despite saying the same, sometimes it felt like he wanted me to hurt. (Hurt people, hurt people and all of that, ya know?) He didn't care that I'd said the same. That I didn't wanna know about any women.
Annnnnnnnnnnd let's not forget one key detail… I didn't make him leave. He didn't wanna get clean so he chose this life instead.
^Well, apparently he didn't know he had money on his books but um, how? The money was loaded within two days of one another. $20 Friday, $15 Monday. (Oh wait, that's three days. Ah well, point still stands.) My point is, he was given the money. (Entry update: He said it's cuz he went to medical and they charge for that) I suggested they go back to the original way they were doing this. I didn't say why but 1) It apparently was costing less how they were doing it before. 2) IT'S NOT MY FREAKING RESPONSIBILITY!!! They didn't even ask if I minded. They just handed me the $45 and told me what to do with it, meaning they assumed my time. Honestly, I don't understand why they're trying to turn this into a more comfortable experience. He's in jail. Not a 5 Star hotel. I'm trying not to be a jerk about this situation but sometimes when I think about it, I can't help but remember that when the shoe was on my foot, he didn't keep his promises. Then I hafta remind myself that he has helped me several times so it isn't all bad. See? Look at me. I'm all over the place. That's exactly why I'm pro minding my own fucking business *shrugs in hermit life*
Last night he called but it was a collect call. Not only was my card nowhere near me, a collect call?! How much do these things even cost? Nope. Nah. No. (I finally accepted one on Friday to sort through this money situation. Won't be doing it again 😐😐😐)
Bruh 🙄🙄🙄
Later
PS: I was on the phone with Zyi' last night. He's apparently in a better place now. He's working and is no longer in the homeless shelter. I was happy to learn that he didn't lose all his belongings over that mess with Athena. I'm also happy to know he's in a healthier relationship… What I'm wary of is it seems as if even after everything, a piece of him is still hung up on that viper. I sincerely hope not. Chasing the past has a way of tarnishing the future. It is known
PS2: I'm not even gonna start another entry over this mess (10/16/2023) So I'm supposed to be taking Kai and Mo to see the FNAF movie that's supposed to be coming out at the end of the month so I called last night to make sure I could on Kai's side. I told her since it's a horror movie and I don't want a repeat of last time, I wouldn't be getting Laurynn that weekend. She was like: "Well, that's fine cuz Laurynn said she's seen Chucky at your house and she was scared." I was like: "Wait, what?" Without all the bells and whistles, basically Laurynn was talking about the night Player 456 was here and we all sat down and watched the trailer together (Damn near TWO YEARS AGO). Yes, she was present for that and she told me she would be afraid so I gave her my computer to watch BTS videos on so that I wouldn't fry her brain. (Mind you, the kids watched Squid Games with me but I wasn't about to poke the bear 😂😂😂) I was fine with all of that. What bugged me was the part where Player 456's mom was shouting then after I questioned Laurynn and she explained, she backtracked and said it wasn't a big deal. Timeout! If it's not a big deal, why'd you even bring it up? Forcing a child to sit in front of something they're afraid of is child abuse, something I would never do. Had Laurynn in there crying and all but again, it's not a big deal. Why didn't you just leave it at yes or no about FNAF then? Ugh… 🙄🙄🙄 Basically you turned it into a big deal and when you realized I had an opinion on the matter, you started backpedaling. I hate when people do that shit 😐😐😐 (After I kindly put $25 on Player 456's books and all… Well, she sent the money and I loaded it. Either way, ugh 😫😫😫)
PS3: I wasn't going to include this one but I was so disgusted when I got the text that I couldn't get myself together for a moment.
^Once I could, I was able to say this. Cuz um, sir… My insecurities would hafta be dialed up to a thousand for me to ever think about hanging out with your dirty, disgusting, manipulative ass EVER AGAIN. No, no… That would be a sign that I have officially untapped daddy issues and those daddy issues have issues. No, no… That would be a sign that I've officially gone desperate and not just any kinda desperate… The kind where I didn't think I could pull anything else/better so I'm willing to put up with any ol' thing just to have something. Have you seen me?! These cheekbones will never be desperate annnnnnnnnnnd even if they suddenly were, it wouldn't result in me sprinting back to someone who felt comfortable treating me as he did. (Plus that, his ass was mid. Who the fuck chases/settles for mid? 🙄🙄🙄) You only hand your heart over to trash when you wanna see it in the dumpster. Bruh, FOH.
Not gonna lie, at first I was about to act a fool and call him all kinds of bitches and hoes but I really am in a different place when it comes to my communication skills. It doesn't always hafta be flipping out and slap slappity slap slap slap. (Tho' let's be real and let's be honest: His ass would deserve it) After I hit SEND, I blocked him cuz guess what? It should have already been done. Access denied.
I don't know for how long but I do know dating and I need to part ways for a little while. ESPECIALLY after this shit. The dating pool is officially tainted in my eyes. I don't wanna be near anybody who would treat a person in such a manner FOR DAYS then be like: "Oopsie… We good tho', right?" Bitch no we ain't good! FOH