We've Officially Reached A Crossroad...
^I sent this to my therapist (Starting to think I'm just not meant to have good weekends 😭😭😭)
Here's the thing: I feel like my life is moving in a different direction. I'm not quite sure why I feel this way, but I just do. It feels as if the universe is leading me towards this big step and Player 456 isn't meant to be a part of it. I honestly feel as if this weekend was just wrapped up in more fuck shit. He said he wanted to spend time with the family... Nah bitch, you meant me. Say that and only that (Cuz he literally said: "I wanna spend time with you... The kids can be there if you want cuz I miss them too. I miss y'all. I wanna spend time with my family.") so I can say AGAIN that until I see real changes, I don't wanna open that door. I don't deserve to feel like it's okay to absorb my resources, knowing full well that he isn't doing his part with the kids. I say kids but at this point I really just mean the younger three. He didn't even do what he said he was going to with Zyi'. Swore up and down he was gonna get him on at Waffle House and how did that turn out? *looks around* Don't worry. I'll wait. Pfft. No I won't. I had to practically march Zyi' into my job.
I don't wanna be a ride or die anymore. Those years are long behind me. I want a partner, not another responsibility. That's why I know it's time to move forward from this. If we are meant to be, the universe will find a way. For now, I need to focus on my own life and do my own thing.
At first I said I was gonna go after him for child support but now I'm not so sure. He doesn't want those kids. He ties them in with me. Their relationship with him greatly depends on my efforts and that's not even close to how it should be. He should always want to spend time with them... Even if I'm not there. His role as a father shouldn't be effected by what I do/say. I didn't allow his relationship with Methany to derail my role as mother so at this point, I really do believe I deserve the same energy.
Speaking of partners, Mike and I were talking last night (Before I passed out cuz I was mad tired 😂😂😂) and I've come to find that we want a lot of the same things and share a lot of the same values. We also see the world in a similar way. As I said before, I'm not getting too invested just yet. I know what I'm looking for so if Mike turns out to be a pointless venture, I'm okay with that cuz I only want what enhances me. If it's not for me, I already know the universe will go outta its way to make sure I know.
^Yet something else Mike and I have in common. We both believe in signs. Hopefully we turn into good signs for one another but as I said, there's no rush. I have noticed that we share a similar frequency tho' and I vibe with that.
Later