Emotions...
"I shouldn't have ever said that."
- David
Last night was an emotional roller coaster for me. See, I made the comment that whatever David and I have at the beach, I wish we could bottle it up and take it home cuz we are so close when we are out of town and then when we get home, we go back to operating separate lives. I hate that. So he said that he thinks he knows what it is. He said he thinks mentally I am still holding onto Brittney and since I won't let go, it makes all other relations seem irrelevant to me. He went on to say he thinks I should get rid of her ashes. Okay, even tho' deep down I know he is 100% correct, something clicked and I proceeded to have a meltdown. I just kept repeating "I can't."
Next thing I know, it dawned on me that one day, I will experience a whole new kind of pain if I out live David and I just could not handle it. I thought I was gonna break up with myself for how hard I was crying. He had to lay me down and make love to me to get me to stop. (Which reminds me, Thursday night, we had what could arguably go down in history as the best sex ever.) Then he kept telling me no matter what happens, he will be here with me. Even if it's just in the afterlife. Just the thought of that set me off again and he laid there and held me 'til I calmed down.
Needless to say, I pretty much killed our last day... David was there for me tho'. I can't imagine a day when he isn't. Even when we're mad at each other, he's who I run to. I wouldn't know where else to go.
It hurts in ways I can't even begin to describe.
Later