UFBF... (Unidentified Flying Best Friend) And Something Else...
"Alil. Hes just saying, like me, you can tell us or come to us with anything. No TMI with us. He may have wrote it alil to sturn but I see his point..."
- Damian (How dare he agree with Ol' Whatshisface 😂😂😂)
Listen…
I know I'm supposed to be working on Agents Of Chaos but instead Imma talk about seeing Sherry for the first time since like, January. I was sooooooooo happy to see her cuz ya know, since my meds all but erased me, I haven't exactly been the best friend I'm known for.
The reason I'm bringing it up though is because…
1) Sherry is currently sporting a relationship with a guy named BoBo (Real name Joseph) and at first I was against the entire thing but life isn't about any of that anymore. If she's happy, I'm good with that.
2) Bruh, listening to people talk about past me's fuck shit hits different now. It's crazy cuz I can hold the discussions but sometimes it really does feel like I'm talking about somebody else. I mean, I know her, I know her journey and yet, I don't know her if that makes any sense.
Sherry had BoBo in tow so we all chit chatted 'til almost 2ams like I didn't have a shift to report to like… I dunno: NOW
3) Finally got to talk to Gwena for the first time since January. (I added her on Snapchat) She was so happy to see me. I thought it was funny cuz I hardly see Gwena but I can tell I've made an impact cuz no matter what, she hasn't forgotten me and that makes me feel like despite everything that has happened to me/around me/because of me, in someone else's world, I'm not the villain and that means the world to me. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Oh, since I'm doing an entry today, I suppose I can talk about how there are officially FIVE people on the planet who know I'm huddled in a corner in the back of casa de mentality and what it's really like for me. I finally opened up to Damian yesterday because for some reason, even when it feels like I'm talking in calligraphy, he understands me mentally. I tried talking about it with Ol' Whatshisface but sometimes I feel like I get a little TMI with him. He requested that I stop saying that and Imma give it the ol' college try but, it's a respect thing. I don't wanna unload more of myself than I feel as if people can bear. He says that we no longer have lines to cross and I should just be open about what I'm really going through so I screenshotted it in case he tries to say that didn't happen *laughs* Know how these hoes get: "I never said that!" Then I hafta hit the archives like "Bitch, yes you did!" (Got me out here slapping down screenshots like it's a Draw Four in an UNO Tournament or some shit *laughs*)
Yesterday was actually pretty refreshing. I want to work on being a better friend again. I mean, I've started by responding when people need my help (I mean, it's SOMETHING) but I wanna get to a point where I hangout and break bread with them. Yeah, I have the business keeping me warm but sometimes I wanna vent about what has happened to me. Ya know, outside of therapy.
I'm learning to appreciate therapy for what it has given me but sometimes you wanna let your hair down and bitch about stuff without somebody analysing your every word.
Just saying
*sighs*
I need a vacation
Later
PS: BTS is keeping the air circulating through my lungs 💜💜💜
PS2: OMC... I totally just ran into Ol' Whatshisface at my local Walmart. I could not get myself together. It was sooooooooo random and unexpected. I was excited to see him but I didn't react accordingly cuz I had the kids with me. I all but snatched them off that aisle. (Not before Zyi walked up to him because he recognized his voice tho'. As you do.) I dunno why I reacted like that. Okay, okay... That's not quite accurate. *shrugs* It's probably because I know they would have questions and well... What would I say? Ol' Whatshisface and I have an interesting history. I dunno how to approach the topic. I'm not there yet. I have yet to acknowledge that he's he. A person. Not a figment of my imagination in a specific version of reality in my life. Shit, I still don't use his name. Like, I even say Ol' Whatshisface when referring to him in therapy. Rebecca has never heard his name tho' I've mentioned several friends by name. Not him tho'. Never him.
It was kinda like seeing a wild animal (Imma say either a lion, a tiger, or a bear ***OH MY*** that hasn't eaten since 1994 and you're the first piece of meat it has had the honor of stumbling upon) in the street and your ass is on foot *laughs* After we talked it out though, I've decided it's time they meet him. I mean, he is my friend. Kinda. Sorta. *looks around* We're a work in progress! 😂😂😂
Ugh, Jesus... Gross...
- Damian (How dare he agree with Ol' Whatshisface 😂😂😂)
Listen…
I know I'm supposed to be working on Agents Of Chaos but instead Imma talk about seeing Sherry for the first time since like, January. I was sooooooooo happy to see her cuz ya know, since my meds all but erased me, I haven't exactly been the best friend I'm known for.
The reason I'm bringing it up though is because…
1) Sherry is currently sporting a relationship with a guy named BoBo (Real name Joseph) and at first I was against the entire thing but life isn't about any of that anymore. If she's happy, I'm good with that.
2) Bruh, listening to people talk about past me's fuck shit hits different now. It's crazy cuz I can hold the discussions but sometimes it really does feel like I'm talking about somebody else. I mean, I know her, I know her journey and yet, I don't know her if that makes any sense.
Sherry had BoBo in tow so we all chit chatted 'til almost 2ams like I didn't have a shift to report to like… I dunno: NOW
3) Finally got to talk to Gwena for the first time since January. (I added her on Snapchat) She was so happy to see me. I thought it was funny cuz I hardly see Gwena but I can tell I've made an impact cuz no matter what, she hasn't forgotten me and that makes me feel like despite everything that has happened to me/around me/because of me, in someone else's world, I'm not the villain and that means the world to me. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Oh, since I'm doing an entry today, I suppose I can talk about how there are officially FIVE people on the planet who know I'm huddled in a corner in the back of casa de mentality and what it's really like for me. I finally opened up to Damian yesterday because for some reason, even when it feels like I'm talking in calligraphy, he understands me mentally. I tried talking about it with Ol' Whatshisface but sometimes I feel like I get a little TMI with him. He requested that I stop saying that and Imma give it the ol' college try but, it's a respect thing. I don't wanna unload more of myself than I feel as if people can bear. He says that we no longer have lines to cross and I should just be open about what I'm really going through so I screenshotted it in case he tries to say that didn't happen *laughs* Know how these hoes get: "I never said that!" Then I hafta hit the archives like "Bitch, yes you did!" (Got me out here slapping down screenshots like it's a Draw Four in an UNO Tournament or some shit *laughs*)
Yesterday was actually pretty refreshing. I want to work on being a better friend again. I mean, I've started by responding when people need my help (I mean, it's SOMETHING) but I wanna get to a point where I hangout and break bread with them. Yeah, I have the business keeping me warm but sometimes I wanna vent about what has happened to me. Ya know, outside of therapy.
I'm learning to appreciate therapy for what it has given me but sometimes you wanna let your hair down and bitch about stuff without somebody analysing your every word.
Just saying
*sighs*
I need a vacation
Later
PS: BTS is keeping the air circulating through my lungs 💜💜💜
PS2: OMC... I totally just ran into Ol' Whatshisface at my local Walmart. I could not get myself together. It was sooooooooo random and unexpected. I was excited to see him but I didn't react accordingly cuz I had the kids with me. I all but snatched them off that aisle. (Not before Zyi walked up to him because he recognized his voice tho'. As you do.) I dunno why I reacted like that. Okay, okay... That's not quite accurate. *shrugs* It's probably because I know they would have questions and well... What would I say? Ol' Whatshisface and I have an interesting history. I dunno how to approach the topic. I'm not there yet. I have yet to acknowledge that he's he. A person. Not a figment of my imagination in a specific version of reality in my life. Shit, I still don't use his name. Like, I even say Ol' Whatshisface when referring to him in therapy. Rebecca has never heard his name tho' I've mentioned several friends by name. Not him tho'. Never him.
It was kinda like seeing a wild animal (Imma say either a lion, a tiger, or a bear ***OH MY*** that hasn't eaten since 1994 and you're the first piece of meat it has had the honor of stumbling upon) in the street and your ass is on foot *laughs* After we talked it out though, I've decided it's time they meet him. I mean, he is my friend. Kinda. Sorta. *looks around* We're a work in progress! 😂😂😂
Ugh, Jesus... Gross...