Changing The Narrative...
"As a great philosopher once said: If you can stop loving in a day, then you never loved in the 1st place. If you choose to stay in their life, you have to be willing to change the narrative. It's August so I'm changing the narrative."
- Me
Here's the thing: I have 2 choices: I can sit here and whine all about how I got accused of throwing a pity party because of my depression or... or... (Dontcha just love those or moments?) I can let it ride because I already searched out the one person who would tell me if they thought I was in this depression pit for the attention... Which, before I drop it, the fact that anyone would think that when many man hours are spent on hiding my depression is laughable. And to top it all off: The questions were asked of me so if you ask and I answer, is it really a pity party or is it a response?
Now... off of that.
Don't ask about my post quote cuz then I'll hafta be honest and you know what? Not today.
Guess what did happen tho'? I finally broke down and talked to my Amanda yesterday. We kept saying we needed to talk but neither of us were about to say a word so we both started unloading at the same time. All of this caused me to realize how lonely I am. I mean, not in a negative woe is me type headspace deal but for reals. Like, for awhile there, my life was so set it was terrifying to the point that I was waiting for it to all come crashing down and when it did, I hurt but... eh. It's not like I wasn't sitting there counting the minutes, seconds and hours until... SPLAT! *shrugs* So yeah, I hurt but I did this to myself and I hafta live with that.
Actually, we talked about how we accept how we are treated to the point that we accomadate everything around us to make it work when in reality, if you hafta make something work, it's not for you and you hafta let go. You just do. She wants me to come up there to North Carolina. I wanna go. No... I need to go. I would be lying if I said I didn't need her.
Yesterday I talked about all the stuff that's been plaguing me that I haven't been mentioning and you know what? It's alot cuz I'm so used to hiding things that I've convinced myself that my truth only matters to me. I've literally been hiding behind a wall of bullshit... eh, how's that for honesty?
I'm not in a negatove headspace but I am seeing things a lot clearer, ya know?
Kinda like when I helped Zyi last week. I mean, I was helping but I learned in the process.
This growing up thing is not exactly easy but that's okay. Cuz I don't grow...
I digivolve and that shit is epic.
Later
- Me
Here's the thing: I have 2 choices: I can sit here and whine all about how I got accused of throwing a pity party because of my depression or... or... (Dontcha just love those or moments?) I can let it ride because I already searched out the one person who would tell me if they thought I was in this depression pit for the attention... Which, before I drop it, the fact that anyone would think that when many man hours are spent on hiding my depression is laughable. And to top it all off: The questions were asked of me so if you ask and I answer, is it really a pity party or is it a response?
Now... off of that.
Don't ask about my post quote cuz then I'll hafta be honest and you know what? Not today.
Guess what did happen tho'? I finally broke down and talked to my Amanda yesterday. We kept saying we needed to talk but neither of us were about to say a word so we both started unloading at the same time. All of this caused me to realize how lonely I am. I mean, not in a negative woe is me type headspace deal but for reals. Like, for awhile there, my life was so set it was terrifying to the point that I was waiting for it to all come crashing down and when it did, I hurt but... eh. It's not like I wasn't sitting there counting the minutes, seconds and hours until... SPLAT! *shrugs* So yeah, I hurt but I did this to myself and I hafta live with that.
Actually, we talked about how we accept how we are treated to the point that we accomadate everything around us to make it work when in reality, if you hafta make something work, it's not for you and you hafta let go. You just do. She wants me to come up there to North Carolina. I wanna go. No... I need to go. I would be lying if I said I didn't need her.
Yesterday I talked about all the stuff that's been plaguing me that I haven't been mentioning and you know what? It's alot cuz I'm so used to hiding things that I've convinced myself that my truth only matters to me. I've literally been hiding behind a wall of bullshit... eh, how's that for honesty?
I'm not in a negatove headspace but I am seeing things a lot clearer, ya know?
Kinda like when I helped Zyi last week. I mean, I was helping but I learned in the process.
This growing up thing is not exactly easy but that's okay. Cuz I don't grow...
I digivolve and that shit is epic.
Later