Fare The Well 2018... Good Riddance...
Before I start prattling off what I originally came here for, yesterday I came face to face with a ghost from my past. What was that? Kyle. *nod nod* Of course it was. And we had a full conversation without me getting irritated. (Picture that) To be honest, it felt a bit liberating. How so? I realized something as I was standing there yesterday: In doing my year in review, I tap danced around something: I'm still harboring ghosts of my past. There is no such thing as "New year, new me". Everyday we should strive to be better than the person we were yesterday. It shouldn't be based on a yearly type thing. If you wanna do something, NIKE that shit up and just do it. Whether it truly is the end of days (Fairly certain Trump has all plans fo make this shit a reality) or no, a person should just do. The years changing should not determine that and in my life, it hasn't. I always take a ghost or twelve and now I'm ready. 2018 won't just be a year for me. I can feel it. It will be the year.
So here are things to be left in 2017 (Some of which I now realize have been hovering over my head for years so yeah, they gotta get dropped off somewhere. It is time)...
1. Negativity... I'm not a naturally negative person and that's literally all I did this year
2. Sacrificing myself and/or my happiness... whether it be for the sake of others or not, this behavior stays in 2017. I didn't even realize what it was costing me
3. The unwillingness to go after what I want. If it works out, goody for me. If not, honestly, not everything you want is meant for you
4. Bitches who wear socks with sandals (I don't deserve that shit)
5. People I hafta water myself down for. I have a dark, creepy, morbid ratchet sense of humor. I'm also probably gonna be an asshole until the novelty wears off. If you don't like my shitty personality (The seven of them. Teehee) either buckle up butter cup or go watch Touched By An Angel cuz I'm all in in 2018
6. Insecure people. Somehow, no matter what has happened to me, I'm not insecure. I will no longer allow myself to chip away at myself. So yeah, that's over and done
7. Procrastination. It's easier to complain about what you're not doing than it is to get off one's ass to do it. That's just the truth
8. Uncertainty. It just is what it is. That's the way the world works. That's the way I work. This year I did a lot of back peddling and that just isn't me
9. Rat races <-- What the fuck is that? Well, I'm highjacking something James Squared said and expanding on it a pinch... about being tired of the rat race. I generally don't mind my job. I just don't but I remember telling myself that no matter how much I don't mind, I should be ashamed of how much brain power I waste. I've gotten a little too comfortable with being a culinary architect... It's time I gather the tools to gain a new title. Remember when I wanted to be a licensed embalmer 🤔
10. Paranoia. I am not a naturally paranoid person. Dude, that shit is not only gross... It's tiring as fuck. This year was the 1st time I ever in the history of air in my lungs did a lot things. A lot of those things, I would like to forget. (I have a list) I did nothing but fall down a misery pit this year. I'm fairly certain I bumped my head on the walls over 100x's (Or more... So much more) on the way down
11. Weight. Believe it or not, I've lost 32lbs this year. This year, I would like to kick it into high gear because as previously stated, if the world really does go KA-BLEWIE, I would prefer to go up like a match. Not burn for what can only be described as a beautiful eternity... Of death. Ya know, like a bonfire.
12. Ghosts... Since this started with ghosts, why not end it with ghosts? *clears throat dramatically* I seem to carry a lot of baggage around for literally no reason. It does me no favors and it actually ends up doing more harm than good. I've always seen myself as this unfinished work of art. When a canvas has been designed right down to the most majestic of points of creativity, it's time to keep it pushing. Carting around ghosts is just a fancier way of living in the past. An excuse to never move forward.
So ends 2017... I 100% legit won't miss it.
Later
PS: I texted James Squared straight outta the "feelings box" last night. (Booze and thoughts do not a match make... *laughs*) I wanted my feelings out So I can move forward and even if he never talks to me again, it was worth it because in the beginning, we promised 100% honesty and I was just holding it in. If everything gets all fucked up/awkward, at least I was honest and it's okay. Not okay to a point that it won't bother me if we stopped communicating but okay to a point that I'm not living in denial about my feelings for him. He's fucking amazing and he needs to realize it so he'll freaking live his life like any woman who crosses his path is lucky to breathe his air... Cuz she is