SSS 2010: FOR HIROBAN (Part 1/2)
For: hiroban
From: Your Secret Santa
Title: Golden Rules to Dating Kim Jonghyun
Pairing: Onew/Jonghyun
Rating: R
Wordcount: 14,156
Summary: Sometimes they laugh and sometimes they cry. Regardless what of life throws at them, or what it takes away, Jinki and Jonghyun will fight their way through the troubles of love-together.
There are few things in life Jinki is completely confident about and relationships? Not one of them. Knowing he wants to have a steady relationship with someone is very different from actually having one and in all honesty, Jinki doesn’t feel any need to throw himself out there only to be rejected. He’s perfectly content being single, relishes quiet nights in, and personal time to enjoy solitude found only when he’s alone.
He’s not one for the drama or the mess of binding himself to someone. It would be nice, of course, to find someone he’s ‘compatible on an emotionally and physically stimulating level,’ as he likes to say, but he’s not going to kill himself on his birthday either because another year has passed by and he's still single.
So no, relationships aren’t his thing and probably never will be. And he’s perfectly fine with that.
Kibum is the one who sets them up, surprisingly enough. Jinki always feels, and looks, awkward in public, not out of any sense of real insecurity but nervousness that people won’t measure up to his expectations. He hates the idea of unreciprocated kindness because life, too short as a drop of rain in the pond, leaves so little room for prolonged fastidiousness. So why, Jinki wonders, waste it being an ass?
Jinki isn’t unhappy being alone, tries to tell Kibum that as the younger boy recites over the phone the name of the place and time of the meeting between his ‘very talented close friend,’ and Jinki. It doesn’t really work, since Kibum’s selective hearing is apparently acting up again.
“And by the way, don’t order anything too oily, you always get sick afterward, and if Jjong calls me up tonight to tell me you spent the evening in the bathroom, I will skewer you,” Kibum advises, and of course his ‘advice’ will go completely unheeded, because Jinki loves his curry noodles too much to care. He’ll hold himself together; he has faith in himself.
“So uhm, tell me about-‘Jjong,’” he asks, redoing his tie for the umpteenth time. He fiddles with the loose ends before finally calling it quits and dropping it on the edge of the bed.
“Don’t call him that, first, because that’s my name for him. And second, you’re meeting him in twenty minutes; suspend all judgment; don’t ask stupid or intrusive questions. Manners Jinki, remember. Now, what three things should you not talk to him about?”
Jinki wracks his brain. He knows Kibum told him this way-back-when, but now he’s drawing a blank. “Uhm,” he hedges, “religion, politics, and sex?”
He can almost hear Kibum smacking his forehead. “Idiot, Jjong’s not religious, cares about politics as much as you and me, and sex? Really Jinki, has it been that long?” Jinki wisely refrains from saying, ‘Yes, never is a pretty long time.’ Somehow he doesn’t think he’ll like Kibum’s reaction to that confession.
“Don’t answer that. Just think, what did I say not to mention in front of him?”
“His…eh…” Jinki fiddles futilely with the laces of his shoes before wondering if it’d be better just to go with his loafers. They’re more comfortable after all…
An exasperated sigh brings him back to the conversation. “Height-don’t say anything about it, okay? His hair, seriously, you think I’m bad but Jonghyun’s crazy. And finally, any inquiry of his brother will result in a black eye and more injuries than you need Jinki, so refrain from asking about him. Actually, don’t mention family at all, that’s a touchy subject in general for him.”
A mental list is already writing itself out, but Jinki considers writing the stuff on his hand just in case. The last thing he needs is to piss someone off, especially when said someone is Kibum's friend.
One last check in the mirror. He looks a bit stiff, but not too bad overall. He tries a smile, showing his teeth, then quickly closes his mouth. Well, that’s just one more thing to remember; cover mouth whilst laughing.
“-listening to me?”
“Yeah, I’m listening.” He breaks away from the hall mirror and tugs his blazer once more before grabbing his keys. “Alright, I’m going. Wish me luck?”
“So long as you remember everything I told you, you shouldn’t need it. Have fun hyung!” Kibum ends the call before Jinki can thank him properly, but he doesn’t really mind. He switches the phone to vibrate before slipping it into his trouser pocket. A final look around to make sure he hasn’t forgotten anything, and finally, he flicks the lights off before leaving his apartment.
The first thing Jinki notices about Jonghyun is the first thing Kibum told him not to mention.
“Wow, you’re uh…not what I expected,” he blurts out, with all the skill of a master dater.
The second the words leave his lips, he almost turns tail right then and runs, because Jonghyun, he can see, has muscles, big muscles, and not, I-worked-out-a-few-months muscles, but I-work-out-every-other-morning muscles and I-know-how-to-fuck-you-up muscles. Jinki’s life begins to flash before his eyes.
Jonghyun, unsurprisingly, gapes at him for a moment before he rolls his eyes and good naturedly laughs. “That’s what most people end up saying,” he muses. Jinki still thinks there’s a fair chance of bodily harm so offers an obsequious smile in return before ducking his head in embarrassment. “Well, I’m Jonghyun, you probably figured. And I’m assuming your Key’s friend Jinki?”
Jinki nods. “Yeah, that’s me. Whatever Kibum said about me, it’s not true.” He shakes his head, feeling really stupid by this time.
“Well, I like to keep an open mind,” Jonghyun says, before grabbing Jinki’s hand and dragging him inside the restaurant.
Keeping an open mind-that’s a good idea. Jinki is pleasantly surprised to learn that he and Jonghyun have a lot in common. Once he gets over his initial awkwardness, it isn’t difficult to keep the conversation smooth. Jonghyun answers his questions and asks Jinki his own every so often and through good food and sweet drinks, they slowly begin to learn more about each other.
Jinki has to remember to thank Kibum for setting him up with someone not-so-crazy. Then he silently swears to take Kibum shopping for a day-and not complain once-when Jonghyun and he exchange numbers at the end of their date, with the promise to call each other soon.
Soon turns out to be when Jinki gets back to his apartment. The number already in his phone, he digs the device out of his pocket and searches through his contacts for a second, not even thinking as he pushes the send button.
“I know we just left each other,” he blurts, not giving Jonghyun any time to respond, “but I would really, really like for us to get together again. Uhm, soon. If that’s okay?” he trails off, feeling ridiculous. Did he really just schedule a second date so soon after his first?
“Where and when were you thinking?” Jonghyun asks. Jinki can hear street sounds in the background and realizes Jonghyun must still be driving.
“You pick.”
“Alright, next week then. We’ll catch a movie, that okay?”
There’s a crazy, face-splitting grin spreading as Jinki hastily answers in the affirmative. He can just imagine the smile on Jonghyun’s face as they say their goodbyes.
Next week’s date turns out to be a success too, even if Jinki does accidentally ruin Jonghyun’s hair by running his hand through the blonde tresses. He can’t help it that Jonghyun has crazily fascinating hair, all soft strands and strange color and really, who could resist copping a feel?
“Don’t-touch-the hair,” he says when Jinki jerks his hand back, looking appropriately reprimanded. After that Jonghyun almost immediately reverts back to his relaxed state, demeanor bright and excited as he waits in line at the concession counter to buy their food.
They end up sitting in the very back of the theater, the last row set a little higher than the others. It’s probably for the best anyway, since Jinki would find it really very awkward if Jonghyun couldn’t see the screen properly over the heads of the people in front of them.
The movie itself is a bit boring. He’s always preferred action films to drama or horror but Jonghyun favorites comedies. Jinki gets the distinct impression that Jonghyun likes to laugh and is very laid back, especially when he always turns out to be the one laughing loudest at the jokes. Jinki figures his date’s very unrestrained, kinda-animalistic, laughter evens out his own clumsiness.
By the time September rolls around, they’ve been going steady for four months, or rather, they’ve been seeing each other without labels for that long.
Jinki, at 21, is working to get his teaching degree. Which is strange, considering him and kids? They don’t get along so well. Jonghyun is the complete opposite. He’s like the crazy uncle of the family, always putting his face in kids’ businesses and generally making a fool of himself to keep them in high spirits, whereas Jinki is the awkward older brother still scared to pick the baby up. It’s no surprise that he’s going to teach secondary school.
Education for Jonghyun is like television-nice to have and to watch, but ultimately unnecessary. He figures his talents will get him far enough and alright, Jinki has to agree that Jonghyun is pretty talented. His life is a whirlwind of music, dance, and entertainment, which makes sense, considering his study in performing arts. Their final year at university begins in late summer, around the time they celebrate four months together.
They never actually say they’re dating, which for most people probably sounds strange. Jinki likes to think it’s implied that yeah, after seeing the same person four months straight and taking him out on weekends and going for lunch together in the middle of the week and hanging out at friends’ places, it’s pretty obvious they’re dating. They’re comfortable around each other, have reached a level of amenity that doesn’t require verbal attention.
Nevertheless, Jinki would like some clarification on what they are exactly.
They do all the things couples do, minus the whole, holding-hands-and-frolicking-down-the-street thing. They don’t make out in deserted corners of the mall either, but they do make out in Jonghyun’s car and Jinki’s apartment, which is good enough. Jonghyun gives voice lessons in a rented studio and sometimes Jinki meets up with him and they end up making out there too. So all in all, Jinki’s getting a lot of kissing out of the deal.
There are, of course, more than a few things Jinki still doesn’t know about his ‘boyfriend’ (and until Jonghyun decides to tell him off otherwise, he’s going to continue calling him that). Things like where Jonghyun sees himself in a few years, who else he’s dated in the past, what the deal with his brother is. The first is something Jinki will remember to ask on their next date; the second, Jinki is pretty sure he doesn’t want to know anyway, and the third, well, it’s clearly a very touchy subject, just as Kibum had mentioned all those months ago, because anytime Jinki tries to hedge the question, Jonghyun clams up and changes the subject.
Jonghyun is certainly an enigma, all laid back and relaxed but easily excited. He’s passionate, he’s caring, he’s considerate-Jinki feels absolutely inadequate around him.
Mid-October they go out for lunch one Wednesday. Jinki still hasn’t found the cure for his social awkwardness-though Kibum swears he’s getting better. They’re laughing at a stupid stunt Jinki tried to pull in the middle of class earlier that morning as they sip honey-tea and feed each other rice cakes. It’s ridiculously romantic (at least, as romantic as he and Jonghyun can look while stuffing one another’s faces) but Jinki doesn’t mind at all.
Halfway through his second cup of tea, Jinki, without thinking, casually asks, “So how’s your family? I haven’t heard you talk about them in-well, ever really.”
Jonghyun has that look on his face, as if Jinki really did just ask him about his past girlfriends-and asked for the explicit details of their trysts too. Too busy flicking some dumplings onto his plate, Jinki doesn’t notice Jonghyun’s sudden stiff posture until he looks up and finds him glaring at the table, avoiding Jinki’s eyes.
That’s when Jinki remembers golden rule #3: Don’t ask about the family.
“Shit, I mean, it’s not a big deal-don’t answer if you don’t…you know…Or I’m just really-Sorry,” he finishes lamely, hiding his eyes beneath his fringe. As if he doesn’t feel stupid enough.
Jonghyun takes it in stride, carefully putting down his chopsticks and sitting back in his seat. His eyes are probing when Jinki chances a look at him. He can tell the other boy is contemplating what exactly to say.
“Look, it’s not that I’m…uncomfortable talking about my folks,” he eventually says.
Jinki nods emphatically, trying to show complete understanding. “Of course, I understand. Kibum mention that your family is a sensitive topic.”
Jonghyun looks away again, fiddling with his tiny teacup. He sighs before speaking. “Did he mention anything about my brother?” Jinki shakes his head no. “Taemin-my brother-isn’t someone I like to tell people about. It’s none of their business, okay?”
“Right, right! Don’t feel obligated to tell me, like I said, I understand-”
“Shut up, will you Jinki?” But Jonghyun is grinning in slight amusement as he says this, taking the sting away from his words. “It’s not that I don’t want you to know. Hell, after the past few months I’m surprised neither of us mentioned anything yet. It’s just that, I don’t want it change anything between us. Like, I don’t want you to pity me or him about it.”
Jinki only stares at him for a moment, at a loss for what to say.
“Can you just-give me a little more time to get my thoughts together? I promise I’ll tell you about Taemin soon, I just…need some time first, okay?”
“Yeah, of course,” Jinki agrees. There’s no reason to push things with Jonghyun and admittedly, Jinki feels satisfied just knowing the younger boy trusts him enough to eventually share with him an aspect of his family he’s clearly uncomfortable talking about. “Take as much time as you need.”
He has to admit though, after that conversation, Jinki is more curious than ever to find out about Jonghyun’s brother. He decides to ask Kibum for any little detail he can spare him with, but evidently Kibum chooses that moment of all times to grow a conscience.
“I’m not spilling your boyfriend’s secrets to you.”
“Well, I mean it’s not exactly a secret if you know, right?” Jinki tries, and fails miserably, at a look of innocent pleading. Why he thought Kibum would fall for it now when he never has in the past is beyond him.
They’re sitting in the university library together, under the pretense of studying. Well, Jinki will study, Kibum will hide his latest issue of GQ Korea behind his literature textbook.
“So? There’s plenty of stuff I know about you that I don’t tell Jjong, so why on earth would you expect me to tell you anything about him? Wouldn’t be fair, would it?”
“Oh come on, I’m an open book! Anything he wants to know about me, he just has to ask!” Jinki rubs his finger across the table, fidgeting in his seat. He and Kibum have been sitting in the library for what feels like weeks, really just a few hours, and by this point he’s tired and hungry and really, really wants to go home and ask Jonghyun to come over.
“Right, so just ask Jjong if you’re so curious.”
His head collides with the table, exasperated. The librarian, conveniently walking by them at that moment, shushes him fiercely and he feels his ears go red in embarrassment. Kibum, the ass, just laughs quietly behind his hand.
“I tried that,” he says after checking the librarian has left. “He said he needs time before he can tell me.”
“There you go then, just be patient and he’ll tell you when he’s ready.”
“Can’t you just tell me?” he groans. “I mean, is his brother sick? Estranged? A demon hunter wanted for a capital offense?”
“Why am I friends with you?” asks Kibum, sounding only slightly nonplussed.
Jinki grins, the smile hidden in his physics book amidst kinematic integrals. “Because of my dashing good looks and charming personality?”
“Maybe that’s why Jjong suffers your presence. I, however, have higher standards.”
Jinki falls silent for a second. “I think you just insulted us both,” he eventually says, scratching his head and yawning. Kibum just rolls his eyes.
They don’t spend much longer in the middle of dusty, hardly-ever-opened pages of books, since the library closes in two hours. Kibum gathers his stuff first, finally finished with his magazine and tired of staring at Jinki’s focused staring at his book (“Stare at if all you want hyung, those numbers are just a bunch of useless equations anyway. Isn’t that why God created computers?”).
Jinki leaves not long after him. When he glances at his wristwatch, the hour and minute hands mock him as they glue to 9pm. He breathes heavily as he gathers his things together beneath his arm and waves goodbye to several of his fellow studiers. The night is quiet and comforting, the silence not so bad after being in a library all day.
He feels a little stupid for walking to the library instead of driving his car, because now he’ll have to blow the last of his few bills on bus fare.
It’s as if some higher being has heard his cries of woe however, because his cell phone rings and the screen lights up with Jonghyun’s name on the front after he fishes it out of his bag.
“Hello?”
“Hyung? Where are you?”
Jinki stops and leans against the metal fence surrounding the building. “Just walked out of the campus library, why?”
“Okay stay there, I’m picking you up.” He hangs up before Jinki can say anything. Do people not say goodbye before hanging up anymore? he muses to himself, staring at his phone before pocketing it.
Jonghyun must not have been far away at all, because not 10 minutes have passed by before he’s driving up next to Jinki and stopping. Jinki dumps his things carelessly in the backseat before settling up front.
“So what’s up?” he asks, pleased that he’s saved a phone call of asking his boyfriend over.
“Nothing.” It could just be his imagination, but Jinki swears Jonghyun’s hands tighten on the steering wheel as he drives forward back into the street.
“So…” he trails off, searching for something to say. Jonghyun’s attitude throws him off, because normally they’d have leaned over the seat divider and swapped heated kisses before even thinking of going anywhere, but now Jonghyun gives them no time for even a small peck, busying himself with staring at the road.
Jonghyun sighs suddenly, finally relaxing in his seat as they get to a red light. “Are you busy tonight? Or tomorrow?”
“I don’t have classes Friday, remember? So I’m good, why?” Jonghyun doesn’t answer right away. He drives straight for some time before suddenly taking a left at a light where he shouldn’t have turned. “Where are we going?”
Still, Jonghyun remains silent and by this point Jinki is beginning to worry a little. Not that Jonghyun is going to whisk him into some deserted building and gut him or something, but just worried that something is wrong with his boyfriend.
Eventually, they come to a stop at the side of a building on a street Jinki knows he’s never been on before. He doesn’t recognize any of the buildings actually, so he has to wonder what they’re doing there.
“Listen, I realize it’s kinda late. If you wanna go home, just let me know.”
“Where are we?” Jinki asks, not giving indication of whether he wants to stay.
“I thought-well, you asked about my family, about my brother the other day, remember?” Jonghyun switches the car off and reaches up to turn the light on before shifting in his seat to face Jinki. His eyes are intense, the usual humor completely gone from his face. “I thought you might want to meet my brother.”
Jinki can’t help his eyes widening, not expecting that. He glances out the window before looking back at Jonghyun, understanding clearing his features. “He lives at your parents?”
Jonghyun nods. “He’s only 15, living with my mom and dad. That’s the apartment.”
“Are you-are you sure about this?”
Jonghyun looks down at the gearshift, pulling at loose threads on the edge of his shirt. “I…No, not really. Key hasn’t even met Taemin yet, just knows about him.”
“If you don’t-”
“Look,” Jonghyun interrupts, voice steady. “I want you to meet him, okay? So don’t think you’re guilting me or whatever into this. I’m choosing to let you meet him under the impression that it won’t change anything between us. But Jinki? You have to promise me something.”
“Anything,” he doesn’t hesitate to say.
“No matter what happens inside, you have to swear you won’t pity Taemin or my parents or me for it, got that? I’m not letting you meet him because I want your sympathy.”
“Jonghyun-ah.” Jinki takes Jonghyun’s trembling hands in his, holding them up to his lips and brushing a comforting kiss to his knuckles. “Don’t worry, alright? I swear on my life, you can trust me. I won’t think any less of you or whatever it is you’re worried about. You know I-” He stops, feeling himself hesitate. “You know I care about you. A lot,” he eventually settles on.
Jonghyun looks relieved at his words, nodding his head. They both lean over the divider and press their mouths together for a chaste kiss before pulling away.
“Alright, come on hyung. Might as well get this over with.”
Jinki laughs with him as they unlock their doors and get out. “Don’t sound so excited!”
He crosses over in front of the car, hesitating again before grabbing Jonghyun’s hand in his. The young musician doesn’t say anything but Jinki feels him squeeze his fingers tightly before loosening his hold again, and understands what he’s trying to say.
They’re quiet going up the steps, the elevator broken. The stairs are narrow and kind of small, so it comes as no surprise when Jinki accidentally trips over the top one. Only Jonghyun’s quick reflexes stops him from eating dirty berber carpet. He sends him a grateful look before straightening and following behind as Jonghyun leads him down the hall.
They stop in front of room 312, a cute, heart-shaped picture taped below the peephole. It looks like something a little kid drew, all messy lines and crayon-colored outside them. Jinki can’t really tell who it's depicting but has a strong suspicion it’s supposed to be Jonghyun’s family.
“You ready?” Jonghyun asks, breaking him from his thoughts.
“You sound like you’re preparing me for imminent death,” Jinki says, trying to lighten the mood. Jonghyun gives him a shaky smile, appreciating the attempt.
He drops Jinki’s hand to find the right key on his key ring, knocking once on the door before turning the lock and letting them inside.
“Mom? Dad?” he calls out.
Jinki walks behind him, the hall still narrow. The walls are adorned with happy pictures of smiling Jonghyun and who Jinki assumes to be his parents, but even more than family pictures are solo shots of one particular boy; sitting on a bike, playing football with Jonghyun, unwrapping birthday and Christmas presents. All the pictures feature one young, innocent-looking boy and Jinki assumes him to be Taemin, Jonghyun’s little brother.
“Jonghyun? What’re you doing here so late?” A short woman with her hair tied back in a tight braid comes out from the kitchen, drying a wet plate in her hands. “And who’s this?” she asks, staring at Jinki as though he’s some kind of lab experiment.
Jonghyun grabs Jinki’s forearm and pulls him forward. “This is Jinki, who I’ve been telling you about. Where’s Dad and Taeminnie?”
“In your brother’s room, he’s about to go to bed. What’s going on, is something wrong?”
“No, nothing, everything’s fine. I just wanted you guys to meet my-friend,” his voice stutters over the word. Jinki would be lying if he said it didn’t sting to hear the word ‘friend’ from Jonghyun but keeps his mouth shut, knowing now is not the time to bring up that particular conversation.
“Alright, well, go say goodnight to your brother and then come back out, you can have some leftovers if you guys are hungry.”
“Thanks,” he says to her, pulling Jinki along once more.
Taemin’s door has more pictures taped to it, hearts and stars and colored pictures of cartoon characters. It looks, once again, like a child’s artwork. Didn’t Jonghyun say Taemin is 15? Jinki wonders silently to himself.
Jonghyun only knocks once on the door before pushing it open. Inside, Jinki is met with the sight of a pastel-blue painted room, even more pictures and posters tacked to the wall. Stuffed animals line bookshelves, some children’s books as well. A desk in the corner has crayons and markers scattered all over, small toys littering various spaces of the floor. He and Jonghyun pick their way through to the bed, where Jonghyun’s dad is pulling a blanket over the boy lying in it.
“Jonghyun?”
“Hey, Dad, this is Jinki,” Jonghyun introduces again. Jonghyun’s dad gives him the same curious look he received from Jonghyun’s mom, but doesn’t question him further. He turns back to the boy beside him.
“Taeminnie, look who’s here?” The boy sits up, nearly smacking his father in the face as he shoots his arms out and emits an excited squeal.
“Jonghyunnie! Jonghyunnie is here!”
Jinki is taken aback by the excitement, the sheer exuberance radiating off of Taemin. He plasters a smile on his face, more than a little amused when Jonghyun hides a cringe at the pet name and scoots closer to his young brother and envelopes him in a hug.
Taemin sits up straighter and holds tightly to Jonghyun, not letting him go. Jinki can see his form dwarfed in an oversized t-shirt, bony, skinny arms sticking out of the sleeves, when Jonghyun eventually pulls away and beckons him close.
“Minnie, look, hyung brought a friend,” Jonghyun says, gesturing for Jinki to move closer. Jonghyun’s dad steps out of the way, letting Jinki lean close to his two sons.
“Hyung friend,” Taemin says, eyes staring at something over Jinki's shoulder.
Jinki’s smile widens at the kid. His hair, natural black color unlike Jonghyun’s, is shaped in a bowl cut, strands looking silky-soft. His eyes are alight with glee at meeting Jinki and for reasons Jinki can’t explain, he feels his chest suddenly clench at the sight. Without thinking, he reaches out and wraps his hand around Taemin’s shoulder, leaning close.
“Hey Taemin-ah, my name is Jinki.”
Taemin isn’t looking at him, face still split by his grin as his eyes roam unseeingly around the room. “Jinki hyung, Jinki hyung,” he repeats. “Jonghyunnie hyung and Jinki hyung. I’m Taemin, Taeminnie, Minnie, call me Minnie.”
Jinki laughs genuinely. For a second he can’t help but wonder why Jonghyun had been so worried about him meeting his younger brother. Looking at him, Jinki can see the differences between them, can see that he clearly has some condition. But what he doesn’t see is why he’s supposed to pity the family for it.
“You want me to call you Minnie?”
“Call me Minnie,” Taemin repeats, prompting Jinki to chuckle again. He shifts closer to the bed before deciding to throw caution to the wind and ends up sitting in front of Jonghyun entirely, as close as he can be to Taemin now. From behind him, Jonghyun wraps one arm around his waist and drops his chin onto his shoulder.
“Okay, Minnie then. What will you call me?”
“Jinki hyung, call me Minnie!”
Jonghyun laughs, breath coming warm against Jinki’s cheek as he reaches around him and laces the fingers of his free hand with Taemin’s. “What will you call Jinki, Minnie?”
“Jinki hyung!”
Taemin breaks off into a giggle before pulling back completely, turning away from them but still laughing lightly. He settles his head onto his pillow with his back to them and Jinki realizes they’ve been effectively dismissed. Somehow, he finds he doesn’t mind so much, not when he sees Taemin as too sweet to be rude to him in any way.
“Good night, Minnie,” he says and once again going on instinct, leans over and kisses the back of Taemin’s shoulder. He feels Jonghyun’s hold on his hip tighten just before Jonghyun presses his own kiss to Taemin’s cheek.
They stand together and step back, letting Jonghyun’s dad finish saying goodnight to his son. Jonghyun switches the light off in the room and the three of them leave Taemin to sleep, walking back out into the hallway.
Jonghyun’s dad walks around them to the kitchen, where his wife is, but Jonghyun stops Jinki from following with a firm hold on his shoulder to pull him back.
They stand in silence for a moment before Jonghyun, unable to stay silent anymore, speaks. “So…?”
“So?”
“Anything you want to say?”
Jinki rolls his eyes. Again, he has to wonder what reaction Jonghyun was expecting from him that had him so worried because frankly, he sees nothing wrong with Taemin and says as much to his boyfriend. Jonghyun looks at him in surprise for a second, before his lips suddenly wobble and Jinki is reminded that, as tough as Jonghyun likes to come off as, he’s got one of the softest hearts of anyone Jinki’s ever met.
“Hey, don’t cry alright?”
“I’m not crying,” Jonghyun says, sniffing at the end.
Jinki smiles accommodatingly, wrapping his arms around Jonghyun’s shoulders and pulling him close. “Okay, whatever you say. It’s okay though. To cry that is.”
“I’m not going t-”
Well, Jonghyun cries a little, but Jinki promises not to tell anyone.
Jinki gets closer and closer to Taemin in the following months. November rolls around and he Jonghyun are still going strong as ever, their six-months mark passing them buy in a flurry of grins and chocolate cake.
Now that Jinki knows where Jonghyun’s parents and his brother live, he takes it upon himself to drop by for visits, sometimes with Jonghyun, but oftentimes without. Jonghyun's mother takes a particular liking to him, especially when he reveals his fondness for chicken and dumplings, two of her specialties. His dad, an engineer, opens up to Jinki after learning that Jinki is studying to become a teacher and is still taking all the usual academic classes, unlike Jonghyun who’s dropped everything that isn’t relevant to his major.
It’s Taemin, however, that he forges the closest bond with aside from Jonghyun.
He likes to go over to Taemin’s apartment and sit with the younger boy in his room, finishing his classwork as Taemin sits beside him drawing and coloring his pictures. Sometimes Jinki reads Taemin stories and sometimes Taemin reads him stories, his broken reading nothing but more reason to adore him. Taemin, like all kids like him, has his own list of problems-mood swings being the biggest-but Jinki takes it all in stride. Taemin is like a little glow of light-one that only ever grows bigger or smaller but never out.
It isn’t long before he gains enough trust from Jonghyun’s parents that they let him babysit Taemin. It lightens things up for everyone; for Jonghyun since he can offer more voice lessons at the studio and for his parents who don’t have to pay for a babysitter in the evening (Jinki puts his foot down and refuses to take their money). Through his nightly visits, Taemin and he continue to grow closer, until Jinki can’t help but see him as his own brother.
One evening, the end of November, they’re sitting in the living room with take out containers littering the coffee table and a Disney movie (dubbed of course, though Jinki isn’t sure Taemin can read the subtitles fast enough) playing on the TV. Taemin has his head on Jinki’s lap, yawning every now and then as the movie progresses.
Finally, the movie ends and Jinki, thinking Taemin to be asleep but not very tired himself since it’s pretty early by his standards, flips through the channels. He stops on some drama rerun, curious too see what’s happening. The scene playing is evidently a high tension one, if the deliberate orchestral strings playing in the background are anything to go by.
He doesn’t really pay attention to what the characters are saying, eyes glazing over as his mind wanders to other things, namely school and the upcoming holidays. When Taemin unexpectedly speaks, he lets out an embarrassing squeak that he will deny until the end of time.
“Jinki hyung and Jonghyunnie hyung are like that,” he says. Jinki has no idea what he’s talking about, but when he focuses on the TV again, his face suddenly flushes in embarrassment.
The two stars are kissing-not very passionately, not at all. But he realizes the implications of Taemin’s observation, feeling his cheeks flame red.
“Eh, what do you mean, Minnie?” he asks, changing the channel quickly and trying to act casual about it.
“Jonghyunnie hyung kisses Jinki hyung. Call Jonghyunnie hyung, okay Jinki hyung?”
“And how do you know I kiss hyung, hm Minnie?”
“Jonghyunnie kisses Jinki hyung.” Well, if that isn’t embarrassing to hear.
“I kiss your hyung too, Minnie,” he insists, feeling beyond immature that he’s arguing with Taemin over something so trite.
Taemin laughs though, ignoring Jinki’s statement. Jinki can’t tell what he’s thinking but refrains from prompting any more declarations from him. Taemin, he’s come to realize, is uncannily observant when he wants to be and there’s no telling what he’s thinking at any given moment. It makes him wonder when exactly Taemin caught him and Jonghyun kissing in the apartment. Must have been a while ago, he thinks, considering he hasn’t visited with Jonghyun in a while.
It’s only eight when Jinki tucks Taemin into bed, dropping a gentle kiss on his cheek before leaving. When he comes out of the room, Taemin’s mom is just walking in through the front door, arms laden with groceries which he quickly takes from her into the kitchen.
“Thank you Jinki,” she says gratefully, slipping her gloves off before unzipping her coat. “How was he?”
“Perfect, as always. I just put him to bed,” Jinki answers. He starts putting the frozen foods away, hands lingering longingly over the chicken meat before putting it away too.
“You going home soon? How’s Jonghyun doing? I haven’t heard from him in a while.” Jinki takes an apple from the center table and settles down into a chair, watching her move around the kitchen, taking out several pans to cook a light dinner for herself and her husband.
“Jonghyun-ah’s okay,” he replies. “Busy with lessons and studying and composing of course. He’ll be over soon, I’ll make sure of it.”
“Oh Jinki, you’re so good to us.”
Jinki blushes, hiding his face. It seems the whole family has made it their personal mission in life to make him turn red. “It’s nothing, really. I love coming over and helping out and-” I love your son too he thinks but doesn’t say. “Yeah. I just love coming over, so you don’t have to thank me or anything.”
“Hm. So how are you and Jonghyun doing?”
Jinki’s unsure how to answer until he remembers that she already knows about them. He shakes his head, smiling though she doesn’t see it with her back to him. “We’re good.”
“Getting serious?”
“Uhm…sure.” Serious? Serious in what way?
“Are you still living in separate apartments?”
Oh. That kind of serious. “Yeah-we’re still in our own places.”
“It’s been what…six months?” Jinki grunts in the affirmative. “So have you thought at all about moving in together?”
Jinki resists the urge to groan. Of course he’s thought about it. Jonghyun spends almost all his free time at Jinki’s anyway, has some clothes and other things in his apartment even. But just because he’s ready for the ‘Next Step,’ as he’s taken to calling it, does not mean Jonghyun is.
“I’m for the idea, but…” he trails off.
“…But Jonghyun’s not?” she guesses correctly. “Have you talked about it with him?”
“Not exactly. I figured we were good as we are now, why complicate things, right?”
“So really, you’re just afraid he’ll turn you down.” Since when are Jonghyun’s mother and Kibum related? “Talk to him Jinki. From what he tells me you two are practically living together anyway. And I get the feeling he wouldn’t be so against moving in with you either.”
He thinks about her words as he finishes the last of his apple, chewing slowly and savoring the sweet juice, sharp and poignant on his tongue.
“Are you staying for dinner?”
Jinki checks his watch. It’s only a quarter to nine. “As much as I’d love to, I think I should head home. I’ll be over same time tomorrow night though.”
They swap goodbyes before Jinki grabs his things still in the living room and slips his shoes on. He drives home and still can’t stop thinking about what Jonghyun’s mom said to him. Should I really ask him? What if he doesn’t want to? Or what if he does and it ends up being a disaster?
The what-ifs and maybes continue whirling through his mind as he parks his car in the street and heads up to his room. When he goes inside, Jonghyun is just coming out of his bathroom, toweling his hair dry. He’s wearing his sweatpants but one of Jinki’s shirts and the sight makes something burn in Jinki’s gut.
He can’t resist pulling Jonghyun into a deep kiss, pressing him back against the bathroom door before he can protest. It’s not often Jinki initiates physical contact (okay, maybe Taemin was right about Jonghyun kissing him), but when he does, it’s strange how he always seems so much more desperate for it the longer the contact goes on.
Jonghyun’s skin is soft and smells pleasantly fresh from the shower. Jinki eventually pulls away and buries his face in Jonghyun’s neck, doing nothing more than just taking in deep breaths. Jonghyun doesn’t question him, just drops the towel and slings his arms around Jinki’s shoulders, holding him close.
Minutes pass and Jinki merely stands there, thinking. If Jonghyun were to move in, he could have this every day. He could come home every day and find Jonghyun sitting on the couch or in their bedroom or showering in the bathroom. Having given Jonghyun a spare key to his apartment weeks ago, it isn’t uncommon for all that to happen. But Jinki pictures it always happening, never having to worry about calling Jonghyun over or worrying about waking him after he falls asleep on the couch so that he can get home before it gets any later.
Images of Jonghyun and him in the kitchen trying to cook dinner or staying up all night watching movies and waking up hours later still on the couch and not having to worry about the younger boy leaving flicker like a reel of film through his mind. The longer he thinks about it, the more it appeals to him.
“I’ve been thinking,” he starts, finally pulling away to stare at Jonghyun. He looks at him curiously, prodding him tacitly to continue. “You’re always over, you know?”
“Right…”
“And well, a lot of your stuff is already over here…”
“Ri-ight…”
“So maybe, I dunno.” Jinki takes a deep breath and decides to just wing it. “Why don’t we move in? Together.” Jonghyun falls silent and okay, now Jinki panics. Shit. Shitshitshit. “It was just an idea, a really, really stupid one at that-forget I said anything-”
“Jinki?”
Jinki freezes. “Yeah?”
“You'll have to help me get my stuff."
Part 2
From: Your Secret Santa
Title: Golden Rules to Dating Kim Jonghyun
Pairing: Onew/Jonghyun
Rating: R
Wordcount: 14,156
Summary: Sometimes they laugh and sometimes they cry. Regardless what of life throws at them, or what it takes away, Jinki and Jonghyun will fight their way through the troubles of love-together.
There are few things in life Jinki is completely confident about and relationships? Not one of them. Knowing he wants to have a steady relationship with someone is very different from actually having one and in all honesty, Jinki doesn’t feel any need to throw himself out there only to be rejected. He’s perfectly content being single, relishes quiet nights in, and personal time to enjoy solitude found only when he’s alone.
He’s not one for the drama or the mess of binding himself to someone. It would be nice, of course, to find someone he’s ‘compatible on an emotionally and physically stimulating level,’ as he likes to say, but he’s not going to kill himself on his birthday either because another year has passed by and he's still single.
So no, relationships aren’t his thing and probably never will be. And he’s perfectly fine with that.
Kibum is the one who sets them up, surprisingly enough. Jinki always feels, and looks, awkward in public, not out of any sense of real insecurity but nervousness that people won’t measure up to his expectations. He hates the idea of unreciprocated kindness because life, too short as a drop of rain in the pond, leaves so little room for prolonged fastidiousness. So why, Jinki wonders, waste it being an ass?
Jinki isn’t unhappy being alone, tries to tell Kibum that as the younger boy recites over the phone the name of the place and time of the meeting between his ‘very talented close friend,’ and Jinki. It doesn’t really work, since Kibum’s selective hearing is apparently acting up again.
“And by the way, don’t order anything too oily, you always get sick afterward, and if Jjong calls me up tonight to tell me you spent the evening in the bathroom, I will skewer you,” Kibum advises, and of course his ‘advice’ will go completely unheeded, because Jinki loves his curry noodles too much to care. He’ll hold himself together; he has faith in himself.
“So uhm, tell me about-‘Jjong,’” he asks, redoing his tie for the umpteenth time. He fiddles with the loose ends before finally calling it quits and dropping it on the edge of the bed.
“Don’t call him that, first, because that’s my name for him. And second, you’re meeting him in twenty minutes; suspend all judgment; don’t ask stupid or intrusive questions. Manners Jinki, remember. Now, what three things should you not talk to him about?”
Jinki wracks his brain. He knows Kibum told him this way-back-when, but now he’s drawing a blank. “Uhm,” he hedges, “religion, politics, and sex?”
He can almost hear Kibum smacking his forehead. “Idiot, Jjong’s not religious, cares about politics as much as you and me, and sex? Really Jinki, has it been that long?” Jinki wisely refrains from saying, ‘Yes, never is a pretty long time.’ Somehow he doesn’t think he’ll like Kibum’s reaction to that confession.
“Don’t answer that. Just think, what did I say not to mention in front of him?”
“His…eh…” Jinki fiddles futilely with the laces of his shoes before wondering if it’d be better just to go with his loafers. They’re more comfortable after all…
An exasperated sigh brings him back to the conversation. “Height-don’t say anything about it, okay? His hair, seriously, you think I’m bad but Jonghyun’s crazy. And finally, any inquiry of his brother will result in a black eye and more injuries than you need Jinki, so refrain from asking about him. Actually, don’t mention family at all, that’s a touchy subject in general for him.”
A mental list is already writing itself out, but Jinki considers writing the stuff on his hand just in case. The last thing he needs is to piss someone off, especially when said someone is Kibum's friend.
One last check in the mirror. He looks a bit stiff, but not too bad overall. He tries a smile, showing his teeth, then quickly closes his mouth. Well, that’s just one more thing to remember; cover mouth whilst laughing.
“-listening to me?”
“Yeah, I’m listening.” He breaks away from the hall mirror and tugs his blazer once more before grabbing his keys. “Alright, I’m going. Wish me luck?”
“So long as you remember everything I told you, you shouldn’t need it. Have fun hyung!” Kibum ends the call before Jinki can thank him properly, but he doesn’t really mind. He switches the phone to vibrate before slipping it into his trouser pocket. A final look around to make sure he hasn’t forgotten anything, and finally, he flicks the lights off before leaving his apartment.
The first thing Jinki notices about Jonghyun is the first thing Kibum told him not to mention.
“Wow, you’re uh…not what I expected,” he blurts out, with all the skill of a master dater.
The second the words leave his lips, he almost turns tail right then and runs, because Jonghyun, he can see, has muscles, big muscles, and not, I-worked-out-a-few-months muscles, but I-work-out-every-other-morning muscles and I-know-how-to-fuck-you-up muscles. Jinki’s life begins to flash before his eyes.
Jonghyun, unsurprisingly, gapes at him for a moment before he rolls his eyes and good naturedly laughs. “That’s what most people end up saying,” he muses. Jinki still thinks there’s a fair chance of bodily harm so offers an obsequious smile in return before ducking his head in embarrassment. “Well, I’m Jonghyun, you probably figured. And I’m assuming your Key’s friend Jinki?”
Jinki nods. “Yeah, that’s me. Whatever Kibum said about me, it’s not true.” He shakes his head, feeling really stupid by this time.
“Well, I like to keep an open mind,” Jonghyun says, before grabbing Jinki’s hand and dragging him inside the restaurant.
Keeping an open mind-that’s a good idea. Jinki is pleasantly surprised to learn that he and Jonghyun have a lot in common. Once he gets over his initial awkwardness, it isn’t difficult to keep the conversation smooth. Jonghyun answers his questions and asks Jinki his own every so often and through good food and sweet drinks, they slowly begin to learn more about each other.
Jinki has to remember to thank Kibum for setting him up with someone not-so-crazy. Then he silently swears to take Kibum shopping for a day-and not complain once-when Jonghyun and he exchange numbers at the end of their date, with the promise to call each other soon.
Soon turns out to be when Jinki gets back to his apartment. The number already in his phone, he digs the device out of his pocket and searches through his contacts for a second, not even thinking as he pushes the send button.
“I know we just left each other,” he blurts, not giving Jonghyun any time to respond, “but I would really, really like for us to get together again. Uhm, soon. If that’s okay?” he trails off, feeling ridiculous. Did he really just schedule a second date so soon after his first?
“Where and when were you thinking?” Jonghyun asks. Jinki can hear street sounds in the background and realizes Jonghyun must still be driving.
“You pick.”
“Alright, next week then. We’ll catch a movie, that okay?”
There’s a crazy, face-splitting grin spreading as Jinki hastily answers in the affirmative. He can just imagine the smile on Jonghyun’s face as they say their goodbyes.
Next week’s date turns out to be a success too, even if Jinki does accidentally ruin Jonghyun’s hair by running his hand through the blonde tresses. He can’t help it that Jonghyun has crazily fascinating hair, all soft strands and strange color and really, who could resist copping a feel?
“Don’t-touch-the hair,” he says when Jinki jerks his hand back, looking appropriately reprimanded. After that Jonghyun almost immediately reverts back to his relaxed state, demeanor bright and excited as he waits in line at the concession counter to buy their food.
They end up sitting in the very back of the theater, the last row set a little higher than the others. It’s probably for the best anyway, since Jinki would find it really very awkward if Jonghyun couldn’t see the screen properly over the heads of the people in front of them.
The movie itself is a bit boring. He’s always preferred action films to drama or horror but Jonghyun favorites comedies. Jinki gets the distinct impression that Jonghyun likes to laugh and is very laid back, especially when he always turns out to be the one laughing loudest at the jokes. Jinki figures his date’s very unrestrained, kinda-animalistic, laughter evens out his own clumsiness.
By the time September rolls around, they’ve been going steady for four months, or rather, they’ve been seeing each other without labels for that long.
Jinki, at 21, is working to get his teaching degree. Which is strange, considering him and kids? They don’t get along so well. Jonghyun is the complete opposite. He’s like the crazy uncle of the family, always putting his face in kids’ businesses and generally making a fool of himself to keep them in high spirits, whereas Jinki is the awkward older brother still scared to pick the baby up. It’s no surprise that he’s going to teach secondary school.
Education for Jonghyun is like television-nice to have and to watch, but ultimately unnecessary. He figures his talents will get him far enough and alright, Jinki has to agree that Jonghyun is pretty talented. His life is a whirlwind of music, dance, and entertainment, which makes sense, considering his study in performing arts. Their final year at university begins in late summer, around the time they celebrate four months together.
They never actually say they’re dating, which for most people probably sounds strange. Jinki likes to think it’s implied that yeah, after seeing the same person four months straight and taking him out on weekends and going for lunch together in the middle of the week and hanging out at friends’ places, it’s pretty obvious they’re dating. They’re comfortable around each other, have reached a level of amenity that doesn’t require verbal attention.
Nevertheless, Jinki would like some clarification on what they are exactly.
They do all the things couples do, minus the whole, holding-hands-and-frolicking-down-the-street thing. They don’t make out in deserted corners of the mall either, but they do make out in Jonghyun’s car and Jinki’s apartment, which is good enough. Jonghyun gives voice lessons in a rented studio and sometimes Jinki meets up with him and they end up making out there too. So all in all, Jinki’s getting a lot of kissing out of the deal.
There are, of course, more than a few things Jinki still doesn’t know about his ‘boyfriend’ (and until Jonghyun decides to tell him off otherwise, he’s going to continue calling him that). Things like where Jonghyun sees himself in a few years, who else he’s dated in the past, what the deal with his brother is. The first is something Jinki will remember to ask on their next date; the second, Jinki is pretty sure he doesn’t want to know anyway, and the third, well, it’s clearly a very touchy subject, just as Kibum had mentioned all those months ago, because anytime Jinki tries to hedge the question, Jonghyun clams up and changes the subject.
Jonghyun is certainly an enigma, all laid back and relaxed but easily excited. He’s passionate, he’s caring, he’s considerate-Jinki feels absolutely inadequate around him.
Mid-October they go out for lunch one Wednesday. Jinki still hasn’t found the cure for his social awkwardness-though Kibum swears he’s getting better. They’re laughing at a stupid stunt Jinki tried to pull in the middle of class earlier that morning as they sip honey-tea and feed each other rice cakes. It’s ridiculously romantic (at least, as romantic as he and Jonghyun can look while stuffing one another’s faces) but Jinki doesn’t mind at all.
Halfway through his second cup of tea, Jinki, without thinking, casually asks, “So how’s your family? I haven’t heard you talk about them in-well, ever really.”
Jonghyun has that look on his face, as if Jinki really did just ask him about his past girlfriends-and asked for the explicit details of their trysts too. Too busy flicking some dumplings onto his plate, Jinki doesn’t notice Jonghyun’s sudden stiff posture until he looks up and finds him glaring at the table, avoiding Jinki’s eyes.
That’s when Jinki remembers golden rule #3: Don’t ask about the family.
“Shit, I mean, it’s not a big deal-don’t answer if you don’t…you know…Or I’m just really-Sorry,” he finishes lamely, hiding his eyes beneath his fringe. As if he doesn’t feel stupid enough.
Jonghyun takes it in stride, carefully putting down his chopsticks and sitting back in his seat. His eyes are probing when Jinki chances a look at him. He can tell the other boy is contemplating what exactly to say.
“Look, it’s not that I’m…uncomfortable talking about my folks,” he eventually says.
Jinki nods emphatically, trying to show complete understanding. “Of course, I understand. Kibum mention that your family is a sensitive topic.”
Jonghyun looks away again, fiddling with his tiny teacup. He sighs before speaking. “Did he mention anything about my brother?” Jinki shakes his head no. “Taemin-my brother-isn’t someone I like to tell people about. It’s none of their business, okay?”
“Right, right! Don’t feel obligated to tell me, like I said, I understand-”
“Shut up, will you Jinki?” But Jonghyun is grinning in slight amusement as he says this, taking the sting away from his words. “It’s not that I don’t want you to know. Hell, after the past few months I’m surprised neither of us mentioned anything yet. It’s just that, I don’t want it change anything between us. Like, I don’t want you to pity me or him about it.”
Jinki only stares at him for a moment, at a loss for what to say.
“Can you just-give me a little more time to get my thoughts together? I promise I’ll tell you about Taemin soon, I just…need some time first, okay?”
“Yeah, of course,” Jinki agrees. There’s no reason to push things with Jonghyun and admittedly, Jinki feels satisfied just knowing the younger boy trusts him enough to eventually share with him an aspect of his family he’s clearly uncomfortable talking about. “Take as much time as you need.”
He has to admit though, after that conversation, Jinki is more curious than ever to find out about Jonghyun’s brother. He decides to ask Kibum for any little detail he can spare him with, but evidently Kibum chooses that moment of all times to grow a conscience.
“I’m not spilling your boyfriend’s secrets to you.”
“Well, I mean it’s not exactly a secret if you know, right?” Jinki tries, and fails miserably, at a look of innocent pleading. Why he thought Kibum would fall for it now when he never has in the past is beyond him.
They’re sitting in the university library together, under the pretense of studying. Well, Jinki will study, Kibum will hide his latest issue of GQ Korea behind his literature textbook.
“So? There’s plenty of stuff I know about you that I don’t tell Jjong, so why on earth would you expect me to tell you anything about him? Wouldn’t be fair, would it?”
“Oh come on, I’m an open book! Anything he wants to know about me, he just has to ask!” Jinki rubs his finger across the table, fidgeting in his seat. He and Kibum have been sitting in the library for what feels like weeks, really just a few hours, and by this point he’s tired and hungry and really, really wants to go home and ask Jonghyun to come over.
“Right, so just ask Jjong if you’re so curious.”
His head collides with the table, exasperated. The librarian, conveniently walking by them at that moment, shushes him fiercely and he feels his ears go red in embarrassment. Kibum, the ass, just laughs quietly behind his hand.
“I tried that,” he says after checking the librarian has left. “He said he needs time before he can tell me.”
“There you go then, just be patient and he’ll tell you when he’s ready.”
“Can’t you just tell me?” he groans. “I mean, is his brother sick? Estranged? A demon hunter wanted for a capital offense?”
“Why am I friends with you?” asks Kibum, sounding only slightly nonplussed.
Jinki grins, the smile hidden in his physics book amidst kinematic integrals. “Because of my dashing good looks and charming personality?”
“Maybe that’s why Jjong suffers your presence. I, however, have higher standards.”
Jinki falls silent for a second. “I think you just insulted us both,” he eventually says, scratching his head and yawning. Kibum just rolls his eyes.
They don’t spend much longer in the middle of dusty, hardly-ever-opened pages of books, since the library closes in two hours. Kibum gathers his stuff first, finally finished with his magazine and tired of staring at Jinki’s focused staring at his book (“Stare at if all you want hyung, those numbers are just a bunch of useless equations anyway. Isn’t that why God created computers?”).
Jinki leaves not long after him. When he glances at his wristwatch, the hour and minute hands mock him as they glue to 9pm. He breathes heavily as he gathers his things together beneath his arm and waves goodbye to several of his fellow studiers. The night is quiet and comforting, the silence not so bad after being in a library all day.
He feels a little stupid for walking to the library instead of driving his car, because now he’ll have to blow the last of his few bills on bus fare.
It’s as if some higher being has heard his cries of woe however, because his cell phone rings and the screen lights up with Jonghyun’s name on the front after he fishes it out of his bag.
“Hello?”
“Hyung? Where are you?”
Jinki stops and leans against the metal fence surrounding the building. “Just walked out of the campus library, why?”
“Okay stay there, I’m picking you up.” He hangs up before Jinki can say anything. Do people not say goodbye before hanging up anymore? he muses to himself, staring at his phone before pocketing it.
Jonghyun must not have been far away at all, because not 10 minutes have passed by before he’s driving up next to Jinki and stopping. Jinki dumps his things carelessly in the backseat before settling up front.
“So what’s up?” he asks, pleased that he’s saved a phone call of asking his boyfriend over.
“Nothing.” It could just be his imagination, but Jinki swears Jonghyun’s hands tighten on the steering wheel as he drives forward back into the street.
“So…” he trails off, searching for something to say. Jonghyun’s attitude throws him off, because normally they’d have leaned over the seat divider and swapped heated kisses before even thinking of going anywhere, but now Jonghyun gives them no time for even a small peck, busying himself with staring at the road.
Jonghyun sighs suddenly, finally relaxing in his seat as they get to a red light. “Are you busy tonight? Or tomorrow?”
“I don’t have classes Friday, remember? So I’m good, why?” Jonghyun doesn’t answer right away. He drives straight for some time before suddenly taking a left at a light where he shouldn’t have turned. “Where are we going?”
Still, Jonghyun remains silent and by this point Jinki is beginning to worry a little. Not that Jonghyun is going to whisk him into some deserted building and gut him or something, but just worried that something is wrong with his boyfriend.
Eventually, they come to a stop at the side of a building on a street Jinki knows he’s never been on before. He doesn’t recognize any of the buildings actually, so he has to wonder what they’re doing there.
“Listen, I realize it’s kinda late. If you wanna go home, just let me know.”
“Where are we?” Jinki asks, not giving indication of whether he wants to stay.
“I thought-well, you asked about my family, about my brother the other day, remember?” Jonghyun switches the car off and reaches up to turn the light on before shifting in his seat to face Jinki. His eyes are intense, the usual humor completely gone from his face. “I thought you might want to meet my brother.”
Jinki can’t help his eyes widening, not expecting that. He glances out the window before looking back at Jonghyun, understanding clearing his features. “He lives at your parents?”
Jonghyun nods. “He’s only 15, living with my mom and dad. That’s the apartment.”
“Are you-are you sure about this?”
Jonghyun looks down at the gearshift, pulling at loose threads on the edge of his shirt. “I…No, not really. Key hasn’t even met Taemin yet, just knows about him.”
“If you don’t-”
“Look,” Jonghyun interrupts, voice steady. “I want you to meet him, okay? So don’t think you’re guilting me or whatever into this. I’m choosing to let you meet him under the impression that it won’t change anything between us. But Jinki? You have to promise me something.”
“Anything,” he doesn’t hesitate to say.
“No matter what happens inside, you have to swear you won’t pity Taemin or my parents or me for it, got that? I’m not letting you meet him because I want your sympathy.”
“Jonghyun-ah.” Jinki takes Jonghyun’s trembling hands in his, holding them up to his lips and brushing a comforting kiss to his knuckles. “Don’t worry, alright? I swear on my life, you can trust me. I won’t think any less of you or whatever it is you’re worried about. You know I-” He stops, feeling himself hesitate. “You know I care about you. A lot,” he eventually settles on.
Jonghyun looks relieved at his words, nodding his head. They both lean over the divider and press their mouths together for a chaste kiss before pulling away.
“Alright, come on hyung. Might as well get this over with.”
Jinki laughs with him as they unlock their doors and get out. “Don’t sound so excited!”
He crosses over in front of the car, hesitating again before grabbing Jonghyun’s hand in his. The young musician doesn’t say anything but Jinki feels him squeeze his fingers tightly before loosening his hold again, and understands what he’s trying to say.
They’re quiet going up the steps, the elevator broken. The stairs are narrow and kind of small, so it comes as no surprise when Jinki accidentally trips over the top one. Only Jonghyun’s quick reflexes stops him from eating dirty berber carpet. He sends him a grateful look before straightening and following behind as Jonghyun leads him down the hall.
They stop in front of room 312, a cute, heart-shaped picture taped below the peephole. It looks like something a little kid drew, all messy lines and crayon-colored outside them. Jinki can’t really tell who it's depicting but has a strong suspicion it’s supposed to be Jonghyun’s family.
“You ready?” Jonghyun asks, breaking him from his thoughts.
“You sound like you’re preparing me for imminent death,” Jinki says, trying to lighten the mood. Jonghyun gives him a shaky smile, appreciating the attempt.
He drops Jinki’s hand to find the right key on his key ring, knocking once on the door before turning the lock and letting them inside.
“Mom? Dad?” he calls out.
Jinki walks behind him, the hall still narrow. The walls are adorned with happy pictures of smiling Jonghyun and who Jinki assumes to be his parents, but even more than family pictures are solo shots of one particular boy; sitting on a bike, playing football with Jonghyun, unwrapping birthday and Christmas presents. All the pictures feature one young, innocent-looking boy and Jinki assumes him to be Taemin, Jonghyun’s little brother.
“Jonghyun? What’re you doing here so late?” A short woman with her hair tied back in a tight braid comes out from the kitchen, drying a wet plate in her hands. “And who’s this?” she asks, staring at Jinki as though he’s some kind of lab experiment.
Jonghyun grabs Jinki’s forearm and pulls him forward. “This is Jinki, who I’ve been telling you about. Where’s Dad and Taeminnie?”
“In your brother’s room, he’s about to go to bed. What’s going on, is something wrong?”
“No, nothing, everything’s fine. I just wanted you guys to meet my-friend,” his voice stutters over the word. Jinki would be lying if he said it didn’t sting to hear the word ‘friend’ from Jonghyun but keeps his mouth shut, knowing now is not the time to bring up that particular conversation.
“Alright, well, go say goodnight to your brother and then come back out, you can have some leftovers if you guys are hungry.”
“Thanks,” he says to her, pulling Jinki along once more.
Taemin’s door has more pictures taped to it, hearts and stars and colored pictures of cartoon characters. It looks, once again, like a child’s artwork. Didn’t Jonghyun say Taemin is 15? Jinki wonders silently to himself.
Jonghyun only knocks once on the door before pushing it open. Inside, Jinki is met with the sight of a pastel-blue painted room, even more pictures and posters tacked to the wall. Stuffed animals line bookshelves, some children’s books as well. A desk in the corner has crayons and markers scattered all over, small toys littering various spaces of the floor. He and Jonghyun pick their way through to the bed, where Jonghyun’s dad is pulling a blanket over the boy lying in it.
“Jonghyun?”
“Hey, Dad, this is Jinki,” Jonghyun introduces again. Jonghyun’s dad gives him the same curious look he received from Jonghyun’s mom, but doesn’t question him further. He turns back to the boy beside him.
“Taeminnie, look who’s here?” The boy sits up, nearly smacking his father in the face as he shoots his arms out and emits an excited squeal.
“Jonghyunnie! Jonghyunnie is here!”
Jinki is taken aback by the excitement, the sheer exuberance radiating off of Taemin. He plasters a smile on his face, more than a little amused when Jonghyun hides a cringe at the pet name and scoots closer to his young brother and envelopes him in a hug.
Taemin sits up straighter and holds tightly to Jonghyun, not letting him go. Jinki can see his form dwarfed in an oversized t-shirt, bony, skinny arms sticking out of the sleeves, when Jonghyun eventually pulls away and beckons him close.
“Minnie, look, hyung brought a friend,” Jonghyun says, gesturing for Jinki to move closer. Jonghyun’s dad steps out of the way, letting Jinki lean close to his two sons.
“Hyung friend,” Taemin says, eyes staring at something over Jinki's shoulder.
Jinki’s smile widens at the kid. His hair, natural black color unlike Jonghyun’s, is shaped in a bowl cut, strands looking silky-soft. His eyes are alight with glee at meeting Jinki and for reasons Jinki can’t explain, he feels his chest suddenly clench at the sight. Without thinking, he reaches out and wraps his hand around Taemin’s shoulder, leaning close.
“Hey Taemin-ah, my name is Jinki.”
Taemin isn’t looking at him, face still split by his grin as his eyes roam unseeingly around the room. “Jinki hyung, Jinki hyung,” he repeats. “Jonghyunnie hyung and Jinki hyung. I’m Taemin, Taeminnie, Minnie, call me Minnie.”
Jinki laughs genuinely. For a second he can’t help but wonder why Jonghyun had been so worried about him meeting his younger brother. Looking at him, Jinki can see the differences between them, can see that he clearly has some condition. But what he doesn’t see is why he’s supposed to pity the family for it.
“You want me to call you Minnie?”
“Call me Minnie,” Taemin repeats, prompting Jinki to chuckle again. He shifts closer to the bed before deciding to throw caution to the wind and ends up sitting in front of Jonghyun entirely, as close as he can be to Taemin now. From behind him, Jonghyun wraps one arm around his waist and drops his chin onto his shoulder.
“Okay, Minnie then. What will you call me?”
“Jinki hyung, call me Minnie!”
Jonghyun laughs, breath coming warm against Jinki’s cheek as he reaches around him and laces the fingers of his free hand with Taemin’s. “What will you call Jinki, Minnie?”
“Jinki hyung!”
Taemin breaks off into a giggle before pulling back completely, turning away from them but still laughing lightly. He settles his head onto his pillow with his back to them and Jinki realizes they’ve been effectively dismissed. Somehow, he finds he doesn’t mind so much, not when he sees Taemin as too sweet to be rude to him in any way.
“Good night, Minnie,” he says and once again going on instinct, leans over and kisses the back of Taemin’s shoulder. He feels Jonghyun’s hold on his hip tighten just before Jonghyun presses his own kiss to Taemin’s cheek.
They stand together and step back, letting Jonghyun’s dad finish saying goodnight to his son. Jonghyun switches the light off in the room and the three of them leave Taemin to sleep, walking back out into the hallway.
Jonghyun’s dad walks around them to the kitchen, where his wife is, but Jonghyun stops Jinki from following with a firm hold on his shoulder to pull him back.
They stand in silence for a moment before Jonghyun, unable to stay silent anymore, speaks. “So…?”
“So?”
“Anything you want to say?”
Jinki rolls his eyes. Again, he has to wonder what reaction Jonghyun was expecting from him that had him so worried because frankly, he sees nothing wrong with Taemin and says as much to his boyfriend. Jonghyun looks at him in surprise for a second, before his lips suddenly wobble and Jinki is reminded that, as tough as Jonghyun likes to come off as, he’s got one of the softest hearts of anyone Jinki’s ever met.
“Hey, don’t cry alright?”
“I’m not crying,” Jonghyun says, sniffing at the end.
Jinki smiles accommodatingly, wrapping his arms around Jonghyun’s shoulders and pulling him close. “Okay, whatever you say. It’s okay though. To cry that is.”
“I’m not going t-”
Well, Jonghyun cries a little, but Jinki promises not to tell anyone.
Jinki gets closer and closer to Taemin in the following months. November rolls around and he Jonghyun are still going strong as ever, their six-months mark passing them buy in a flurry of grins and chocolate cake.
Now that Jinki knows where Jonghyun’s parents and his brother live, he takes it upon himself to drop by for visits, sometimes with Jonghyun, but oftentimes without. Jonghyun's mother takes a particular liking to him, especially when he reveals his fondness for chicken and dumplings, two of her specialties. His dad, an engineer, opens up to Jinki after learning that Jinki is studying to become a teacher and is still taking all the usual academic classes, unlike Jonghyun who’s dropped everything that isn’t relevant to his major.
It’s Taemin, however, that he forges the closest bond with aside from Jonghyun.
He likes to go over to Taemin’s apartment and sit with the younger boy in his room, finishing his classwork as Taemin sits beside him drawing and coloring his pictures. Sometimes Jinki reads Taemin stories and sometimes Taemin reads him stories, his broken reading nothing but more reason to adore him. Taemin, like all kids like him, has his own list of problems-mood swings being the biggest-but Jinki takes it all in stride. Taemin is like a little glow of light-one that only ever grows bigger or smaller but never out.
It isn’t long before he gains enough trust from Jonghyun’s parents that they let him babysit Taemin. It lightens things up for everyone; for Jonghyun since he can offer more voice lessons at the studio and for his parents who don’t have to pay for a babysitter in the evening (Jinki puts his foot down and refuses to take their money). Through his nightly visits, Taemin and he continue to grow closer, until Jinki can’t help but see him as his own brother.
One evening, the end of November, they’re sitting in the living room with take out containers littering the coffee table and a Disney movie (dubbed of course, though Jinki isn’t sure Taemin can read the subtitles fast enough) playing on the TV. Taemin has his head on Jinki’s lap, yawning every now and then as the movie progresses.
Finally, the movie ends and Jinki, thinking Taemin to be asleep but not very tired himself since it’s pretty early by his standards, flips through the channels. He stops on some drama rerun, curious too see what’s happening. The scene playing is evidently a high tension one, if the deliberate orchestral strings playing in the background are anything to go by.
He doesn’t really pay attention to what the characters are saying, eyes glazing over as his mind wanders to other things, namely school and the upcoming holidays. When Taemin unexpectedly speaks, he lets out an embarrassing squeak that he will deny until the end of time.
“Jinki hyung and Jonghyunnie hyung are like that,” he says. Jinki has no idea what he’s talking about, but when he focuses on the TV again, his face suddenly flushes in embarrassment.
The two stars are kissing-not very passionately, not at all. But he realizes the implications of Taemin’s observation, feeling his cheeks flame red.
“Eh, what do you mean, Minnie?” he asks, changing the channel quickly and trying to act casual about it.
“Jonghyunnie hyung kisses Jinki hyung. Call Jonghyunnie hyung, okay Jinki hyung?”
“And how do you know I kiss hyung, hm Minnie?”
“Jonghyunnie kisses Jinki hyung.” Well, if that isn’t embarrassing to hear.
“I kiss your hyung too, Minnie,” he insists, feeling beyond immature that he’s arguing with Taemin over something so trite.
Taemin laughs though, ignoring Jinki’s statement. Jinki can’t tell what he’s thinking but refrains from prompting any more declarations from him. Taemin, he’s come to realize, is uncannily observant when he wants to be and there’s no telling what he’s thinking at any given moment. It makes him wonder when exactly Taemin caught him and Jonghyun kissing in the apartment. Must have been a while ago, he thinks, considering he hasn’t visited with Jonghyun in a while.
It’s only eight when Jinki tucks Taemin into bed, dropping a gentle kiss on his cheek before leaving. When he comes out of the room, Taemin’s mom is just walking in through the front door, arms laden with groceries which he quickly takes from her into the kitchen.
“Thank you Jinki,” she says gratefully, slipping her gloves off before unzipping her coat. “How was he?”
“Perfect, as always. I just put him to bed,” Jinki answers. He starts putting the frozen foods away, hands lingering longingly over the chicken meat before putting it away too.
“You going home soon? How’s Jonghyun doing? I haven’t heard from him in a while.” Jinki takes an apple from the center table and settles down into a chair, watching her move around the kitchen, taking out several pans to cook a light dinner for herself and her husband.
“Jonghyun-ah’s okay,” he replies. “Busy with lessons and studying and composing of course. He’ll be over soon, I’ll make sure of it.”
“Oh Jinki, you’re so good to us.”
Jinki blushes, hiding his face. It seems the whole family has made it their personal mission in life to make him turn red. “It’s nothing, really. I love coming over and helping out and-” I love your son too he thinks but doesn’t say. “Yeah. I just love coming over, so you don’t have to thank me or anything.”
“Hm. So how are you and Jonghyun doing?”
Jinki’s unsure how to answer until he remembers that she already knows about them. He shakes his head, smiling though she doesn’t see it with her back to him. “We’re good.”
“Getting serious?”
“Uhm…sure.” Serious? Serious in what way?
“Are you still living in separate apartments?”
Oh. That kind of serious. “Yeah-we’re still in our own places.”
“It’s been what…six months?” Jinki grunts in the affirmative. “So have you thought at all about moving in together?”
Jinki resists the urge to groan. Of course he’s thought about it. Jonghyun spends almost all his free time at Jinki’s anyway, has some clothes and other things in his apartment even. But just because he’s ready for the ‘Next Step,’ as he’s taken to calling it, does not mean Jonghyun is.
“I’m for the idea, but…” he trails off.
“…But Jonghyun’s not?” she guesses correctly. “Have you talked about it with him?”
“Not exactly. I figured we were good as we are now, why complicate things, right?”
“So really, you’re just afraid he’ll turn you down.” Since when are Jonghyun’s mother and Kibum related? “Talk to him Jinki. From what he tells me you two are practically living together anyway. And I get the feeling he wouldn’t be so against moving in with you either.”
He thinks about her words as he finishes the last of his apple, chewing slowly and savoring the sweet juice, sharp and poignant on his tongue.
“Are you staying for dinner?”
Jinki checks his watch. It’s only a quarter to nine. “As much as I’d love to, I think I should head home. I’ll be over same time tomorrow night though.”
They swap goodbyes before Jinki grabs his things still in the living room and slips his shoes on. He drives home and still can’t stop thinking about what Jonghyun’s mom said to him. Should I really ask him? What if he doesn’t want to? Or what if he does and it ends up being a disaster?
The what-ifs and maybes continue whirling through his mind as he parks his car in the street and heads up to his room. When he goes inside, Jonghyun is just coming out of his bathroom, toweling his hair dry. He’s wearing his sweatpants but one of Jinki’s shirts and the sight makes something burn in Jinki’s gut.
He can’t resist pulling Jonghyun into a deep kiss, pressing him back against the bathroom door before he can protest. It’s not often Jinki initiates physical contact (okay, maybe Taemin was right about Jonghyun kissing him), but when he does, it’s strange how he always seems so much more desperate for it the longer the contact goes on.
Jonghyun’s skin is soft and smells pleasantly fresh from the shower. Jinki eventually pulls away and buries his face in Jonghyun’s neck, doing nothing more than just taking in deep breaths. Jonghyun doesn’t question him, just drops the towel and slings his arms around Jinki’s shoulders, holding him close.
Minutes pass and Jinki merely stands there, thinking. If Jonghyun were to move in, he could have this every day. He could come home every day and find Jonghyun sitting on the couch or in their bedroom or showering in the bathroom. Having given Jonghyun a spare key to his apartment weeks ago, it isn’t uncommon for all that to happen. But Jinki pictures it always happening, never having to worry about calling Jonghyun over or worrying about waking him after he falls asleep on the couch so that he can get home before it gets any later.
Images of Jonghyun and him in the kitchen trying to cook dinner or staying up all night watching movies and waking up hours later still on the couch and not having to worry about the younger boy leaving flicker like a reel of film through his mind. The longer he thinks about it, the more it appeals to him.
“I’ve been thinking,” he starts, finally pulling away to stare at Jonghyun. He looks at him curiously, prodding him tacitly to continue. “You’re always over, you know?”
“Right…”
“And well, a lot of your stuff is already over here…”
“Ri-ight…”
“So maybe, I dunno.” Jinki takes a deep breath and decides to just wing it. “Why don’t we move in? Together.” Jonghyun falls silent and okay, now Jinki panics. Shit. Shitshitshit. “It was just an idea, a really, really stupid one at that-forget I said anything-”
“Jinki?”
Jinki freezes. “Yeah?”
“You'll have to help me get my stuff."
Part 2