SHINee Duets 2012: hikarinoniji & maknaelover12

[replaymods]

Title: Always
Authors: hikarinoniji & maknaelover12
Pairing: Onew/Key
Rating: PG-13 (at most)
Warnings: A bunch of Naomi's rushed nonsense. Un-beta'd.
Authors’ Notes: Prompt- Text 2. http://i42.tinypic.com/ezkbwi.jpg


Jinki was never particularly fond of airplanes. The flights were too long, there was always an apparent lack of privacy and the cramped seats never failed to result in his legs feeling sore and a little wobbly by the time they landed.

He puffed out a bit of air, looking faintly irritated as he hoisted his bag off the holder above him. He hadn’t packed much, his personal belongings being nothing more than a wallet, a book and a bottle of water he had bought before boarding, but as he adjusted the backpack it felt like he was strapping the load of the world onto his back.

It wasn’t until he met eyes with a young girl that a smile dared to pry on his features. She grinned back toothily at him and Jinki could count the teeth she had already lost. “Bye bye oppa!” the girl waved.

Jinki could only stand there and watch as she left, holding onto her mother’s hand tightly as he sheepishly waved back.

“There he is!” Jinki could make up the high pitched voice that belonged to Taemin and hadn’t exactly changed over the years. Before he could react, wave or anything the like, to the pack of messy brown hair that skipped his way, two skinny arms were lunged around his neck, pulling him closer to the gangly teenager.

“I told him to come,” Taemin whispered in his ear, “but we haven’t seen him yet.”

Jinki didn’t need to ask who his nephew was talking about and a sharp sting shot through his heart. He didn’t come.

“I have to go now,” he said, eyes cold and distant. Had he been able to, he would have enveloped the boy in front of him in an everlasting hug, kissed cheeks stained with dry tears and told him everything would be better.

But would be selfish, it wasn’t going to get better, Jinki was going to die and it was better if Kibum remained oblivious to that fact. So he looked away and sighed, “I’ll call you when I land, if I don’t forget.”

And just like that, Kibum’s fists smashed into his chest, hitting him where they could.

“You bastard, first you tell me you’re leaving and I can’t come along-and now you might not even call?!” the hitting slowly turned into rank fingers entangling with his shirt and pulling him closer, choked sobs muffled against his chest and tears wetting his shirt. Emotions had gotten the better of Kibum and his voice changed in pitch, “I hate you.”

They both knew that wasn’t true, but it made it easier for the elder to pry the younger way from him, to station him at a safe distance before he picked up his bag. He smiled, eyes disappearing into crescent shapes as he waved. To Kibum, to his family and friends that had watched them from a safe distance with a painful emotion lingering in their eyes. They knew why he was leaving, also knew Kibum didn’t.

It didn’t make it easier on them as he grinned a toothy grin.

“I’ll miss you!” before entering the portal and leaving them behind for good.

But for good hadn’t been all that bad. Had there been a God, he had taken pity on Lee Jinki and his incurable disease. He had been cured, against all odds and now-3 years after his leave, he set for back in Korea again.

“It’s oka-“ he wanted to say, but his words were left hanging in the air as he saw an awfully familiar statue leaning against the wall, feline eyes looking his way.

Safe for his hair color, Kibum hadn’t changed a bit.

He's not supposed to be here. For all Key knew, he should be at home, doing something else of more importance.

But the thing is: what exactly? Finishing already-done chores? Going to non-existent appointments? Visiting intolerable relatives?

The realization of having no escape from the situation left a burden as heavy as rock on his shoulders, making him inwardly grimace. Clearly, Key wasn't ready for this- he just wasn't. To see the man you've been trying to forget for the past 3 years would be like reopening a fresh wound, a reckless act of letting more blood spill on the floor.

But then again, he had a choice not to come. He really wasn't planning to, actually. To be completely honest, Key had already set out a number of activities that would keep him preoccupied for the rest of the day- something he thought that would avert his attention from the thought of Taemin's pleas for him to come along. It worked out for the first few hours, but by the time the clock struck twelve, Key found himself breathlessly ploughing through clogged streets and sidewalks, all the way to the airport he hadn't dared to step foot on for the past 3 years.

The next events came to him as a series of indefinite blurs- he'd remember a few scenes of him asking around of where the plane from America just arrived, sometimes of him carelessly bumping into people-who in turn would lightly curse at him for being too clumsy- but anything other than that? Nothing but meshed up blacks and whites.

Leaning against a clear glass wall with arms crossed, he waited as people started filing out the plane, one by one each not bearing the familiar face of smiling crescent eyes and pleasant clumsiness. Key breathed out an impatient sigh.

"There he is!" Key's ears immediately perked up at the sound of Taemin's voice, and his head shot up to see him hugging closely a slightly bigger figure, his head hidden behind Taemin's mop of brunette locks. It was only by the time they pulled away that he discerned the stranger's face, and the sight hit him with a crashing wave of buried emotions and nostalgia.

Jinki, he whispered almost inaudibly to himself, his disbelieving tone giving out all the feelings he had inside his cage of a body. His knees were wobbling and threatening to fall to the floor, but Key willed himself not to.

No, he told himself. He wouldn't show his weakness. If there was one thing he learned for the past three years, it had been how to be strong - to be independent, to face the facts, to move on.

Key can clearly remember the first few months since Jinki's departure for the other side of the world, and he openly frowned at the disconcerting memory.

"Hyung, please," Taemin tearfully pleaded as he sat at the edge of the bed, his body turned to its owner with a faint but determined slump, "Jinki hyung wouldn't have wanted you to be like this."

The seemingly lifeless body buried underneath the covers tensed at the mention of the name, but merely replied, "Then what do you propose I do, Taemin?" His voice was hoarse and guttural, something they both knew that one could only gain from either aging or extreme misery. The question demanded an answer, and Taemin found himself wordless for a moment.

No longer was Key the fiery and energetic ball of personality everybody once knew. The Kim Kibum the people had grown to love- and sometimes hate- had been reduced to a pale, fleeting apparition- a red-eyed and frail wraith that haunted the halls of his own home in unchanging pink flannel pajamas.

Taemin sat there, unbreathing and quiet for a few seconds before finally saying,

"Live. Live your life again, hyung."

It was a vague answer, Key realized, but he was also aware of what Taemin truly meant behind the word. Painstakingly, he sat up, showing his face again to the younger for the first time in weeks as he let the layers of blankets pool around his waist.

For a fact, Key knew he looked horrible. On normal occasions, he would've shrieked at the sight of his own face on the mirror and immediately performed 'extreme' measures just to look at the least presentable again. But at the moment, he couldn't care less. No, not at this state. With bloodshot eyes, he stared hard at Taemin as his chapped lips quivered in grief. Aside from the obvious red in his eyes and the dark bags under them, Key was all pale that he could've passed for colourless. It was obvious that he lost weight too, his cheeks sunken a great deal to further highlight the glass cut of his cheekbones.

"I-I... I can't take this anymore," The tears came again, along with the loud fitful sobs. "I-I-I d-d-don't k-know what to d-do, T-Tae-...."

He sat there undisturbed as he cried his heart out until a pair of long, scrawny arms enveloped him protectively like a cocoon, a comfortable warmth seeping its way through the cold of his skin.

"Sssh. I'll be here for you, hyung. You'll get through this. You'll be able to move on; I promise you that. I'll be here to help you, don't worry." Taemin whispered gently in his ear, words and tone encouraging.

So Key did. It still took him a couple of months after, but the important thing was that he got himself back up. He found himself again- he found his life, his path, his lost dreams, his hopes; he found it all again, everything except for his heart.

He watched warily with pursed lips as the two relatives seemed to exchange some pleasantries, but his breath got caught in his throat by the time his and Jinki's eyes met. The older was a couple of feet away, the hood of his coat casting soft shadows upon his face, so Key couldn't really see him that well. His mind was certain though that, up close, those eyes that stared back at him were piercing chocolate brown orbs, ones that he knew all too well.

They were walking towards him now; Taemin looked extremely giddy about both of their presences, a wide smile engulfing most of his features while Jinki, on the other hand, looked faintly calm (and relieved? Key wasn't sure) with the edges of his lips quirked up just a little bit.

"Hyung, I'm so glad you made it," Taemin said happily before reaching out to hug the blonde.

"I told you I'd try, didn't I?" Key replied reassuringly, his hand ruffling Taemin's mess of a hair in an affectionate manner. His eyes immediately deviated back to the figure of the man beside him, who seemed rather unfazed by his stare.

With glistening eyes, Jinki smiled gently at him. "Hey," he greeted sheepishly, his voice a delicate bass that softly rung in Key's ears. "It's so great to see you again, Kibum."

Key knew the proper response would have been to smile back and say, ‘It's great to see you as well,’, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Yeah..." he trailed off, swallowing the bitter taste of his own pride. A hurt look passed Jinki's face for a moment, and Key felt his insides churning with guilt. Nevertheless, he made up his mind. There was no sense in staying here any longer. "Listen, I've got to go. I just remembered I have something to do," he lied in between his teeth, his tone devoid of possible emotion. "See you both later."

Ignoring the glance at Taemin's worried countenance, he turned on his heel and walked away, not once looking back.

Jinki never really did mind silence at the most random of times. He found it comforting actually, a source of relaxation, an escape from all the hustle-bustle of the world around him.

This time, however, didn't count.

By the time Key had been nothing more than a pink and yellow dot in the distance, an uncomfortable silence had settled upon him and Taemin, who in turn looked rather disheartened by the sudden turn of events. He had only been trying to help.

They sat in the cab wordlessly, with Jinki constantly rubbing his fingers together in agitation. Glancing at Taemin, he noticed that the younger boy was staring out the window listlessly, anxiety extremely evident in his expression.

This is all my fault, Jinki told himself with a weary sigh. Maybe if I never came back...

Somewhere in his heart, Jinki thought that he probably knew all along that this would happen; that coming back won't be as easy as he had conjured up in his mind, wherein Kibum would dramatically jump in his arms lovingly and claim him again as his own. Life wasn't as simple as the movies had played out, and he had learned it the hard way.

"He isn't really mad at you, you know."

Jinki's head shot up at the sound of Taemin's calm voice beside him. The teenager was still looking out the window, his gaze entirely focused on the world outside the enclosed space of the car.

"Key- hyung still loves you. Just give him time to sort his feelings out."

"....."

"You can still win him back if you try."

"... How do you know?"

"I just do."

Silence again. Jinki thought he was going to suffocate from all the words stuck at the back of his throat.

"If he's not mad, then what is he?" He dared ask again, his voice only seeming to sound like a wimpy croak.

Taemin turned to look at him, the stare only lasting for a split second before reverting his eyes back again to the window.

"Hurt."

Key wasn't athletic, nor was his lithe body designed to withstand strenuous activities that demanded such capabilities. But at the moment, he really couldn't care less.

With lungs burning immensely inside his chest, Key ran- faster than he's ever had to in his life. Zooming past crowds and honking cars, he reached the nearest park, which fortunately was empty and lifeless at the moment.

When he had reached a safe spot deep into the paths, far from pedestrian sight and sounds, he fell purposely on the ground, breaths mere wheezes and pants as he gasped for air.

He let the tears fall with them.

"Why?..." Key cried out in a soft whisper as he wrapped his arms around his knees, burying his head in the space between them. The teardrops kept pouring down, easily wetting his jeans in seconds. "Why do I feel like this?..."

Key didn't get it. He didn't get anything at all. Why in the world Jinki had to come back, why he himself even came to the airport in the first place, why he had cowardly ran from the scene and to the park...

And why he was crying tears he thought had ran out of 3 years ago.

"What is happening to me?" Key tightened his grasp around his knees, craving for a sense of security despite the growing emptiness in his body.

It didn't work though.

"Welcome home, samchon."

The door pushed open as Taemin turned in the metal key- which to Jinki's initial surprise, looked shiny and brand new-, and suddenly the older male found himself being swept by a strong wave of nostalgia as his sight settled on his surroundings.

The place looked exactly like how he had left it- or at least, how Jinki remembered it. The smooth mahogany floorboards, the beige walls, the strategically organized furniture, everything else looked the same as it was before.

There were so many memories buried in this place, Jinki mused, old familiar scenes flooding his head quick before he could even restrain himself.

It was a Saturday that day, or at least that's what Jinki could remember as his senses stirred awake. He was basically free then, leaving him the choice of doing whatever he wanted for the next few hours. Sleep was his first option, but the incessant nudging on his shoulder apparently had other plans. He groaned in protest.

"So... sleepy. Stop.." He drawled out in continuous complaint, unconsciously trying to slap away the hand hovering above his upper torso.

"YAH LEE JINKI!" was the screeching response. That had him slightly more awake now, lazily opening one eye as he stared up at the person trying to wake him up. As usual, Key, with arms crossed and his trusty spatula in hand, was standing beside the bed, a pink apron tied tightly around his waist. He didn't look as pleased as Jinki had hoped.

"Yeobo..." The older male whined as he reached out to hug the pillow beside him hastily. "Let me sleep. I'm too tired."

"It's already past twelve, you idiot! And- oof!" Within seconds, Key was also lying down on the bed, his waist encircled in Jinki's arms, their legs tangled in a mess.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" Key dangerously asked, though it didn't sound as threatening as before. Jinki smiled at that.

"Persuading you to let me sleep a little longer. Is it working?"

"No, not really." He replied, but Jinki could detect the smile in his voice. He nuzzled his face a little closer as Key relaxed in his hold.

"Thank you, yeobo. I love you."

With a shake of his head, Jinki snapped out of his reverie with a frown.

After putting his bag down on the nearby sofa, he ventured deeper into his own apartment, letting the realization of being really back (for good, that is) sink into his bones. Running his hands along the walls, he quirked up a smile at finding out the place was spotless, just how he always liked it.

Wait a minute. Spotless?

"Taemin, why is the place so clean?" Jinki asked, his eyes suspiciously looking over at his nephew leaning by the doorway. "Isn't it supposed to be dusty? I haven't entered this place in 3 years."

Taemin just gave a nonchalant shrug as he said, "Key hyung visits this place twice a week for cleaning. He says it's because you never really did like your place dirty. I tried talking him out of it, saying that you might not come back anymore, but he was persistent."

Jinki felt like he had been slapped on the face. Hard. He swallowed thickly.

"And actually, he even bought spare keys and everything, like this one I have with me. The original one's with him an-"

"I think I need to clear my head for now." Jinki immediately said, walking past Taemin and out of the door, trying to ignore the ache in his heart.

The sun was already starting to set, casting a red-orange glow across the horizon. With his back set against the sturdiness of a tree trunk, Key stared up at the sky, his eyes almost squinted shut.

He had already stopped crying, and he was proud of himself for that, but Key knew his eyes were still slightly swollen and his nose puffy red.

Letting out a tired sigh, Key fully closed his eyes.

He was starting to wonder: what happened to being strong? Changing for the better? Just after one encounter again with him, he was all of a sudden back again to square one- all the resolve he had saved deep within him all uselessly crumbling into nothing.

There came the sound of footsteps, and Key immediately turned his head to its direction, looking wary. "Who's there?"

The figure drew closer, and when the light finally hit the person's face, showing his real identity, Key was suddenly up and running.

"Wha- Key! WAIT! I want to talk to you!" Jinki called out.

Key only ran faster, the adrenaline pumping fiercely in his blood as he tried to get away. He could hear Jinki, trailing behind him, and he's so focused on distancing himself as fast as he could that he accidentally tripped and fell to the ground.

"Key!"

He winced a little bit as he immediately grabbed his slightly hurt leg. A hand settled on his lower back to help him up, but Key immediately slapped it away with a murderous glare. "Don't. Touch. Me."

"Key, please," Jinki pleaded, his tone bordering towards desperation. "Can't we please at least talk?"

"You should've thought of that before you left for America!" Key angrily retorted, specifically omitting the 'me' that was supposed to be in between 'left' and 'for'. Jinki remained silent, which made him even angrier than before. "I love you, Jinki! So much! I was devoted to you. I did everything for you. But it seems like it wasn't enough for you since-"

"Cancer." was Jinki's calm response.

Key looked at him incredulously. "Huh?"

"I was sick with cancer, that's why I had to leave."

Widened eyes stared up at him. "Y-you're joking, right?" Key asked skeptically, though some part of his brain was telling him that Jinki might not be lying.

"No. I'm serious about this."

There was a sudden dryness in his throat. Everything started to make sense. The older male's failing appetite, his weakening body, the constant migraines- Jinki had all waved it off saying it was just because of stress. Key had his doubts.

"So y-you left-"

"I was dying then, Key." Jinki said grimly, his face completely serious. "I was terminally ill with cancer. There was no hope, the doctors here said, so I had to go to America to get my medication there. I never told you because I didn't want you to worry; I wanted you to be happy despite me being gone. I wanted you to forget about me in case I died. I never wanted to hurt you, Key." Jinki kneeled down, so the both of them were eye-level. Caressing Key's cheek gently, he whispered softly, words full of sincerity that the younger male felt a shiver run down his spine, "I love you."

In a swift motion, Jinki planted his lips onto Key's, and he was suddenly hit with the realization of how much he missed this- their intimate moments, the ones they used to share privately in the comforts of their own home 3 years ago. He wrapped him in a tight embrace, chest-to-chest and shoulder-to-shoulder and then everything suddenly seemed so right again, especially when Jinki no longer kept secrets between them.

Jinki held him as Key silently cried.

It had been days since their 'confrontation', and Jinki thought everything was going back to the way it was before, much to his joy.

He had seen his family again, met up with his old friends, hung out with Taemin, and then Key- sweet, lovable Key- was back in his arms again.

Well, almost.

After their little smooch at the park, nothing more happened between them other than friendly and rather awkward hugs, to which Jinki felt rather resentful of.

He stared at the platinum blonde lying peacefully on top of his lap, who in turn was concentrating on the book he was reading.

"Key?"

"Hm?"

"Are we... dating again?"

The book was set down on the table. Key looked up at him thoughtfully, before saying, "Not yet. Maybe soon. Just, not right now."

"But why?"

"You know why."

He sighed. "Key?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you still love me?"

Silence.

Just when he was about to turn sullen, Jinki felt something warm on top of his hand, and he looked to see that it was Key's left one. The blonde entwined their fingers as he smiled.

"Always."

Jinki felt like he was on top of the world. Maybe waiting a little longer wouldn't be so bad.