SHINee Shorts 2014: airedis
Title: Digital Dream Kids
Author: airedis
Pairing: Jonghyun/everyone (ot5)
Rating: PG
Warnings: Highlight to see (character death)
Word Count: 7,871
When Jonghyun was young he'd been really bad at math. Sure, he knew how to add and subtract and multiply but when they started teaching fractions and letters were introduced he was much more interested in flicking paper at the back of his friend's heads and daydreaming until the clock whittled away at the lesson. As a kid, fun was always the priority and no one had time for silly little things like math worksheets or how to do times tables up to twelve.
And then one day when he was nine years old, he saw an advertisement for a new toy: AIBO, a robotic dog could follow commands and interact with people. The technology was new and was far too expensive for Jonghyun's family - no matter how much he promised to be good and do everything his parents told him - but he watched all the advertisements, his eyes longingly following the little silver dog whenever they passed by it in a store. Jonghyun eventually forgot about the toy, got an electric bass for his birthday and threw himself into music lessons. But a few years later when AIBO was discontinued, there was a stirring of pain and something pulled softly at his heartstrings.
Then came the news that, two years back, the Micro Flying Robot had been released - the smallest and lightest robotic helicopter in the world. And all at once the old feeling he'd had when he'd first laid eyes on the robot dog was stirred again with a vengeance.
And then what was simple fascination turned into obsession. He threw himself into research, spent hours in the public library after school at a table surrounded by books on robotics and artificial intelligence. He started hanging around after class to ask any teacher he thought could answer his questions and got pointed in the direction of some relevant material.
His friends began to get annoyed with him for spending all his time studying up on something they weren't even learning in school.
"What do you even see in that stuff, man?"
"Are you kidding me? Do you even understand the kinds of things these machines can do?"
Jonghyun launched into an enthusiastic lecture, explaining the innovations in robotics and what the research in the field could mean for the future, gesturing wildly, and he's wide eyed and breathless because these guys didn't even know what all of this could mean and how exciting all of it was.
"And you should see how A.I is developing - I mean you can have a conversation with a computer and think you're talking to a real person! It's that - " Jonghyun stopped. His friend was silent, staring at him with a strange look on his face. "What?"
The other boy shook his head. "Okay, man. If you say so."
And that was the end of that.
Jonghyun began to pay attention in his science and math related classes with the hope that anything he could retain could help him in the future. And during his other classes there were schematics sketched in on the margins of his notebooks while the teachers droned on about classic literature. He didn't need to know about books - he was going to build robots.
He got better at math after that.
-
It was a stroke of pure luck that the single university he applied to accepted him. When the heavyweight envelope with the shining seal arrived in the mail, Jonghyun felt like he was going to pass out. His hands were shaking as he opened it and read congratulations, the University of Software and Mechanical Engineering logo standing out proudly on the paper. His friends had been confused, "you're really doing this, then?" and his parents had been skeptical.
"Are you really sure this is what you want to do, honey?" His mom asked as Jonghyun excitedly showed her the orientation schedule.
"Yeah, mom," he said, grabbing her hand. "I really am."
She gave it a tight squeeze and let Jonghyun continue on about picking his classes.
Jonghyun's sister was the only one who let him revel in the whirlwind of joy and pride he felt at being accepted into the University of SME. He laid on Sodam's bed and babbled on endlessly about all of the classes he was going to have to take while she stroked his hair gently.
"I'm proud of you, Jjongie," she said. Her eyes were sincere and Jonghyun's face contorted as his eyes welled up with tears.
And in a car filled to the brim with all of Jonghyun's things, his family drove him to the university to set up his dorm. He joked loudly and laughed even louder the whole time they were there but the minute they had stepped out of the building, his father putting a hand on his shoulder and saying quietly, "make us proud, Jonghyun", Jonghyun had broken down in tears. His family was his life and, even though they didn't really understand his passion for robotics, they supported him whole heartedly and it would be difficult to go so long without seeing them.
His face was washed by the time his roommate showed up, only a bit of red lingering around the rim of his eyes to give him away. In a strange turn of events, Jonghyun's roommate was another boy with the same name, Lee Jonghyun. He was interested in software programming and the two of them hit it off right away.
It was different, being around people who had as deep of an interest in robotics as Jonghyun had, and he threw himself into his classes right from the start. When Jonghyun had an interest, he pursued it relentlessly and he hadn't loved something as much as this since the time he'd first picked up a bass guitar. He was surrounded by people with as much passion as he had but Jonghyun was blessed with something else too: talent. He had a knack for understanding the way the machinery looked with nothing more than a few minutes of inspection and his probing questions about artificial intelligence left even some of his professors at a loss for words occasionally.
He quickly made a name for himself among the staff and students but, lost in the wealth of new knowledge he was now offered, he hardly even noticed.
-
Jinki (file name: ONeW89.12-14) was the first android that Jonghyun ever created on his own. In all honesty, even with all the classes and lectures he'd attended and the wealth of knowledge his peers and professors had, Jinki really hadn't turned out exactly as Jonghyun had planned. It was a lot harder to make corrections on your own work when you were keeping it a secret. Jonghyun was just into the beginning of his third year when he made plans to construct Jinki; he'd always wanted to make an android, all on his own, but he quickly found out it was a lot harder than divvying up the work among a group. He knew there'd be setbacks - how could there not be? - but he hadn't planned on short-circuiting the power in the entire hall on his first attempt to start Jinki up.
(Keeping him a secret was considerably harder after that.)
But after nearly a year, Jonghyun smoothed out all his mistakes and, with shaking hands, fully powered Jinki up for the first time. When Jinki's eyes slowly blinked open and focused on him Jonghyun sincerely thought that his legs would give out. He watched as Jinki's eyes immediately focused and locked on him before the robot's face broke into a surprising smile.
Jinki, although not perfect, was made of the most cutting edge programming and material that Jonghyun could get his hands on (and, with the help of grants, he rounded up some pretty impressive stuff if he did say so himself). Jinki's skin and hair were lifelike, his skin soft and pliable to the touch, his hair a warm brown color that ruffled gently in the air conditioned room. His inhumanness was apparent at first in the way jerky way he moved and his inability to properly process emotions. Jonghyun was able to help him with both, carefully tweaking his programming and coaching him gently through different situations with the nuances of human feeling.
-
He was working at his computer when he heard a shattering crash from the other room. Chair spinning behind him, Jonghyun ran into the kitchen to see Jinki kneeling next a small, broken cup on the floor. Coffee spilled out over the linoleum and Jonghyun stooped down to carefully wipe the liquid away from Jinki as apologies leaked from Jinki's mouth.
"It's okay, it's just a cup," Jonghyun said as he grabbed a new towel. "What happened?"
"You looked tired so I wanted to bring you something," Jinki said haltingly. He was sweeping the broken shards of the cup into a pile with his bare hands, keeping his eyes solemnly to the floor as he spoke instead of meeting Jonghyun's eyes. "But my hand..."
Jonghyun looked up sharply at that. He could feel the worry overwhelming his face and Jinki waved his hands at him frantically. "It's okay! It just froze up a little." He rotated his wrist and flexed his fingers for Jonghyun to see. "I'm fine now!"
Reaching out, Jonghyun took hold of Jinki's hand carefully. He could see small incisions in Jinki's fingertips from where the glass had cut his skin and along the side of Jinki's thumb there was a current of tiny sparks jumping across his skin. Jonghyun ran a finger along the area, wincing when he felt a small jolt of electricity.
"Let's see if we can fix this," Jonghyun said softly, squeezing Jinki's hand gently. "Okay?"
Jinki's face was blank for a fraction of a second before he broke out into a smile so wide that Jonghyun felt like the room filled with light.
-
Jinki was incredibly smart and, even with the complications with his programming that Jonghyun was never able to fully fix despite his best efforts, he was considered more than perfect by everyone who met him. Jinki had a way of making people care about him and want to take care of him - especially Jonghyun. Whenever Jonghyun was working or stressed or tired, whenever he seemed upset or frustrated, Jinki was there to take care of him. But because of all the glitches that Jinki kept experiencing and the fact that he was the first android Jonghyun had ever made on his own, Jonghyun felt extremely protective of him.
He knew that he couldn't stop everything from happening - Jinki needed to charge more often than Jonghyun had planned for and he had a penchant for creating many harmless accidents - but it didn't stop him from trying. Every time Jinki stopped in the middle of a sentence, his eyes darkening for a half a second caused Jonghyun's heart to stop. Jinki would always smile as he shook himself out of the strange pause like nothing had happened and afterwards Jonghyun would always gently coax him over to his work table to take a look.
"I'm fine, Jonghyun," Jinki mumbled, sounding embarrassed as Jonghyun ran his fingers along the side of Jinki's calve.
Jinki had had a minor incident with a piece of scrap metal lying on the coffee table. It jutted out over the edge, coming to a sharp, jagged point only a few feet from the ground. Jinki had been walking past the table when it ripped into the side of his leg. Without the ability to properly feel, pain or otherwise (yet, Jonghyun told himself, not just yet), Jinki probably wouldn't have noticed for quite some time if it weren't for the fact that the metal had torn deep past the skin. He had dented a plate inside his calve and torn a few wires and within seconds, he had toppled to the floor.
His resulting cry of alarm, soft but sharp, had alerted Jonghyun to the problem. Jinki had been staring at his legs with wide, inquiring eyes, watching the lights beneath his skin pulse. Jonghyun had fixed him up quickly, repairing the damaged wires, straightening out the plate, and patching up Jinki's skin flawlessly, but he'd done it all with shaking hands. Jinki had made senseless jokes, trying to ease the tension, but Jonghyun kept rotating Jinki's ankle, flexing and pointing his foot and bending his leg at the knee to assess it like he had been for the last twenty minutes.
"I know," Jonghyun murmured back, eyes still trained intently on Jinki's leg in front of him. "I just want to make sure."
-
Jinki never fully worked past his faulty constructions, limbs still tripping him up at times and no matter what Jonghyun did he was unable to completely convey humor properly. But his smile was Jonghyun's greatest achievement and he'd never forget the way people stopped and stared as Jinki's eyes crinkled and his mouth stretched into a large, beautiful grin.
-
File name: keY91.9-23 (Kibum) was his second android and in some ways a resounding failure. Shortly after Kibum came to life (because that's what Jonghyun did - he made things come to life) Jonghyun noticed where he had gone horribly wrong. Namely, he put too much of himself into Kibum. There were differences between them of course; Jonghyun couldn't perfectly replicate himself even if he'd wanted to. But Kibum thought like him, felt like him, "dreamed" like him sometimes and it killed a little piece of Jonghyun every day. Kibum was a bit of a spitfire and, even with his anxiety about how Kibum was more of a mirror than anything, Jonghyun couldn't help but be proud of his A.I. and the sharp wit he had.
He was curious too, just like Jinki, and they kept Jonghyun busy with question after question about the things they didn't yet have schema for. They retained it all too, every single thing they encountered or heard or saw or touched - they remembered all of it without flaw unless Jonghyun overwrote their memory. He didn't do that very often. Every time was like he was cutting something away from them and even though they would listen to the command, any command, without hesitation Jonghyun felt too much like he was stealing something from them.
And Kibum was smart, they both were, of course they were. But Kibum had a wealth of knowledge unlike anything Jonghyun could have ever imagined he'd have. He drank everything in and processed it flawlessly and sometimes the comments he'd make would fly over Jonghyun's head because Kibum realized things faster than he did. Rather than be frightened by it, Jonghyun was proud. He'd like to think that Kibum would be happy for him too.
-
Unsurprisingly, Kibum developed his personality almost twice as fast as Jinki had. They both had personalities programmed into them of course, but how it manifested was all up to the androids themselves. And manifest it did; within a few short weeks Kibum had shifted from carrying out "orders" without hesitation to cajoling Jonghyun into doing things for him. It had happened so seamlessly that Jonghyun hadn't even realized what had happened until Kibum was smiling at him coyly.
Jonghyun didn't mind it though. On the contrary, he was actually quite pleased that Kibum had developed so quickly and he fell to Kibum's whims very easily. Kibum didn't really ask for much aside from wanting to go out often. He wanted to see the world, to take as much of it in as he could. Jonghyun kept the television on as he worked so that Kibum could watch it, he brought magazines back on whatever Kibum wanted to read, he left his laptop open for Kibum to use whenever he went to class.
Kibum was especially fascinated by pop culture and walked around Jonghyun's workshop humming songs that he'd heard on the radio or on the computer. Jonghyun would join in and sing along with Kibum and every so often he'd pull out his guitar and play for him. He didn't have time to play very often but he always had time to sing for Kibum, especially when Kibum asked him.
Kibum loved it when he'd sing too. Jonghyun had given Jinki his musical dedication but he'd given Kibum his dreams and even when it hurt, when he realized how much he screwed up and "you should never put that much of yourself - of anyone - into a machine", well. Even then it amazed him too see how enraptured Kibum could become.
"Sing that song for me," Kibum said from his place on the couch. Jonghyun looked up from a circuit he was repairing.
"Which one?"
Kibum turned a page in his magazine before answering, "The one you wrote." He flipped another page lazily.
"Kibum..." Jonghyun had written many songs and had sung a handful of them for Kibum before. He turned back to his work table and squinted down at the lump of metal and wires in front of him.
"The one about the moon."
The moon? Jonghyun furrowed his brow for a moment before he smiled. He cleared his throat and then began softly, "Look at my eyes, I whisper alone as I look at you from far away..."
Kibum settled back into the couch with a tiny, pleased smile.
-
"Jonghyun? What's it like to dream at night?"
Jonghyun looked up from a sketch he was working on. Jinki and Kibum were standing in front of him with strangely solemn, curious faces. He pushed a hand through his hair, considering for a moment, before he spoke.
"It's kind of like thinking during the day, except you can't really control what you dream about."
"Like daydreams?" Kibum asked.
"Yeah, but a little different. You let your mind wander when you day dream, right?" Jinki and Kibum nodded. "But you always think about where it starts. With dreams, they don't really have a start."
Jinki looked thoughtful at that and Jonghyun wondered what was going through their heads. He may have programmed them but he had absolutely no control over what they thought about. He was curious.
"Do you guys want to be able to dream?"
Kibum seemed to stand straighter at that. "Can we?"
Jonghyun made a small noise and nodded. "You'll have to give me some time but you definitely can." He watched the two of them smile at each other. "What do you think you'll dream about?"
Jinki looked at him with a smile and said, "electric sheep" before walking off. With an incredulous look on his face, Jonghyun stared after him before he let out a surprised laugh. Kibum snorted and dragged over a chair to sit next to Jonghyun.
He was quiet for a long time, watching Jonghyun map out a face on paper. Jonghyun waited; he knew that this kind of silence meant that Kibum had a question, probably an important one, and he wanted Kibum to be able to ask it in his own time. It started with a sigh and Kibum leaning his head on Jonghyun's shoulder. Jonghyun put his pencil down, bringing a hand up to rest on top of Kibum's head.
"What are you thinking about?" he prompted gently.
Kibum closed his eyes for a beat and then asked, voice barely above a whisper, "what's it like to dream?"
Jonghyun's hand stilled from where he had been running it through Kibum's hair. "You know what it's like, Kibum," he said with a tight voice. "Jinki knows how to dream now too."
"But what's it like to have a dream?" Kibum asked, looking up at him with somber eyes.
"It's like..." Jonghyun closed his eyes. "It's like wanting something with all your heart. It's wanting something so badly that it almost hurts. Even though it's painful, it gives you strength. It gives you something to work toward even if you know it can never be possible."
"I have your dreams, don't I?"
Jonghyun couldn't meet Kibum's eyes.
"Yes."
"I thought so."
Jonghyun let out a shuddering breath and pulled Kibum into him. "I'm sorry," he rasped.
Kibum tucked his chin against Jonghyun's shoulder, his fingers playing with the hair at the back of Jonghyun's neck. "Don't be. I like feeling this."
"I'm..." His arms tightened around Kibum and he tried not to let his tears fall; he didn't want any of Kibum's wires to get wet.
-
Next came Minho, or file name: CMH91.12-09. He was Jonghyun's most ambitious work; a study in the peak of form, strength, and power. Jonghyun had designed him at first with no personality whatsoever, no emotions, no ability to feel, no warmth. He had been so scared after creating Kibum that he would pour too much of himself into another "machine" again and in a way he was right - just before powering him up for the first time, Jonghyun realized he couldn't just leave Minho as an empty shell the way he'd planned.
He programmed all of his emotion into Minho, every ounce of feeling on the human spectrum became a part of Minho's database and Jonghyun knew he'd feel guilty about it but it wasn't something he could worry about anymore. He had the ability to bring to life human emotion inside a mass of machinery, he could make artificial intelligence understand the meaning of happiness, sadness, pain, relief.
He could allow Minho to know what love was.
And so Minho came to life, tall and beautiful and strong and full of every emotion Jonghyun had ever felt. He kept it hidden behind a stony mask at first, silent and shy, but Jonghyun quickly learned the warmth that Minho brought to the world with his soft words and loud laugh and day by day he got to watch Minho thaw into something amazing. Minho was never prone to physical reaction like Jonghyun (and he didn't like to cry in front of any of them) but he wore his heart - because Jonghyun believed he did have one in there, no matter whether it beat or not, he'd made him with one after all - on his sleeve and there was sincerity in each of his words, every single one of his actions.
-
Jonghyun walked into his room to find Minho leaning against the headboard of his bed, asleep.
Minho slept so much, so much more than either Kibum or even Jinki did and at first Jonghyun had thought it was just his hardware getting used to being up and running. And then, several months later he was still sleeping all the time, waking late and taking naps throughout the day. Jinki and Kibum recharged by humming and Minho recharged by sleeping. His system was a bit more advanced than either Jinki's or Kibum's and required him to recharge more often in order to function as well. Jonghyun kept a close eye on him and ran bimonthly tests to make sure that everything was running properly.
"Minho."
Jonghyun stepped up to the side of the bed and gently shook Minho's shoulder. "Minho, wake up," he called out again.
The android's eyes fluttered open slowly and he squinted a bit against the onslaught of light. He shook his head, fluffy hair flopping around his face as he sat up and looked at Jonghyun.
"Jonghyun..."
"Come on, up you get," Jonghyun said, grabbing Minho's arm and helping to haul him off the bed. Minho was so much taller than him, towering above Jonghyun's head as he fixed his rumpled clothing. "Time for your check up."
Minho groaned. "I don't like those."
"I know you don't, but they're necessary."
Jonghyun lead him over to his workspace and, used to the routine, Minho removed his shirt and stood in place with his arms held out straight to his sides.
"They make me feel weird. It tingles and makes my head hurt afterwards."
On each side of Minho's neck, Jonghyun attached a wired strip that trailed down his arms.
"I know, I know. I'm trying to make it so that we won't have to do them as often, okay?"
Minho grumbled as more strips were attached to him and soon Jonghyun was flipping the switch. Minho went silent as he always did during the tests and electricity raced through the wires and pinged across Minho's skin. Jonghyun kept his distance, looking away as Minho's lax face contorted in discomfort; he was doing everything he could to make the tests less unpleasant. They weren't painful exactly but none of them liked doing them, Jonghyun included.
He studied his computer screen carefully, making notes of any changes he saw and, after several long, tense moments, he shut the machine down.
Minho waited patiently, always patient with Jonghyun no matter how much he disliked having to do this, and Jonghyun disconnected the white strips. He was able to allow for a weaker current this time but Minho still looked a bit worse for wear. Once all the strips were removed, Minho finally lowered his arms, fingers twitching slightly as he put his shirt back on. Jonghyun knew how disoriented Minho would feel after the tests, almost like someone coming out of anesthesia, so he put a comforting hand on Minho's back and led him towards the bedroom once again.
Jinki, Kibum, and Minho shared their own room but Jinki often slept on the couch in the living room for whatever reason and, whenever Jonghyun wasn't sleeping (and sometimes when he was), Minho would steal into Jonghyun's bed for a nap. He didn't know why Minho seemed to prefer his bed to anywhere else to sleep but Minho always seemed the most comfortable there.
Jonghyun guided him to the bed, lying down next to Minho after he'd gotten settled. It had become a bit of a routine, after Minho was dazed and worn out from the tests, for Jonghyun to lie beside him and keep him company. It seemed to ground Minho a little and help speed up the recovery process and it made Jonghyun feel better when he could help ease them from any pain if he could.
Jonghyun laid against Minho's chest, his face pillowed against Minho's neck as Minho brought his arms up to loosely drape over his shoulders. Jonghyun shivered a bit; winter was fast approaching and Minho's skin was cold from being exposed to the air for so long. Minho shifted and Jonghyun could feel Minho's internal temperature raise a little, warming him up.
"Thanks, Jonghyun," Minho slurred.
Jonghyun smiled lightly against his skin. "Get some sleep, Minho."
-
"What are you reading?" Kibum asked Minho incredulously.
Not looking away from the page, Minho held up the cover for Kibum to read but the other android just waved his hand dismissively.
"I mean, why are you reading that?"
"Because I like it," Minho mumbled and hunched over a bit more.
Jinki sat down on the couch next to Minho and peeked at the cover. "I think it looks interesting," he said soothingly.
"Yeah, well that's just because both of you like boring books," Kibum said, pulling out his own book and dropping onto the other side of the couch.
"Hey!" Jonghyun called from his desk, papers scattered around him as he worked. "Don't forget that I'm the one that introduced you guys into reading in the first place!"
Kibum scoffed but Jonghyun could see a smile on his face.
Minho was still reading well after Jinki and Kibum had retired for the night. Jonghyun was just closing his computer when he noticed the reading lamp lighting a small area of the couch where Minho was propped against the cushions with his book open in his lap.
"Almost done?" he asked playfully as he sat down next to Minho.
Minho nodded, clearly showing no signs of stopping any time soon, so lost in his book as he was. So Jonghyun reached over slowly, taking the book from Minho's hands and set it on the coffee table. He took Minho's hand in his and, getting the hint, Minho rose from the couch after clicking off the lamp. He followed Jonghyun into the hallway and Jonghyun could see the hesitation on Minho's face. If left to his own devices, Minho would likely go back out to finish reading shortly after going into his room so Jonghyun made the decision for him and pulled him into his own room.
It wasn't often that Jonghyun brought any of them in with him; usually they would end up there at random of their own accord, slipping into bed to sleep next to him whenever they were troubled with something. Jonghyun knew that Minho - that all of them - saw this as something special, though he wasn't entirely sure why.
Minho settled in next to him, rearranging himself around Jonghyun, keeping him safe. Jonghyun always felt comfortable with any of them around and he sighed against the sheets as Minho wrapped his arms around him.
"I have another book for you tomorrow, if you want it," Jonghyun said softly.
"I do," said Minho. His voice was so low, especially in the silence like this and it reminded Jonghyun of the rumbling of waterfalls.
Jonghyun closed his eyes, hardly awake as Minho reached out to take his hand. He held Jonghyun's wrist against the corner of his lips, feeling his pulse, and Jonghyun smiled.
They had all practically combed through everything in his personal library and spent much of their downtime reading anything they could get their hands on. There was so much they wanted to learn, there was so much he wanted to teach them. He just hoped he'd be good enough.
-
Taemin (file name: Ltm93.07-18) was the last android Jonghyun made, or - almost the last. Taemin had been his most ambitious endeavor to date and, having planned and programmed him alongside another model, KAi94.01-14 (affectionately nicknamed Jongin in private), for a class, the two turned out almost identical. They were almost like a positive and a negative, Taemin's bright blond hair a complement to Jongin's inky black hair. Their faces were almost a copy, gently curved eyes and thick, puffy lips. Even the way they moved had hardly been altered, both with flowing, sharp movements, quick as a flash.
Taemin was a quiet one, even quieter than Minho had been at first. But he was easily the most mischievous of his misfit bunch, sneaking around with his cat-like grace and surprising Jonghyun at every chance he got. He often lounged around Jonghyun's workshop, taking up space alongside his workbench or stretching out on the couch in the corner. He'd pop up sleepily every once in a while, bed head peeking up over the edge of the table and face miraculously flushed with sleep.
(Jonghyun never really figured out how exactly he'd been able to do that - as far as he knew, he'd never learned any stable code for that kind of thing.)
Each of the androids weighed about the equivalent size of a human being of their height. Taemin though, was made of newer material: strong, durable metal that was more lightweight than any of the others. He was so slender, so light that Jonghyun could pick him up with ease and he was often carried around by Minho, though Jonghyun never figured out if that was Minho's idea or if he'd just agreed to it.
Taemin was the baby of their mismatched little family, doted on by each and every one of them. Even as Taemin pointed out, time and time again, that he could look after himself, Jonghyun could see how much he enjoyed being pampered and taken care of by them.
-
But as happy as Taemin always seemed with all of them, there was something special about seeing him together with his twin image.
And they were certainly a sight together, Taemin and Jongin. They had picked up a sense of rhythm that was unparalleled, like they'd tapped into the heartbeat of the universe and lived by it. The two of them were like a pair of tiny dancers, swaying to the sound of music only they heard, moving in tandem like they were of one mind. And - well, Jonghyun didn't know if that could be true but it would certainly explain a lot.
They were a duo of destruction, poking curiously into everything they could. And almost as often, the two went off together on their own, sitting side by side silently with their shoulders pressed together. Jonghyun had walked into a room once, all the lights dimmed and the two of them relaxed against the wall with their eyes closed. He'd freaked out at first, afraid something had gone wrong and then Taemin had cracked an eye open and waved at him dismissively. After that, Jonghyun just figured it was something that they maybe did to recharge; everyone was different.
They were especially secretive when they went off on their own, sneaking away for hours and coming back with twinkling eyes and smiling lips. They never really said where they went or what they did but Jonghyun was amazed at the bond that could exist between two androids like that. It was something that spoke of a deep friendship sometimes unknown to even some humans and he wondered at how something like that could have developed between the two of them.
They were a set, Taemin and Jongin. And though Jongin was mostly housed in a department at the university - to the point where it was difficult for Taemin to meet him often - it was hard to mention one without thinking of the other.
-
Dinners in Jonghyun's little place were arguably the most hectic part of the day.
"Someone hand me a bowl."
"Taemin get in here and wash this!"
"Where'd the salt go?"
"Wait - Jinki don't touch that!"
"Okay, okay, everybody out!"
They generally tended to end with either Jonghyun or Kibum (and occasionally Minho) kicking everyone out of the kitchen to finish making dinner. Somehow, they all always congregated in the kitchen at the start of dinner preparation and inevitably the noise level always rose through the roof. He was the only one that needed to eat but they all liked sitting around the table with him and talking about their days. It was hectic but Jonghyun liked it the most when they were all together.
This time, Kibum pushed everyone into the living room to finish cooking by himself. Jinki and Minho went off on their own and Taemin followed Jonghyun into his room like a little shadow. He flopped down onto Jonghyun's bed, watching lazily as Jonghyun pulled out his guitar and a notebook.
"Are you going to write something new?" he asked, rolling onto his stomach as Jonghyun started to tune his guitar.
"Maybe," Jonghyun replied, deep in thought.
Jonghyun flipped through his notebook and stopped on a page with a song he'd been working on for a while. He'd been having trouble with it and had been too busy with everything else to keep working on it. He was in a sort of a rut with it and soon the only sounds in the room were the guitar and the faint strings of clinking from the kitchen. Taemin watched him silently, his eyes
tracking Jonghyun's fingers as he strummed.
After a few minutes, he asked, "what do you think about when you write?"
"I think about a lot of things," he said, still strumming softly.
"Do you think about love?"
Jonghyun made a soft humming noise. "Sometimes."
Taemin let out a sigh and rolled onto his back once more. Fingers scraping against the strings, Jonghyun looked over at him. Taemin looked like a lost boy, like someone who was trying to figure out his place in life and had lost sight of the path in front of him. Jonghyun was mostly a stranger to what they were all thinking about - they all had their own private thoughts and dreams and Jonghyun left them to it. But sometimes he wondered...
"Do you think that we can love?"
Jonghyun looked up quickly, neck muscles protesting at the movement. Taemin was staring off at the wall behind Jonghyun, not meeting his eyes. He looked mixed up and confused.
"Yes," Jonghyun said firmly. "I know you can."
Taemin's face scrunched up in agitation and he sat up angrily. "But how can you know that we can love? How can we feel something like that when we're not real?"
Color was rising in his face and, for someone protesting that he wasn't real, he looked shockingly human in that moment.
"I know because I've seen it! I've been with all of you and you feel more than some of those people walking around on the streets outside." He set down his guitar heavily and stood in front of Taemin.
"No one ever knows if what they feel is love right away, Taemin," he said loudly. "Everyone wrestles with it - there's no straight definition for what it feels like. If you think you feel it then you feel it!"
"But how can we?" Taemin cried, punching the mattress. "We're not really feeling love we're just feeling - some sort of shadow. We don't know what it's really like."
His face was flushed and his eyes were blazing. His words broke Jonghyun's heart.
"It's not a shadow, Taemin," Jonghyun whispered, resigned. He sat on the bed and hesitantly pulled Taemin into his arms. Taemin collapsed against his chest like a rag doll, arms hanging limply at his sides. "I know it because I can feel it from you. And this pain you're feeling? How could you feel that not be able to feel love?"
Taemin's hands came up to grasp at the back of Jonghyun's shirt.
"You can love, Taemin. I know you can."
-
They were all curious, soaking up the information around them constantly. Jonghyun thought that they'd be like that regardless of whether that was how he made them or not. But he was happy they were, happy that they took an interest in him and the world around them, eagerly poking their noses into every corner they could find to learn everything they possibly could.
Sometimes he forgot they weren't really real, that they weren't alive in the biological sense that he was alive. He'd look at them and he'd see life and emotions and all of the things that human beings were made up of. Their insides weren't hollow, nor were their heads. They were made up of so much life that it almost hurt and he found it hard to remember sometimes that he'd made them with his own two hands.
It didn't feel right to control them when, despite everything he knew, he still viewed them as people. They may not have had beating hearts, not live ones like his, but they had hearts in there and they were more than a mass of metal and circuitry.
They were so alive that sometimes it scared him.
-
Jinki still malfunctioned every so often. Jonghyun worried it was getting worse.
His hands froze up more often than anything else and it made it hard for him to hold things or pick them up. He started hanging his head more often in front of Jonghyun like he was ashamed of himself.
"Jinki, please look at me," Jonghyun had pleaded one day. And when Jinki's sad eyes met his, Jonghyun fell against him, tears pouring down his face. Jinki's hands came up to clutch at his back and his fingers twitched before going weak. He couldn't hold Jonghyun. "We'll fix this. Okay? We'll fix this," Jonghyun cried into his shirt.
Jinki settled for leaning his head against Jonghyun's, his arms useless at his sides.
And then one day it started happening to Kibum too. Just little glitches, like he'd be in the middle of a sentence and then pause and start from the beginning. He wouldn't remember it happening either, insisting that they were all imagining things but when the stuttering started he couldn't deny it any longer.
Kibum, who had been witty and eloquent, was tripping over his words.
He got angry one day, unable to correctly say the words that he wanted to and he'd locked himself in his room, the ghost sound of his door slamming still echoing through Jonghyun's head. He'd sat outside the door and begged Kibum to let him in, "please, Kibum, let me see you. It'll be okay" until a red eyed Kibum cracked open the door. It was with a heavy heart that Jonghyun cursed himself for allowing them to cry.
It wasn't just them; Minho had begun to move slower and slower, more lethargic as he spent more hours sleeping than he had before. He'd had amazing reflexes, moving so quickly that sometimes Jonghyun could swear he must have been able to read minds or predict the future but now it took him nearly five minutes to even get out of bed.
Jonghyun was afraid that one day he'd walk into his room and Minho would be there, no longer able to even move. He'd curl up against Minho's chest, body shaking with sobs as Minho carefully (slowly, always so slowly) stroked his back. He fell asleep before Jonghyun did, chest whirring quietly and eyelashes dark against his skin.
"I won't let this happen to you," Jonghyun promised, body wracked anew with sobs.
Taemin's was hard to spot because it only occurred in him. Little ticks in his movements signifying his wires breaking down from too strong of a currency flowing through them. They were just tiny things, something Taemin had hidden from them until the glow under his skin was noticeable in dim light and then, even during the day.
It started to affect the rest of the androids, creating small sparks if they touched until Taemin became withdrawn and afraid of touching any of them, lest it hurt them. He absolutely refused to come anywhere near Jonghyun.
"I'll wear my work gloves," Jonghyun argued. "You won't hurt me. It'll be fine - I'll be fine."
But Taemin would disappear more and more and Jonghyun started to worry about any of them leaving his sight. He couldn't bear the idea of walking into a room and seeing one of them motionless and cold.
"I'm going to make this better," Jonghyun said, reaching out to Taemin before he could get away.
-
By the end of it, they all "felt" just like human beings, maybe even more than some. They had emotions and hopes and dreams and they could feel pain, both physical and mental and, Jonghyun was sure of it - they knew what love was, knew how to love. Loved him, even. And it killed him, the day he realized what he'd have to do so that they wouldn't feel more pain, so that they wouldn't have to share each other's pain, share his pain.
The day he realized he'd have to overwrite their memories so that they wouldn't have to fade out of existence with the pain of leaving was the day he spent five hours locked away in his room sobbing into his notes.
He couldn't leave them with the knowledge of feelings and have them watch each other slowly stop being. It was killing him, but he wouldn't watch it kill them before they left. He couldn't let that happen to them.
They were dying and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
They were never something that was meant to last. Jonghyun wasn't good enough for that - but even if he was, he didn't know if he could stand to have them outlive him, to have them exist with their pain and no one to help them, no one to love them like he did.
They were all scared. (Maybe Jonghyun most of all. He didn't know how to live without them anymore.) But every night he brought them, one by one, to erase their memories for the night. It was killing him to do it, day after day, but any more and he'd wipe their personalities. He couldn't let them die as hollow hunks of metal but he selfishly couldn't keep himself away from them.
Jinki was the first to go.
His condition had degenerated slowly and then seemed to come to a standstill. He was no better and no worse. And then one day, as they were all sat at the table for dinner, Jinki crashed forward and didn't move. Jonghyun's heart froze, his chair scraping the floor behind him as he raced around the table to pull Jinki back up. He was still alive, power still flickering in his eyes, but his entire body was paralyzed.
Jonghyun made the hardest decision of his life that night to let everyone say goodbye and then he cut the power.
Kibum's malfunctioning had been growing steadily worse, no longer just his speech that was impeded but also his movement. He would be walking normally and then his legs would give out from underneath him. Jonghyun could see him growing increasingly frustrated day by day but when his leg gave out and his arm shattered beneath him, it was his idea to have Jonghyun end it.
Kibum asking him didn't make the decision any easier than it had been before.
Minho followed shortly after.
It was just as Jonghyun had feared; Minho had come into his room, mentioned that he felt a little tired, and laid down next to Jonghyun. And then he'd stopped moving. It didn't take long for Jonghyun to notice the erratic, unsteady whirring and he buried himself in Minho's side, pleading with him to move, just a little. Minho's eyes were the only thing that moved, following Jonghyun's movements and then slowly leading to the door. He looked sad and Jonghyun wished that neither of them had to make that decision.
Taemin had taken to sleeping in Jonghyun's room when it became just the two of them. He glowed more brightly and had resigned himself to staying on a rubber mat on the floor. The sparks were jumping from his skin now and every so often they would be close to leaping from his skin to set fire to something. Jonghyun couldn't touch him anymore.
Then he began emitting little popping noises, the sound of wires cracking and fizzling out. He was hot to the touch and he couldn't regulate his internal temperature anymore. With what little was left of his heart, Jonghyun asked Taemin what he wanted to do but Taemin refused any help. There was nothing Jonghyun could do.
And then, with a startling bang, Taemin's internal system broke down and fell backwards. Jonghyun rushed over to him but it was too late for him to do anything. Jonghyun's tears sizzled and steamed as they hit Taemin's cheeks, the glow slowly fading from his skin long after the light behind his eyes went out.
-
They were the best decision Jonghyun had ever made.
Author: airedis
Pairing: Jonghyun/everyone (ot5)
Rating: PG
Warnings: Highlight to see (character death)
Word Count: 7,871
When Jonghyun was young he'd been really bad at math. Sure, he knew how to add and subtract and multiply but when they started teaching fractions and letters were introduced he was much more interested in flicking paper at the back of his friend's heads and daydreaming until the clock whittled away at the lesson. As a kid, fun was always the priority and no one had time for silly little things like math worksheets or how to do times tables up to twelve.
And then one day when he was nine years old, he saw an advertisement for a new toy: AIBO, a robotic dog could follow commands and interact with people. The technology was new and was far too expensive for Jonghyun's family - no matter how much he promised to be good and do everything his parents told him - but he watched all the advertisements, his eyes longingly following the little silver dog whenever they passed by it in a store. Jonghyun eventually forgot about the toy, got an electric bass for his birthday and threw himself into music lessons. But a few years later when AIBO was discontinued, there was a stirring of pain and something pulled softly at his heartstrings.
Then came the news that, two years back, the Micro Flying Robot had been released - the smallest and lightest robotic helicopter in the world. And all at once the old feeling he'd had when he'd first laid eyes on the robot dog was stirred again with a vengeance.
And then what was simple fascination turned into obsession. He threw himself into research, spent hours in the public library after school at a table surrounded by books on robotics and artificial intelligence. He started hanging around after class to ask any teacher he thought could answer his questions and got pointed in the direction of some relevant material.
His friends began to get annoyed with him for spending all his time studying up on something they weren't even learning in school.
"What do you even see in that stuff, man?"
"Are you kidding me? Do you even understand the kinds of things these machines can do?"
Jonghyun launched into an enthusiastic lecture, explaining the innovations in robotics and what the research in the field could mean for the future, gesturing wildly, and he's wide eyed and breathless because these guys didn't even know what all of this could mean and how exciting all of it was.
"And you should see how A.I is developing - I mean you can have a conversation with a computer and think you're talking to a real person! It's that - " Jonghyun stopped. His friend was silent, staring at him with a strange look on his face. "What?"
The other boy shook his head. "Okay, man. If you say so."
And that was the end of that.
Jonghyun began to pay attention in his science and math related classes with the hope that anything he could retain could help him in the future. And during his other classes there were schematics sketched in on the margins of his notebooks while the teachers droned on about classic literature. He didn't need to know about books - he was going to build robots.
He got better at math after that.
-
It was a stroke of pure luck that the single university he applied to accepted him. When the heavyweight envelope with the shining seal arrived in the mail, Jonghyun felt like he was going to pass out. His hands were shaking as he opened it and read congratulations, the University of Software and Mechanical Engineering logo standing out proudly on the paper. His friends had been confused, "you're really doing this, then?" and his parents had been skeptical.
"Are you really sure this is what you want to do, honey?" His mom asked as Jonghyun excitedly showed her the orientation schedule.
"Yeah, mom," he said, grabbing her hand. "I really am."
She gave it a tight squeeze and let Jonghyun continue on about picking his classes.
Jonghyun's sister was the only one who let him revel in the whirlwind of joy and pride he felt at being accepted into the University of SME. He laid on Sodam's bed and babbled on endlessly about all of the classes he was going to have to take while she stroked his hair gently.
"I'm proud of you, Jjongie," she said. Her eyes were sincere and Jonghyun's face contorted as his eyes welled up with tears.
And in a car filled to the brim with all of Jonghyun's things, his family drove him to the university to set up his dorm. He joked loudly and laughed even louder the whole time they were there but the minute they had stepped out of the building, his father putting a hand on his shoulder and saying quietly, "make us proud, Jonghyun", Jonghyun had broken down in tears. His family was his life and, even though they didn't really understand his passion for robotics, they supported him whole heartedly and it would be difficult to go so long without seeing them.
His face was washed by the time his roommate showed up, only a bit of red lingering around the rim of his eyes to give him away. In a strange turn of events, Jonghyun's roommate was another boy with the same name, Lee Jonghyun. He was interested in software programming and the two of them hit it off right away.
It was different, being around people who had as deep of an interest in robotics as Jonghyun had, and he threw himself into his classes right from the start. When Jonghyun had an interest, he pursued it relentlessly and he hadn't loved something as much as this since the time he'd first picked up a bass guitar. He was surrounded by people with as much passion as he had but Jonghyun was blessed with something else too: talent. He had a knack for understanding the way the machinery looked with nothing more than a few minutes of inspection and his probing questions about artificial intelligence left even some of his professors at a loss for words occasionally.
He quickly made a name for himself among the staff and students but, lost in the wealth of new knowledge he was now offered, he hardly even noticed.
-
Jinki (file name: ONeW89.12-14) was the first android that Jonghyun ever created on his own. In all honesty, even with all the classes and lectures he'd attended and the wealth of knowledge his peers and professors had, Jinki really hadn't turned out exactly as Jonghyun had planned. It was a lot harder to make corrections on your own work when you were keeping it a secret. Jonghyun was just into the beginning of his third year when he made plans to construct Jinki; he'd always wanted to make an android, all on his own, but he quickly found out it was a lot harder than divvying up the work among a group. He knew there'd be setbacks - how could there not be? - but he hadn't planned on short-circuiting the power in the entire hall on his first attempt to start Jinki up.
(Keeping him a secret was considerably harder after that.)
But after nearly a year, Jonghyun smoothed out all his mistakes and, with shaking hands, fully powered Jinki up for the first time. When Jinki's eyes slowly blinked open and focused on him Jonghyun sincerely thought that his legs would give out. He watched as Jinki's eyes immediately focused and locked on him before the robot's face broke into a surprising smile.
Jinki, although not perfect, was made of the most cutting edge programming and material that Jonghyun could get his hands on (and, with the help of grants, he rounded up some pretty impressive stuff if he did say so himself). Jinki's skin and hair were lifelike, his skin soft and pliable to the touch, his hair a warm brown color that ruffled gently in the air conditioned room. His inhumanness was apparent at first in the way jerky way he moved and his inability to properly process emotions. Jonghyun was able to help him with both, carefully tweaking his programming and coaching him gently through different situations with the nuances of human feeling.
-
He was working at his computer when he heard a shattering crash from the other room. Chair spinning behind him, Jonghyun ran into the kitchen to see Jinki kneeling next a small, broken cup on the floor. Coffee spilled out over the linoleum and Jonghyun stooped down to carefully wipe the liquid away from Jinki as apologies leaked from Jinki's mouth.
"It's okay, it's just a cup," Jonghyun said as he grabbed a new towel. "What happened?"
"You looked tired so I wanted to bring you something," Jinki said haltingly. He was sweeping the broken shards of the cup into a pile with his bare hands, keeping his eyes solemnly to the floor as he spoke instead of meeting Jonghyun's eyes. "But my hand..."
Jonghyun looked up sharply at that. He could feel the worry overwhelming his face and Jinki waved his hands at him frantically. "It's okay! It just froze up a little." He rotated his wrist and flexed his fingers for Jonghyun to see. "I'm fine now!"
Reaching out, Jonghyun took hold of Jinki's hand carefully. He could see small incisions in Jinki's fingertips from where the glass had cut his skin and along the side of Jinki's thumb there was a current of tiny sparks jumping across his skin. Jonghyun ran a finger along the area, wincing when he felt a small jolt of electricity.
"Let's see if we can fix this," Jonghyun said softly, squeezing Jinki's hand gently. "Okay?"
Jinki's face was blank for a fraction of a second before he broke out into a smile so wide that Jonghyun felt like the room filled with light.
-
Jinki was incredibly smart and, even with the complications with his programming that Jonghyun was never able to fully fix despite his best efforts, he was considered more than perfect by everyone who met him. Jinki had a way of making people care about him and want to take care of him - especially Jonghyun. Whenever Jonghyun was working or stressed or tired, whenever he seemed upset or frustrated, Jinki was there to take care of him. But because of all the glitches that Jinki kept experiencing and the fact that he was the first android Jonghyun had ever made on his own, Jonghyun felt extremely protective of him.
He knew that he couldn't stop everything from happening - Jinki needed to charge more often than Jonghyun had planned for and he had a penchant for creating many harmless accidents - but it didn't stop him from trying. Every time Jinki stopped in the middle of a sentence, his eyes darkening for a half a second caused Jonghyun's heart to stop. Jinki would always smile as he shook himself out of the strange pause like nothing had happened and afterwards Jonghyun would always gently coax him over to his work table to take a look.
"I'm fine, Jonghyun," Jinki mumbled, sounding embarrassed as Jonghyun ran his fingers along the side of Jinki's calve.
Jinki had had a minor incident with a piece of scrap metal lying on the coffee table. It jutted out over the edge, coming to a sharp, jagged point only a few feet from the ground. Jinki had been walking past the table when it ripped into the side of his leg. Without the ability to properly feel, pain or otherwise (yet, Jonghyun told himself, not just yet), Jinki probably wouldn't have noticed for quite some time if it weren't for the fact that the metal had torn deep past the skin. He had dented a plate inside his calve and torn a few wires and within seconds, he had toppled to the floor.
His resulting cry of alarm, soft but sharp, had alerted Jonghyun to the problem. Jinki had been staring at his legs with wide, inquiring eyes, watching the lights beneath his skin pulse. Jonghyun had fixed him up quickly, repairing the damaged wires, straightening out the plate, and patching up Jinki's skin flawlessly, but he'd done it all with shaking hands. Jinki had made senseless jokes, trying to ease the tension, but Jonghyun kept rotating Jinki's ankle, flexing and pointing his foot and bending his leg at the knee to assess it like he had been for the last twenty minutes.
"I know," Jonghyun murmured back, eyes still trained intently on Jinki's leg in front of him. "I just want to make sure."
-
Jinki never fully worked past his faulty constructions, limbs still tripping him up at times and no matter what Jonghyun did he was unable to completely convey humor properly. But his smile was Jonghyun's greatest achievement and he'd never forget the way people stopped and stared as Jinki's eyes crinkled and his mouth stretched into a large, beautiful grin.
-
File name: keY91.9-23 (Kibum) was his second android and in some ways a resounding failure. Shortly after Kibum came to life (because that's what Jonghyun did - he made things come to life) Jonghyun noticed where he had gone horribly wrong. Namely, he put too much of himself into Kibum. There were differences between them of course; Jonghyun couldn't perfectly replicate himself even if he'd wanted to. But Kibum thought like him, felt like him, "dreamed" like him sometimes and it killed a little piece of Jonghyun every day. Kibum was a bit of a spitfire and, even with his anxiety about how Kibum was more of a mirror than anything, Jonghyun couldn't help but be proud of his A.I. and the sharp wit he had.
He was curious too, just like Jinki, and they kept Jonghyun busy with question after question about the things they didn't yet have schema for. They retained it all too, every single thing they encountered or heard or saw or touched - they remembered all of it without flaw unless Jonghyun overwrote their memory. He didn't do that very often. Every time was like he was cutting something away from them and even though they would listen to the command, any command, without hesitation Jonghyun felt too much like he was stealing something from them.
And Kibum was smart, they both were, of course they were. But Kibum had a wealth of knowledge unlike anything Jonghyun could have ever imagined he'd have. He drank everything in and processed it flawlessly and sometimes the comments he'd make would fly over Jonghyun's head because Kibum realized things faster than he did. Rather than be frightened by it, Jonghyun was proud. He'd like to think that Kibum would be happy for him too.
-
Unsurprisingly, Kibum developed his personality almost twice as fast as Jinki had. They both had personalities programmed into them of course, but how it manifested was all up to the androids themselves. And manifest it did; within a few short weeks Kibum had shifted from carrying out "orders" without hesitation to cajoling Jonghyun into doing things for him. It had happened so seamlessly that Jonghyun hadn't even realized what had happened until Kibum was smiling at him coyly.
Jonghyun didn't mind it though. On the contrary, he was actually quite pleased that Kibum had developed so quickly and he fell to Kibum's whims very easily. Kibum didn't really ask for much aside from wanting to go out often. He wanted to see the world, to take as much of it in as he could. Jonghyun kept the television on as he worked so that Kibum could watch it, he brought magazines back on whatever Kibum wanted to read, he left his laptop open for Kibum to use whenever he went to class.
Kibum was especially fascinated by pop culture and walked around Jonghyun's workshop humming songs that he'd heard on the radio or on the computer. Jonghyun would join in and sing along with Kibum and every so often he'd pull out his guitar and play for him. He didn't have time to play very often but he always had time to sing for Kibum, especially when Kibum asked him.
Kibum loved it when he'd sing too. Jonghyun had given Jinki his musical dedication but he'd given Kibum his dreams and even when it hurt, when he realized how much he screwed up and "you should never put that much of yourself - of anyone - into a machine", well. Even then it amazed him too see how enraptured Kibum could become.
"Sing that song for me," Kibum said from his place on the couch. Jonghyun looked up from a circuit he was repairing.
"Which one?"
Kibum turned a page in his magazine before answering, "The one you wrote." He flipped another page lazily.
"Kibum..." Jonghyun had written many songs and had sung a handful of them for Kibum before. He turned back to his work table and squinted down at the lump of metal and wires in front of him.
"The one about the moon."
The moon? Jonghyun furrowed his brow for a moment before he smiled. He cleared his throat and then began softly, "Look at my eyes, I whisper alone as I look at you from far away..."
Kibum settled back into the couch with a tiny, pleased smile.
-
"Jonghyun? What's it like to dream at night?"
Jonghyun looked up from a sketch he was working on. Jinki and Kibum were standing in front of him with strangely solemn, curious faces. He pushed a hand through his hair, considering for a moment, before he spoke.
"It's kind of like thinking during the day, except you can't really control what you dream about."
"Like daydreams?" Kibum asked.
"Yeah, but a little different. You let your mind wander when you day dream, right?" Jinki and Kibum nodded. "But you always think about where it starts. With dreams, they don't really have a start."
Jinki looked thoughtful at that and Jonghyun wondered what was going through their heads. He may have programmed them but he had absolutely no control over what they thought about. He was curious.
"Do you guys want to be able to dream?"
Kibum seemed to stand straighter at that. "Can we?"
Jonghyun made a small noise and nodded. "You'll have to give me some time but you definitely can." He watched the two of them smile at each other. "What do you think you'll dream about?"
Jinki looked at him with a smile and said, "electric sheep" before walking off. With an incredulous look on his face, Jonghyun stared after him before he let out a surprised laugh. Kibum snorted and dragged over a chair to sit next to Jonghyun.
He was quiet for a long time, watching Jonghyun map out a face on paper. Jonghyun waited; he knew that this kind of silence meant that Kibum had a question, probably an important one, and he wanted Kibum to be able to ask it in his own time. It started with a sigh and Kibum leaning his head on Jonghyun's shoulder. Jonghyun put his pencil down, bringing a hand up to rest on top of Kibum's head.
"What are you thinking about?" he prompted gently.
Kibum closed his eyes for a beat and then asked, voice barely above a whisper, "what's it like to dream?"
Jonghyun's hand stilled from where he had been running it through Kibum's hair. "You know what it's like, Kibum," he said with a tight voice. "Jinki knows how to dream now too."
"But what's it like to have a dream?" Kibum asked, looking up at him with somber eyes.
"It's like..." Jonghyun closed his eyes. "It's like wanting something with all your heart. It's wanting something so badly that it almost hurts. Even though it's painful, it gives you strength. It gives you something to work toward even if you know it can never be possible."
"I have your dreams, don't I?"
Jonghyun couldn't meet Kibum's eyes.
"Yes."
"I thought so."
Jonghyun let out a shuddering breath and pulled Kibum into him. "I'm sorry," he rasped.
Kibum tucked his chin against Jonghyun's shoulder, his fingers playing with the hair at the back of Jonghyun's neck. "Don't be. I like feeling this."
"I'm..." His arms tightened around Kibum and he tried not to let his tears fall; he didn't want any of Kibum's wires to get wet.
-
Next came Minho, or file name: CMH91.12-09. He was Jonghyun's most ambitious work; a study in the peak of form, strength, and power. Jonghyun had designed him at first with no personality whatsoever, no emotions, no ability to feel, no warmth. He had been so scared after creating Kibum that he would pour too much of himself into another "machine" again and in a way he was right - just before powering him up for the first time, Jonghyun realized he couldn't just leave Minho as an empty shell the way he'd planned.
He programmed all of his emotion into Minho, every ounce of feeling on the human spectrum became a part of Minho's database and Jonghyun knew he'd feel guilty about it but it wasn't something he could worry about anymore. He had the ability to bring to life human emotion inside a mass of machinery, he could make artificial intelligence understand the meaning of happiness, sadness, pain, relief.
He could allow Minho to know what love was.
And so Minho came to life, tall and beautiful and strong and full of every emotion Jonghyun had ever felt. He kept it hidden behind a stony mask at first, silent and shy, but Jonghyun quickly learned the warmth that Minho brought to the world with his soft words and loud laugh and day by day he got to watch Minho thaw into something amazing. Minho was never prone to physical reaction like Jonghyun (and he didn't like to cry in front of any of them) but he wore his heart - because Jonghyun believed he did have one in there, no matter whether it beat or not, he'd made him with one after all - on his sleeve and there was sincerity in each of his words, every single one of his actions.
-
Jonghyun walked into his room to find Minho leaning against the headboard of his bed, asleep.
Minho slept so much, so much more than either Kibum or even Jinki did and at first Jonghyun had thought it was just his hardware getting used to being up and running. And then, several months later he was still sleeping all the time, waking late and taking naps throughout the day. Jinki and Kibum recharged by humming and Minho recharged by sleeping. His system was a bit more advanced than either Jinki's or Kibum's and required him to recharge more often in order to function as well. Jonghyun kept a close eye on him and ran bimonthly tests to make sure that everything was running properly.
"Minho."
Jonghyun stepped up to the side of the bed and gently shook Minho's shoulder. "Minho, wake up," he called out again.
The android's eyes fluttered open slowly and he squinted a bit against the onslaught of light. He shook his head, fluffy hair flopping around his face as he sat up and looked at Jonghyun.
"Jonghyun..."
"Come on, up you get," Jonghyun said, grabbing Minho's arm and helping to haul him off the bed. Minho was so much taller than him, towering above Jonghyun's head as he fixed his rumpled clothing. "Time for your check up."
Minho groaned. "I don't like those."
"I know you don't, but they're necessary."
Jonghyun lead him over to his workspace and, used to the routine, Minho removed his shirt and stood in place with his arms held out straight to his sides.
"They make me feel weird. It tingles and makes my head hurt afterwards."
On each side of Minho's neck, Jonghyun attached a wired strip that trailed down his arms.
"I know, I know. I'm trying to make it so that we won't have to do them as often, okay?"
Minho grumbled as more strips were attached to him and soon Jonghyun was flipping the switch. Minho went silent as he always did during the tests and electricity raced through the wires and pinged across Minho's skin. Jonghyun kept his distance, looking away as Minho's lax face contorted in discomfort; he was doing everything he could to make the tests less unpleasant. They weren't painful exactly but none of them liked doing them, Jonghyun included.
He studied his computer screen carefully, making notes of any changes he saw and, after several long, tense moments, he shut the machine down.
Minho waited patiently, always patient with Jonghyun no matter how much he disliked having to do this, and Jonghyun disconnected the white strips. He was able to allow for a weaker current this time but Minho still looked a bit worse for wear. Once all the strips were removed, Minho finally lowered his arms, fingers twitching slightly as he put his shirt back on. Jonghyun knew how disoriented Minho would feel after the tests, almost like someone coming out of anesthesia, so he put a comforting hand on Minho's back and led him towards the bedroom once again.
Jinki, Kibum, and Minho shared their own room but Jinki often slept on the couch in the living room for whatever reason and, whenever Jonghyun wasn't sleeping (and sometimes when he was), Minho would steal into Jonghyun's bed for a nap. He didn't know why Minho seemed to prefer his bed to anywhere else to sleep but Minho always seemed the most comfortable there.
Jonghyun guided him to the bed, lying down next to Minho after he'd gotten settled. It had become a bit of a routine, after Minho was dazed and worn out from the tests, for Jonghyun to lie beside him and keep him company. It seemed to ground Minho a little and help speed up the recovery process and it made Jonghyun feel better when he could help ease them from any pain if he could.
Jonghyun laid against Minho's chest, his face pillowed against Minho's neck as Minho brought his arms up to loosely drape over his shoulders. Jonghyun shivered a bit; winter was fast approaching and Minho's skin was cold from being exposed to the air for so long. Minho shifted and Jonghyun could feel Minho's internal temperature raise a little, warming him up.
"Thanks, Jonghyun," Minho slurred.
Jonghyun smiled lightly against his skin. "Get some sleep, Minho."
-
"What are you reading?" Kibum asked Minho incredulously.
Not looking away from the page, Minho held up the cover for Kibum to read but the other android just waved his hand dismissively.
"I mean, why are you reading that?"
"Because I like it," Minho mumbled and hunched over a bit more.
Jinki sat down on the couch next to Minho and peeked at the cover. "I think it looks interesting," he said soothingly.
"Yeah, well that's just because both of you like boring books," Kibum said, pulling out his own book and dropping onto the other side of the couch.
"Hey!" Jonghyun called from his desk, papers scattered around him as he worked. "Don't forget that I'm the one that introduced you guys into reading in the first place!"
Kibum scoffed but Jonghyun could see a smile on his face.
Minho was still reading well after Jinki and Kibum had retired for the night. Jonghyun was just closing his computer when he noticed the reading lamp lighting a small area of the couch where Minho was propped against the cushions with his book open in his lap.
"Almost done?" he asked playfully as he sat down next to Minho.
Minho nodded, clearly showing no signs of stopping any time soon, so lost in his book as he was. So Jonghyun reached over slowly, taking the book from Minho's hands and set it on the coffee table. He took Minho's hand in his and, getting the hint, Minho rose from the couch after clicking off the lamp. He followed Jonghyun into the hallway and Jonghyun could see the hesitation on Minho's face. If left to his own devices, Minho would likely go back out to finish reading shortly after going into his room so Jonghyun made the decision for him and pulled him into his own room.
It wasn't often that Jonghyun brought any of them in with him; usually they would end up there at random of their own accord, slipping into bed to sleep next to him whenever they were troubled with something. Jonghyun knew that Minho - that all of them - saw this as something special, though he wasn't entirely sure why.
Minho settled in next to him, rearranging himself around Jonghyun, keeping him safe. Jonghyun always felt comfortable with any of them around and he sighed against the sheets as Minho wrapped his arms around him.
"I have another book for you tomorrow, if you want it," Jonghyun said softly.
"I do," said Minho. His voice was so low, especially in the silence like this and it reminded Jonghyun of the rumbling of waterfalls.
Jonghyun closed his eyes, hardly awake as Minho reached out to take his hand. He held Jonghyun's wrist against the corner of his lips, feeling his pulse, and Jonghyun smiled.
They had all practically combed through everything in his personal library and spent much of their downtime reading anything they could get their hands on. There was so much they wanted to learn, there was so much he wanted to teach them. He just hoped he'd be good enough.
-
Taemin (file name: Ltm93.07-18) was the last android Jonghyun made, or - almost the last. Taemin had been his most ambitious endeavor to date and, having planned and programmed him alongside another model, KAi94.01-14 (affectionately nicknamed Jongin in private), for a class, the two turned out almost identical. They were almost like a positive and a negative, Taemin's bright blond hair a complement to Jongin's inky black hair. Their faces were almost a copy, gently curved eyes and thick, puffy lips. Even the way they moved had hardly been altered, both with flowing, sharp movements, quick as a flash.
Taemin was a quiet one, even quieter than Minho had been at first. But he was easily the most mischievous of his misfit bunch, sneaking around with his cat-like grace and surprising Jonghyun at every chance he got. He often lounged around Jonghyun's workshop, taking up space alongside his workbench or stretching out on the couch in the corner. He'd pop up sleepily every once in a while, bed head peeking up over the edge of the table and face miraculously flushed with sleep.
(Jonghyun never really figured out how exactly he'd been able to do that - as far as he knew, he'd never learned any stable code for that kind of thing.)
Each of the androids weighed about the equivalent size of a human being of their height. Taemin though, was made of newer material: strong, durable metal that was more lightweight than any of the others. He was so slender, so light that Jonghyun could pick him up with ease and he was often carried around by Minho, though Jonghyun never figured out if that was Minho's idea or if he'd just agreed to it.
Taemin was the baby of their mismatched little family, doted on by each and every one of them. Even as Taemin pointed out, time and time again, that he could look after himself, Jonghyun could see how much he enjoyed being pampered and taken care of by them.
-
But as happy as Taemin always seemed with all of them, there was something special about seeing him together with his twin image.
And they were certainly a sight together, Taemin and Jongin. They had picked up a sense of rhythm that was unparalleled, like they'd tapped into the heartbeat of the universe and lived by it. The two of them were like a pair of tiny dancers, swaying to the sound of music only they heard, moving in tandem like they were of one mind. And - well, Jonghyun didn't know if that could be true but it would certainly explain a lot.
They were a duo of destruction, poking curiously into everything they could. And almost as often, the two went off together on their own, sitting side by side silently with their shoulders pressed together. Jonghyun had walked into a room once, all the lights dimmed and the two of them relaxed against the wall with their eyes closed. He'd freaked out at first, afraid something had gone wrong and then Taemin had cracked an eye open and waved at him dismissively. After that, Jonghyun just figured it was something that they maybe did to recharge; everyone was different.
They were especially secretive when they went off on their own, sneaking away for hours and coming back with twinkling eyes and smiling lips. They never really said where they went or what they did but Jonghyun was amazed at the bond that could exist between two androids like that. It was something that spoke of a deep friendship sometimes unknown to even some humans and he wondered at how something like that could have developed between the two of them.
They were a set, Taemin and Jongin. And though Jongin was mostly housed in a department at the university - to the point where it was difficult for Taemin to meet him often - it was hard to mention one without thinking of the other.
-
Dinners in Jonghyun's little place were arguably the most hectic part of the day.
"Someone hand me a bowl."
"Taemin get in here and wash this!"
"Where'd the salt go?"
"Wait - Jinki don't touch that!"
"Okay, okay, everybody out!"
They generally tended to end with either Jonghyun or Kibum (and occasionally Minho) kicking everyone out of the kitchen to finish making dinner. Somehow, they all always congregated in the kitchen at the start of dinner preparation and inevitably the noise level always rose through the roof. He was the only one that needed to eat but they all liked sitting around the table with him and talking about their days. It was hectic but Jonghyun liked it the most when they were all together.
This time, Kibum pushed everyone into the living room to finish cooking by himself. Jinki and Minho went off on their own and Taemin followed Jonghyun into his room like a little shadow. He flopped down onto Jonghyun's bed, watching lazily as Jonghyun pulled out his guitar and a notebook.
"Are you going to write something new?" he asked, rolling onto his stomach as Jonghyun started to tune his guitar.
"Maybe," Jonghyun replied, deep in thought.
Jonghyun flipped through his notebook and stopped on a page with a song he'd been working on for a while. He'd been having trouble with it and had been too busy with everything else to keep working on it. He was in a sort of a rut with it and soon the only sounds in the room were the guitar and the faint strings of clinking from the kitchen. Taemin watched him silently, his eyes
tracking Jonghyun's fingers as he strummed.
After a few minutes, he asked, "what do you think about when you write?"
"I think about a lot of things," he said, still strumming softly.
"Do you think about love?"
Jonghyun made a soft humming noise. "Sometimes."
Taemin let out a sigh and rolled onto his back once more. Fingers scraping against the strings, Jonghyun looked over at him. Taemin looked like a lost boy, like someone who was trying to figure out his place in life and had lost sight of the path in front of him. Jonghyun was mostly a stranger to what they were all thinking about - they all had their own private thoughts and dreams and Jonghyun left them to it. But sometimes he wondered...
"Do you think that we can love?"
Jonghyun looked up quickly, neck muscles protesting at the movement. Taemin was staring off at the wall behind Jonghyun, not meeting his eyes. He looked mixed up and confused.
"Yes," Jonghyun said firmly. "I know you can."
Taemin's face scrunched up in agitation and he sat up angrily. "But how can you know that we can love? How can we feel something like that when we're not real?"
Color was rising in his face and, for someone protesting that he wasn't real, he looked shockingly human in that moment.
"I know because I've seen it! I've been with all of you and you feel more than some of those people walking around on the streets outside." He set down his guitar heavily and stood in front of Taemin.
"No one ever knows if what they feel is love right away, Taemin," he said loudly. "Everyone wrestles with it - there's no straight definition for what it feels like. If you think you feel it then you feel it!"
"But how can we?" Taemin cried, punching the mattress. "We're not really feeling love we're just feeling - some sort of shadow. We don't know what it's really like."
His face was flushed and his eyes were blazing. His words broke Jonghyun's heart.
"It's not a shadow, Taemin," Jonghyun whispered, resigned. He sat on the bed and hesitantly pulled Taemin into his arms. Taemin collapsed against his chest like a rag doll, arms hanging limply at his sides. "I know it because I can feel it from you. And this pain you're feeling? How could you feel that not be able to feel love?"
Taemin's hands came up to grasp at the back of Jonghyun's shirt.
"You can love, Taemin. I know you can."
-
They were all curious, soaking up the information around them constantly. Jonghyun thought that they'd be like that regardless of whether that was how he made them or not. But he was happy they were, happy that they took an interest in him and the world around them, eagerly poking their noses into every corner they could find to learn everything they possibly could.
Sometimes he forgot they weren't really real, that they weren't alive in the biological sense that he was alive. He'd look at them and he'd see life and emotions and all of the things that human beings were made up of. Their insides weren't hollow, nor were their heads. They were made up of so much life that it almost hurt and he found it hard to remember sometimes that he'd made them with his own two hands.
It didn't feel right to control them when, despite everything he knew, he still viewed them as people. They may not have had beating hearts, not live ones like his, but they had hearts in there and they were more than a mass of metal and circuitry.
They were so alive that sometimes it scared him.
-
Jinki still malfunctioned every so often. Jonghyun worried it was getting worse.
His hands froze up more often than anything else and it made it hard for him to hold things or pick them up. He started hanging his head more often in front of Jonghyun like he was ashamed of himself.
"Jinki, please look at me," Jonghyun had pleaded one day. And when Jinki's sad eyes met his, Jonghyun fell against him, tears pouring down his face. Jinki's hands came up to clutch at his back and his fingers twitched before going weak. He couldn't hold Jonghyun. "We'll fix this. Okay? We'll fix this," Jonghyun cried into his shirt.
Jinki settled for leaning his head against Jonghyun's, his arms useless at his sides.
And then one day it started happening to Kibum too. Just little glitches, like he'd be in the middle of a sentence and then pause and start from the beginning. He wouldn't remember it happening either, insisting that they were all imagining things but when the stuttering started he couldn't deny it any longer.
Kibum, who had been witty and eloquent, was tripping over his words.
He got angry one day, unable to correctly say the words that he wanted to and he'd locked himself in his room, the ghost sound of his door slamming still echoing through Jonghyun's head. He'd sat outside the door and begged Kibum to let him in, "please, Kibum, let me see you. It'll be okay" until a red eyed Kibum cracked open the door. It was with a heavy heart that Jonghyun cursed himself for allowing them to cry.
It wasn't just them; Minho had begun to move slower and slower, more lethargic as he spent more hours sleeping than he had before. He'd had amazing reflexes, moving so quickly that sometimes Jonghyun could swear he must have been able to read minds or predict the future but now it took him nearly five minutes to even get out of bed.
Jonghyun was afraid that one day he'd walk into his room and Minho would be there, no longer able to even move. He'd curl up against Minho's chest, body shaking with sobs as Minho carefully (slowly, always so slowly) stroked his back. He fell asleep before Jonghyun did, chest whirring quietly and eyelashes dark against his skin.
"I won't let this happen to you," Jonghyun promised, body wracked anew with sobs.
Taemin's was hard to spot because it only occurred in him. Little ticks in his movements signifying his wires breaking down from too strong of a currency flowing through them. They were just tiny things, something Taemin had hidden from them until the glow under his skin was noticeable in dim light and then, even during the day.
It started to affect the rest of the androids, creating small sparks if they touched until Taemin became withdrawn and afraid of touching any of them, lest it hurt them. He absolutely refused to come anywhere near Jonghyun.
"I'll wear my work gloves," Jonghyun argued. "You won't hurt me. It'll be fine - I'll be fine."
But Taemin would disappear more and more and Jonghyun started to worry about any of them leaving his sight. He couldn't bear the idea of walking into a room and seeing one of them motionless and cold.
"I'm going to make this better," Jonghyun said, reaching out to Taemin before he could get away.
-
By the end of it, they all "felt" just like human beings, maybe even more than some. They had emotions and hopes and dreams and they could feel pain, both physical and mental and, Jonghyun was sure of it - they knew what love was, knew how to love. Loved him, even. And it killed him, the day he realized what he'd have to do so that they wouldn't feel more pain, so that they wouldn't have to share each other's pain, share his pain.
The day he realized he'd have to overwrite their memories so that they wouldn't have to fade out of existence with the pain of leaving was the day he spent five hours locked away in his room sobbing into his notes.
He couldn't leave them with the knowledge of feelings and have them watch each other slowly stop being. It was killing him, but he wouldn't watch it kill them before they left. He couldn't let that happen to them.
They were dying and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
They were never something that was meant to last. Jonghyun wasn't good enough for that - but even if he was, he didn't know if he could stand to have them outlive him, to have them exist with their pain and no one to help them, no one to love them like he did.
They were all scared. (Maybe Jonghyun most of all. He didn't know how to live without them anymore.) But every night he brought them, one by one, to erase their memories for the night. It was killing him to do it, day after day, but any more and he'd wipe their personalities. He couldn't let them die as hollow hunks of metal but he selfishly couldn't keep himself away from them.
Jinki was the first to go.
His condition had degenerated slowly and then seemed to come to a standstill. He was no better and no worse. And then one day, as they were all sat at the table for dinner, Jinki crashed forward and didn't move. Jonghyun's heart froze, his chair scraping the floor behind him as he raced around the table to pull Jinki back up. He was still alive, power still flickering in his eyes, but his entire body was paralyzed.
Jonghyun made the hardest decision of his life that night to let everyone say goodbye and then he cut the power.
Kibum's malfunctioning had been growing steadily worse, no longer just his speech that was impeded but also his movement. He would be walking normally and then his legs would give out from underneath him. Jonghyun could see him growing increasingly frustrated day by day but when his leg gave out and his arm shattered beneath him, it was his idea to have Jonghyun end it.
Kibum asking him didn't make the decision any easier than it had been before.
Minho followed shortly after.
It was just as Jonghyun had feared; Minho had come into his room, mentioned that he felt a little tired, and laid down next to Jonghyun. And then he'd stopped moving. It didn't take long for Jonghyun to notice the erratic, unsteady whirring and he buried himself in Minho's side, pleading with him to move, just a little. Minho's eyes were the only thing that moved, following Jonghyun's movements and then slowly leading to the door. He looked sad and Jonghyun wished that neither of them had to make that decision.
Taemin had taken to sleeping in Jonghyun's room when it became just the two of them. He glowed more brightly and had resigned himself to staying on a rubber mat on the floor. The sparks were jumping from his skin now and every so often they would be close to leaping from his skin to set fire to something. Jonghyun couldn't touch him anymore.
Then he began emitting little popping noises, the sound of wires cracking and fizzling out. He was hot to the touch and he couldn't regulate his internal temperature anymore. With what little was left of his heart, Jonghyun asked Taemin what he wanted to do but Taemin refused any help. There was nothing Jonghyun could do.
And then, with a startling bang, Taemin's internal system broke down and fell backwards. Jonghyun rushed over to him but it was too late for him to do anything. Jonghyun's tears sizzled and steamed as they hit Taemin's cheeks, the glow slowly fading from his skin long after the light behind his eyes went out.
-
They were the best decision Jonghyun had ever made.