SBB 2016 Entry#10: Made of Stars (4/6)
Title: Made of Stars - 4/6 -
Pairing: Key/Jonghyun, (Key/Onew)
Rating: R
Genre: Romance
Warning(s): non graphic descriptions of sex
Final Word Count: 54,000 +
After Kibum suggested that Jonghyun spend the night at his place again, both talked about everything and nothing until four in the morning because they couldn’t fall asleep after the long nap they had taken earlier. Sometime after midnight they had decided to cook something in the shared kitchen on Kibum’s dormitory floor, because they had skipped dinner and were hungry. It had been dead silent in the corridor and both had tiptoed to the kitchen and had warmed up some cup noodles to avoid any kind of noise caused by pots and pans. Kibum hadn’t been able to remember the last time he had eaten anything on a bed with someone, but it hadn’t been with Jinki, because he had been too much of a neat freak to allow anyone to eat on his bed.
The next morning was an awful one, because Kibum had to get up after only roughly three hours of sleep, his body protesting when he wanted to get up. His limbs felt like lead and it took him several attempts to finally stand up. He felt like he was hungover even though he hadn’t drunk anything, and when he looked into the mirror above the washbasin in the corner, he was frightened by his own reflection; deep circles visible under his eyes, his skin looking a little ashy. He splashed some water on his face and ran through a shortened version of his morning routine while Jonghyun was still sound asleep, making no attempt to even open his eyes.
After he was dressed up in comfortable blue jeans, and a very loose fitting white tank top he went over to his bed, shaking the other softly on the shoulder, smiling when discontentment showed on Jonghyun’s face.
“I need to go to class now.”
Jonghyun’s eyes opened when he heard that and he looked at Kibum, a loud yawn escaping his lips.
“What time is it?” he wondered, rubbing his eyes tiredly.
“It’s past eight.”
A disgruntled sound left Jonghyun’s lips and he stretched out his arms, clinging to Kibum’s legs.
“It’s in the middle of the night,” he murmured dramatically and Kibum felt how the other’s arms pulled him closer, making him almost lose his balance.
“Just sleep as long as you want.”
Kibum stroked the other’s hair before getting ready to leave the room.
“Thanks. Do I get a goodbye kiss?”
A tiny, cheeky smile appeared on Jonghyun’s lips which made Kibum laugh. He liked that playful side, it was refreshing. He leaned down then, placing a quick kiss on Jonghyun’s lips and gasped in surprise when the other held him in place by his neck, pulling him down so Kibum lost his balance and had to place his hands on the mattress to not fall onto the other.
“I need to go,” Kibum whispered with a smile on his lips when Jonghyun started to place kisses along his jaw and neck.
“You smell nice today.”
“Only today?”
Jonghyun grinned and placed a last peck on his lips before letting Kibum go.
“You always smell nice… especially here.”
Jonghyun pointed to the area behind his ear while Kibum stood up and straightened his clothes. Kibum frowned. No one had ever told him that this area smelled especially nice. Before leaving he took a pen and grabbed Jonghyun’s arm, writing down his telephone number in big clear numbers. If Jonghyun wanted to see him again it was better to contact him than to wait in front of his dorm for hours.
“You should have given me your number earlier, you know,” Jonghyun grinned after looking at the number on his arm, causing Kibum to shrug indifferently.
“You never asked.”
With that, Kibum waved Jonghyun goodbye and left the dormitory, a smile visible on his face despite his lack of sleep.
Like the class discussion about the refugee crises in Europe on Monday, the pros and cons about the possible exit of Britain from the EU caused a similarly heated talk within the group of students that day. Minho fiercely argued against an exit, sounding all smart and well informed when he presented different detailed scenarios from an economical as well as a social point of view, making the other students in the room - including Kibum - look at him in awe. When he was done with his argument, he had that self-satisfied look on his face of a lawyer whose client was just acquitted of a charge. As Kibum looked around he noticed that even the guy who previously had been for the exit - for the sake of discussion - was silenced now, his body sinking deeper into his chair. Kibum wrote ‘Smartass’ on the edge of his notepad, tearing the piece of paper out and pushing it over to Minho who only glanced at it and then pinched Kibum’s thigh with a smile on his face, making the other flinch.
“I knew you were smart to begin with, but damn…your debating skills are on point. I felt kind of dumb to be honest. How do you know all this?” Kibum asked when they walked along the plaza in front of the university building and rummaged around in his bag to look for his sunglasses.
The sky was painted in a vibrant blue that day, the leaves of the trees rustling from the soft breeze. It was a lovely day, but by now Kibum knew of the quick changes in weather in London and had put an umbrella in his bag just to be on the safe side.
“Ah, that was nothing, really. Believe me, our interests are just different. You know all this literature stuff…I have no idea about this at all. I know who Shakespeare is, but that’s about it. I just like economics and politics a lot.”
Minho shrugged his shoulders, looking at Kibum through big dark sunglasses. He was dressed up really casually today, wearing a black tight-fitting T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans topped with a dark blue baseball cap. It was quite an unusual style for someone who usually dressed up all classy and businesslike.
“Hey, shall we go somewhere else for lunch today? I’m really craving some Korean food and someone in my dorm told me of a place that sells authentic Korean dishes. I really want to try it out.”
“Sure. Why not? Where is it?”
When Kibum finally found his sunglasses he put them on, curiously watching the pedestrians through his dark tinted glasses.
“It’s in Soho. He told me it’s only a ten minute walk from the university.”
With that they walked along the streets of London, enjoying the sun on their skin and the general atmosphere of the city. Sun seemed to lighten up everyone’s mood, because even the always grim looking business men in their dark suits seemed a little more relaxed today. After Minho checked the directions on his phone they found the restaurant in less than ten minutes and Kibum felt really welcomed by its bright and modern design. It was a small restaurant with only ten tables, the whole interior decorated in white with a touch of red here and there. They sat down at an empty table next to a window facing the street and looked around curiously. The girl who served them was probably younger than them and not Korean. She gave them the menus with a smile and took their orders for drinks.
Minho and Kibum decided quite quickly what to eat and less than fifteen minutes later they were happily munching on their food. Kibum had ordered Bibimbap while Minho had preferred a plate of Bulgogi, both of them making happy sounds while scooping the food into their mouths with chopsticks. He should recommend this restaurant to Jonghyun, Kibum thought and looked out of the restaurant, wondering if the other was still asleep in his bed.
“Hey, how are things with your boyfriend? You haven’t mentioned him for a while.”
A little startled by this question Kibum’s eyes widened and he didn’t really know what to answer.
“Why are you asking?” was the only thing he could come up with.
He hadn’t mentioned Jinki for some obvious reasons, reasons Minho didn’t know of, though.
“I don’t know. You have that dreamy, lovestruck teenager look on your face today, so I thought you might have had a nice conversation with him or something.”
Minho winked at him, a cheeky grin appearing on his lips before he turned his focus back to the meat in front of him. Lovestruck? Him? In love with whom? There was no one. Jinki was out of the picture and even though it still was hard to comprehend, Kibum was quite happy about that. He was a free man again who wanted to take a step back from all things love related. Love was a complicated thing. Something he didn’t need for the time being. He wanted to concentrate on himself for a while before letting another man in his life.
“We’ve broken up,” Kibum said flatly, stuffing his mouth with some rice and vegetables. It felt weird, saying it out loud. It felt like he was talking about the relationship of a third person and not his own.
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” Minho said apologetically, furrowing his brows when Kibum shook his head.
“No need to say sorry. It was better for everyone involved,” Kibum explained quickly, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket when it started to vibrate.
A little confused he looked at the screen, two messages from an unknown number popping up. The confusion was taken over by a feeling of delight when he opened the messages and saw a photo of a very sleepy looking Jonghyun who blinked at him with tousled brown hair and appeared to still lie half-naked in his bed. The message beneath read
- I slept for another three hours. ^^” Thanks for letting me stay at your place. The night was great! Contact me if you care to see me again. - Jonghyun -
What a dork. He looked at the picture for another second before locking the screen of his cell phone and putting it back into his pocket. The grin Minho sent his way after he looked up again was one of amusement, but when he asked why he was grinning the other only shook his head, taking a sip from his glass of coke. To avert the spotlight from himself Kibum asked Minho about any news from his girlfriend, the other getting the hint and changing the subject immediately. That’s why he liked Minho. He knew when it was time to stop probing someone about things they didn’t really want to talk about.
After lunch they headed to Green Park near Buckingham Palace, lying down on the meadow next to a field of purple flowers and discussing their final exam of the summer program. Both didn’t really know how to learn for it, because it wouldn’t be a classical grammar or multiple choice exam. Mrs. Smith had told them that they would get different topics regarding current affairs to choose from and then had to debate it in the form of an essay. It sounded easy enough, but time was always a problem for Kibum. Especially if he had to use a more scientific tone in his writing, he always struggled with finding the right words. So he practiced with Minho, building up word fields on a piece of paper while watching a group of kindergartners playing tag with their teacher close by.
They studied like this for about an hour before Kibum lost interest in searching for words, preferring to pluck the daisies around him instead to weave them into a flower crown, putting the finished result on Minho’s baseball cap. Both had a good laugh when Minho asked him if he looked like a Princess now in a cute voice, his hands framing his face.
If Kibum had the option to choose where he wanted to live, he would never go back to Seoul. Instead he would arrange for Taemin to move to London as well so they could all have a great time together in England. He was quite sure the younger would love London as well, especially for the girls. Taemin always had had a thing for foreigners, so living abroad would probably benefit his sex life a lot.
“I think it suits you better,” Minho announced with a smile and placed the flower crown cautiously on Kibum’s blond hair, Kibum immediately starting to pose like a model in response, both bursting out in laughter after a moment.
It was already four when Kibum got back to his dorm room, his bed looking rather empty without Jonghyun in it. The other had neatly made his bed and had even cleaned up the packages of cup noodles they had eaten the night before. He took off his self-made flower crown and placed it onto his desk and let himself fall onto his bed with an exhausted sigh. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to think about nothing but blankness.
He took a deep breath before he opened his eyes again, staring straight up at the ceiling. It was scary how quickly time had flown by. It had been over three weeks since his first night in this room. Over three weeks since he had met Jonghyun in a bar and had had sex with him. With this thought in mind he pulled his phone out of his pocket, checking the photo Jonghyun had sent him earlier once again. There was something about that face that wasn’t as average as Kibum had made Taemin believe the first time he had mentioned Jonghyun. Was it because of the mouth that looked so kissable, or the look in his eyes that seemed so seductive? Kibum tilted his head, not finding a clear answer to this question. He puffed his cheeks. Jonghyun. Jonghyun. Jonghyun. What am I going to do with you? It was a hypothetical question, because he would be back in Seoul in a few days and wouldn’t be able to do anything with the other anymore. Pity!
His phone started vibrating after he had turned on the Wi-Fi and when he checked his messenger app he was surprised to see that he had received a message from Jinki. - We need to talk. Call me when you are home. - He felt his heart miss a beat and found it difficult to swallow all of a sudden. Even though it was just a text it sounded rather commanding and Kibum didn’t know what to make out of it. He had wanted to talk to Jinki, but now that the other actually showed a sign of life he was scared. It was past midnight in Korea and Kibum wondered if Jinki was already asleep or still awake, awaiting his call.
Why did he only contact him now? Kibum pressed the palm of his hand against his forehead, trying to take a deep breath. It was just a phone call. But why did the thought of it make him feel so uncomfortable?
He called Jinki via messenger, internally hoping that the other was already sound asleep, palms getting sweaty. He bit his tongue when the other picked up, not really knowing what to say. He should have prepared this.
“Hey,” his voice cracked, making him feel even more awkward.
“Hey.”
Jinki’s voice sounded tired but calm.
“You…you wanted to talk?” He wondered why it was so hard to talk to someone he had lived together with for so long. Was it because he had hurt Jinki and knew that there was nothing he could do about it? Nothing to make it better again?
“Yeah, I needed some time to think…and…now…I just want answers to some questions I have.”
“What questions?”
Kibum fumbled with the bed sheets beneath him, not really sure if he really wanted to hear Jinki’s questions.
“Have you slept with other people behind my back before?”
Kibum’s eyes widened and he shook his head, needing a moment to realize that Jinki couldn’t see his reaction.
“No, I haven’t,” he answered truthfully, feeling like a suspect in an interrogation all of a sudden. That Jinki thought that he would do something like sleeping around on a regular basis hurt his feelings.
“Why did you really go to London?”
“Because…I needed some space…some time to think.”
“To think about what?”
A deep sigh left Kibum’s lips and he massaged his left temple, closing his eyes to concentrate better.
“How I want to go on with my life. I wasn’t happy anymore…for a very long time. This…our relationship…it didn’t make any sense to me anymore.”
There was silence on the other end of the line and for a second Kibum thought Jinki would hang up on him again, but he didn’t.
“So you decided to leave this country…this continent even…so you have your time to think instead of directly talking to me? Why? Why didn’t you just talk to me?”
Why didn’t he just talk to him? If it was that easy. Kibum had often wondered about it and Taemin had often asked him the same question, but Kibum never had had an answer to it. He simply couldn’t talk to Jinki. There always had been some kind of barrier between them which had made it seem impossible to Kibum to have a talk about feelings with the other. Even now it felt unnatural to have a conversation like this with Jinki. Jinki was someone you could talk sports and military with…not feelings. At least that’s what he had always believed.
“I couldn’t. I’m sorry…but I couldn’t.”
There was silence again and Kibum nervously nibbled on his bottom lip, not knowing what the other thought or what Jinki even expected to hear from him.
“You are really the most self-centered person I’ve ever met.”
Jinki said this blunt sentence without any hint of emotion, but that wasn’t really needed, it still hit Kibum right in the stomach.
“It has always been just about you. You felt bad? Great. Instead of talking to me like every normal person would, you decided to drown yourself in self-pity…probably seeing yourself as a victim. Instead of talking to me, you fled to another country and fucked some random stranger without even thinking if you would hurt me with that. I can’t believe how full of yourself you are. It’s always just about you. Grow up, Kibum…you are not eighteen anymore.”
Kibum lay on his bed in silence, hearing the other talk, but only slowly comprehending what Jinki was actually saying. Self-pity. Full of yourself. It’s always about you. He stared up at the ceiling again like he so often did, letters forming into words and flying around in front of his eyes. Grow up.
“You know…I really believed in us as a team. I really thought we could make this work. Hearing that you were so unhappy in this relationship without ever saying anything about it…really fucking hurt. I thought we had a grown-up relationship…but I start to believe that I was the only grownup in it. I can’t believe I wasted almost three years of my life with someone who wasn’t serious about this. Since you ended this relationship in such a fashion…I hope that you realize that you can pack your bags when you get back to Seoul…Bye.”
With that last word the phone call ended, Jinki hanging up on him without a moment of hesitation. It was like he didn’t even want to hear Kibum’s point of view. Jinki had already made up his mind and it only became clear to him now that the other never had had the intention to talk things over in the first place, he had only wanted to make a point, trying to get back at him for behaving the way he had. Kibum couldn’t even be angry about it, because he understood and yet he started crying. Jinki’s words had hurt, had hurt so much, because deep down Kibum knew that they were true at least to some extent. He had been self-centered, only thinking about his feelings and never trying to relate to the other.
Tears didn’t change anything about the situation and they also didn’t make him feel better, but he couldn’t stop them from rolling down his cheeks. Man up, Kibum, he told himself, pulling his tank up to wipe away the tears. He tried to imagine how he would feel if their roles were reversed and the thought was devastating. If you loved someone and spent your time with them, lived with them and then had to find out that the other hadn’t been happy in this relationship for so long probably felt like someone pulled the ground away from under one’s feet.
Shattering.
Kibum pressed the palms of his hands against the sockets of his eyes, trying to control his breathing. He had deserved that. Jinki had had the right to say the things he had said. The way Kibum had treated him wasn’t right, and the feeling of disorientation that settled in his stomach might be the price he had to pay for it.
When he calmed down again, he wrote Taemin a message, hoping that the other might be still awake as well. He just wanted to see some happy emoticons pop up on his screen and try to imagine what the other looked like if he actually pulled such faces. The last time they had written each other was when Taemin had been to a Karaoke bar with friends in Shinjuku, Tokyo. He didn’t think he would miss the bubbly personality of the other one while being in London, but Taemin had grown on him during the time they had known each other, and sometimes Taemin felt like a little brother to him. Kibum didn’t receive a reply and therefore put his cell phone down, thinking what else he could do to distract himself from thinking about the conversation he just had.
He then decided to watch movies on his laptop, finding a clear stream of Notting Hill - one of his favorite movies of all time. Was there a better way to avoid thinking about one’s own love life than watching someone else’s? He noticed how heavy his eyelids got while watching the movie and even though he only wanted to close his eyes for a second he fell asleep soon afterwards.
His inner clock had clearly changed during his stay in London. Back home he never napped and was always on the road, always pushing his body to its limits. But it seemed that his body had decided to take a vacation as well, taking every chance it got to rest now. Maybe it was from emotional exhaustion, Kibum didn’t know, but when he woke up it was dark outside yet again and he cursed under his breath, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep when he was actually supposed to sleep like everyone else. It was past ten when he decided to make dinner, cooking some rice with eggs and vegetables. Due to the horrendous eating habits he had developed over the past few weeks he felt like he had already gained three kilos, pinching his stomach every time he stood naked under the shower with an exasperated sigh. He was the only one in the kitchen, because no one in their right mind started to cook this late in the evening.
After dinner he went back to his room and sat down on his bed, his left and right hand resting on the edges of the mattress. Kibum was now wide awake and had no idea what he could do, feeling like a kid during summer vacation whose friends were all travelling with their families while he was the only one left alone at home. He tilted his head back, trying to think of what to do, but couldn’t come up with anything. So he took off his tank top and his jeans and pulled his sleeping T-shirt over his head instead. When he was back in his bed with the lights turned off, he watched the dim light of the moon shining against the wall next to him.
Lying in his bed with nothing to distract him brought him back to thinking about Jinki and about what he had said. The phone call played out in his mind over and over again. He was alone now. There was no Jinki anymore. He wondered how long it would take for Jinki to start dating again and what kind of person he would look for? Would he avoid any kind of man that resembled Kibum? It was odd to imagine Jinki with someone else, but just like him Jinki was a free man again.
With a deep sigh Kibum reached out for his cell phone, turning on the Wi-Fi to read up on daily news before checking some fashion blogs. Usually fashion blogs helped him to relax and calm down, but today that didn’t seem to help, so he closed the tabs and decided to browse through the photos he had taken the past few days. But instead of looking at pictures he had taken he ended up with Jonghyun’s photo on his screen. He wondered if the other was still awake. As far as he had gotten to know him Jonghyun seemed to be even more of a night owl than he currently was. Why had Jonghyun sent him this picture of himself? Did he already expect Kibum to look at him more than once? Did he want to remind him of what he would miss out on if he didn’t contact him anymore? No matter what his ulterior motive was…it worked.
After receiving Jonghyun’s text during lunch time his phone had automatically added the other’s phone number in his messenger app, so Kibum opened the app and looked for Jonghyun’s contact. The other didn’t have a photo of himself as profile picture but of his guitar, reminding Kibum that Jonghyun had told him that he was basically married to his music instrument the first time they had met.
- Hey, still awake? - It was a short and simple message, but Kibum didn’t really know what else to write. He waited; one minute, two minutes, three minutes, four minutes, five minutes...and already wanted to close the app when he saw dots forming beneath the message he had sent, informing him that Jonghyun was typing something. - Hey, I am. It’s still early, isn’t it. :) - A smile formed on Kibum’s lips and he bit his lip, replying to the other’s message right away.
- What are you doing? -
- I’m working on lyrics, you? -
- Can’t sleep. TT_TT -
Kibum looked at the screen of his phone, seeing dots appear and then disappear again for quite some time. What was taking him so long? Was he writing a novel length response?
- Want me to come over? -
Just then the conversation had taken an interesting turn. Kibum rolled around on his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows, typing a reply.
- Isn’t it too late already? It’s almost midnight -
- Give me fifteen minutes -
Jonghyun didn’t send any responds to the messages Kibum sent afterwards, making it seem like he was really on his way to his dormitory. He spent too much time with Jonghyun, didn’t he? Kibum scratched his brow, taking a deep breath. He had to be careful. Kim Kibum was now a single man who only wanted to enjoy life and find pleasure in nice things - the nice thing in this case being having sex with Jonghyun. No attachments and no hard feelings when it was over.
He got up, turned on the light and went over to the mirror to check his reflection. Kibum ruffled his hair a bit before giving himself a thumbs up, not really knowing what to do while waiting for the other to arrive. He aimlessly wandered around in his room, clapping his hands and making weird noises with his mouth.
Twenty minutes later his mobile phone started to vibrate and when he checked he saw a message from Jonghyun, saying - I’m in front of your dormitory now, but you don’t have a name tag for the bell button -. After reading this he pressed the switch beneath the one for the light next to the door, pushing it for several seconds to make sure that Jonghyun got inside. Then he opened the door, waiting for the elevator to stop on his floor. It took around two minutes before he heard the elevator doors open, causing him to peek outside.
There he was, stepping casually outside the elevator, hands buried in blue washed-out skinny jeans that were just as ripped as his black jeans had been. He wore a black T-Shirt with white lettering on it and a black hoodie which was way too big for his build, the hood pulled over his head. Jonghyun hadn’t noticed Kibum at first, because he was busy with removing a pair of earplugs from his ears and wrapping the chord around his cell phone. Only after that he looked up he saw the other, a smile appearing on his lips.
“Couldn’t wait to see me, could you?” he joked, winking at Kibum with a smile on his lips.
“Long time no see,” Kibum replied sardonically, moving aside to let Jonghyun inside his room. When Jonghyun pulled the hood down Kibum noticed that his hair was wet, despite the fact that it hadn’t been raining.
“Have you taken a shower before coming here?”
“Actually yes, I have. Didn’t want to show up all sweaty and smelly,” Jonghyun explained, tousling his brown bangs. That wet look certainly had an odd appeal to it. Now Kibum felt rather bad for not having showered as well, but until twenty minutes ago he hadn’t even expected to get a visitor this late.
“Do you want me to shower, too?”
“Was that invitation to shower together?” Jonghyun grinned, making Kibum feel a little embarrassed for a moment.
“No, but I haven’t had the time for a shower today,” because you kept me awake all night and made me so exhausted during the day that I preferred sleep over a shower, he added in his mind. He tensed when Jonghyun came up to him then, his muscles flexing when Jonghyun leaned forward, nose running along his neck.
“You smell just fine,” Jonghyun declared, but instead of taking a step back again he stayed where he was, one hand gliding up to Kibum’s face, cupping his cheek and the other settling down on the small of his back, pulling him even closer. Kibum’s heart fluttered in his chest and he felt the tension in his loins increasing.
Jonghyun’s lips felt soft on his when he started kissing him, nibbling on his bottom and upper lip, engaging him in a sweet display of affection. Kibum liked the familiarity he felt by now when they kissed. There wasn’t any of the awkwardness of a one-night stand left between them. He leaned further into the kiss when the hand on his cheek wandered down his body to join the other on his back, fingers slipping beneath the waistband of his boxers, grabbing his butt. Jonghyun grinned into the kiss when his fingers started kneading the soft flesh, Kibum’s hands sliding down to the other’s pants, opening the button of Jonghyun’s trousers.
“I think I know of a way to make you tired,” Jonghyun whispered into Kibum’s ear before pulling him over to the bed, both landing naked onto the mattress a few minutes later. Kibum’s whole body quivered, back arching beneath the other’s ministrations.
As vocal as Jonghyun was in his everyday life, he wasn’t much of a talker during sex. It felt like he preferred to let actions speak rather than words, making Kibum feel like he was floating in midair just by using his skillful tongue on his body. The sexual tension between them was so tangible that it didn’t even surprise Kibum that they had sex every time they met. When Kibum had first encountered Jonghyun he wouldn’t have believed it, but now he was convinced that they were a perfect match in bed.
*****
Another short night and another tantalizing morning followed Jonghyun’s late night visit and Kibum had even more trouble getting out of bed, yawn after yawn leaving his lips while he dressed. Last night might had just been a little too intense, he realized after checking himself in the mirror, some hickeys spread over his torso, his body feeling sore.
It felt like déjà vu when he woke up Jonghyun half an hour later, saying the same things he had the previous day. Even the reaction was similar, sleepy eyes meeting his gaze, a tiny pout forming on Jonghyun’s lips.
“It’s already morning?”
He yawned and stretched, his body lying completely bare in front of Kibum’s eyes. It was tempting to skip class and go back to bed again, but it was the last regular lesson before his exam and he didn’t want to miss it.
“Stay as long as you want,” Kibum said leisurely and watched Jonghyun’s fingers scratch a spot next to the fine line of hair beneath his navel in the most seductive way. Did he do that on purpose?
“Until you come back?”
Kibum smiled, leaning down to give Jonghyun a short goodbye kiss. He wondered if a kiss on the lips as a sign of farewell might send the wrong message. Was this action too intimate for a guy he had casual sex with? He never had had casual sex before and didn’t know where the lines were that shouldn’t be crossed or if such borders even existed.
“You don’t have your guitar here. You would get bored.”
“You’re right, but can I come back tonight?”
A nod was Kibum’s only response before he got up and grabbed his shoulder bag, waving Jonghyun goodbye before leaving his room.
Images of the previous night flashed repeatedly in front of his eyes on his way to English class, making him smile to himself all the while. The other pedestrians probably thought he had gone crazy, running around with a big smile on his face, but they didn’t know why he was smiling and he certainly didn’t care what they thought. The sky was gray and to Kibum it looked like it would start raining soon. British weather was really unpredictable.
During their last official lesson Kibum and his classmates reviewed all learning material once again and Kibum already felt incredibly bored after only half an hour. He should have stayed in bed with Jonghyun was all he could think about when Mrs. Smith went over all the discussion topics they had covered in the past few weeks. Even Minho who had turned out to be the model student of the class seemed bored, doodling absentmindedly in his notebook.
Time had passed by so fast and it was hard to believe that Kibum was about to leave in two days already. Sometimes it still felt like he had only arrived yesterday. Time always remained the same, ticking away in the same old rhythm, but still it seemed that for kids time couldn’t go by fast enough while grownups tried to stop time from moving all too quickly. It was fascinating how the perception of time changed depending on the different stages in one’s life.
After three exhausting hours of class were finally over, Ester, the girl from Sweden, announced to everyone that she had reserved tables at a pub for the next evening, wanting everyone to come so they could celebrate some kind of farewell party, because like Kibum and some others from their class, Ester would fly back to her home country after the summer program was over.
“Ah, oppa…I don’t want you to leave,” Elena wailed in Korean in a very theatrical way, grabbing Kibum by the arm who looked at her and started to grin.
“Oppa…won’t be gone forever,” he replied in Korean just as dramatically, taking her hands into his and making it look like he was about to propose.
Both of them started laughing after a moment of intense eye contact before Elena let go of him and slapped Kibum lightly on the shoulder. After he had found out that Elena had a soft spot for Korean dramas they had tended to burst out into random Korean drama phrases from time to time to the amusement of everyone around them. Elena was another person he would definitely miss when he went back to Korea.
“But seriously. You have to visit me in Valencia…you have to. It’s beautiful there. You will love it. You can stay at my place and I will show you around,” she insisted before leaving with some other people from their class, throwing an air-kiss at Kibum.
“You are so popular with the ladies,” Minho quipped and grabbed his backpack, following Kibum outside of the classroom. Kibum pretended like he hadn’t heard that comment and walked down the stairs, a look outside confirming his speculation from earlier. It really had started to rain and with a sigh he pulled out his umbrella, opening it after they had exited the building.
They went to their usual café, had sandwiches and coffee and talked about Kibum’s departure to Korea. It was a normal conversation about packing and cleaning up the room, leaving for the airport and so on, a total normal conversation until Minho dropped a question out of nowhere that caused Kibum to almost choke on his coffee.
“By the way…how’s your love life going?”
“What?”
Kibum wiped his lips, looking at Minho as if he had just asked him whether he had murdered someone. It wasn’t like Minho to talk about matters that were too personal. Until now the other had been quite subtle about things, never asking too indiscreet questions. Had he done something to catch Minho’s interest? Maybe he shouldn’t have told the other that his relationship had ended.
“You are not supposed to ask such questions,” Kibum mumbled into his coffee, causing Minho to laugh.
“Why? Am I too straightforward? I just noticed that you have…,” he pointed at his own collarbone that was hidden beneath a white dress shirt. “…it doesn’t look like a regular bruise. That’s all.”
Kibum’s hand instantly went up to the collar of his black T-shirt, awkwardly pulling it up to hide a hickey. It probably had been a bad idea to wear something with a low-cut collar that made it possible to see the remains of last night’s activities depending on how he moved. He should change into something else as soon as he got home.
“It’s nothing,” Kibum replied quickly and bit into his sandwich, munching on a piece of bread with cheese, salad and tomatoes while trying to avoid further eye contact with Minho.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to probe,” Minho said after a while, taking a sip from his coffee. Minho was a person who was always in harmony with himself and his surroundings and whenever he felt that he had stepped on someone’s toes he back-pedaled and tried to make it up to them. It was an admirable characteristic that not many people in modern society seemed to possess anymore. The word sorry was used all too seldom in Kibum’s opinion.
“It’s okay. Never mind.”
After lunch they decided to go to an amusement arcade near London Eye, spending their afternoon with playing air hockey, bowling, and billiard in a multistory building that exploded with light installations. It was a frustrating experience for Kibum, because it appeared that Minho was a professional in every game they tried, beating him relentlessly without a spark of guilt. However, to redeem himself Minho spent a lot of money and time on the colorful claw machines located on the first floor and verbally insulted them until he finally pulled out a Disney Stitch plush toy, making a little victory dance before giving it to Kibum as a gift.
It was already late afternoon when they decided to head back to their dorms. Waterloo station was crammed with people who came from work and Kibum held onto Minho’s arm to not lose him in the crowd, people hectically passing them on the escalators to get to the next arriving metro on time. Kibum always got slightly dizzy on the escalators in London, because the tubes leading down to the station seemed never ending.
“Oh, I totally forgot to tell you something,” Minho announced when they reached the bottom and looked for the metro that would take them back to their dorms.
“What is it?”
Kibum tugged at Minho’s wrist when the other wanted to walk into the wrong direction and navigated them to the correct platform.
“You remember Jonghyun that street musician?”
All of a sudden Kibum was all ears and turned his head to look at Minho.
“I saw him at the Japan Centre at Piccadilly Circus yesterday. He was skimming through some magazine. He had his guitar with him again.”
“Oh, did you talk to him?”
Kibum tried to sound as casual as possible, because he didn’t want to look like he wanted to hear detailed information about Jonghyun.
“Yeah. He seemed like a nice guy when we met him in the park the other day, didn’t he? So why not say hello.”
Jonghyun was a nice guy indeed. Kibum nodded and followed Minho into the next train that arrived, the two of them pressed together like a pair of sardines when more and more people got on the train, the Stitch plush toy squeezed between them. Kibum hated crammed places with a passion, they always made him feel like he was about to suffocate.
“What did he say?”
Kibum wondered why Jonghyun hadn’t mentioned that he had met Minho the day before. It wasn’t an important information, but it was always interesting to see how people met again especially if it was in a place as big as London.
“He will perform at a pub on Saturday night and invited me to come. It sucks that you will be on your way to Seoul by then otherwise we could go together. Maybe I will ask the others if they want to tag along.”
It somehow bothered Kibum that Jonghyun hadn’t even told him about an upcoming gig, making him feel like he didn’t really know Jonghyun at all. He’s just a fling there’s no need to know him that well, Kibum tried to tell himself to soothe his conscience, but that didn’t work very well.
Minho’s and Kibum’s ways parted at Goodge Street station and Kibum trotted to his dormitory, holding his umbrella close over his head to avoid the rainfall as best as possible. When he finally got back to his room he was slightly disappointed to find it empty. He didn’t know why, but somehow he had hoped that Jonghyun would be still there, waiting for him. After taking off his shoes Kibum placed the plush toy on his desk and sat down on his bed, turning on his Wi-Fi to check possible messages.
To his surprise he had a bunch of new ones; some from Jonghyun, from his mum and even from Taemin. Being a good son he first sent his mum a quick update, telling her that everything was okay and that he would be back in Korea on Sunday. After that he checked Taemin’s message that consisted of several emoticons. The first one was a hand pointing at him, the second showed an old fashioned red telephone, the third a person with waving blond hair standing on top of a surfboard which Taemin usually used when he was talking about himself, two clocks-one of them showing twelve and the other one, and the last emoticon was the Japanese flag.
The message was quite easy to decipher and didn’t need a lot of imagination on Kibum’s side unlike many others of Taemin’s random messages. So apparently Kibum was supposed to call the other sometime between midnight and one am Japanese time. There was still some time left until then, but he tried his luck anyway and video called Taemin who was on the other side of the world, a smile appearing on his lips when the other picked up right away.
“Konbanwa…,” Taemin greeted Kibum excitedly in Japanese, the quality of the video a lot better than it had been the last time they had talked. It was good to see him again. Despite Taemin’s quirkiness the younger one always had a calming effect on him.
“Long time no see. How’s Japan? According to your last emoticon messages you’ve been out clubbing a lot and had lots of Japanese food.”
“Yeah, I’ve been out almost every night. I just love Tokyo so much…and the food…I could eat it all day. How’s London? Did you already pack your bags?”
Taemin was standing in what seemed like a bathroom, his hair tied up to a ponytail that made him look like he had a palm tree growing on is head.
“London is rainy but lovely. The weather changes almost daily, but I don’t want to go back. It’s a great city.”
“We have to visit London together one day and go clubbing every night. That would be awesome!” Taemin exclaimed with a smile on his face and then placed his cell phone on a shelf in front of him in an upright position so Kibum could still see him.
“You would like it here, I’m sure of it,” Kibum agreed and watched how Taemin splashed water into his face before using some soap to wash his face thoroughly.
“How are things with Jinki? Did you make up your mind by now?”
Kibum sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“So much has happened, you have no idea.”
So many things had happened that even Kibum wasn’t quite sure what was going on anymore. His life had taken a complete U-turn ever since he had come to England. From breaking up with Jinki to meeting Jonghyun, everything had changed in less than four weeks.
“How so? Any more hook ups? Maybe more hook ups with nice looking English men?” He winked at him while smearing some moisturizer onto his face, making his skin look all shiny and bright in the camera of his phone. Taemin was a simple man and making statements on such a level fitted his personality quite well. People loved him for his blunt attitude, but he hadn’t always been like this. When they first met Taemin had been way more reserved, but university life had clearly turned him into a different person, maybe an even better version of himself.
“Ahh, shut up! You and your wild imagination!”
“What is it then?”
A deep, strained sigh left Kibum’s mouth and he licked his lips, not really knowing where to start.
“Just fire away,” Taemin suggested after Kibum had been silent for several seconds, his voice muffled because of a toothbrush in his mouth.
“Okay. I’ll try.”
Because of the lack of conversations Taemin basically didn’t know anything at all. He didn’t know that Jinki and he were history, didn’t know that he had started some kind of affair with a previous hook up and he also didn’t know how conflicted he was because of all the changes that had occurred during such a short period of time.
“First things first…Jinki and I are no longer a couple,” saying this out loud still felt unnatural on his tongue, and he was sure that it would continue to feel unnatural for quite some time. Taemin stopped with his brushing movements, eyes widening in surprise.
“What? Really? Whaat? When? Whaaat?” Taemin’s eyes blinked rapidly and even though it was a serious topic Kibum still had to laugh. The other’s face was just priceless.
“A few days ago. I just felt ready to do it. Now it seems ridiculous to me that I didn’t have the courage to do it earlier.”
“Wow…wow…just wow. Kibum, you have no idea how proud I am right now.”
There was toothpaste all over Taemin’s mouth, turning the sincerity of his words a little into ridicule. “This is a big step. How did Jinki react?”
“He was upset…understandably. He said some really hurtful things, but he’s right about most of them. So, I can’t even be mad. It just feels like this huge burden was finally lifted from my shoulders. It’s a good thing.”
Taemin nodded in agreement, the little ponytail on his head bobbing.
“If you need a place to stay you are welcome to crash at ours whenever you want. I’m sure the others won’t mind.”
Taemin pointed with his toothbrush at Kibum before rinsing his mouth with water.
“I might have to take you up on that,” Kibum said and fell silent after that. How should he bring up Jonghyun without Taemin interpreting too much into it? Taemin didn’t believe in affairs and lived by the motto that you either slept with a person once over the course of a one-night stand or you slept with someone more than once as part of being in a relationship. This attitude of separating sex in patterns of black and white had resulted from bad experience in his past. Two years ago he had meet up with a girl for casual sex every now and then, but had ended up liking her too much for his own well-being, and had been hurt in the end, because the girl hadn’t had any feelings for him and had gotten another boyfriend.
“My Taemin super senses tell me that was not everything.”
Kibum hesitated for another few seconds before he got straight down to the nitty-gritty.
“Remember the hook up I’ve told you about? I’ve met up and had sex with him several times since then.”
Taemin furrowed his brows in response, his mouth opening and closing for several times as if he was thinking about what to say to this.
“So…wait…you are already in a new relationship?” he asked then, sounding rather shocked.
“No…no, no, no…,” Kibum held up his free hand in defense, shaking his head rapidly. “It’s just sex, no relationship nonsense…just casual sex.”
There was a horrified sound coming through Kibum’s cell phone speaker and he saw how Taemin threw up his arms in disbelief.
“Kibum…casual sex doesn’t exist! That never works! Remember Bongcha? I also thought we just had casual sex and before I knew it I was deeply in love with her and she cut me off like some unloved toy. You just came out of a relationship and therefore you are totally receptive when it comes to developing feelings for someone else,” Taemin seemed desperate to make a point, using big gestures to underline his arguments.
“It’s not like that. It’s not like that at all. We just have casual sex, honestly. I’m going back to Seoul in two days and will probably never see him again. So everything is okay. You don’t need to worry about me.”
The look on Taemin’s face showed Kibum that he didn’t seem to be very convinced.
“Fine then. How is he? I mean the hook up,” Taemin asked then and got closer to the camera of his cell phone. Kibum thought about this for a second. How was Jonghyun?
“He’s a cute guy.”
The reaction of Taemin who put his hands over his face told him that the other wasn’t quite happy about his answer.
“Cute? Kibum, you don’t call someone you have casual sex with cute. You want cuteness in a relationship, not in bed. I wanted to hear something like oh, he can bring me to orgasm just by looking at me or how huge his dick is or how good the sex with him is…but cute…that’s not casual sex vocabulary.”
Didn’t Taemin just exaggerate a tiny little bit? Or was he right? Kibum had never wasted much time to think about what casual sex actually meant. For him it meant having sex with someone on a regular basis with whom he wasn’t in a relationship with. Was this definition wrong?
“The sex is really good if that’s what you are wondering about. He’s a musician.”
“A musician?” Taemin almost yelled it out loud before he realized that he wasn’t the only one around, his voice immediately going back to a quieter tone. “A musician? Really…you are such a groupie. You hooked up with some English guy who makes music? Is he a reincarnation of John Lennon or something?”
“He’s actually Korean not English.”
This statement seemed to make Taemin pause and press his hand against his forehead, looking like he was about to get a headache.
“Dude, give me a moment to comprehend,” he then said and took a deep breath. “Okay, let me get this straight. So, you had sex with this man who happened to be a Korean musician. I don’t even want to know why he’s in London. Anyway, you hook up with this guy once, and then twice, and then thrice…and probably even more than this. Sometime in the middle you break up with your boyfriend who you couldn’t break up with for god damn long, and then you continue to sleep with that Korean guy who happens to be kind of cute? This sounds so much like the plot of some crappy dime novel. I can already see the summary for this on the back of a book… ‘Guy who suffers from an existential crises comes to London and meets the love of his life’.”
Kibum turned up his mouth and rolled his eyes. He couldn’t understand why Taemin was so obsessed with the idea of him not being able to differentiate between sex and love.
“He’s not the love of my life. Don’t talk nonsense. Just let me have some fun. I also don’t ever question the choices you make in your sex life.”
“Okay, okay…fair enough. Let’s talk about something else then.”
Their conversation took over an hour and when Kibum hung up, he felt happy and exhausted at the same time. With a sigh he sank down onto his bed, going over parts of their conversation again. Casual sex was all he wanted for the time being. Why was it a bad thing if the guy he had sex with happened to be cute? Would it have been better if he was a prick? In his opinion it didn’t make much sense to put too much thought into his meet-ups with Jonghyun. He would be back in Seoul in a few days and Jonghyun would stay in London.
Problem solved.
Thinking of Jonghyun reminded him of the unread messages of the other, so he checked those and started to laugh when he saw another selfie of Jonghyun with the flower crown he had made the other day on his head. The message beneath showed an animated emoticon of something that looked like a mix of a white bear and a rabbit, pinching its cheeks, the phrase ‘Am I cute?’ written in pink childlike looking letters above it. How fitting this emoticon was.
- Yes, you are ^^. If you have time you can come over and we can cook together? -
Maybe it had been a good thing that Kibum had only mentioned that he had sex with Jonghyun towards Taemin, telling him that they also did other things besides having sex would probably have made Taemin’s tirade even worse. Despite that, there was nothing bad about cooking together, right? It was always better to eat with someone than to eat alone.
Kibum got a response an hour later while watching some American late night show on Youtube in his bed, his laptop resting on his thighs and his head bedded on his pillow. - How about eight? - was the response and Kibum smiled, agreeing with Jonghyun and telling him that they would meet up downstairs, because they had to buy groceries first if they didn’t want to eat cup noodles again.
Return to Part Three
Part Five
Pairing: Key/Jonghyun, (Key/Onew)
Rating: R
Genre: Romance
Warning(s): non graphic descriptions of sex
Final Word Count: 54,000 +
After Kibum suggested that Jonghyun spend the night at his place again, both talked about everything and nothing until four in the morning because they couldn’t fall asleep after the long nap they had taken earlier. Sometime after midnight they had decided to cook something in the shared kitchen on Kibum’s dormitory floor, because they had skipped dinner and were hungry. It had been dead silent in the corridor and both had tiptoed to the kitchen and had warmed up some cup noodles to avoid any kind of noise caused by pots and pans. Kibum hadn’t been able to remember the last time he had eaten anything on a bed with someone, but it hadn’t been with Jinki, because he had been too much of a neat freak to allow anyone to eat on his bed.
The next morning was an awful one, because Kibum had to get up after only roughly three hours of sleep, his body protesting when he wanted to get up. His limbs felt like lead and it took him several attempts to finally stand up. He felt like he was hungover even though he hadn’t drunk anything, and when he looked into the mirror above the washbasin in the corner, he was frightened by his own reflection; deep circles visible under his eyes, his skin looking a little ashy. He splashed some water on his face and ran through a shortened version of his morning routine while Jonghyun was still sound asleep, making no attempt to even open his eyes.
After he was dressed up in comfortable blue jeans, and a very loose fitting white tank top he went over to his bed, shaking the other softly on the shoulder, smiling when discontentment showed on Jonghyun’s face.
“I need to go to class now.”
Jonghyun’s eyes opened when he heard that and he looked at Kibum, a loud yawn escaping his lips.
“What time is it?” he wondered, rubbing his eyes tiredly.
“It’s past eight.”
A disgruntled sound left Jonghyun’s lips and he stretched out his arms, clinging to Kibum’s legs.
“It’s in the middle of the night,” he murmured dramatically and Kibum felt how the other’s arms pulled him closer, making him almost lose his balance.
“Just sleep as long as you want.”
Kibum stroked the other’s hair before getting ready to leave the room.
“Thanks. Do I get a goodbye kiss?”
A tiny, cheeky smile appeared on Jonghyun’s lips which made Kibum laugh. He liked that playful side, it was refreshing. He leaned down then, placing a quick kiss on Jonghyun’s lips and gasped in surprise when the other held him in place by his neck, pulling him down so Kibum lost his balance and had to place his hands on the mattress to not fall onto the other.
“I need to go,” Kibum whispered with a smile on his lips when Jonghyun started to place kisses along his jaw and neck.
“You smell nice today.”
“Only today?”
Jonghyun grinned and placed a last peck on his lips before letting Kibum go.
“You always smell nice… especially here.”
Jonghyun pointed to the area behind his ear while Kibum stood up and straightened his clothes. Kibum frowned. No one had ever told him that this area smelled especially nice. Before leaving he took a pen and grabbed Jonghyun’s arm, writing down his telephone number in big clear numbers. If Jonghyun wanted to see him again it was better to contact him than to wait in front of his dorm for hours.
“You should have given me your number earlier, you know,” Jonghyun grinned after looking at the number on his arm, causing Kibum to shrug indifferently.
“You never asked.”
With that, Kibum waved Jonghyun goodbye and left the dormitory, a smile visible on his face despite his lack of sleep.
Like the class discussion about the refugee crises in Europe on Monday, the pros and cons about the possible exit of Britain from the EU caused a similarly heated talk within the group of students that day. Minho fiercely argued against an exit, sounding all smart and well informed when he presented different detailed scenarios from an economical as well as a social point of view, making the other students in the room - including Kibum - look at him in awe. When he was done with his argument, he had that self-satisfied look on his face of a lawyer whose client was just acquitted of a charge. As Kibum looked around he noticed that even the guy who previously had been for the exit - for the sake of discussion - was silenced now, his body sinking deeper into his chair. Kibum wrote ‘Smartass’ on the edge of his notepad, tearing the piece of paper out and pushing it over to Minho who only glanced at it and then pinched Kibum’s thigh with a smile on his face, making the other flinch.
“I knew you were smart to begin with, but damn…your debating skills are on point. I felt kind of dumb to be honest. How do you know all this?” Kibum asked when they walked along the plaza in front of the university building and rummaged around in his bag to look for his sunglasses.
The sky was painted in a vibrant blue that day, the leaves of the trees rustling from the soft breeze. It was a lovely day, but by now Kibum knew of the quick changes in weather in London and had put an umbrella in his bag just to be on the safe side.
“Ah, that was nothing, really. Believe me, our interests are just different. You know all this literature stuff…I have no idea about this at all. I know who Shakespeare is, but that’s about it. I just like economics and politics a lot.”
Minho shrugged his shoulders, looking at Kibum through big dark sunglasses. He was dressed up really casually today, wearing a black tight-fitting T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans topped with a dark blue baseball cap. It was quite an unusual style for someone who usually dressed up all classy and businesslike.
“Hey, shall we go somewhere else for lunch today? I’m really craving some Korean food and someone in my dorm told me of a place that sells authentic Korean dishes. I really want to try it out.”
“Sure. Why not? Where is it?”
When Kibum finally found his sunglasses he put them on, curiously watching the pedestrians through his dark tinted glasses.
“It’s in Soho. He told me it’s only a ten minute walk from the university.”
With that they walked along the streets of London, enjoying the sun on their skin and the general atmosphere of the city. Sun seemed to lighten up everyone’s mood, because even the always grim looking business men in their dark suits seemed a little more relaxed today. After Minho checked the directions on his phone they found the restaurant in less than ten minutes and Kibum felt really welcomed by its bright and modern design. It was a small restaurant with only ten tables, the whole interior decorated in white with a touch of red here and there. They sat down at an empty table next to a window facing the street and looked around curiously. The girl who served them was probably younger than them and not Korean. She gave them the menus with a smile and took their orders for drinks.
Minho and Kibum decided quite quickly what to eat and less than fifteen minutes later they were happily munching on their food. Kibum had ordered Bibimbap while Minho had preferred a plate of Bulgogi, both of them making happy sounds while scooping the food into their mouths with chopsticks. He should recommend this restaurant to Jonghyun, Kibum thought and looked out of the restaurant, wondering if the other was still asleep in his bed.
“Hey, how are things with your boyfriend? You haven’t mentioned him for a while.”
A little startled by this question Kibum’s eyes widened and he didn’t really know what to answer.
“Why are you asking?” was the only thing he could come up with.
He hadn’t mentioned Jinki for some obvious reasons, reasons Minho didn’t know of, though.
“I don’t know. You have that dreamy, lovestruck teenager look on your face today, so I thought you might have had a nice conversation with him or something.”
Minho winked at him, a cheeky grin appearing on his lips before he turned his focus back to the meat in front of him. Lovestruck? Him? In love with whom? There was no one. Jinki was out of the picture and even though it still was hard to comprehend, Kibum was quite happy about that. He was a free man again who wanted to take a step back from all things love related. Love was a complicated thing. Something he didn’t need for the time being. He wanted to concentrate on himself for a while before letting another man in his life.
“We’ve broken up,” Kibum said flatly, stuffing his mouth with some rice and vegetables. It felt weird, saying it out loud. It felt like he was talking about the relationship of a third person and not his own.
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” Minho said apologetically, furrowing his brows when Kibum shook his head.
“No need to say sorry. It was better for everyone involved,” Kibum explained quickly, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket when it started to vibrate.
A little confused he looked at the screen, two messages from an unknown number popping up. The confusion was taken over by a feeling of delight when he opened the messages and saw a photo of a very sleepy looking Jonghyun who blinked at him with tousled brown hair and appeared to still lie half-naked in his bed. The message beneath read
- I slept for another three hours. ^^” Thanks for letting me stay at your place. The night was great! Contact me if you care to see me again. - Jonghyun -
What a dork. He looked at the picture for another second before locking the screen of his cell phone and putting it back into his pocket. The grin Minho sent his way after he looked up again was one of amusement, but when he asked why he was grinning the other only shook his head, taking a sip from his glass of coke. To avert the spotlight from himself Kibum asked Minho about any news from his girlfriend, the other getting the hint and changing the subject immediately. That’s why he liked Minho. He knew when it was time to stop probing someone about things they didn’t really want to talk about.
After lunch they headed to Green Park near Buckingham Palace, lying down on the meadow next to a field of purple flowers and discussing their final exam of the summer program. Both didn’t really know how to learn for it, because it wouldn’t be a classical grammar or multiple choice exam. Mrs. Smith had told them that they would get different topics regarding current affairs to choose from and then had to debate it in the form of an essay. It sounded easy enough, but time was always a problem for Kibum. Especially if he had to use a more scientific tone in his writing, he always struggled with finding the right words. So he practiced with Minho, building up word fields on a piece of paper while watching a group of kindergartners playing tag with their teacher close by.
They studied like this for about an hour before Kibum lost interest in searching for words, preferring to pluck the daisies around him instead to weave them into a flower crown, putting the finished result on Minho’s baseball cap. Both had a good laugh when Minho asked him if he looked like a Princess now in a cute voice, his hands framing his face.
If Kibum had the option to choose where he wanted to live, he would never go back to Seoul. Instead he would arrange for Taemin to move to London as well so they could all have a great time together in England. He was quite sure the younger would love London as well, especially for the girls. Taemin always had had a thing for foreigners, so living abroad would probably benefit his sex life a lot.
“I think it suits you better,” Minho announced with a smile and placed the flower crown cautiously on Kibum’s blond hair, Kibum immediately starting to pose like a model in response, both bursting out in laughter after a moment.
It was already four when Kibum got back to his dorm room, his bed looking rather empty without Jonghyun in it. The other had neatly made his bed and had even cleaned up the packages of cup noodles they had eaten the night before. He took off his self-made flower crown and placed it onto his desk and let himself fall onto his bed with an exhausted sigh. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to think about nothing but blankness.
He took a deep breath before he opened his eyes again, staring straight up at the ceiling. It was scary how quickly time had flown by. It had been over three weeks since his first night in this room. Over three weeks since he had met Jonghyun in a bar and had had sex with him. With this thought in mind he pulled his phone out of his pocket, checking the photo Jonghyun had sent him earlier once again. There was something about that face that wasn’t as average as Kibum had made Taemin believe the first time he had mentioned Jonghyun. Was it because of the mouth that looked so kissable, or the look in his eyes that seemed so seductive? Kibum tilted his head, not finding a clear answer to this question. He puffed his cheeks. Jonghyun. Jonghyun. Jonghyun. What am I going to do with you? It was a hypothetical question, because he would be back in Seoul in a few days and wouldn’t be able to do anything with the other anymore. Pity!
His phone started vibrating after he had turned on the Wi-Fi and when he checked his messenger app he was surprised to see that he had received a message from Jinki. - We need to talk. Call me when you are home. - He felt his heart miss a beat and found it difficult to swallow all of a sudden. Even though it was just a text it sounded rather commanding and Kibum didn’t know what to make out of it. He had wanted to talk to Jinki, but now that the other actually showed a sign of life he was scared. It was past midnight in Korea and Kibum wondered if Jinki was already asleep or still awake, awaiting his call.
Why did he only contact him now? Kibum pressed the palm of his hand against his forehead, trying to take a deep breath. It was just a phone call. But why did the thought of it make him feel so uncomfortable?
He called Jinki via messenger, internally hoping that the other was already sound asleep, palms getting sweaty. He bit his tongue when the other picked up, not really knowing what to say. He should have prepared this.
“Hey,” his voice cracked, making him feel even more awkward.
“Hey.”
Jinki’s voice sounded tired but calm.
“You…you wanted to talk?” He wondered why it was so hard to talk to someone he had lived together with for so long. Was it because he had hurt Jinki and knew that there was nothing he could do about it? Nothing to make it better again?
“Yeah, I needed some time to think…and…now…I just want answers to some questions I have.”
“What questions?”
Kibum fumbled with the bed sheets beneath him, not really sure if he really wanted to hear Jinki’s questions.
“Have you slept with other people behind my back before?”
Kibum’s eyes widened and he shook his head, needing a moment to realize that Jinki couldn’t see his reaction.
“No, I haven’t,” he answered truthfully, feeling like a suspect in an interrogation all of a sudden. That Jinki thought that he would do something like sleeping around on a regular basis hurt his feelings.
“Why did you really go to London?”
“Because…I needed some space…some time to think.”
“To think about what?”
A deep sigh left Kibum’s lips and he massaged his left temple, closing his eyes to concentrate better.
“How I want to go on with my life. I wasn’t happy anymore…for a very long time. This…our relationship…it didn’t make any sense to me anymore.”
There was silence on the other end of the line and for a second Kibum thought Jinki would hang up on him again, but he didn’t.
“So you decided to leave this country…this continent even…so you have your time to think instead of directly talking to me? Why? Why didn’t you just talk to me?”
Why didn’t he just talk to him? If it was that easy. Kibum had often wondered about it and Taemin had often asked him the same question, but Kibum never had had an answer to it. He simply couldn’t talk to Jinki. There always had been some kind of barrier between them which had made it seem impossible to Kibum to have a talk about feelings with the other. Even now it felt unnatural to have a conversation like this with Jinki. Jinki was someone you could talk sports and military with…not feelings. At least that’s what he had always believed.
“I couldn’t. I’m sorry…but I couldn’t.”
There was silence again and Kibum nervously nibbled on his bottom lip, not knowing what the other thought or what Jinki even expected to hear from him.
“You are really the most self-centered person I’ve ever met.”
Jinki said this blunt sentence without any hint of emotion, but that wasn’t really needed, it still hit Kibum right in the stomach.
“It has always been just about you. You felt bad? Great. Instead of talking to me like every normal person would, you decided to drown yourself in self-pity…probably seeing yourself as a victim. Instead of talking to me, you fled to another country and fucked some random stranger without even thinking if you would hurt me with that. I can’t believe how full of yourself you are. It’s always just about you. Grow up, Kibum…you are not eighteen anymore.”
Kibum lay on his bed in silence, hearing the other talk, but only slowly comprehending what Jinki was actually saying. Self-pity. Full of yourself. It’s always about you. He stared up at the ceiling again like he so often did, letters forming into words and flying around in front of his eyes. Grow up.
“You know…I really believed in us as a team. I really thought we could make this work. Hearing that you were so unhappy in this relationship without ever saying anything about it…really fucking hurt. I thought we had a grown-up relationship…but I start to believe that I was the only grownup in it. I can’t believe I wasted almost three years of my life with someone who wasn’t serious about this. Since you ended this relationship in such a fashion…I hope that you realize that you can pack your bags when you get back to Seoul…Bye.”
With that last word the phone call ended, Jinki hanging up on him without a moment of hesitation. It was like he didn’t even want to hear Kibum’s point of view. Jinki had already made up his mind and it only became clear to him now that the other never had had the intention to talk things over in the first place, he had only wanted to make a point, trying to get back at him for behaving the way he had. Kibum couldn’t even be angry about it, because he understood and yet he started crying. Jinki’s words had hurt, had hurt so much, because deep down Kibum knew that they were true at least to some extent. He had been self-centered, only thinking about his feelings and never trying to relate to the other.
Tears didn’t change anything about the situation and they also didn’t make him feel better, but he couldn’t stop them from rolling down his cheeks. Man up, Kibum, he told himself, pulling his tank up to wipe away the tears. He tried to imagine how he would feel if their roles were reversed and the thought was devastating. If you loved someone and spent your time with them, lived with them and then had to find out that the other hadn’t been happy in this relationship for so long probably felt like someone pulled the ground away from under one’s feet.
Shattering.
Kibum pressed the palms of his hands against the sockets of his eyes, trying to control his breathing. He had deserved that. Jinki had had the right to say the things he had said. The way Kibum had treated him wasn’t right, and the feeling of disorientation that settled in his stomach might be the price he had to pay for it.
When he calmed down again, he wrote Taemin a message, hoping that the other might be still awake as well. He just wanted to see some happy emoticons pop up on his screen and try to imagine what the other looked like if he actually pulled such faces. The last time they had written each other was when Taemin had been to a Karaoke bar with friends in Shinjuku, Tokyo. He didn’t think he would miss the bubbly personality of the other one while being in London, but Taemin had grown on him during the time they had known each other, and sometimes Taemin felt like a little brother to him. Kibum didn’t receive a reply and therefore put his cell phone down, thinking what else he could do to distract himself from thinking about the conversation he just had.
He then decided to watch movies on his laptop, finding a clear stream of Notting Hill - one of his favorite movies of all time. Was there a better way to avoid thinking about one’s own love life than watching someone else’s? He noticed how heavy his eyelids got while watching the movie and even though he only wanted to close his eyes for a second he fell asleep soon afterwards.
His inner clock had clearly changed during his stay in London. Back home he never napped and was always on the road, always pushing his body to its limits. But it seemed that his body had decided to take a vacation as well, taking every chance it got to rest now. Maybe it was from emotional exhaustion, Kibum didn’t know, but when he woke up it was dark outside yet again and he cursed under his breath, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep when he was actually supposed to sleep like everyone else. It was past ten when he decided to make dinner, cooking some rice with eggs and vegetables. Due to the horrendous eating habits he had developed over the past few weeks he felt like he had already gained three kilos, pinching his stomach every time he stood naked under the shower with an exasperated sigh. He was the only one in the kitchen, because no one in their right mind started to cook this late in the evening.
After dinner he went back to his room and sat down on his bed, his left and right hand resting on the edges of the mattress. Kibum was now wide awake and had no idea what he could do, feeling like a kid during summer vacation whose friends were all travelling with their families while he was the only one left alone at home. He tilted his head back, trying to think of what to do, but couldn’t come up with anything. So he took off his tank top and his jeans and pulled his sleeping T-shirt over his head instead. When he was back in his bed with the lights turned off, he watched the dim light of the moon shining against the wall next to him.
Lying in his bed with nothing to distract him brought him back to thinking about Jinki and about what he had said. The phone call played out in his mind over and over again. He was alone now. There was no Jinki anymore. He wondered how long it would take for Jinki to start dating again and what kind of person he would look for? Would he avoid any kind of man that resembled Kibum? It was odd to imagine Jinki with someone else, but just like him Jinki was a free man again.
With a deep sigh Kibum reached out for his cell phone, turning on the Wi-Fi to read up on daily news before checking some fashion blogs. Usually fashion blogs helped him to relax and calm down, but today that didn’t seem to help, so he closed the tabs and decided to browse through the photos he had taken the past few days. But instead of looking at pictures he had taken he ended up with Jonghyun’s photo on his screen. He wondered if the other was still awake. As far as he had gotten to know him Jonghyun seemed to be even more of a night owl than he currently was. Why had Jonghyun sent him this picture of himself? Did he already expect Kibum to look at him more than once? Did he want to remind him of what he would miss out on if he didn’t contact him anymore? No matter what his ulterior motive was…it worked.
After receiving Jonghyun’s text during lunch time his phone had automatically added the other’s phone number in his messenger app, so Kibum opened the app and looked for Jonghyun’s contact. The other didn’t have a photo of himself as profile picture but of his guitar, reminding Kibum that Jonghyun had told him that he was basically married to his music instrument the first time they had met.
- Hey, still awake? - It was a short and simple message, but Kibum didn’t really know what else to write. He waited; one minute, two minutes, three minutes, four minutes, five minutes...and already wanted to close the app when he saw dots forming beneath the message he had sent, informing him that Jonghyun was typing something. - Hey, I am. It’s still early, isn’t it. :) - A smile formed on Kibum’s lips and he bit his lip, replying to the other’s message right away.
- What are you doing? -
- I’m working on lyrics, you? -
- Can’t sleep. TT_TT -
Kibum looked at the screen of his phone, seeing dots appear and then disappear again for quite some time. What was taking him so long? Was he writing a novel length response?
- Want me to come over? -
Just then the conversation had taken an interesting turn. Kibum rolled around on his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows, typing a reply.
- Isn’t it too late already? It’s almost midnight -
- Give me fifteen minutes -
Jonghyun didn’t send any responds to the messages Kibum sent afterwards, making it seem like he was really on his way to his dormitory. He spent too much time with Jonghyun, didn’t he? Kibum scratched his brow, taking a deep breath. He had to be careful. Kim Kibum was now a single man who only wanted to enjoy life and find pleasure in nice things - the nice thing in this case being having sex with Jonghyun. No attachments and no hard feelings when it was over.
He got up, turned on the light and went over to the mirror to check his reflection. Kibum ruffled his hair a bit before giving himself a thumbs up, not really knowing what to do while waiting for the other to arrive. He aimlessly wandered around in his room, clapping his hands and making weird noises with his mouth.
Twenty minutes later his mobile phone started to vibrate and when he checked he saw a message from Jonghyun, saying - I’m in front of your dormitory now, but you don’t have a name tag for the bell button -. After reading this he pressed the switch beneath the one for the light next to the door, pushing it for several seconds to make sure that Jonghyun got inside. Then he opened the door, waiting for the elevator to stop on his floor. It took around two minutes before he heard the elevator doors open, causing him to peek outside.
There he was, stepping casually outside the elevator, hands buried in blue washed-out skinny jeans that were just as ripped as his black jeans had been. He wore a black T-Shirt with white lettering on it and a black hoodie which was way too big for his build, the hood pulled over his head. Jonghyun hadn’t noticed Kibum at first, because he was busy with removing a pair of earplugs from his ears and wrapping the chord around his cell phone. Only after that he looked up he saw the other, a smile appearing on his lips.
“Couldn’t wait to see me, could you?” he joked, winking at Kibum with a smile on his lips.
“Long time no see,” Kibum replied sardonically, moving aside to let Jonghyun inside his room. When Jonghyun pulled the hood down Kibum noticed that his hair was wet, despite the fact that it hadn’t been raining.
“Have you taken a shower before coming here?”
“Actually yes, I have. Didn’t want to show up all sweaty and smelly,” Jonghyun explained, tousling his brown bangs. That wet look certainly had an odd appeal to it. Now Kibum felt rather bad for not having showered as well, but until twenty minutes ago he hadn’t even expected to get a visitor this late.
“Do you want me to shower, too?”
“Was that invitation to shower together?” Jonghyun grinned, making Kibum feel a little embarrassed for a moment.
“No, but I haven’t had the time for a shower today,” because you kept me awake all night and made me so exhausted during the day that I preferred sleep over a shower, he added in his mind. He tensed when Jonghyun came up to him then, his muscles flexing when Jonghyun leaned forward, nose running along his neck.
“You smell just fine,” Jonghyun declared, but instead of taking a step back again he stayed where he was, one hand gliding up to Kibum’s face, cupping his cheek and the other settling down on the small of his back, pulling him even closer. Kibum’s heart fluttered in his chest and he felt the tension in his loins increasing.
Jonghyun’s lips felt soft on his when he started kissing him, nibbling on his bottom and upper lip, engaging him in a sweet display of affection. Kibum liked the familiarity he felt by now when they kissed. There wasn’t any of the awkwardness of a one-night stand left between them. He leaned further into the kiss when the hand on his cheek wandered down his body to join the other on his back, fingers slipping beneath the waistband of his boxers, grabbing his butt. Jonghyun grinned into the kiss when his fingers started kneading the soft flesh, Kibum’s hands sliding down to the other’s pants, opening the button of Jonghyun’s trousers.
“I think I know of a way to make you tired,” Jonghyun whispered into Kibum’s ear before pulling him over to the bed, both landing naked onto the mattress a few minutes later. Kibum’s whole body quivered, back arching beneath the other’s ministrations.
As vocal as Jonghyun was in his everyday life, he wasn’t much of a talker during sex. It felt like he preferred to let actions speak rather than words, making Kibum feel like he was floating in midair just by using his skillful tongue on his body. The sexual tension between them was so tangible that it didn’t even surprise Kibum that they had sex every time they met. When Kibum had first encountered Jonghyun he wouldn’t have believed it, but now he was convinced that they were a perfect match in bed.
*****
Another short night and another tantalizing morning followed Jonghyun’s late night visit and Kibum had even more trouble getting out of bed, yawn after yawn leaving his lips while he dressed. Last night might had just been a little too intense, he realized after checking himself in the mirror, some hickeys spread over his torso, his body feeling sore.
It felt like déjà vu when he woke up Jonghyun half an hour later, saying the same things he had the previous day. Even the reaction was similar, sleepy eyes meeting his gaze, a tiny pout forming on Jonghyun’s lips.
“It’s already morning?”
He yawned and stretched, his body lying completely bare in front of Kibum’s eyes. It was tempting to skip class and go back to bed again, but it was the last regular lesson before his exam and he didn’t want to miss it.
“Stay as long as you want,” Kibum said leisurely and watched Jonghyun’s fingers scratch a spot next to the fine line of hair beneath his navel in the most seductive way. Did he do that on purpose?
“Until you come back?”
Kibum smiled, leaning down to give Jonghyun a short goodbye kiss. He wondered if a kiss on the lips as a sign of farewell might send the wrong message. Was this action too intimate for a guy he had casual sex with? He never had had casual sex before and didn’t know where the lines were that shouldn’t be crossed or if such borders even existed.
“You don’t have your guitar here. You would get bored.”
“You’re right, but can I come back tonight?”
A nod was Kibum’s only response before he got up and grabbed his shoulder bag, waving Jonghyun goodbye before leaving his room.
Images of the previous night flashed repeatedly in front of his eyes on his way to English class, making him smile to himself all the while. The other pedestrians probably thought he had gone crazy, running around with a big smile on his face, but they didn’t know why he was smiling and he certainly didn’t care what they thought. The sky was gray and to Kibum it looked like it would start raining soon. British weather was really unpredictable.
During their last official lesson Kibum and his classmates reviewed all learning material once again and Kibum already felt incredibly bored after only half an hour. He should have stayed in bed with Jonghyun was all he could think about when Mrs. Smith went over all the discussion topics they had covered in the past few weeks. Even Minho who had turned out to be the model student of the class seemed bored, doodling absentmindedly in his notebook.
Time had passed by so fast and it was hard to believe that Kibum was about to leave in two days already. Sometimes it still felt like he had only arrived yesterday. Time always remained the same, ticking away in the same old rhythm, but still it seemed that for kids time couldn’t go by fast enough while grownups tried to stop time from moving all too quickly. It was fascinating how the perception of time changed depending on the different stages in one’s life.
After three exhausting hours of class were finally over, Ester, the girl from Sweden, announced to everyone that she had reserved tables at a pub for the next evening, wanting everyone to come so they could celebrate some kind of farewell party, because like Kibum and some others from their class, Ester would fly back to her home country after the summer program was over.
“Ah, oppa…I don’t want you to leave,” Elena wailed in Korean in a very theatrical way, grabbing Kibum by the arm who looked at her and started to grin.
“Oppa…won’t be gone forever,” he replied in Korean just as dramatically, taking her hands into his and making it look like he was about to propose.
Both of them started laughing after a moment of intense eye contact before Elena let go of him and slapped Kibum lightly on the shoulder. After he had found out that Elena had a soft spot for Korean dramas they had tended to burst out into random Korean drama phrases from time to time to the amusement of everyone around them. Elena was another person he would definitely miss when he went back to Korea.
“But seriously. You have to visit me in Valencia…you have to. It’s beautiful there. You will love it. You can stay at my place and I will show you around,” she insisted before leaving with some other people from their class, throwing an air-kiss at Kibum.
“You are so popular with the ladies,” Minho quipped and grabbed his backpack, following Kibum outside of the classroom. Kibum pretended like he hadn’t heard that comment and walked down the stairs, a look outside confirming his speculation from earlier. It really had started to rain and with a sigh he pulled out his umbrella, opening it after they had exited the building.
They went to their usual café, had sandwiches and coffee and talked about Kibum’s departure to Korea. It was a normal conversation about packing and cleaning up the room, leaving for the airport and so on, a total normal conversation until Minho dropped a question out of nowhere that caused Kibum to almost choke on his coffee.
“By the way…how’s your love life going?”
“What?”
Kibum wiped his lips, looking at Minho as if he had just asked him whether he had murdered someone. It wasn’t like Minho to talk about matters that were too personal. Until now the other had been quite subtle about things, never asking too indiscreet questions. Had he done something to catch Minho’s interest? Maybe he shouldn’t have told the other that his relationship had ended.
“You are not supposed to ask such questions,” Kibum mumbled into his coffee, causing Minho to laugh.
“Why? Am I too straightforward? I just noticed that you have…,” he pointed at his own collarbone that was hidden beneath a white dress shirt. “…it doesn’t look like a regular bruise. That’s all.”
Kibum’s hand instantly went up to the collar of his black T-shirt, awkwardly pulling it up to hide a hickey. It probably had been a bad idea to wear something with a low-cut collar that made it possible to see the remains of last night’s activities depending on how he moved. He should change into something else as soon as he got home.
“It’s nothing,” Kibum replied quickly and bit into his sandwich, munching on a piece of bread with cheese, salad and tomatoes while trying to avoid further eye contact with Minho.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to probe,” Minho said after a while, taking a sip from his coffee. Minho was a person who was always in harmony with himself and his surroundings and whenever he felt that he had stepped on someone’s toes he back-pedaled and tried to make it up to them. It was an admirable characteristic that not many people in modern society seemed to possess anymore. The word sorry was used all too seldom in Kibum’s opinion.
“It’s okay. Never mind.”
After lunch they decided to go to an amusement arcade near London Eye, spending their afternoon with playing air hockey, bowling, and billiard in a multistory building that exploded with light installations. It was a frustrating experience for Kibum, because it appeared that Minho was a professional in every game they tried, beating him relentlessly without a spark of guilt. However, to redeem himself Minho spent a lot of money and time on the colorful claw machines located on the first floor and verbally insulted them until he finally pulled out a Disney Stitch plush toy, making a little victory dance before giving it to Kibum as a gift.
It was already late afternoon when they decided to head back to their dorms. Waterloo station was crammed with people who came from work and Kibum held onto Minho’s arm to not lose him in the crowd, people hectically passing them on the escalators to get to the next arriving metro on time. Kibum always got slightly dizzy on the escalators in London, because the tubes leading down to the station seemed never ending.
“Oh, I totally forgot to tell you something,” Minho announced when they reached the bottom and looked for the metro that would take them back to their dorms.
“What is it?”
Kibum tugged at Minho’s wrist when the other wanted to walk into the wrong direction and navigated them to the correct platform.
“You remember Jonghyun that street musician?”
All of a sudden Kibum was all ears and turned his head to look at Minho.
“I saw him at the Japan Centre at Piccadilly Circus yesterday. He was skimming through some magazine. He had his guitar with him again.”
“Oh, did you talk to him?”
Kibum tried to sound as casual as possible, because he didn’t want to look like he wanted to hear detailed information about Jonghyun.
“Yeah. He seemed like a nice guy when we met him in the park the other day, didn’t he? So why not say hello.”
Jonghyun was a nice guy indeed. Kibum nodded and followed Minho into the next train that arrived, the two of them pressed together like a pair of sardines when more and more people got on the train, the Stitch plush toy squeezed between them. Kibum hated crammed places with a passion, they always made him feel like he was about to suffocate.
“What did he say?”
Kibum wondered why Jonghyun hadn’t mentioned that he had met Minho the day before. It wasn’t an important information, but it was always interesting to see how people met again especially if it was in a place as big as London.
“He will perform at a pub on Saturday night and invited me to come. It sucks that you will be on your way to Seoul by then otherwise we could go together. Maybe I will ask the others if they want to tag along.”
It somehow bothered Kibum that Jonghyun hadn’t even told him about an upcoming gig, making him feel like he didn’t really know Jonghyun at all. He’s just a fling there’s no need to know him that well, Kibum tried to tell himself to soothe his conscience, but that didn’t work very well.
Minho’s and Kibum’s ways parted at Goodge Street station and Kibum trotted to his dormitory, holding his umbrella close over his head to avoid the rainfall as best as possible. When he finally got back to his room he was slightly disappointed to find it empty. He didn’t know why, but somehow he had hoped that Jonghyun would be still there, waiting for him. After taking off his shoes Kibum placed the plush toy on his desk and sat down on his bed, turning on his Wi-Fi to check possible messages.
To his surprise he had a bunch of new ones; some from Jonghyun, from his mum and even from Taemin. Being a good son he first sent his mum a quick update, telling her that everything was okay and that he would be back in Korea on Sunday. After that he checked Taemin’s message that consisted of several emoticons. The first one was a hand pointing at him, the second showed an old fashioned red telephone, the third a person with waving blond hair standing on top of a surfboard which Taemin usually used when he was talking about himself, two clocks-one of them showing twelve and the other one, and the last emoticon was the Japanese flag.
The message was quite easy to decipher and didn’t need a lot of imagination on Kibum’s side unlike many others of Taemin’s random messages. So apparently Kibum was supposed to call the other sometime between midnight and one am Japanese time. There was still some time left until then, but he tried his luck anyway and video called Taemin who was on the other side of the world, a smile appearing on his lips when the other picked up right away.
“Konbanwa…,” Taemin greeted Kibum excitedly in Japanese, the quality of the video a lot better than it had been the last time they had talked. It was good to see him again. Despite Taemin’s quirkiness the younger one always had a calming effect on him.
“Long time no see. How’s Japan? According to your last emoticon messages you’ve been out clubbing a lot and had lots of Japanese food.”
“Yeah, I’ve been out almost every night. I just love Tokyo so much…and the food…I could eat it all day. How’s London? Did you already pack your bags?”
Taemin was standing in what seemed like a bathroom, his hair tied up to a ponytail that made him look like he had a palm tree growing on is head.
“London is rainy but lovely. The weather changes almost daily, but I don’t want to go back. It’s a great city.”
“We have to visit London together one day and go clubbing every night. That would be awesome!” Taemin exclaimed with a smile on his face and then placed his cell phone on a shelf in front of him in an upright position so Kibum could still see him.
“You would like it here, I’m sure of it,” Kibum agreed and watched how Taemin splashed water into his face before using some soap to wash his face thoroughly.
“How are things with Jinki? Did you make up your mind by now?”
Kibum sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“So much has happened, you have no idea.”
So many things had happened that even Kibum wasn’t quite sure what was going on anymore. His life had taken a complete U-turn ever since he had come to England. From breaking up with Jinki to meeting Jonghyun, everything had changed in less than four weeks.
“How so? Any more hook ups? Maybe more hook ups with nice looking English men?” He winked at him while smearing some moisturizer onto his face, making his skin look all shiny and bright in the camera of his phone. Taemin was a simple man and making statements on such a level fitted his personality quite well. People loved him for his blunt attitude, but he hadn’t always been like this. When they first met Taemin had been way more reserved, but university life had clearly turned him into a different person, maybe an even better version of himself.
“Ahh, shut up! You and your wild imagination!”
“What is it then?”
A deep, strained sigh left Kibum’s mouth and he licked his lips, not really knowing where to start.
“Just fire away,” Taemin suggested after Kibum had been silent for several seconds, his voice muffled because of a toothbrush in his mouth.
“Okay. I’ll try.”
Because of the lack of conversations Taemin basically didn’t know anything at all. He didn’t know that Jinki and he were history, didn’t know that he had started some kind of affair with a previous hook up and he also didn’t know how conflicted he was because of all the changes that had occurred during such a short period of time.
“First things first…Jinki and I are no longer a couple,” saying this out loud still felt unnatural on his tongue, and he was sure that it would continue to feel unnatural for quite some time. Taemin stopped with his brushing movements, eyes widening in surprise.
“What? Really? Whaat? When? Whaaat?” Taemin’s eyes blinked rapidly and even though it was a serious topic Kibum still had to laugh. The other’s face was just priceless.
“A few days ago. I just felt ready to do it. Now it seems ridiculous to me that I didn’t have the courage to do it earlier.”
“Wow…wow…just wow. Kibum, you have no idea how proud I am right now.”
There was toothpaste all over Taemin’s mouth, turning the sincerity of his words a little into ridicule. “This is a big step. How did Jinki react?”
“He was upset…understandably. He said some really hurtful things, but he’s right about most of them. So, I can’t even be mad. It just feels like this huge burden was finally lifted from my shoulders. It’s a good thing.”
Taemin nodded in agreement, the little ponytail on his head bobbing.
“If you need a place to stay you are welcome to crash at ours whenever you want. I’m sure the others won’t mind.”
Taemin pointed with his toothbrush at Kibum before rinsing his mouth with water.
“I might have to take you up on that,” Kibum said and fell silent after that. How should he bring up Jonghyun without Taemin interpreting too much into it? Taemin didn’t believe in affairs and lived by the motto that you either slept with a person once over the course of a one-night stand or you slept with someone more than once as part of being in a relationship. This attitude of separating sex in patterns of black and white had resulted from bad experience in his past. Two years ago he had meet up with a girl for casual sex every now and then, but had ended up liking her too much for his own well-being, and had been hurt in the end, because the girl hadn’t had any feelings for him and had gotten another boyfriend.
“My Taemin super senses tell me that was not everything.”
Kibum hesitated for another few seconds before he got straight down to the nitty-gritty.
“Remember the hook up I’ve told you about? I’ve met up and had sex with him several times since then.”
Taemin furrowed his brows in response, his mouth opening and closing for several times as if he was thinking about what to say to this.
“So…wait…you are already in a new relationship?” he asked then, sounding rather shocked.
“No…no, no, no…,” Kibum held up his free hand in defense, shaking his head rapidly. “It’s just sex, no relationship nonsense…just casual sex.”
There was a horrified sound coming through Kibum’s cell phone speaker and he saw how Taemin threw up his arms in disbelief.
“Kibum…casual sex doesn’t exist! That never works! Remember Bongcha? I also thought we just had casual sex and before I knew it I was deeply in love with her and she cut me off like some unloved toy. You just came out of a relationship and therefore you are totally receptive when it comes to developing feelings for someone else,” Taemin seemed desperate to make a point, using big gestures to underline his arguments.
“It’s not like that. It’s not like that at all. We just have casual sex, honestly. I’m going back to Seoul in two days and will probably never see him again. So everything is okay. You don’t need to worry about me.”
The look on Taemin’s face showed Kibum that he didn’t seem to be very convinced.
“Fine then. How is he? I mean the hook up,” Taemin asked then and got closer to the camera of his cell phone. Kibum thought about this for a second. How was Jonghyun?
“He’s a cute guy.”
The reaction of Taemin who put his hands over his face told him that the other wasn’t quite happy about his answer.
“Cute? Kibum, you don’t call someone you have casual sex with cute. You want cuteness in a relationship, not in bed. I wanted to hear something like oh, he can bring me to orgasm just by looking at me or how huge his dick is or how good the sex with him is…but cute…that’s not casual sex vocabulary.”
Didn’t Taemin just exaggerate a tiny little bit? Or was he right? Kibum had never wasted much time to think about what casual sex actually meant. For him it meant having sex with someone on a regular basis with whom he wasn’t in a relationship with. Was this definition wrong?
“The sex is really good if that’s what you are wondering about. He’s a musician.”
“A musician?” Taemin almost yelled it out loud before he realized that he wasn’t the only one around, his voice immediately going back to a quieter tone. “A musician? Really…you are such a groupie. You hooked up with some English guy who makes music? Is he a reincarnation of John Lennon or something?”
“He’s actually Korean not English.”
This statement seemed to make Taemin pause and press his hand against his forehead, looking like he was about to get a headache.
“Dude, give me a moment to comprehend,” he then said and took a deep breath. “Okay, let me get this straight. So, you had sex with this man who happened to be a Korean musician. I don’t even want to know why he’s in London. Anyway, you hook up with this guy once, and then twice, and then thrice…and probably even more than this. Sometime in the middle you break up with your boyfriend who you couldn’t break up with for god damn long, and then you continue to sleep with that Korean guy who happens to be kind of cute? This sounds so much like the plot of some crappy dime novel. I can already see the summary for this on the back of a book… ‘Guy who suffers from an existential crises comes to London and meets the love of his life’.”
Kibum turned up his mouth and rolled his eyes. He couldn’t understand why Taemin was so obsessed with the idea of him not being able to differentiate between sex and love.
“He’s not the love of my life. Don’t talk nonsense. Just let me have some fun. I also don’t ever question the choices you make in your sex life.”
“Okay, okay…fair enough. Let’s talk about something else then.”
Their conversation took over an hour and when Kibum hung up, he felt happy and exhausted at the same time. With a sigh he sank down onto his bed, going over parts of their conversation again. Casual sex was all he wanted for the time being. Why was it a bad thing if the guy he had sex with happened to be cute? Would it have been better if he was a prick? In his opinion it didn’t make much sense to put too much thought into his meet-ups with Jonghyun. He would be back in Seoul in a few days and Jonghyun would stay in London.
Problem solved.
Thinking of Jonghyun reminded him of the unread messages of the other, so he checked those and started to laugh when he saw another selfie of Jonghyun with the flower crown he had made the other day on his head. The message beneath showed an animated emoticon of something that looked like a mix of a white bear and a rabbit, pinching its cheeks, the phrase ‘Am I cute?’ written in pink childlike looking letters above it. How fitting this emoticon was.
- Yes, you are ^^. If you have time you can come over and we can cook together? -
Maybe it had been a good thing that Kibum had only mentioned that he had sex with Jonghyun towards Taemin, telling him that they also did other things besides having sex would probably have made Taemin’s tirade even worse. Despite that, there was nothing bad about cooking together, right? It was always better to eat with someone than to eat alone.
Kibum got a response an hour later while watching some American late night show on Youtube in his bed, his laptop resting on his thighs and his head bedded on his pillow. - How about eight? - was the response and Kibum smiled, agreeing with Jonghyun and telling him that they would meet up downstairs, because they had to buy groceries first if they didn’t want to eat cup noodles again.
Return to Part Three
Part Five