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Chemistry Exam
The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry final exam:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)? Support your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or
some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in
time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell
and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that
once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions
state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to
Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that
all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are
added.
This gives us two possibilities:
1 - If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2 - Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will
drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during
my Freshman year "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I
sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still
have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2
cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic."
The student got the only A.
The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry final exam:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)? Support your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or
some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in
time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell
and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that
once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions
state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to
Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that
all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are
added.
This gives us two possibilities:
1 - If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2 - Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will
drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during
my Freshman year "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I
sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still
have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2
cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic."
The student got the only A.