What other people think
So I started the 100 things that make me happy list before New Years when I was in an optimistic mood and wanting to emphasize that part of my personality (and in others) more. Since then, I haven't felt much happiness bursting that I wanted to share with the world. LJ is a great place to vent, mope, complain, whine, but I don't want to be a negative person.
I consider myself a cynical optimist. I don't think that's a contradiction. A year or so ago, I read somewhere the statement, Happiness is a choice. I thought it was kinda cheesy, but the more I think of it and say it, the more I realize how much I like it, and how much it is true. I choose to be happy. I think a lot of people don't.
That being said, I get tremendous satisfaction out of being melancholy; in fact, it is even one of my LJ tags and a favorite word of mine. I think some of the best art/music/writing comes out of being melancholy (and this is especially true for me). But I pay special attention not to get sucked in too deep into melancholy, because that's harmful. Negativity sucks you in and the others around you.
I care a lot about what other people think. I do not think that makes me spineless, or of low self esteem. I think it makes me considerate and a good friend. One can still have a sense of self and care what others think about how you carry yourself, speak, what you say, and what your actions say.
I often have back-and-forth in my head about how much weight I should give to what my friends tell me. I worry that perhaps I'm worrying too much, or not enough. And you know what? That's not fair. I'm going to stop doing that. Because ultimately, if I think I'm making a educated decision, then it's mine to make. That's the beauty of living in a free society. We're free to make our own choices, even if those around us do not understand or disagree. What I am trying to do better, for myself, is not worry so much when other people may not like my decisions. I do not decide ANYTHING rashly. If you knew me, you would know that. I spend entirely too much time worrying about the what ifs. I heard a funny statement somewhere about sex with a new person that is not at all related to my point, but the metaphor is the same. Things get weird if you have sex, and they get weird if you don't have sex, so you might as well at least be having the sex.
I choose to be happy. I choose to believe in others. I choose to give the benefit of the doubt. I choose to be a good friend. I choose to be giving. I choose to be loving.
ps. i really wish I knew where the sex quote came from. an internet search turned up nothing.
I consider myself a cynical optimist. I don't think that's a contradiction. A year or so ago, I read somewhere the statement, Happiness is a choice. I thought it was kinda cheesy, but the more I think of it and say it, the more I realize how much I like it, and how much it is true. I choose to be happy. I think a lot of people don't.
That being said, I get tremendous satisfaction out of being melancholy; in fact, it is even one of my LJ tags and a favorite word of mine. I think some of the best art/music/writing comes out of being melancholy (and this is especially true for me). But I pay special attention not to get sucked in too deep into melancholy, because that's harmful. Negativity sucks you in and the others around you.
I care a lot about what other people think. I do not think that makes me spineless, or of low self esteem. I think it makes me considerate and a good friend. One can still have a sense of self and care what others think about how you carry yourself, speak, what you say, and what your actions say.
I often have back-and-forth in my head about how much weight I should give to what my friends tell me. I worry that perhaps I'm worrying too much, or not enough. And you know what? That's not fair. I'm going to stop doing that. Because ultimately, if I think I'm making a educated decision, then it's mine to make. That's the beauty of living in a free society. We're free to make our own choices, even if those around us do not understand or disagree. What I am trying to do better, for myself, is not worry so much when other people may not like my decisions. I do not decide ANYTHING rashly. If you knew me, you would know that. I spend entirely too much time worrying about the what ifs. I heard a funny statement somewhere about sex with a new person that is not at all related to my point, but the metaphor is the same. Things get weird if you have sex, and they get weird if you don't have sex, so you might as well at least be having the sex.
I choose to be happy. I choose to believe in others. I choose to give the benefit of the doubt. I choose to be a good friend. I choose to be giving. I choose to be loving.
ps. i really wish I knew where the sex quote came from. an internet search turned up nothing.