SSS 2012: For silkekim
For: silkekim
From: Your Secret Santa
Title: War
Pairing: Minho/Taemin, Minho/Jonghyun
Rating: R
Authors’ Notes: You want angst? I give thee angst. Merry Christmas!
Minho often thinks his least favorite time in the trenches is not when the shells are falling and men are running up and down the line, grabbing at wounds and looking for the medic or more ammo. The terror around him, outside of him, is the calm within the storm.
The times he hates are the moments when he is alone with the boy who pervades all waking thoughts, not about the war or how to survive another day. The unknowing cause of Minho’s torment is Taemin, a private fighting in this war with Minho and all the other boys too young to have made their marks on the world. They will get their chances to do just that in this war.
Minho has never been in love before now, but he is certain that love is what he feels when he is with this boy, a yearning to reach out and settle his palm against Taemin’s jaw, to rub his rough thumb back and forth across those thick lips. He thinks everything the guy says is brilliant and his eyes must hold some sort of magic, as Minho finds his heart beating a little faster when they focus on him.
For the first few weeks in which he is in the war, Minho does not mind the dirt surrounding him. Sometimes he thinks he likes it. Even if he is constantly surrounded by walls of dirt, the grit reminds him that he is still topside. The day Minho begins to hate dirt is the day Taemin gets a letter from home.
As Taemin tears off the side of the envelope and hungrily pulls out the carefully folded pages something falls out and to the ground. When he bends to pick it up and hand it to Taemin, Minho sees the image of a pretty girl with long hair, smiling shyly. But it’s the look on Taemin’s face when he sees the girl and grabs it eagerly from Minho’s hand that breaks something in the older soldier. A few minutes later, Taemin quietly tells Minho and the small group in their area that the letter is from his girl back home.
There it is.
The statement confirms Minho’s guess and he begins to hate the dirt, especially the perpetual black line under each of his fingernails. Instead of reminding him he is alive, the grime now seems to tell him he is dirty.
His feelings for Taemin were at one time a bright light in his chest guiding him back to himself after a day spent spilling the blood of other men. Now, the same bright light feels more like an accusation of Minho’s lost purity.
Each night, Taemin gently pulls the picture out and pauses as if in prayer before rubbing the sides of it. Thankfully, he does not talk much about the girl back home, either because he is shy about the subject or out of respect for the other soldiers around him, who may not have someone back home. Or, Minho thinks, maybe he does not talk about her because he suspects Minho’s feelings. The possibility makes Minho sick. He finds comfort in convincing himself that he never did anything to reveal his feelings, but he also never tried to be careful before he picked up that picture. Now, he wonders if Taemin can see the hatred in Minho’s eyes every time he looks at the picture, a hatred for the unknown girl, which begins to cause Minho to hate himself.
Slowly, Minho tries to distance himself. He volunteers for extra reconnaissance missions but before he leaves on each of these missions Taemin will come up to him with a sad smile, telling him to come back safe, handing him the picture of his girl. The first time he did this, Minho gave him a questioning look, which Taemin answered by making him promise that he would bring back the younger soldier’s most prized possession.
Surely the younger soldier was not that evil. Searching Taemin’s eyes for earnestness and finding it, Minho promises each time to return Taemin’s beloved to him.
Unfortunately, Minho always honors his promises.
--
Through these reconnaissance missions Minho becomes close to a medic from his platoon, Jonghyun, a boy whose large eyes disappear in his smile. Minho thinks he talks too much, but he is a good soldier and Minho does not stop the other boy from walking beside him and talking about anything and everything. Right now he wonders if Jonghyun realizes they are in a war, as the boy educates Minho on the subject of the different animals on his family’s farm and the various chores he had to complete each day before sunrise.
“When I was twelve, my dad bought me a horse to help me get around and I think it was his sneaky way of teaching me responsibility. I wish you could meet her; she's a beautiful black mare and her coat has the nicest sheen. I try my hardest to feed her the right things and brush her carefully.” He pauses before continuing with a renewed sense of cheer. “Anyways, I named her Captain because my dad told me that from that day forward I was to report to her and she would let me know what she needed. Sure enough, every morning I would march into the stables and stand at attention in front of her stall saying, ‘Private Jonghyun reporting for duty’ and she would take to nipping at my shirt which I knew meant she was hungry or shaking her mane which meant she wanted to get out and stretch her legs. ‘Ma’am, yes ma’am!’ I would say to all her requests."
Minho looks over to see the medic smiling fondly at his memories of the horse and finds the gesture infectious.
Looking around to make sure no one was walking within earshot of them, Jonghyun continues in a quieter voice, "I have a grave confession to make,” his voice takes on a joshing tone, “Promise not to tell anyone so I’m not court-marshaled? There have been a few times when I had to stop myself from laughing as Captain Ko up there," jutting his chin to the front of the small pack snaking its way through enemy territory, "When he walks down the line to give us orders, I can’t help but picture my horse in a horse version of Captain Ko’s uniform trotting up and down the line handing out orders to 'The Country's Noble Soldiers.'" Jonghyun puffs out his chest and speaks the last phrase with exaggerated dignity. Breaking into a hushed laugh, he quietly adds, "I mean, I swear, I keep waiting for him to paw the ground for a bag of oats."
Minho brings his hand up to his mouth trying to hide his own deepening smile and looks around to see if anyone else had heard Jonghyun's comparison. Minho chokes trying to stifle his laugh when he thinks that, yeah, maybe Jonghyun’s thoughts are not completely unfounded since Captain Ko does have sizeable teeth.
Slightly taken aback at the muffled but unmistakable sound, Jonghyun realizes this was the first time he had seen the taller soldier laugh. He stops walking for a moment to appreciate the sound and give Minho’s back a pleased smile.
Failing to notice that Jonghyun was no longer beside him, Minho keeps walking alone for a short distance requiring the other boy to jog a little to catch up before continuing the narrative about his horse.
“I hated cleaning her stall-not the best smell, let me tell you-and grooming her every day was so time-consuming and boring for a kid but my dad threatened to sell her if I did not properly take care of her. And, as much as I hated cleaning up horse shit and coming home early to take care of her, I can’t tell you how much more I hated the idea of losing Captain. She’s kind of like my best friend, you know? When I left home to join the military, I thought I would miss my mom's cooking or working with my dad or teasing my sister about boys but, really, the thing I miss most is the hour I would spend every day brushing Captain's coat and clipping her hooves. I talk to her and she never gets annoyed with me the way my mom and sister would sometimes get-believe it or not, they say I talk a lot,” he punctuates his own interruption with a conspiratorial wink that Minho does not see. “But Captain would always listen and paw the ground or nod her head like she knew what I was saying." Seemingly struck by a thought, Jonghyun turns to Minho with a goofy smile and says, "You know, you kind of remind me of her."
Shaking his head in disbelief and smiling at the memory of the comparison between Captain the horse and Captain Ko, Minho solemnly meets Jonghyun's eyes. "I hope you don’t expect me to paw the ground or neigh," then chuckles at his own joke.
Emphatically gesticulating, Jonghyun clarifies, "No! Not like that. It's just, you're a good listener like my Captain. That's kind of rare for me." Feeling an uncharacteristic self-consciousness at something he has said, Jonghyun’s eyebrows shoot into the bottom of his helmet and he clams up in embarrassment. Noticing the sudden silence, Minho lightly coaxes him to continue with, "Go, on. I think you mentioned some goats earlier. What are they like?"
Convinced that other soldier is genuinely interested in hearing more, Jonghyun happily resumes chatting and Minho finds himself feeling a little lighter than he has in the last few weeks.
--
One night a few days later the other men in their small party fall asleep and miss two shapes sneaking into the forest, where whispered promises to never tell are exchanged before a bedroll covers fallen leaves, and Minho goes on his hands and knees. With just enough exposed to get the job done, Jonghyun pushes into him and takes his time to appreciate the erratic and needy way the other man pushes back onto him.
With the only sound being that of their labored breathing, and having his face to the ground as Jonghyun breaks him down, Minho is selfish and allows himself to imagine he is alone with Taemin; finally feeling the boy pushing in and out of him, Taemin’s sweet breaths ghosting through Minho’s fatigues to kiss the skin of his back, and his long fingers working Minho to his climax. When he comes, Minho fights back his tears as he sees the black dirt under his nails.
--
Be it his pride or a denial of the truth, Jonghyun cannot find it within himself to confront Minho about what he heard last night, about how the lanky soldier had repeatedly breathed out “Taemin” as Jonghyun moved inside him.
--
The enemy found out they were in the region and hunted them down like animals, killing Captain Ko and scattering the rest of the party. The bullets come from nowhere, it seems, and Minho does not care what they do as long as they move. Quickly.
As the two soldiers make their way to the cover of the forest, Jonghyun supports Minho and in frantic, hushed tones he babbles about how the injured boy will be fine. Once slumped against the base of a tree, Minho fights off Jonghyun’s hands which are trying to do anything, and feels around the inside of his jacket for something. Pulling out the object, Minho lets out a shaky breath in relief when he sees that the picture - although it will bear the same mark as him - will make its way back to Taemin, the shy smile unblemished.
Giving in to the fuzzy feeling of Jonghyun’s morphine and watching his blood soaking the things it was never meant to touch, Minho finds a certain peace in thinking he may be cleansed of all the dirt he has ever worn.
From: Your Secret Santa
Title: War
Pairing: Minho/Taemin, Minho/Jonghyun
Rating: R
Authors’ Notes: You want angst? I give thee angst. Merry Christmas!
Minho often thinks his least favorite time in the trenches is not when the shells are falling and men are running up and down the line, grabbing at wounds and looking for the medic or more ammo. The terror around him, outside of him, is the calm within the storm.
The times he hates are the moments when he is alone with the boy who pervades all waking thoughts, not about the war or how to survive another day. The unknowing cause of Minho’s torment is Taemin, a private fighting in this war with Minho and all the other boys too young to have made their marks on the world. They will get their chances to do just that in this war.
Minho has never been in love before now, but he is certain that love is what he feels when he is with this boy, a yearning to reach out and settle his palm against Taemin’s jaw, to rub his rough thumb back and forth across those thick lips. He thinks everything the guy says is brilliant and his eyes must hold some sort of magic, as Minho finds his heart beating a little faster when they focus on him.
For the first few weeks in which he is in the war, Minho does not mind the dirt surrounding him. Sometimes he thinks he likes it. Even if he is constantly surrounded by walls of dirt, the grit reminds him that he is still topside. The day Minho begins to hate dirt is the day Taemin gets a letter from home.
As Taemin tears off the side of the envelope and hungrily pulls out the carefully folded pages something falls out and to the ground. When he bends to pick it up and hand it to Taemin, Minho sees the image of a pretty girl with long hair, smiling shyly. But it’s the look on Taemin’s face when he sees the girl and grabs it eagerly from Minho’s hand that breaks something in the older soldier. A few minutes later, Taemin quietly tells Minho and the small group in their area that the letter is from his girl back home.
There it is.
The statement confirms Minho’s guess and he begins to hate the dirt, especially the perpetual black line under each of his fingernails. Instead of reminding him he is alive, the grime now seems to tell him he is dirty.
His feelings for Taemin were at one time a bright light in his chest guiding him back to himself after a day spent spilling the blood of other men. Now, the same bright light feels more like an accusation of Minho’s lost purity.
Each night, Taemin gently pulls the picture out and pauses as if in prayer before rubbing the sides of it. Thankfully, he does not talk much about the girl back home, either because he is shy about the subject or out of respect for the other soldiers around him, who may not have someone back home. Or, Minho thinks, maybe he does not talk about her because he suspects Minho’s feelings. The possibility makes Minho sick. He finds comfort in convincing himself that he never did anything to reveal his feelings, but he also never tried to be careful before he picked up that picture. Now, he wonders if Taemin can see the hatred in Minho’s eyes every time he looks at the picture, a hatred for the unknown girl, which begins to cause Minho to hate himself.
Slowly, Minho tries to distance himself. He volunteers for extra reconnaissance missions but before he leaves on each of these missions Taemin will come up to him with a sad smile, telling him to come back safe, handing him the picture of his girl. The first time he did this, Minho gave him a questioning look, which Taemin answered by making him promise that he would bring back the younger soldier’s most prized possession.
Surely the younger soldier was not that evil. Searching Taemin’s eyes for earnestness and finding it, Minho promises each time to return Taemin’s beloved to him.
Unfortunately, Minho always honors his promises.
--
Through these reconnaissance missions Minho becomes close to a medic from his platoon, Jonghyun, a boy whose large eyes disappear in his smile. Minho thinks he talks too much, but he is a good soldier and Minho does not stop the other boy from walking beside him and talking about anything and everything. Right now he wonders if Jonghyun realizes they are in a war, as the boy educates Minho on the subject of the different animals on his family’s farm and the various chores he had to complete each day before sunrise.
“When I was twelve, my dad bought me a horse to help me get around and I think it was his sneaky way of teaching me responsibility. I wish you could meet her; she's a beautiful black mare and her coat has the nicest sheen. I try my hardest to feed her the right things and brush her carefully.” He pauses before continuing with a renewed sense of cheer. “Anyways, I named her Captain because my dad told me that from that day forward I was to report to her and she would let me know what she needed. Sure enough, every morning I would march into the stables and stand at attention in front of her stall saying, ‘Private Jonghyun reporting for duty’ and she would take to nipping at my shirt which I knew meant she was hungry or shaking her mane which meant she wanted to get out and stretch her legs. ‘Ma’am, yes ma’am!’ I would say to all her requests."
Minho looks over to see the medic smiling fondly at his memories of the horse and finds the gesture infectious.
Looking around to make sure no one was walking within earshot of them, Jonghyun continues in a quieter voice, "I have a grave confession to make,” his voice takes on a joshing tone, “Promise not to tell anyone so I’m not court-marshaled? There have been a few times when I had to stop myself from laughing as Captain Ko up there," jutting his chin to the front of the small pack snaking its way through enemy territory, "When he walks down the line to give us orders, I can’t help but picture my horse in a horse version of Captain Ko’s uniform trotting up and down the line handing out orders to 'The Country's Noble Soldiers.'" Jonghyun puffs out his chest and speaks the last phrase with exaggerated dignity. Breaking into a hushed laugh, he quietly adds, "I mean, I swear, I keep waiting for him to paw the ground for a bag of oats."
Minho brings his hand up to his mouth trying to hide his own deepening smile and looks around to see if anyone else had heard Jonghyun's comparison. Minho chokes trying to stifle his laugh when he thinks that, yeah, maybe Jonghyun’s thoughts are not completely unfounded since Captain Ko does have sizeable teeth.
Slightly taken aback at the muffled but unmistakable sound, Jonghyun realizes this was the first time he had seen the taller soldier laugh. He stops walking for a moment to appreciate the sound and give Minho’s back a pleased smile.
Failing to notice that Jonghyun was no longer beside him, Minho keeps walking alone for a short distance requiring the other boy to jog a little to catch up before continuing the narrative about his horse.
“I hated cleaning her stall-not the best smell, let me tell you-and grooming her every day was so time-consuming and boring for a kid but my dad threatened to sell her if I did not properly take care of her. And, as much as I hated cleaning up horse shit and coming home early to take care of her, I can’t tell you how much more I hated the idea of losing Captain. She’s kind of like my best friend, you know? When I left home to join the military, I thought I would miss my mom's cooking or working with my dad or teasing my sister about boys but, really, the thing I miss most is the hour I would spend every day brushing Captain's coat and clipping her hooves. I talk to her and she never gets annoyed with me the way my mom and sister would sometimes get-believe it or not, they say I talk a lot,” he punctuates his own interruption with a conspiratorial wink that Minho does not see. “But Captain would always listen and paw the ground or nod her head like she knew what I was saying." Seemingly struck by a thought, Jonghyun turns to Minho with a goofy smile and says, "You know, you kind of remind me of her."
Shaking his head in disbelief and smiling at the memory of the comparison between Captain the horse and Captain Ko, Minho solemnly meets Jonghyun's eyes. "I hope you don’t expect me to paw the ground or neigh," then chuckles at his own joke.
Emphatically gesticulating, Jonghyun clarifies, "No! Not like that. It's just, you're a good listener like my Captain. That's kind of rare for me." Feeling an uncharacteristic self-consciousness at something he has said, Jonghyun’s eyebrows shoot into the bottom of his helmet and he clams up in embarrassment. Noticing the sudden silence, Minho lightly coaxes him to continue with, "Go, on. I think you mentioned some goats earlier. What are they like?"
Convinced that other soldier is genuinely interested in hearing more, Jonghyun happily resumes chatting and Minho finds himself feeling a little lighter than he has in the last few weeks.
--
One night a few days later the other men in their small party fall asleep and miss two shapes sneaking into the forest, where whispered promises to never tell are exchanged before a bedroll covers fallen leaves, and Minho goes on his hands and knees. With just enough exposed to get the job done, Jonghyun pushes into him and takes his time to appreciate the erratic and needy way the other man pushes back onto him.
With the only sound being that of their labored breathing, and having his face to the ground as Jonghyun breaks him down, Minho is selfish and allows himself to imagine he is alone with Taemin; finally feeling the boy pushing in and out of him, Taemin’s sweet breaths ghosting through Minho’s fatigues to kiss the skin of his back, and his long fingers working Minho to his climax. When he comes, Minho fights back his tears as he sees the black dirt under his nails.
--
Be it his pride or a denial of the truth, Jonghyun cannot find it within himself to confront Minho about what he heard last night, about how the lanky soldier had repeatedly breathed out “Taemin” as Jonghyun moved inside him.
--
The enemy found out they were in the region and hunted them down like animals, killing Captain Ko and scattering the rest of the party. The bullets come from nowhere, it seems, and Minho does not care what they do as long as they move. Quickly.
As the two soldiers make their way to the cover of the forest, Jonghyun supports Minho and in frantic, hushed tones he babbles about how the injured boy will be fine. Once slumped against the base of a tree, Minho fights off Jonghyun’s hands which are trying to do anything, and feels around the inside of his jacket for something. Pulling out the object, Minho lets out a shaky breath in relief when he sees that the picture - although it will bear the same mark as him - will make its way back to Taemin, the shy smile unblemished.
Giving in to the fuzzy feeling of Jonghyun’s morphine and watching his blood soaking the things it was never meant to touch, Minho finds a certain peace in thinking he may be cleansed of all the dirt he has ever worn.